Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m 14 and got caught by religious parents slow dancing with a guy and now my life has turned upside down

Disco dancing

"It was like a disco..."

Question:

I'm a muslim/arab 14 year old girl, live in Kuwait,  and have grown up with the best, god-fearing parents that love me very much and care about me and always put me first before themselves, They've put every effort into raising me and putting me on the right path, and they have never refused to give me anything I wanted apart from anything wrong in terms of Islam, and I am very, very thankful for that (elhamdolillah).

We are a well-balanced family, we are not over-the-top strict, for example I'm allowed to listen to music. So obviously I feel like the worst daughter in the world when I dissappoint them (which is too much to count).

I am in a mixed-gender English school, and in the school maybe 95% of the school aren't religious at all. I've been in this school my whole life and I've made friends who are with me till this day. My best friends and their parents are all muslim but they've deleted something called God's rules from their lives and do anything they want. And me and my family are completely different but they're still my best friends!

I've been raised to pray since I was 7, then fasted ramadan since 10, and I was planning on wearing the hijab 'when the time comes'. But then everything came out of my hands and I started to change. I used to always listen to my parents when it comes to haram/halal.

When I was 10 we had a school trip to a waterpark (it was mixed boys and girls) and all my friends were going to wear normal one-piece swimsuits and my mom only let me wear knee-length swimsuits at that time so I felt so different and the odd one out and at that time it was all about 'fitting in'. So I took one normal swimsuit one knee-length and wore the normal one and dipped the other one into the pool so it would look like I swam in it, and made up a whole story to my mom.

That's how it all started. It's been like this for four years. My friends and school have had a HUGEEE impact on me. I became like them, but I always had the part of me that hates myself for it and doesnt want to be the way I am and regrets every part of it. I can't describe how guilty I feel. And by 'like them' this is what I mean..

Basically I don't pray anymore. Worst part is my mom nags on my head for every prayer and makes sure that I didn't forget. And I lie to her every time. I say I prayed when I didn't. I got caught alot of times, because the prayer wear would be with her and she's be like how did u pray? And that just looks horrible. And I know that I can 'lie to my mom but Allah knows everything', and all that but I do try! I do pray at times, but I end up cutting. The longest that I've prayed without cutting is 3 weeks maybe. It's just so hard for me I dont know why! And I've been praying since I was 7!

Later on I wasn't allowed to talk to guys on the phone. I got caught a million times and now I don't have a mobile number for a year (they took it away).

I'm not allowed to mixed gatherings or parties AT ALL. They're against it SO much, more than I can explain, even if they could be RIGHT THERE watching me. Thats been the major issue in my life. I hated that cuz I felt like I was missing out on so much and it looked like so much fun! And there are parties and gathering every single weekend. And I managed to go to most of them. And they're all mixed boys and girls!

I had this whole idea of 'I'm a teenager and I should be able to live my life and have fun! So I've gone out with them to malls, in houses, sometimes BOYS' houses and then PARTIES (as in dirty dancing, slow dancing, kissing, girls in mini skirts...) stuff my parents would be completely FLIP if they knew. I'd always tell them it was girls only. I've swore to lies a couple of times too.

Then came the big change. I got invited to a Christian guy's birthday party and there was no way I sneak and go this time, every way was closed. And all my friends were so upset and the birthday boy and his best friend were begging me to go and that they wanted me there so I couldn't help it. I went home and started crying. My dad came into my room and asked me what was wrong. I really didn't want to tell him but he really insisted and I told him after a while. He said I could go. I was shocked and I went hysterical, I was so happy. Then my mom became so angry when she found out but its my dad who makes the final decisions and if he said yes I could go. My mom started practically begging me not to go and she said I'd regret it and something would go wrong and that it was for my own sake but I wouldn't listen.

So my dad dropped me there...and inside it was wild...like a disco...my dad waited for me outside. I completely forgot he was outside. A slow song came on and the couples all started slow dancing and I hate to admit it but I felt so jealous. So when a friend asked me to dance, I didn't like him but I did it anyway, without thinking. Then my dad came in. I said bye to everyone and got into the car and he didn't say a word until then. Then he started shouting at me, and his words just made me feel like he took my heart and ripped it. If I describe how much hurt and grief there was at that day it would take hundreds of pages to right down. I was hit. I was locked in my room. I was told that I'd stop going to school and work under my dads shoes. I dont want to say anymore its too much to even think about.

