Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My Husband thinks I Cheated and has locked me out

I want my husband backI am very distressed and confused at what is happening to me. My husband had bad friends who were dishonest and evil people. They never had good intentions for him and were very jealous. This jealousy also meant that they would look at me inappropriately. I never told him this at the time but now regret it very much. I have never wanted any trouble and love my husband very much.

One day, one of his friends touched my leg and I smacked his hand away. He apologised and told me not to tell my husband. I regretfully didn’t. Then 5 years later, all these horrible friends of his told him that I had had an affair while married to my husband with my ex partner. This is not true, however my husband believes it. At this point, it also came out that the friend that touched my leg claimed that I had tried to have an affair with him. He blamed me for his sinful actions!

I am devastated. I have done everything I can to make my husband see the truth but he says he has too much pride to take me back. I feared for my life so I left for a while but he has now locked me out of our home that we both pay the mortgage for. I know he still loves me. I have been praying to Allah every day. Is there anything in particular I should pray? Please help me, I want to do the right thing.

- lost123

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16 Responses »

  1. sallam

    sister i honetly think that you should read salatul istikara, God will guide you inshallah in the right direction. To be honest if your husband being an adult cannot see what his freinds are really like then its best to say goodbye to him but thats my opinion.

    they sould like filthy animals. All you should do is have full faith in God and you will be guided and protected!

    Allah hafiz

  2. AsSalamu'alaikum,

    Sister, keep your trust in Allah. He won't leave you alone in this, insha Allah. Friends become the most painful liabilities of life sometimes. They have the power to destroy one's life. This is why Allah's Messenger Sallallahu 'Alaihi Wasallam said that a person is upon the Religion of His friend (this is what a Hadeeth means).

    You realize the mistake of not informing your husband about what happened. Now, it is difficult for him to believe, because he thinks you're just trying to put the blame on others and escape yourself. He does not know the truth. But my sister, Allah knows.

    I understand that you love him, and want to return to him. But his ego is stopping him from accepting you. Even if he believes that you are pure, his ego is stopping him from you.

    Allah says in Surah an Nur:

    Aayah 4:
    And those who accuse chaste women, and produce not four witnesses, flog them with eighty stripes, and reject their testimony forever, they indeed are the Fasiqun (liars, rebellious, disobedient to Allah).

    Aayaat 6-9:
    And for those who accuse their wives, but have no witnesses except themselves, let the testimony of one of them be four testimonies (i.e. testifies four times) by Allah that he is one of those who speak the truth. And the fifth (testimony) (should be) the invoking of the Curse of Allah on him if he be of those who tell a lie (against her). But it shall avert the punishment (of stoning to death) from her, if she bears witness four times by Allah, that he (her husband) is telling a lie. And the fifth (testimony) should be that the Wrath of Allah be upon her if he (her husband) speaks the truth.

    They accused you, while you are chaste. This is a major sin. It is one of the seven major sins mentioned in the Saheeh hadith of Bukhari.

    So, your husband should fear Allah. He should confront his friends about this and ask them to fear Allah. He should mention these Aayaat and the Hadith, and ask them to fear Allah. But I think this is a weak option. Why will the friends listen? When they did such an evil act of accusing a chaste woman, why will they listen?

    So, I advise you to involve someone from his family, who has an influence on him. You should swear by Allah to them that you are speaking the truth. Convince them to ask your husband to take you back.

    Talk to your husband and swear to him bu Allah, that you are chaste and they are accusing you of something you are not guilty of. Show him these Aayaat and Hadith, and say "Allah curse be upon the one who is lying". This could make him believe that you are not wrong. But, his ego is something the people who have influence on him can take care of.
    You can even try reading to him various Aayaat of the Qur'aan, in order to break his ego. If your husband is with you, then even if the whole World accuses you, you would need to worry. But at this stage, you need to bring him on your side. You need his support.

    Try as hard as you can. I understand that once accused, and not proven right, a woman's life becomes Hell.
    I pray that Allah has Mercy on you and gives you loads of Patience
    May Allah Help you in this and prove your chastity to the World, especially your husband
    Muhammad Waseem Editor

  3. First thing first, you were not honest with your husband. You should had been honest with your husband. Do not give up. Find some way to make your husband believe that you love only him and him. Tell him explaining everything in details. do not write a note or anything. He has to know the truth. Even if he thinks you are blaming cannot give up on your love. Make him believe you are pure. Pray Surah Kahf daily and Salat ul Istikhara, Salat ul Istigfar, Salat ul Hajaat and Salaat ul Shuker. Each salat is 2 nafl prayer. Recite 2 time darood sharif before the prayer and after the prayer. InshaAllah Allah is going to be with you.

