Look for a husband, or go to Korea?
Seoul, South Korea
Aoa, im 23 years old. and I am a telecom engineer. My mom has been looking for a decent match for me for the past three years. So many people came over to see me.. some didn't like me.. or whom my parents liked.. the istakhira didn't come out well... it has happened four times...
I feel so depressed.. I don't want to go infront of people over and over again and giving them the same kinda interview.
Basically this is not my problem now.. what's bugging me is that currently I'm doing Korean Language Certificate course.. I have received a scholarship for Masters from the South Korean Government. It's a three years program. One year for language and two years for Masters in EE.
My parents actually don't want me to go! Although they are saying, yeah go ahead its a very good opportunity you should not miss it! But this is what their faces aren't saying... My mom is like when you will be 27, no one will marry you! and you will be single what will you do.. most of times shez crying.. and doing wazeefa. . . and yes this sunday... another proposal!!
I'm sooo confused what should I do!!! Is it really bad to stay unmarried. I don't want to stay unmarried. I just simply hate the ambiance of my home these days. every person in my family is talking about me. . . that all my cousins got married at the age of 21 or 20!
"pray for your 'kismat'". this is most common comment I'm coming across these days... I don't know what Allah Subhan-o-Talah has planned for me. But I believe what ever he does is best for us! It's just that im not getting along with what is going on around me!
- abcxyz
2 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
Assalamu alaykum Sister Questioner,
May Allah make a good proposal come to your way for your better dunya and better aakhirah.
It is you who has to decide my sister. I have seen people doing istikhara and things seem right in it and their relations have broken. So remember one thing, whatsoever good you have, it is from Allah and whatever bad comes in your way, it is due to what your own hands have send before.
We are responsible for our actions and we should take responsibility. We should make choices. There is no need to make marriage "the hardest thing on earth".
I wrote in a post yesterday the below lines, you may like to have a look at them:
* * * Marriage in Islam is a union of two souls living together with a common objective: To fulfil the purpose of their Lord the Most High. This is what Islam says and this is what I would always stick to. Insha Allah.
Islamic married life is simple, yet culture has made it look very difficult.
Islamic married life can be summed up in short as : Marry someone you like - if he/she does not turn out to be a good person - peace process fails - seek divorce and move on - marry another one Allah send's your way - if he/she does not turn out to be a good person - peace process fails - seek divorce and move on - go on - until you find the right person.
By the above process I do not mean we should start and end so quick, all I mean is Allah has made a system for us, without any flaws, without causing any hopelessness.
Allah has kept all good options so open and easy for both male and female partners that they remain happy and their lives are not stuck in to sadness. Allah has provided such a beautiful system without any element of shame or guilt in it.
Allah has made it more easier for women as well as men that they do not have complusion to have sex immediately after marriage and it may leave any sort of impression/ memories which a man or woman may not want to remember. So seeking the right spouse is Alhamdulillaah, fairly easy in Islam if we obey Allah.
As there is always a provision of Divorce without even touching women.
Remember in among many Catholics, divorce is considered as a grave sin. So we should Thank and Praise Allah for making our Deen, Religion easy for us.
But cultures have made it look tough. If a girl is divorced soon after marriage, she is looked upon with different eyes, sometimes suspected, people do not approach her as easily as they would if she hadn't been married once. Cultures make an issue of marrying a girl who has a kid out of her marriage and is now divorced, culture make it look bad to marry a widow. So cultures have caused lot of harm to the Ummah.
We need to cling on to Islam, the principles it is built upon. If we do so, we shall have success in dunya and aakhirah and if we don't our matter is with Allah and He is the best of judges.
109. Is he who founded his building upon duty to Allah and His good pleasure better; or he who founded his building on the brink of a crumbling, overhanging precipice so that it toppled with him into the fire of hell? Allah guideth not wrongdoing folk. - Surah Tauba.
It would be better for you if you would have a mahram with you when you go to Korea, if you decide so and this person could be your husband too, if he is qualified or has chances of getting a job there while you study and finish your program. You have to avoid pregnancy soon after marriage though as it may put a break in your study program. This matter is personal and totally dependant upon every individual's choice.
Sit down, calm and composed in a good mood. Start to think seriously.
What do you look for in a guy you want to marry?
How much do you practice Islam?
How much are you aware of the Purpose why Allah created us? And how much do you work towards fulfilling it?
What do you seek from a marriage?
Question yourself and give answers to your own self and decide the matter for your own good in dunya and aakhirah.
As per Islam - The more the guy fears Allah, lesser are his chances of sinning, hurting and straying away. His behavior - his kindness - how charitable is he - his responsibility - does he work - what are his goals - is he aware of the Purpose why Allah created us - how much is his commitment towards Islam.
If you feel he is "good", "okay", "fine", choice is yours if you would like to move ahead with marriage. You may also have your own personal criteria of choosing a life partner, apply them, check if the guys fits in to them.
Sister it is you who has to check about the guy, with help from your family and other people.
Read my post above in terms of marriage.
The best advice I can give you is to read the Qur'an much with translation and seek Help from Allah.
Make a choice on what you think is right and just and within the guidelines of Islam, say Bismillaah and move further with it.
May Allah vouchsafe you comfort of husband and offsprings and show you to the Straight Path.
I hope the advice helps and your question is answered.
Do not hesitate to put forward your response. Insha Allah, we, your brothers and sisters, would be happy to support you in working things out.
Salaam.
* * *
Therefor give good tidings (O Muhammad) to my bondmen, who hear advice and follow the best thereof. Such are those whom Allah guideth, and such are men of understanding.- Surah 39, Az Zumar, verse 17-18.
Good advice.