Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband ignores me and we have no intimacy

no love, marriage without sex or intimacy

I have been with my husband 7 yrs but married for 2. we av 1 year old son.

We had a love marrige and he says there's no love once ur married. We sleep in seperate beds and he doesn't seem to care. We are not very intimate at all we must have did it 3 times max 4 since being married. I am very deprived and I have dreams about being sexual with him.

He never spends time with me. When I tell him this he completly ignores me and makes me feel little. He says I'm jealous that he spends time with his friends and not me.

He never belives what I'm sayin and always takes other peoples side.

I know I don't pray but I try as much as I can. He doesn't at all and I try to get him to. I try an put him on the right path but I fail everytime. His heart is completly blacked out I cry in front of him an he just is completly blank.

I have nobody. my family dislike me because they didn't want me to marry him as of his family also. I have no place to go and divorce is the last ting I want. I've got no one to talk to and have no clue were to go with no money and a baby.

He is never at home. When we argue he says he regrets marrying me. And that he is cheating on me. He just wants me to bring up our baby alone because its a womens job he says. I feel like he is using me. he threatens me he will marry again.

I'm really upset an depressed I would love somebodys advice.

Please some kind people shine some light for this poor slave.

Thank u.

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13 Responses »

  1. Hey there beautiful.

    Personally, I think you should go to your family and talk to them make them understand the pain you are suffering. Do whatever it takes to have the support from your family. I don't really know what to say to you. I'm young, I have no experience in this world. But I feel your pain sweetie. Although, I strongly think you should go and talk to your family, they can help you. They are the only ones that can help you. I am sure your mother will not leave you in pain if she knows what is going on. I may be wrong. I don't know. Please, no body deserves this kind of life, you deserve someone amazing my love - who makes you happy. We all do.


  2. Salam,

    I'm sorry you're going through this. First, I'd suggest calling a private meeting with your family, namely your parents without your husbands knowledge. Make sure it's a serious meeting, and make sure everyone who can help you in your family and who is close and loyal to you is there. Let them know what is going on, that you're miserable and you're being denied your rights as a Muslim. Just as men have a duty to receive intimacy from his wife, the wife has the same right. Also, since he has openly admitted to cheating, you have an Islamic right to divorce him. Also, as a person and a woman, you're being used and openly unappreciated. He is making a somewhat open demonstration through his actions and words of his feelings about your marriage. Get your family's support in seeking a divorce. I understand it's the last thing you want, but from what you say I feel it's best for your situation.

    After you have a clear support from your family, inform your husband in a way that he can not hurt you, and you have the option to follow through with leaving him that you intend to divorce him if he does not change. Make sure that he can not, and does not hurt you. This man sounds like he does not want to be with you, yet he seems to want to retain control of his relationship. You don't know what he will be capable of, should you turn the tables and become on the offensive, rather than on the defensive. I would be careful alone with him at night, sleeping, or with your child. A man who acts that way towards you may have very little value for the lives of both you and your child, and may act out of anger or retribution for feeling embarrassed or disrespected.

    I personally think you should not even ask him to change... simply get your stuff out of the house when he is not home with the help of your family, and call him on the phone when he's home and tell him your marriage is over, then keep your distance. He sounds dangerous. Allow yourself to heal; emotionally, do not get involved with someone else until you feel completely independent, then when you're ready to start new with a whole heart and a clean slate, find someone else.

    Best of luck
    Sister Stacy

  3. Hi I read your story and I think you should just leave you don't deserve that you even gave him a child he has a lot of growing up to do what's the difference if you sleep in seperate rooms or be divorced life is to short get a education a job take care of yourself!

  4. as-salaam-u-alaikum-wr-wb ukhti..

    he's mentally torturing you this way.. you need to get in touch with your family and your friends.. have a social life or pick up a course or something that'll divert your attention from all of this..

    you said that your husband also said that he's cheating on you.. maybe you need to make a more of an effort in your appearance.. try restoring the relationship to an earlier time by doing the things you used to then..

    try not to cry in front of him or complain too much because that'll just drive him further away.. If you're happy lively and progressing he'll look up to you.. (personal opinion)

    In regards to whether you should stay with him or not.. I think you should perform Istikhara and ask Allah *swt* for guidance regarding this matter..

  5. dear sister

    i t agree with Nazo try the personell apperance thing strengthen your emaan start reading namaz and quran always approach and confront him with a smile and a joyful mood do not let him see your not happy at the same time do your istaharah first if this softly softly apporach does not work then consider further steps i dont know which country your in it would be nice to know to better advise i don't know how your husband is on the idea of you studying and working but if he is ok with it start looking at ways of getting yourself back into work

    allah hafiz

  6. Dont leave him attack him from all sides left rigjt
    Front back up down every where any where.

    : )

    His job is to love and care for you.
    Let him satisfy you it is his duty and your haqq

    Go baby fight for it

    Try all sorts of nonsense I mean adult stuff..
    Make him crazy of u but rem this be steady and high headed smiling always thoughco
    Cos u.r nt doing any thing worg he is ur.husb u r his wife

  7. However may Allah and his rasool
    Alaihis salam bless u always. Br Iqbal

  8. Md. Iqbal check your spelling before you decide to give advise, reading your comments hurt my head

  9. Asalamualikum wa Rehmathullahi wa Berakathuhu
    In islam if a husband /wife is cheating in the sense illegal intercourse. then their punishment is stoning them to death .. if they are not married and if they do illegal intercourse then their punishment is lashes .. but for a married person tawba will not be enough their tawba is not gonna get accepted .. but if a husband/wife has doubt that they are being cheated then there must be a solid proof and in islam the proof of intercourse is eye witness 4 men should see their intercourse ..and in case of women 8 women should witness their intercourse this is the only proof in islam rest all proofs like messeges, phone calls ,mails, letters are not valid in islam... without eye witness you cant blame them and if you coudnt not find any witnessess then you can continue with them .. but if they have done this severe sin and their husband/wife are not aware of it ... then remember Allah Subhanatallah is not blind he is aware of evrything and surely he has kept a severe punishment for you .... betrayel in marriage is severe and its punishment is also severe
    May Allah Subhanatalla guide Ummathi Muhammad (saw) on the right path Ameen ya Allah

  10. Wow is he a Virgo?

  11. Sister I am very sorry that your being treated this way ...
    my advice to you is that you pray and make sincere duas to your Lord only he can make any situation better... I will also make duas for you that your situation improves
    Keep in mind that this person is obviously not a nice human being to treat you like this for absolutely no reason... build yourself up ... you are worth so much more sister if only you would believe that and trust me what goes around eventually comes around...

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