Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Husband does not take son to masjid

Brunei is a small but prosperous Muslim nation located on the island of Borneo

I cannot handle the fact that we have so many trials and tribulations in our lives at the moment and my husband does not take me seriously when I say to him to turn his direction to the masjid.  I have a 12 year old son and I find it difficult that I should take this resposibilty when my husband is of sound body and mind and very capable of going to the masjid and taking our son.  Who will teach him,  if not his father?  Kindly advise,  am I putting to much pressure on my husband?  After all,  I am his wife and not his mother.

- hajira

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3 Responses »

  1. As'Salamu Alaikum Sister, I reverted from Christianity 15 years ago and it was very easy for me to Accept Islam as the true religion of Allah. My husband comes from a family that doesn't pray the obligatory prayers, but fasts during Ramadan, and celebrates the 2 Eids. For many years I felt crippled because of not knowing how to pray the obligatory prayers, or how to implement the practicing of Islam. Not one of my husbands 4 siblings are raising their children to pray, read Quran or even to fear Allah. I used to tell him that if he didn't start teaching them Islam then I would bring them to church (more familiar to me) because I needed them to see that we must WORSHIP Allah. Well I didn't bring them to church but I did enroll them in Saturday school at the Masjid. That was until he allowed them to quit because their soccer games were on Saturdays. Two years later I reenrolled them, and the same thing happened. I finally started going to the Masjid myself for weekly Halaqa with many other sisters. Alhumdulillah, I've learned how to pray and worship Allah, and now teach my sons about being a Muslim and following Islam. All Summer I've brought them to the Jumma prayers. They are 11 and 15. I am now leading my children to follow MY religion. ISLAM. My husband is also making a bigger effort to pray with us at home. Perhaps your husband does all of this already, and you just need him to participate at the advise is to bring your son to the masjid activities and allow him to enjoy being at the Masjid. Find a sister who also has a husband and son who attends so that he will be greeted by friends on the brothers side of the Masjid without you. You have to bring him there yourself if your husband will not. During dinner on Fridays have your son tell his dad what he learned from the Khutbah during Jumma prayer. Inshallah he'll see that the time at the Masjid is bonding time that he is missing with his son. Sister if I can do it, you can too. Inshallah!

  2. Sister no one can force anyone to pray.

    No pressure works. Only Allah's guidance works.

    Your duty is only to convey the Message.

    And while conveying the Message, your duty is to do it yourself.

    Be regular in salaat and reading of Qur'an with meanings.

    Once they see you, Insha Allah, they too will turn to it.

    In addition, do not forget to make du'aa for them to become practising Muslims.

    Your brother.

  3. Salaams,

    Your question was: "am I putting to much pressure on my husband?" Who can better answer that question than your husband himself? Have you asked HIM what kinds of things might be going on with his life and responsibilities that might make it difficult for him to consistently take your son to the masjid? If he is working, taking care of you and your son in the home both financially and emotionally, having his own extended family he deals with, and friends of his own he meets with for his own stress relief, as well as his personal struggles to be a good Muslim for Allah and whatever other inner challenges he deals with, it may very well be that this issue is something that is not a high a priority for him.

    Note that I am NOT saying it is not important that your son start going to the masjid for education and other such things. It is in fact very important that he go, as you mentioned. However, successful families know how to adjust to different situations and share the load of everyone's needs so that all priorities are met. Maybe this is one of those times you should swallow your pride and just take your son to classes at your local masjid for a time. If you as well are genuinely too busy or unable to do this yourself, perhaps there is another relative (uncle, cousin?) or friend of the family you both trust who could play a mentoring role toward your son while your husband takes care of his primary responsibilities?

    In marriage, we should strive to find ways to help our spouses and make their loads easier instead of finding faults with things that are not truly serious. Harmony comes when we seek solutions to routine problems such as this one, instead of spending energy blaming the one we think may have caused the problem to begin with. Ask yourself, is it more important to you that your son go to the masjid, no matter who takes him? Or is it more important that your husband live up to the expectations you have set up for him in your mind, even if they are unreasonable upon him? The answer to that will help you determine where your true intentions lie.

    -Amy Editor

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