Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Husband treats me badly, I want my ex-boyfriend

Asalam alykum warahmitullah,

My name is Mariam and I need some help for this problem.

I've been dating this guy for about seven years but he went away to school. I was fully aware of it as we were calling each other. But since then, we haven't been able to communicate. Meanwhile, my parents have been nagging me to bring the person I'm dating home.

I decided to bring someone else home and haven't been happy since. My father said we should do an introduction, we accepted, and he paid my dowry. After some months, I moved to his house. He's very caring in some respects but he's poor in others...he's not romantic, for instance. I've tried my best to change him. Also, I don't know why, but his family gives me attitude sometimes.

Some months later, my ex-boyfriend came back and he was very sad when he heard that I'd proceeded with someone else, even if I didn't have feelings for the guy.

A lot of things started coming up in our relationship. My husband started behaving abnormally. He did give me money but with strings attached...he used to shout at me sometimes and always pointed out my mistakes. I learned to say "sorry," but this stuff was getting unbearable.

Last week was my ex-boyfriend's birthday. I went there and did a surprise birthday for him because of the love I have for him...a seven-year relationship is no small thing! I slept there with him, so now I'm scared of failing in my religion.

What now? I don't know what to do.


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2 Responses »

  1. Sister,

    I understand that you had a 7-year relationship with your ex-boyfriend. However, the time-span is irrelevant, because it was not a halal relationship. If you were interested in him still, then it would have been best for you to make the relationship halal while you could, by marrying him.

    Now that you have married another, I think it would be unfair to him for you to so quickly dissolve the marriage without adequate reason. I think that you should give your current husband a chance. Perhaps there is a reason that Allah, in his infinite wisdom, wants you to be in this marriage.

    I'd suggest you start with marriage counseling and see if your husband's communication skills can be improved and if he stops shouting at you and such. That is not appropriate behaviour, but neither is your spending the night at another man's house after marriage.



  2. I am disgusted by your statement " .a seven-year relationship is no small thing! I slept there with him, so now I'm scared of failing in my religion." I am shocked how can you even say that

    You should be ashamed of that seven year haram relationship with him. Allah even gave you a husband and you still went and slept with this guy and contaminated your husband's bed. You have committed a grave major sin. Instead of fixing your relationship with your husband you cheated on him with this filthy man.

    Repent to Allah.

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