Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Husband left me when I was diagnosed with cancer

Breast cancer cell

A breast cancer cell


I’ve been married  for seven years. Three years ago I was  diagnosed with cancer,  6 months later my little brother who was 22 at the time, died in a car accident and then my grandma suddenly died only a week later.

In that time, whilst I  was grieving my husband was telling me as a joke that he had rights to get married to another, and that I was no good for him anymore, that I was a “WRITE-OFF”, that was the term that he used. He said that because I was unable to have more children, his family didn’t want him.

My husband meanwhile without my knowledge had gone back home and got married to another woman. He told her that I was dying and that I would die any day. I came home when my chemotherapy was more acceptable by my body just to see if my husband was okay, but whilst I was cleaning I found nikah papers telling me that he had married this woman without my knowledge 1 month after the 2 deaths in my family, (whilst he had told me that he was away looking for a better cure for me).

When I found out, I came back by train to find out why. I was not supposed to be out in public due to my weakened immune system and risk of infection, but I still came back home and he had changed the locks to my home. My son at the time was 2 yrs old. He deserted us. I was very ill but not dying and he didn’t even think about his own innocent son.

I have come back home now and have  found out that he told everyone that I was dying and that I gave him permission to marry. He said that  what he had done was my fault. I’m now pregnant after 2yrs in remission, but when he bought me back home he said he made a mistake and that he made a promise to me(Allah kasam)that he will divorce her.

It’s been 6 months and he still has not. I’m now pregnant and her being there and me here is very stressful as I don’t know what he is planning as he is still lying about things and still treats me badly and also has now stopped giving me pocket money,

I’m very depressed. I came back to please Allah and to follow his rules but this is torture.

Please help me.


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5 Responses »

  1. Asalaamualaikum My dear Sister Noora,

    "Innaa lillaahi wa innaa ilayhi raaji'oon" (Surely to Allah we belong, and to Him we are to return) for your loss;

    Recite this dua with certain belief as often as you can inshaAllah: "O Allah, help me in my hour of trial and replace it for me with what is better. " (Tirmidhi)

    And as Allah(swt)'s beloved Prophet(pbuh) used to say upon visiting anyone who is sick, I shall say the same to you: "Do not worry! It is a means of cleansing (you) of sins, Allah willing." :O)

    My heart feels for you and I wish I could give you a comforting hug. You have been through a very testing time with the sudden loss of your younger brother and then so soon after, the demise of your grandmother. This can't have been made any easier with your fight against cancer. Allah has tested you in many ways but at the same time, can you taste the sweetness here? Through these trials, you have had the chance to draw closer to Allah(swt). This is because by you accepting the deaths and your illness as the Will of Allah and being patient - you are doing the best you can in such a situation Alhumdulillah. This is real submission to the will of Allah. My cousin reminded me just recently that: 'Greater trials are a sign of going up in ranks to Allah(swt).' So remember dear Sister, that Allah tests those He(swt) loves.

    Abu Hurairah narrated, the Prophet(pbuh) said: "When Allah wants to be good to someone, He tries him with some hardship."


    Alhumdulillah, you said you are on your way to recovering from cancer as your chemotherapy has been successful. I can imagine this time must be very difficult for you and more so as you did not have the moral support, love or companionship of your husband. I can imagine that being one of two wives must be extremely stressful for you, especially since your husband has not treated you with the respect, love and support you deserve. But, from what you have said, it seems that your husband has been unfair to you and to his second wife. He deserted you in your time of need and married another woman and lied to his second wife about his real circumstances and now that you are pregnant, he seems not to be so concerned about the second wife. His main priorities seem to be his own needs above everyone else's and he appears to be taking both his marriage contracts very flippantly.

    Alhumdulillah, your chemo has been successful and this shows your internal strength and will power maashaAllah. Now, your main priorities are your health, mental well-being and your children. Whatever you do, you do not want to stress yourself out and risk the chances of the cancer returning. You want to be healthy for yourself and for your children inshaAllah and because you want to love the health and life that Allah returned to you.

    Naturally, you feel extremely stressed about this second wife. If your husband was treating you well and equally, I would say, do your best to accommodate the her as this will be a blessing for you and also because the second wife may be as innocent as you are; so why should she also suffer. If you can both find a way of living in harmony, then Alhumdulillah. It may also be that your husband is under pressure to keep the second marriage.

    However, you say that your husband is still not treating you well, is not giving you financial support, is lying to you and still 'treats you badly'.