But now, 4 months later I still go to school, my parents have forgiven me, given back 10% of their trust. I'm being a good girl, but I have no choice anyway because I cant go out with my friends at all:Not all girls, not even under my parents' nose. Nothing. I've changed a lot, but not all the way. I'm glad I'm forgiven and I'd do anything for their trust again. I'd do anything to go back to the normal rules: girls only. It's fine by me now. But even that I cant have now.

Sometimes I have these moments where I'm in bed in the dark and I start doing dua to Allah to forgive me and I just cry and cry from how much I wish I was a good, god-fearing girl like my parents. I really really care and I really want to change. I've already put the past behind me. But do you see how I got into this situation?

I don't believe I'm a bad girl but if the situations were different, I wouldn't have been like this. My parents say I have to be strong enough not to be dragged by my friends into sin. But I'm not I guess. Which gives me the other choice... make friends that drag you into righteousness... but its too late now to make new friends. I can't just ditch my best friends for a long time and join a completely different group of girls.

My parents were going to move me to another school... an all girls school full of more 'people like us', but I am in the best school in Kuwait, and the whole reason my parents sacrificed putting me into a mixed school and not a girls school was for education.  I am a very good student and care so much about education. Leaving this school would mean sacrificing education, which I dont want.

Do you see how this is so complicated? I just cant seem to find it in me to become the person I was supposed to be if my school and friends hadn't had any affect on me. I feel like this is who I am now. I basically go home and I'm told this and this is wrong...then go to school and suddenly its not wrong in everyone's point of view. And I'm left stuck in the middle.

I am not mohajaba. I made the decision to wear it then changed my mind  3 times maybe. I think about how its so rare for mohajabat in our school and I'm scared people will treat me differently, and I dont even like the way it looks on me. I feel like I'd look uglier. Even though all the other girls that werent wearing it then wore it, I'd find became PRETTIER not uglier. I can't get myself to do it. I want to make my parents proud. Prove to them I'm a good person.

And I want to pray. But whenever I'm in a bad mood suddenly I dont feel like praying anymore. My hormones keep changing and one second I feel like an angel wanting to do everything god wants and then the next day I couldn't care less. HELP MEEEEE 🙁

- Asala

Sister Z's Answer:

Dear Asala, Asalaamualaikum,

The brothers and sisters have given some very touching and useful advice here already maashAllah.

You seem to be a very sweet, striving and conscientiousness teenage soul, growing up in a cocktail of various cultures plus Religion.

MaashAllah you are contemplating important issues while still in your youth. Asala, I don't think there is anyone who has become an adult without making mistakes in their life - some make minor mistakes, others make major ones and those who learn from other's mistakes are lucky! It is part of human nature to make mistakes, but it is also part of 'good' human nature to repent and to turn back to Allah. You made a mistake and you realised it and also repented - Alhumdulillah. Allah says: “Say: O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” [Sûrah al-Zumar: 53]

Asala, maashAllah you are fortunate that your family are practising and take the middle ground; they are not too strict or too lenient. A reason why you are even more fortunate is that Allah has given you the wisdom to understand and realise this. Some children your age or even older fail to understand their parents when they are trying to implement their deen in the house.

I also noted that you mentioned that you have been praying since the age of 7 - Alhumdulillah. Do you know how blessed you are that you have been praying for most of your life since a young age? I keep telling my nieces and nephews that maashAllah they are young and that they too can take advantage of their youth by praying all their Salaah and by doing good - they have the chance to be shaded by Allah on the Day of Judgement inshaAllah. I pray that they listen and that you do too inshaAllah. I so wish I could have my youth back to do things differently by devoting myself to Allah; but Alhumdulillah. So, dear little one, you have a beautiful blessing called 'youth' : )...do not waste it inshaAllah xxx!

Our Prophet Muhammad (saw) said in a hadith that those who spend their youth in the worship of Allah will be under the shade of Allah on the Day of Judgement. (Narrated by Abu Hurairah & collected in Sahih al-Bukhari)

TEST of LIFE
You said: "I don't believe I'm a bad girl but if the situations were different, I wouldn't have been like this. My parents say I have to be strong enough not to be dragged by my friends into sin. But I'm not I guess. Which gives me the other choice...make friends that drag you into righteousness...but its too late now to make new friends. I can't just ditch my best friends for a long time and join a completely different group of girls."

