Husband is not attempting to consummate our marriage
I am very embarrassed to ask this question but I am very confused about the status of my marriage and have no one else to turn to.
My problem is that my husband and I have been married for a few weeks, but he has made no attempt to consummate the marriage. He is affectionate in other ways, but says he wants to get to know me better before we consummate.
Is our marriage valid? I was under the impression that we had to consummate the marriage as soon as possible.
- muneeba
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Salaam alakum,
Dear sister your problem is not much to worry about, I guess you both had arrange marriage and thats why your husband says he needs time to understand you, that is fine and in fact good,you two can use this period of time as courting period and can know each other better, go slowly dont jump your husband will also be as excited as you are I am sure and far as to consummate as soon as possible is not necessary one can takes one own sweet time but both partners should agree to. and you mentioned your husband is taking care of you in all other respect so I dont think there is any thing to worry about.About be little careful that husband is not engaged to someone else but I hope that is not the case and you dress nicely and be try to be attractive when in private with your husband and hope for the best 😉
Muneeba, a few possibilities are:
1. Your husband is shy and does not know how to initiate physical contact. This might be especially true if he is a virgin.
2. Your husband is not sure what to do sexually and feels insecure about it.
It's no problem to wait some time, but I suggest that during this time you should become gradually more physically affectionate with him. Hug him, kiss him, hold his hand, sit beside him and cuddle, so that gradually the physical relationship between you will become more comfortable, and nature will take its course Insha'Allah.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Dear Wael,
I recently had my Nikkah done over the phone, I was just wondering is there any ruling in Islam that states that I would have to consummate the marriage within a certain time period for my marriage to be valid? My husband is in another country right now. Thank you.
Salaam.
All praise be to Allah that such a good man exists. You may ask why good? He is not fulfilling his wife's needs. But this is a man who is giving his wife something 100 times better, emotional attachment. Oh be grateful that you have a man who wants to know you well before laying you down in that manner.
Be patient, for this is a good man, a man who wants to be intimate with one woman alone, YOU. He will come around very quickly if you do your duties as a wife, dress up nicely, be loving to him and Insha'Allah this man will perform the duties of a husband and please.
May Allah be pleased with you and your husband for the patience you're showing, May he bless your marriage.
Good points, Mohammed.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salams Sister,
there may be people without any sexual drive or desire within themselves. Many men can't sleep with their
wives when they have stress or problems in their life. When people grow up in societies or families without
sexual enlightenment before marriage, they are more inhibitied or shy. Or they simpy don't know "how it works".
You can have strong emotional feelings for a woman, but that doesn't mean it works in the bedroom.
Sex is also a question of practice. You, as the "less inhibited" partner, should approach him, kiss him
gently, hug him and "break the ice". Explain to him that he doesn't have to be nervous or afraid of physical
contact.This example shows that not always the females are the shy ones.
But: if he even rejects your kisses, your hugs, your touches, your gentle approaches, I would really worry.
Then there's something else cooking.
Jazakallah
Salaams
You guys probably had an arranged marriage; your husband maybe wants to wait until he builds the love/relationship with you before he consumates the marriage.
I don't think that's a problem. You should do the same, take this time to get to know your husband as well. Imagine consumating your marriage with your husband you barely even know, then with someone which you have spent weeks with and have fallen madly in love with. Which would be better?
Haniya
I may be wrong but it seems to me no one has yet clearly understood and answered Muneeba's question:
Is our marriage valid? I was under the impression that we had to consummate the marriage as soon as possible.
I think she is asking about the legal validity of her marriage, or if now can her marriage has easy grounds for anulment since it was not consumated.
What about a clear answer to that question from a legal standpoint?
As salamu alaykum, bob,
You should ask an Imaam or Mufti to have a qualified answer, but I think if you haven´t consumated the marriage your marriage is not valid, but to be sure, ask someone qualified.
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
i have the same question, but in my case it has been 6 months and he is not intrested so is my marriage valid?
I have been married from last 6 months and we tried to do inter course so may times after 1 month I found my wife has some physical issues (called vaginimus) we already had lots of appointments but she will have same problem please guide me what should I do ? What are the Islamic teaching about this if I divorce her do I have to pay Huk Mehar ?Is my marriage is legal ?please see the attached link
http://m.netdoctor.co.uk/womenshealth/sexlife/vaginismus.htm
Difficulties caused by vaginismus
There are three consequences of vaginismus.
Firstly, it's almost impossible for the woman to have a successful sexual relationship because whenever a would-be sexual partner (whether male or female) tries to become intimate or stimulate her – her body is likely to roll up into a tight ball.
If the partner does attempt penetration, he or she will find that the woman's vagina has closed down, like a mouth saying: 'No'. The tightness is caused by involuntary contractions of the pelvic floor muscles surrounding the vagina.
In other cases, penetration may be difficult or completely impossible. Any attempt at putting a finger or a penis inside the vagina will cause pain, burning or stinging because the muscles are in a tight spasm. Also, there will probably be no lubrication, so if entry does occur – it will be dry, and this can cause pain and discomfort.
In many cases this doesn't matter too much because the patient is probably a virgin, and she's unlikely to get cervical cancer
My husband did not consummate the marriage for 4 years and 9 months. He showed no initiation or attempts. He would freeze or shrink if I tried to touch him. His mother kept saying he is trying to get to know me first. After four years I came to know he is a covert homosexual and is using me as his cover to hide from society. Then I left him. His mother knew his reality from day one.
Also, a non-consummated marriage is not legally binding. Hence, why I anulled the marriage (not divorce).