    Sis, you do have the willpower and strength in you to make some positive changes for yourself - you've proven that by getting through the chemo. Tell your husband that you love and care for him, but the way he is treating you is making you very unhappy. Tell him exactly how it makes you feel and tell him what you want and expect from him. Do you have some respected family members who may be able to mediate? Would he consider professional marriage counselling or speak to a qualified Imaam? Having been through all means of mediation and attempts of improving your marriage, if your rights are still not being fulfilled, Islam does not compel you to remain in an unhappy marriage Sister. I hope you have a strong network of friends and family whom you can rely upon as they would be very helpful at this difficult time for you.

    Remember that you are only demanding your God given rights and committing no sin. Widen your options, through doing so, you may find answers to living a more positive and happier life inshaAllah. I hope one of my co-editors writes in with some practical advice on dealing with your marriage inshaAllah.

    You are in my duas dear Sister, may Allah give you imaan, sabr, courage, good health, a loving husband and pious and healthy offspring - Aameen,

    SisterZ :O)

    • May Almigthy Allah Bless you the strenght and power to move on. I have a freind who is a successful Dr. married to an Egyptian adulterer worst I believe bec. it destroys the image of theri children. I felt how she suffered spying on him and his mistress, her husband is a misbehaving muslim though Mashallah theres no one w/ her for her parents is in another country, she said the only one made her strong is Allah, Yes indeed the best support you can ever depend on... It's a sad story but u have to carry on for the sake of your child. As a mother we have to wave all the mistakes of our soulmate many times we are ven required to pretend bec. of the kids. As one Dr. Manal said let's deal w/ Allah and I am too trying the same formula when I am having problems. Pls. stay focus on your health and your child and if possible do some interesting activity, say like exercise do sort of any business so wont depend on him anymore, when you get busy am sure you woudn't even want to see his shadow. PRAY!

  2. Dearest Sister,

    It is with a heavy heart that I tell you what you already know and that is that this man has no honourable intention or feelings with you whatsoever. It is an incredibly difficult situation that you are in, and what you must do now is decide what you want the rest of your life to hold in it, and act accordingly, for there is nothing worse than dedicating your whole life and the lives of your children to a lost cause when there are many causes that we can dedicate ourselves to.

    This man cannot honour his word, his promise or his commitments. He cannot stick by you and assist your recovery, he cannot stick by his children and he cannot stick by you.

    I would recommend that you find some access to income in some way and start saving, or introduce a level of self-sufficiency in your life so that you can gain comfort from knowing that you are not dependent on this man. I don't know which country you are in, but here in the UK there are many work-from-home jobs for mothers working from home with their children. This will provide you with a focus and a hope for the future and keep your mind on constructive things rather than what kind of future lies in store for you with this man. This money that you will be earning will provide you with a safety net and give you confidence to look after yourself.

    Whilst you are doing this, I would advise that you seek counselling which in the UK you can get for free through your GP. This is to stop you from developing clinical depression and losing all sense of hope - because there is hope and there are actions that you can take.

    I very strongly advise that you focus on developing independence, and self sufficiency. The more self sufficient you become, the clearer it will become to you what you want in your life and how you will go about it.

    Sister, do not force yourself to suffer needlessly and do not fear imaginary things made up in the mind - putting up with this man is not the only option available to you. To can look after yourself, you can find love, you can recover from everything that has happened to you and you can be happy, God fearing, loved, protected, supported and cherished all at the same time no matter what has happened in the past and no matter what your current situation is. Do not tell yourself that this is the way it is.

    Seek working from home jobs, and inshaAllah you will find something that you can do, start saving and start becoming more independent and you will naturally find yourself being less afraid, more confident and able to decide for yourself what is best for your future and your children's future.


  3. Use qur'anic guidance to cure your cancer . May Allah heal you from cancer. Always include cinamon in your daily diet. Avoid sugar. Substitute it with honey.And eat with olive oil at least 3 table spoon daily.. Our Prophet said about olive:(( fiyhaa barakah)) In it there is blessing. Had you not ponder of All the trees and oils, only Olive tree and olive oil which ALLAH included in his Ayah Nur or verse of Light? I believe when the blessed olive oil will enter your body and become parts of your fats, the barakah which ALLAH put in olive oil will kill or inhibit the cancer cells, Insha Allah. Read this: "Allah is the Light of the heavens and the earth.
    The parable of His Light is as if there were a Niche
    and within is a Lamp: the Lamp enclosed in Glass;
    the glass as it were a brilliant star, lit from a blessed Tree,
    an Olive, neither of the East nor of the West,
    whose Oil is nearly luminous, though fire has hardly touched it.
    Light upon Light!
    Allah guides whom He will to His Light,
    Allah sets forth Parables for men,
    and Allah knows all things.
    An-Nur 24:35