Asala - we will all be tested in this life and these situations you have been through are your tests. We may do very well in our driving lessons, but the real test will be if we are able to apply what we have learned during the actual driving test (by the way, I passed on my 4th go, it was not damaging to the soul, but was a blow to the ego, lol). Anyhow, likewise in life, we are put to the test in our relationships, friendships, etc to find out how strong we are in our deen? We may pray, be calm and level headed when things are going well - but thats the easy part. The difficult but potentially rewarding part is when things are not going so right. Are we still obedient to Allah and patient and level headed in our reactions and emotions?

'Straight roads never make good drivers, Smooth seas never makes good sailors, Clear skies never makes good pilots, Problem free lives never makes a strong person...' (This is one of those forwarded text messages I received)

Repeatedly doing bad at these tests, can be damaging to the soul. So we need to do our best to learn from our mistakes and try our best never to repeat thema again. The Prophet Muhammad (saw) said: "The (strong) believer is not stung from (the same) hole twice." This is very well explained by Ibn Hajar al-`Asqalânî, who is the leading authority on the interpretation of Bukhârî's Sahîh, who says the following: "This is presented in the form of a statement. Al-Khatâbî has said: This is a statement in its wording, but a command in its meaning. It means that the believer is resolutely aware, he/she is not taken to apathy (in learning his/her lesson), nor is he/she deceived time and time again. Thus, this is an order in religious matters as well as worldly matters.."

So we need to avoid blaming the situation, but rather focus on our decision making process. What drives and influences us to make the decisions we make? We have many great influencing factors but ultimately we make the choices.

Sorry to sound blunt at this point Asala, but having read the above, hopefully you will now understand that its not right for you sit there feeling sorry for yourself. You are responsible for your decisions and can't keeping blaming the 'situation'. If you know a situation is bad for you, be grateful that you have only be grazed slightly and not burned - you have the option to remove yourself from it.

FRIENDS
This leads me on to the topic of 'friends'. You said your parents say that you 'have to be strong enough not to be dragged by your friends into sin'. Asala, they're very right. For you, part of your test in life is your 'friends'. Although you are responsible for the bad choices you have made, your friends  are are the influencing factor and the very 'situation' that you talk about. You have admitted this - so now it is up to you to protect yourself from this negative influence. You may continue mixing with them - but then how long will it be before you get sucked in again and trip up? The next time you trip up, it may not be so easliy fixed as the last time and could be even more damaging to your soul. Mixing in their company, is not going to have a positive affect on you Asala.

I know its hard to move away from these long time friends who you enjoy being with, but these friends will not speak up for you on the Day of Judgement. You will be alone with the mistakes that you have made - regardless of whether they influenced you or not. If you are finding it hard to stay on the straight and narrow whilst being in their company - then Asala you are causing harm only to yourself by staying with them? If you are finding it too hard to move away from these friends while in the same school, maybe changing schools is not such a bad idea.

This could be the refreshing good start that you need. Some years back, I wished a miracle would occur so I could just be removed from a difficult situation and crowd of people I was surrounded by, as I was not strong enough to avoid being distracted from my deen. Allah made a situation occur that pushed me to leave, I wasnt happy after that for a good long time - but Alhumdulillah eventually I realised that it was a major blessing in disguise. So Asala, you feel that if you leave this school, you will be sacrificing your education. But if you stay at the school, you may be sacrificing your eemaan. Which would you rather sacrifice? The truth is Asala, if you want to study well, you can do this in any school. We are on this earth for one purpose only - and this is to worship Allah. If anything comes in the way of us worshipping Allah; then there is something wrong with it.

Abu Hurairah narrated a saying of The Prophet Muhammad (saw): “Man models himself after his companion; so let each one of you see who he chooses for companion” (At-Tirmidhi).

With regards to our company, Allah has said in the Glorious Quran:

[And incline not to those who do wrong, or the fire will seize you.] (Hud 11:113)

[Therefore, shun those who turn away from Our remembrance and desire nothing but the life of this world.] (An-Najm 53:30)

 

In another place, the Qur’an directs a believer to seek the company of the well guided.

[Restrain thyself along with those who call on their Lord morning and evening seeking His face.] (Al-Kahf 18:28)

Dear sweet sister - you may feel like the odd one out, because you are different to your 'so called friends'. But you are the fortunate one amongst them because Allah has given you not only knowledge, but also wisdom and understanding of Islam, He has also given you parents who practice Islam with love and care.