    • Sister Kalsoom,

      slight corrections:
      1. There is nothing called Salatul Shukr, it is Sajadah Shukr.
      2. The time specified for reciting Surah Kahf especially is not daily, it is Friday. But yes, I have heard (I do not know if this is authentic) that reciting Surah Yusuf in times of grief is recommended.
      3. Darood on the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, has no specific time or number, except that according to Ahadeeth, Friday is a recommended day for increased recitation of Darood. And that each time we say Darood, Allah gives us His Mercy, 10 times.
      4. It is not Salatul Istighfaar, but Salatut Tawbah.

      And Allah Knows Best
      Muhammad Waseem Editor

  4. I got 1 question. Why we do thins kind of pray or dua? Does this really work. I ment to say how we know it's working?

    • Sister Nadia,

      Duas work in wonderful ways. Such as in case of the author of this post, if she was to make duas, she could have her problem solved. Her duas could change her husband.
      There is a Hadith in Musannaf ibn Abi Shaybah that says:

      The Prophet (salallahu alaihi wasallam) said,

      “There is no Muslim who supplicates to Allah Almighty with a supplication which is
      free from anything wrong and asking for severance from his kin, without Allah granting one of three things: He readily grants him what he is asking for, or the like of it is stored for him as a reward in the hereafter, or He will turn away the like of it in evil from him. A man of the people said, “We do it a great deal.” He said, “Allah has more (than you could ever ask for).”

      This is how duas work. Allah accepts all duas, but in different forms. Allah Knows what to give us, and when. He is The Lord, Who is The All Knowing.

      Allah says in Surah al Baqarah, Aayah 216:

      And it could be that you dislike something, when it is good for you, and it could be that you like something when it is bad for you. Allah knows and you do not know.

      Muhammad Waseem Editor

  5. Brother Muhammad Waseem,

    Thank you for your reply. Okay now I got it but you know there are some people who pray and make lots of dua and cry to Allah all the time but they suffer (not all). But people who dosent pray don't cry to Allah nor make any good dua they are happy living happy! That's why I asks that question. It's really hard to understand!

    • No its not hard to understand. Whether Allah accepts a Dua or not, there is good in it for us. He is The All Wise. There is Wisdom in His accepting the Dua and the otherwise. So, we should just say to that the people who cry that what they face is better for them. Because that is what Allah chose.

      Isn't it easy?

      Muhammad Waseem Editor

  6. What happens if a man has a affair then seeks forgiveness does it mean Allah will not punish him in this life .what about his wife as rest of her life shes unhappy and crying

  7. Duniya,

    Rights are of two types.
    1. Rights of Allah
    2. Rights of the Slaves of Allah

    If a person's sins fall under the first category, then mere Tawbah would suffice for him. But forgiveness is Allah's Decision.

    If a person's sins fall under the second category, were Tawbah wouldn't generally suffice. The person has to seek forgiveness from the effected parties first, then seek Allah's Forgiveness.

    For example, if I steal money from someone (May Allah forbid 🙂 ). Would mere Tawbah suffice? Then what about the defeated party? He has lost his money and I did Tawbah. I have to return the money to him and then do Tawbah. This is when my Tawbah CAN BE accepted by Allah Subhaanah.

    And He Himself Knows Best
    Muhammad Waseem Editor

  8. I don't understand how someone can accuse someone of something so big , I mean does he not fear Allah subhan watala. Everyone knows that cheating is a disgusting crime, anyone who accuses you of it , frankly isn't worth your time. Whats the point in loving someone if they haven't given you their hundred percent love, and trust in return. Sister my advice to you is that you should leave him for good, take all you things, stop paying the mortgage.

  9. Another thing I forgot to add is that it is not your responsibility to pay for the mortgage. It is your husbands responsibility.

  10. @lost123

    sister you should start learning more about Islam (from authentic sources) and practicing it.

    you said "This jealousy also meant that they would look at me inappropriately. " and "One day, one of his friends touched my leg and I smacked his hand away."

    Do you cover yourself (wear abaya) in front of non mahram men ? do you mix freely with men ?
    save yourself sister.

    There is only goodness in obeying Allah. alhamdulillah. Start becoming more serious about Islam. Focus on pleasing Allah.

    Some links for you to learn more about Islam inshaAllah.

    [replace (dot) by . in the above links and search in the browser]

    May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

  11. Salam,

    this happens, if someone touches you and you don't tell your husband. If you had told your husband immadiatly, than he would have rejected his friend and he would have trusted.

    His *friend* is traitor:
    1.) First he touches his best friends wife
    2.) He accusses a chaste women of adultery unlawfully
    3.) He doesn't care, that his best friend wife is locked out.

    As I said, EVERY, lie and denial comes out one day. He is angry at you, because you don't told him.

    Allah knows best

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