    Prophet's Medicine

    Zaitoon (Olive) is Cure for Seventy Diseases

    Zaitoon (Olive) is Cure for Seventy Diseases
    Dr. M.Laiq Ali Khan
    Zaitoon (Olive) the sign of peace and friendship in this world has its description in Holy Qur?an Allah Taala says

    By the fig and olive
    And the mount of Sinai
    And the city of security
    We have indeed created man in the best of moulds
    Then do we abase him (to be) the lowest of low
    Except such as believe and do righteous deeds for they shall have a reward unfailing
    What then, can after this, make you deny the last judgement
    Is not Allah the wisest of judges" (The Fig, Surah 95)

    The plant of olive goes upto the height of 3 metres, leaves are bright green and very attractive and the fruits are of bright bluish or violet colour, possesses a metallic taste. It is known from old ages. During the excavation of ancient Egyptian graves, vessels full of olive oil were found with other articles. According to the scholars of Hadith, on subsidence of Toofan-E-Nooh, when water level came down, the first thing on the earth that was seen, was the olive plant.

    The plant is extensively found in Asia minor, Palestine, Roman territory, Greece, Portugal, Spain, Turkey, Italy, North Africa, Algeria, Tunisia, California in America, Mexico, Peru and South zone of Australia. Usually it is imported from Spain, Italy, France, Turkey and Greece. Though olive fruits are very nutritious it is not usually eaten due to its metallic taste. Rather pickles of its fruits are largely consumed in Europe. The fruits preserved in vinegar is imported from Greece and liked very much in Europe and in Arabian countries.

    Olive oil is a good preservative for other eatables too. Sardine and other fishes are tinned and preserved in olive oil. The smoke-less burning of olive oil is a peculiar feature, which produces a bright light. Holy Qur?an stresses the importance of Zaitoon on several occasions: (141-M-AlInaam-6), (99-K-AlInaam-6), (11-K-AlNahl-16), (AlNoor-35), (Moominoon).

    Hazrat Sayyed Al-Ansari narrates that the Prophet (Pbuh) said "Eat the olive oil and massage it over your bodies since it is a holy (mubarak) tree." (Tirmizi, Ibn Maja)

    Hazrat Alqama Bin Amir narrates that Prophet (Pbuh) said, " There is olive oil for you, eat it, massage over your body, since it is effective in Heamorrhoids (Piles)." (Ibn Al-Jozi, Zanbi)

    Hazrat Aqba Bin Amir narrates that the Prophet (Pbuh) stated, "You have the olive oil from this Holy (mubarak) tree, treat yourself with this, since it cures the Anal fissure (Basoor)." Khalid Bin Saad narrates "I came to Madinah with Ghalib Bin Al Jabr. Ghalib became ill during the journey. Ibn Abi Ateeq came to see him and told a narration from Hazrat Aisha that the Prophet (Pbuh) told about the cure in Kalonji. We crushed a few seeds of Kalonji and mixed it with olive oil and dropped in both nostrils, after which Ghalib became healthy." (Ibn Maja, Bukhari)

    Hazrath Abu Hurairah (t) narrates that the Prophet (Pbuh) stated, " Eat the olive oil and apply it (locally), since there is cure for seventy diseases in it, one of them is Leprosy." (Abu Naim)

    Hazrat Zaid Bin Arqam narrates " We have been directed by the Prophet (Pbuh) that we should treat the Pleurisy with Qust-e-Behri (Qust Sheerin) and olive oil." (Tirmizi, sanadeAhmed, Ibn Maja)

    Olive oil has a place in Govt Pharmacopoca of USA and Britain (British Pharmacopoca). Both of these countries have given prime importance to olive oil for the treatment of various ailments and have fixed standard parameters to evaluate its purity.

    It contains Palmatic Acid, Oleic Acid, Linoleic Acid, Steanic Acid, Myristic Acid and Glycerides. It is not dissolved in water but in Alcohol, Ether, Chloroform and Liquid Paraffin.

    The adulterant very often used in the olive are of the seeds of Tea Plant, Arachis oil in the market samples of olive oil. Sometimes Machine Gun oil and refined Mobile oil are also found.

    Olive oil is extracted from the ripened fruits. The unripe and over ripe fruits contain less amount of the oil. The fruits are processed three times. Successively, the first round oil is the best in quality, golden in colour, with a light fragrance and known as virgin oil. Some varieties of olive oil remained unchanged in its effectiveness for years together. It contains therapeutic potential even if it is a thousand years old. Despite the prime importance and holiness given by Qur?an and Prophet Muhammad (Pbuh) no work has been done to find out its efficacy for the ailments other than the Haemorrhoids, Anal fissure, Skin diseases, pleurisy and leprosy, which are already described by the Prophet (Pbuh) , whereas the Prophet (Pbuh) himself says us that it contains cure for seventy diseases.

