Husband talks with his ex on facebook.
My husband of 4 years talks to his ex on facebook he finds excuses like, 'can you suggest me what type of dress should I buy for my wife?'and the like.
I think he tries to make her jealous. She is married with kids and am sure she is not interested in him much. What bothers me is he pretends in front of me that he is not interested in her AT ALL and says that she is next to nothing for him.
But on the other hand wants to talk to her and make her feel what she has lost by not marrying him, but whats the point? Isn't it useless being in touch and doing all this?
I can't confront him about this. What is the best course of action for me now? I somehow feel cheated and disappointed by him how could he stoop so low? Going behind his ex who doesn't even care about him and pretending the opposite to me.
-Allahisthereforme
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Sister,
Why won't you confront your husband? You should...you have every right to. Imagine if the tables were turned and it was YOU who was talking to your ex on Facebook, how would your husband feel? He would not like it one bit and you can bet he would put an immediate stop to it. If he is so interested in what kind of dress you like, tell him to get off of computer and go shopping with you! Together you can find something and he can take you out to dinner!
Salam
Salam,
abviously it doesnt make sense to talk to her and to make her feel that she has lost by not marrying him. ull just make her laugh at you as he is the one who talk to her while her she has her married life and kids. so dont do that pls. you said yourself he goes behind her while she doesnt even care. so dont embarrass yourself by talking to her but talk to your husband. All the best inshallah
Salaams,
What he is doing is very immature, and I agree with the sisters above that you should confront him. In essence, he's violating the terms of divorce, because according to Surah Al Baqarah Ayat 228: "....(a woman) must be retained in honour or released in kindness....". By playing these silly games it is not really releasing his ex wife in kindness, in fact I would argue he hasn't fully released her at all in the manner that he should have.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
ASA,
I had a similar experience with my husband of 8 years and caught him talking to his X girlfriend on Facebook. She invited him for sex and alluring post that he made simple remarks too, but they didn't go ignored. It hurt me too my heart because I was in the living room watching him use his phone and he had no idea he was logged into my computer. I know this is not Islam...He is an Imam and I feel like I have nobody to talk to regarding his actions or behavior. She INBOX him at 3:10 AM saying she LOVE HIM...I INBOX her through his page (he was logged onto my computer) and told her to leave my family alone. I confronted him and spoke to her and she told me she love my husband and wasn't going anywhere.He denied being him her presence but I don't believe him because we wasn't having sex with one another. I am very insecure about him being on Facebook and he told me he wasn't going to delete his Facebook because he use it for other purposes. I'm passed the immature stage of social networking. I'm very embarrassed about that and feel ashamed that I even went through something like that. I'm reaching a point where I want out because this brother is on something else.
Asalaam alaikum,
There's several types of recourse you may have for amends, if you seek that avenue. One of which would either be talking to one of your husband's peers or former teachers, if he attended a particular seminary. Of course, you should also contact your wali to help with what is happening. While the former action may sound extreme, the thought of it should have your husband seriously considering the ramifications of what that would mean for him. To be an imam means you must leave petty selfishness behind and recognize that the religion of Islam does not accept immoral behavior from its' religious leaders.
The second part would be to inform this woman that if she persists in her lewd actions, you will contact her family, be it her mother or sister.
This is on the basis that you wish to find some type of reconciliation of your marriage.
As to the original question: the husband seems to have very low self-esteem. His pettiness stems from this fact and he needs to learn how to bury the past, as well. Until he deals with this inner issue and realizes how embarrassing it is for his wife and the disaffection being experienced by her, he may never understand how foolish his actions are right now. He is behaving more like a child than a grown man.
It is imperative that as his wife, you make him aware of how this problem is affecting your marriage, Sister. Communication is the key, then.
I personally hate face book sister,you husband has no business on it,I have heard that there was a survey done in the uk and one forth of divorces were because of face book,if he feels that he needs to stay connected it should be family only,that's what I made my husband do erase everybody else
My husband ZZZZ was supposed to get married to a girl named AAA. Her family didnt think his family was good enough at the time but one of her Uncle XXX and AAA and ZZZ as well as ZZZ's family wanted the marriage. A year later ZZZ got married to me and 3/4 days into the marriage ZZZ told me that the girl even paryed to have this marriage to work. They had visited each other at the Uncle's house at the time when there were talk of the marriage and had seen each other for 12 days or so.
Anywz he ZZZ got married to me the next yr and told me the story after i think 3rd day of the wedding. At teh same time he wasnt being very nice to me since the start of marriage, got yelled at often, he stopped contactwith me for soemtime after. Then I got preganant and 2 motnhs in my pregnancy he first beat me and again 5 months in pregnancy. He had not stopped beating and had beatn me every 3 or 4 months.
I now havea child of 4 yrs and 2 yrs ago he had that Uncle XXX added to his facebook and alsothe girl AA added him in her facebk.
I informed my his mother and father about this girl in facebook but his mother said boys and girls can be a bit of friends now a days and I made it clear to him that this was bad. But he still has the girl AAA and her Uncle XXX on his facebook. my husband did not ever know this girl or her family as classmates or co-workers. He only met her for the purpose of marriage.
I met this girl and said you met him because of marriage issues very politely but she still didnot delete him form her facebook and even my husband didnot delete her and her uncle from his facebook.
As per Islamic law should I do anything or just let my husband to do whatever he wants. Or should I talk to her husband ?
Nahreen, please log in and write your question as a separate post, thank you.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I reposted my question as a seperate post but now can not find it. Can anyone help me because I am desperately looking for an answer to the post
Nahreen, did you post it under a different username? Because I found your registration under the name nahreen, but there are no posts associated with it.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
no i posted under Nahreen