Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Husband refuses to move out.

"Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home." A married couple needs their own space, even if it's just a tiny apartment with only a bed, a chair and a table.

I am 22 years old. Have been married to my First cousin for almost 2 years now. In my in-laws, its me and my husband along with two of his brothers stay. My in-laws in general are fine, but the way they stay are not fine. My Mother In Law loves cooking but she makes a HUGE mess in the kitchen when she does and I am the only one who has to clean it every time. Before getting married, at my parents house we had a made 24/7 to do all the work, so I am not used to working so much. But after coming to husbands house i had to do everything, which is fine with me. Not only the kitchen the entire house is over stuffed with all kinds of stuff and is in a mess. And not a single person helps in mentaining the house and keeping it clean. My husband helps as much he can (that is once in a blue moon) but he gets mad when i dont keep the house clean. His mom doest clean now and then but again the next day back to normal. He tells me this house was like that from first, food will stay in fridge and on counter tops for ever till the house starts smelling. I am literally disgusted by this house. In the start i kept cleaning this house, but later i understood how this house works, so i dont do much now. i am not too close with my inlaws, which is why i prefer sitting in my roon every time. I get really depressed on all of this, i sometimes even feel guilty of sitting in my room the whole day, but this room is my comfort spot. I have been trying to convince my Husband to move out but he refuses. My in-law asked my husband to pay half of the rent on the house we are living in, as my father in law is not working anymore. After trying to convince him forever, he finally decided on looking at house with me, and he even told his parents. But at first they thought he is buying a house for them and everyone. And then they later understood that we are looking to move out, my father in law made my husband all emotion and told him, "ok fine if you and your wife has decided to move out, you can." After that my husband gets all wild at me if I talk about moving out. he starts telling me that he does not wants a wife who cant life with the family. And i would never want to keep him away from his family.

I also wanted to mention the relationship my husband are with his parents. My husband is not like really close with his parents. His thought and my father in laws thought are completely different, due to which they dont talk much and even if they do they land up in subtle argument. They don't even share any matters with him, if its small or big. i try getting him close and go talk to his parents but he prefers not to.

I love my husband. And I dont want to leave him, all I am asking is my own place.


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3 Responses »

  1. asallam o alikum sister this is right of wife to live alone in other house with her husband and now a days husband wife should not live with in law because problems creat from there one can take care of their parents even while living in different house he can visit his parents you can visit him to and fullfill duty toward once parents but its best for husband wife to not live with in laws and if parents are old enough to walk or eat by their self than you and your husband should live with them take care of them but if they are able to do these things than its best to live in different house and monthly he can go to parents help them with expance and things they need and meet them or whenever they want to meet so your husband should understand thats if wife said she need to live alone with her husband and if husband can afford this than he should must do this Allah know best may allah heal your pain ameen remmeber me in your pray as you are in mine jazk Allah

  2. You knew all this before you got married. These are your relatives and he is your cousin. His parents gave him life and brought him up, cared for him, fed him, clothed him, and educated him. Now he should leave them in old age for you??????? Sister, deal with it and the problems you are describing are not major problems at all. They are not abusing you. If nobody cleans and it bothers you so much then you go ahead and keep cleaning. You'll get your own house when his parents pass away. In the meantime, he can get reward from Allah for caring for his parents in old age.

    • This is very silly advice and can be damaging for a young woman to hear because it makes the woman think she is in the wrong for feeling like this.
      If she wants to move out, he husband should listen to her as even islam says a husband should provide his wife separate accokmodation if he can afford it. it is his duty to care for his parents, not hers.
      Men think they can use religion how they want and ignore the parts that doesn't suit them. She is not a maid that she has to keep cleaning after his messy family.
      To the sister I would day you should look after yourself and save money (maybe get a job) and when you have enough money you should move out and let your husband know your plans too. please do not think of yourself as so weak, you should not be depressed. you should make a plan of what you want to do and do it even if it is without your husband as he cannot see your sadness so he will never fully support you.

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