    According to Ibn Al-Qayyim the red coloured oil is better than blackish one. It is an exhilarant, glows up the facial complexion, provides prevention against poisons, regulates the digestive process, expels the intestinal parasites, makes the hair lustrous and minimises the ageing problems. The massage of olive oil with common salt over the gums is a remedy for several diseases of gums and teeth. The local application of olive oil or the water extracted from the crushed olive oil leaves is effective on boils, rashes and itching. The chronic ulcers and boils, which show difficult healing condition, are healed up with the use of olive oil locally.

    According to Zahbi it strengthens the hairs and body, hence could be used as a good tonic in old age problems and to delay the ageing process. It is also useful in sexual weakness. Combination of normal saline with olive oil is highly effective in burns cases.

    The decotion of olive leaves in water is effective against mouth and lips ulcers and allergic dermatitis also. The concentrated aquous extract of olive leaves and fruits is very effective against dental cavities and application of this solution shows very good effects on Leukoplaquea in mouth. This solution is applied with vinegar on Alopecia, grows the hair and removes the Alopecia. It is also stated that the local application of this extract removes the scars of small pox and boils. The powder of seeds mixed with butter is effective in brittle nails. The pickles prepared from olive fruits is a good appetizer and removes constipation. The smashed leaves are applied locally to check excessive perspiration. The water extracted from the leaves with honey is used as Ear drops and effective in various Ear ailments. The oil procured by burning of olive wood is effective against all fungal infection viz, Ringworm, T.versicolor etc. in addition to Eczema, Psoriasis, Dandruff and Alopecia. The local application of olive oil on scalp is highly effective against dandruff. It grows the hairs and checks, the loss of hair. The application of olive oil in eyes relieves the inflammation.

    The massage of olive oil over the body tones up the muscles and organs, it relieves muscular pains. Some physicians also advocate the massage of olive oil for epilepsy. It relieves the Sciatic and arthritis. The ointment prepared from olive oil are very good healing agents. It heals the sinus and fistula very quickly. 25ml of olive oil mixed with 250ml of barley water, if taken internally, is highly effective against chronic constipation. It is good Diuretic, hence is used in Ascites. It also removes the kidney stones.

    A conventional regimen is also available comprising of olive oil and other herbal drugs having potential against the Gall bladder stones. It is stated that this regimen dissolves and expels the Gall bladder stone.

    In view of the researchs carried out in USA and England, it is concluded that it is a good nourishing diet during the ailments of kidney, where nitrogen containing food/proteins in take is contra indicated. Since, the Prophet (Pbuh) stated that it is a good remedy for Anal fissure, hence for the same complaint patients were advised to take two spoonful of olive oil at bedtime and an ointment was applied on fissure locally at retiring and in morning, prepared from 8 spoonfuls of olive oil and 2 spoonfuls of ground henna leaves. This showed very good effects against the problem. It is a good tonic for hair and maintains the lustre. Its combination with other prescribed drugs of Tibb-al-Nabwi is a good remedy for Psoriasis and Eczema. The impressions of several doctors practising in middle east and North Africa reveal that no case was detected of Gastro Intestinal Carcinoma, among those who were used to consuming olive oil. Japanese doctors also endorse this fact and have the opinion that olive oil prevents the incidence of Carcinoma in G.I.T.

    The Prophet (Pbuh) stated that it is a good remedy for intestinal inflammations. Therefore it was used in the cases of G.I.T ulcers and found very much effective. It is also observed that no remedy equates the benefits of olive oil in hyper acidity and gas troubles.

    The Prophet (Pbuh) recommended the use of olive oil in Pleurisy. Keeping this in view olive oil was administered in various diseases of Respiratory tract and it was observed that the regular users of olive oil were least affected with common cold and coryzha and pneumonia.

    The clinical experiences of well qualified and highly established doctors in the profession who take a keen insight in Prophet?s medicine reveal that olive oil is a good supportive treatment in Tubercular infection of either sites. According to a narration of Kahlid Bin Saad in Ibn Maja, one spoonful of Kalonji was pulverised and mixed with 12 spoonful of olive oil. This suggestion was dropped into the nostrils morning and evening for the cases of chronic cold and epistaxis. The results were found highly positive.

  4. Wow can't believe whats goin on these days. What kind of husband is he that he can't share your pain?! Instead he goes out and gets remarried!! It shows what the world comin too. Sister all I can say is please hang in there. I know its easy said then done but if he supports u and ur kids financially, just please bare every hardship that comes your way, for Allah is testing you. Inshallah you will succeed in the end. My dua is with u.

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