Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Husband ignores me

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please advice i don't know if i am over reacting or what. but i hate it when my husband only spend time with me only at night, while during the day when he is around he will be just be busy with computer games. I spoke to him about this he said what do i want because he is around the house. I told him that being here doesn't mean i have his attention. This is really destroying me in way sometimes i can't take of myself  and the house. because the same interest he express at night is the same interest i want during the day.


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3 Responses »

  1. Dear Sister,

    I can realise your feelings at this point but i have few suggestions for you. i know about this frustrating situation that can lead to so many questions like was he forced to marry with you ? or what so ever, are not important right now as you and him are now both in a relation.

    My suggestion is:

    - Fulfill your duties by heart
    - Take care of his parents (if they are with you) - this is very very important point!
    - Prepare good meal for him and his family
    - Try to keep house and him room clean
    - Wash his cloths / Press his cloths, even his parents cloths (or what ever thing you can do for them)

    Very Important (for your whole life):

    - 5 Times Namaz on time
    - Recite Drood Sharif (atleast 1000 per day with focus and regards for Holy Prophet S.A.W)
    For Drood Sharif:

    - While backing the food/meal keep reciting Durood Sharif (even if not in wazu, but try to be in wazu)
    - Daily, atleast 15 mints Dua with focus and Concentration, Ask Allah Tallah to turn your hasband's heart to yourself. include Allah in your life.
    - Do NOT use washrooms without washroom's dua before. keep doors of Washrooms closed always.

    Note: Concentration, Nadamat on Sins, Aajzi & Tears are very important in it.

    May Allah pak bless on you and your family. (Aamin)

    • I must ask, how is the wife behaving like a maid, going to solve the issue of her husband spending too much time on pc games and not fulfilling his obligations as a husband and give her his attention and time?

      You do realize he has 2 hands too and can get up using his 2 legs from his chair and press, wash his clothes and cook too? Yes believe it or not, not all muslim men think so old fashioned. Some even cook for their wives, pick up the kids from school etc.

      And his parents are not his wife's responsibility. They are his responsibility. Will he be looking after her parents? Why must she wash their clothes? She has her own house to attend to. This is just weird. Where do you get this from as it certainly is not Islamic. Your advice is more suitable for domestic staff than a spouse.

      Husbands have responsibilities and duties too. Playing computer games and only being available in bed is not it. If you are going to advise a sister, then do try to leave your culture out of this. Maybe you can ask the husband to be a man, responsible and grow up. I am sure he won't like it if she spends all her time chatting to friends and then goes to bed saying she has a headache.

  2. I think you need to sit him down and in no uncertain terms let him now that things have to change. Fast. Alternatively go away for a while (if this is an option) and let him consider his behavior. Cut off sex as that will get his attention. Involve his family or a mutual friend, if that's helpful as he doesnt sound like the type who will go to couples therapy /counseling. Tell him this is not working for you and ask him how this should be dealt with as you need a change. I dont know how long you guys have been married.

    You are quite right to demand he gives you full time and attention. You are neither his maid nor his mom. It sounds like he needs to grow up. And fast. Marriage ia about intimacy, trust, respect, communication and companionship. Its deeply insulting that he is devoting thia precious time to idle games and only has time when its bedtime.

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