Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Husband does not stand up for me when his family hurt me.



Please help me I am married with muslim guy. I am non-muslim for last 8 month I am married I live with my husband. We had a love marriage but know he has totally changed. He doesn't love me & is not listening to any of my words & his family also hurt me so much.

He is not behaving properly with me every time they torture me , my husband is not telling any thing he is just sitting quiet. I love him so much but he doesn't care for me like he previously cared for me so much but know they don't support me & all

pls help me what I have to do send me some dua so that I get my husband back pls

- Ishu

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9 Responses »

  1. Salam Sister,

    I can feel what you are feeling- I have similar issues and thanks to the editors for

    recommending such a helpful book which deals with such a sensitive issue. Unfortunately,

    most of the husbands out there are cowards and even if their family-now over-dramatic-

    tries to kill you- they will still not stand up for you. Most of the men out there don't do it.

    Believe me, I don't know anybody who loves his wife as much as my hubby does- and even he is

    a 3-year-old in front of his clan. I guess it is a middle-Eastern family issue- to hold together.

    Don't forget that very often, they were raised to obey their parents and they haven't learnt to

    stand up for their own rights. So how can we expect them to stand up for ours?

    Independence has a lot to do with love. And letting go someone is not easy, but it is generous. It is fair and

    shows respect for the freedom of others. Maybe you can communicate this issue in a sensitive way.

    Don't talk about his family or how bad they are- that will lead to further aggression. Cook something

    delicious, doll yourself up:) and try to discuss the rules of communication. What you can expect-not more-

    is not that he breaks off ties with the in-laws. But you can expect him to at least accept that they are giving

    you a hard time and to protect you against their plots and intrigues. That's your goal. The rules of commu-

    nication are the following:

    1.) Be cool and show no emotions, he will use it against you

    2.) Tell him not to scream, not to use swearwords and to remain serious

    3) Avoid harsh expressions which will make him fight back with even worse expressions

    4) Tell him that you can only socialize with others if your relationship together is stable. Otherwise,

    everybody from outside can destroy your marital harmony

    I can tell you out of my own experience, it' s going to be hard at the beginning.

    Read the book the editors suggested. I have already ordered it. And don't give up.

    If he continues listening to them, leave him. If you mean something to him, they shouldn't have this

    power over him.

    And Allah knows best

    Good luck

    • Asalaamualaykum Jannah,

      Just thought I should mention that as far as I know, the book that is shown in the picture with this post is not a recommendation by the Editors. I think its just a picture that one of us found through google images to attach to the post.

      SisterZ Editor

      • Jannah,

        Since you have already ordered the book, I just googled it and found this review on Amazon. Looks like it maybe a good read. Do let us know what its like when you've read it :O).


        Editorial Review from Amazon:

        Product Description

        Susan Forward's practical and powerful book will help couples cope with terrible and toxic in–laws.

        Toxic in–laws are in–laws who create genuine chaos through various assaults––aggressive or subtle––on you and your marriage. Toxic–in laws come in a wide variety of guises, " The Critics.; ", who tell you what you're doing wrong, "The Controllers.;", who try to run you and your partner's life, " The Engulfers.;", who make incessant demands on your time, " The Masters of Chaos.;", who drain you and your partner with their problems, and, " The Rejecters.;", who let you know they don't want you as part of their family.

        Susan Forward draws on real–life voices and stories of both women and men struggling to free themselves from the frustrating, hurtful and infuriating relationships with their toxic in–laws. Dr. Forward offers you highly effective communication and behavioral techniques for getting through to partners who won't or can't stand up to their parents. Next, she lays out accessible and practical ways to reclaim you marriage from your in–laws. She shows you what to say, what to do and what limits to set. If you follow these strategies, you may not turn toxic in–laws into the in–laws of your dreams, but you will find some peace in your relationship with them.

        About the Author

        Susan Forward, Ph.D., is an internationally acclaimed therapist, lecturer, and author. Her books -- which include the #1 New York Times bestsellers Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them and Toxic Parents, as well as Emotional Blackmail, Obsessive Love, Betrayal of Innocence, and Money Demons -- have been translated into more than fifteen languages. In addition to more than twenty years in private practice, she has served as a group therapist, instructor, and consultant in many Southern California medical and psychiatric facilities. She is much sought after as a guest in the media, and she hosted a daily national call-in radio program on ABC talk radio for six years.


        SisterZ Editor

    • Salaams,

      What is the the book called?

      I do not know where to find the recommendation.

  2. Interesting.. Nevertheless, it was defnintely a good picture to choose. Thanks for the info as I think it will

    be helpful to most of the readers.


  3. Ishu,

    It may very well be that your mother in law is putting horrible things in her sons head. Be a dutiful wife, care for your husband and show him how much you love him. He is in the middle here and he loves his mother and he obviously loves you. Let him see for himself that all the nasty things he is hearing about you aren't true.

    Try and go out with your husband yourselves. Talk to him in a kind and respectful manner and tell him about the things that are going on in your home and how hurt you are. Ask him why he is behaving this way and why he will not stand up for you. You need answers. Living this way is unacceptable for any woman whether you are Muslim or not.


  4. You leave!! He isn't respecting you. Or you can live that way until he dies then maybe you'll then get to live without feeling regret. my great aunt was married to a man just like that for over 60yrs. He dies 3yrs ago and she went on her first vacation without him, she didn't realize life can be, she's enjoying life:)

  5. Hello,
    We are in 2017 now... I was wondering what happened to your relationship... what did you end up doing... do you mind sharing your story since 2011 till now? thank you

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