TEENAGE HORMONES
Asala, you are a growing teenage girl with flying hormones. Its not easy is it? You attend a mixed school and may be feeling attracted to boys, you have friends who are dating and oh what fun it may seem like!!! They all go out together to parties while you have to stay at home. Asala - you are the fortunate one here.

Observing hijab, praying salaah five times daily and maintaining Islamic manners can be a struggle for us humans and moreso as the society of today is so very confused. But remember this is our struggle in life and if we pass this - we have a beautiful reward waiting for us in Jannah - one that is much better than all the things we may sacrifices on this earth. So we need to do our best to make things easy for ourselves to achieve a place in Jannah; even if that means sacrificing friends and top schools - because its for the sake of Allah.

You are going through an internal jihad - one to fight against the deception of this dunya. And Allah loves you for every ounce of struggle you will go through for His sake.

Sister Z
IslamicAnswers.com Editor

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8 Responses »

  1. Assalaamalaikum sister,

    I'm a revert and as a result - I changed my life to completely submit to Allah. Dietry/lifestyle, I even ended a relationship I was in. So I know what your talking about as I've been on both sides of the fence and let me say I deffinately prefer the pious side.

    I won't make a long reply but, the reason I said that is because I am always being challenged and tested by the shaitan. Whenever I pray he whispers thoughts into my head that makes me doubt myself etc. Makes me question if changing my life was right. All these awful things and that's as a result of my reversion to Islam.

    It seems that each time you attempt to become more pious, somethig gets in the way that causes doubt and that changes you back. This is YOUR test from Allah. Those who are very pious do not have an easy life, the imaan is tested throughout their entire life in order to act as 'proof' of commitment to Allah. I suggest you really look into Islam and discover it's beauty for yourself, develop your imaan because you want to build a relationship with Allah and when these thoughts pop into your head that cause doubt... Just do what I do and say too yourself "no, this is what is right, I want to please Allah, so I will do this no matter how I or others feel". Remember, Allah is more important than anything on earth and this life is but a momentary blip that serves to test you.

    This isn't easy and make changes step by step - but if you loose hope always remember Allahs mercy far out weighs his wrath, with that in mind - make step by step changes, adapt to them and avoid doing too much at once because if you fall you'll feel defeated. So do the basics, which is Salaah and the five pillars then move forward and insha'allah you'll find yourself on the right path in no time and your imaan will grow.

    Finally - what I always say - you were very lucky to be born Muslim. Never take that beautiful gift for granted.

    Kindest,
    Alex

  2. Assalamu alaikum..Asala;
    From your brief explaination onething i ve understood that you are thriving in your life. May Allah(swt) guide you in a right path and let all your insecurities and problems be rectified by Allah(swt). Ameen.
    dear asala, you know onething "shaitan always like one who is god fearing he continuosly used to threaten and alter the mind of such peoples to forget Allah and to disobey him' even shaitan challenged Allah(swt) to mis guide us in a wrong way which Allah don't like." But shaitan will have no power when the people have strong faith in Allah.So we must seek refuge in Allah from shaitan often as much as possible.this is very important and must too. Allah will not allow shaitan to alter you when you seek him.
    you are a teen like me. I too often have such thoughts and all which make to forget Allah. But now gradually i'm improving a lot since i've started asking refuge in Allah from bad habits and thoughts induced by shaitan. Allah hears the Dua of each one well and he will never say 'no' for that dua.so the only way is Distract your mind from those bad thoughts by thinking of Allah..that he is just watching your every movement.you will never get alter by shaitan. because Allah LOVES one who have intense faith in him.

    We are in this world for only one reason that "Allah is testing each people's faith in him".think of that asala..

    and another thing is..ask forgiveness in LORD...he loves it much more like anything. his forgiveness has no end..really..any i pray for you to have best in you. pray for me also:) i hope you got a good answer for your post. If not ask me i can advice you as much as i can. i'll do my best asala, take care

    Peace be upon you!!

    -Mohamed

  3. Asalamualaikum my dear Muslim sister

    What you are experiencing is the clash between righteousness and wickedness. You are still young, and insh'Allah will have much time ahead of you. Having grown up in the UK, I didn't embrace Islam till I was about 22 years old. I regret very much not practising my Islam before then, but felt I was led astray by friends and situations.

    You still have time. Give up your ignorant friends and replace them with new ones, who will help you through the road of life. Ask Allah swt to guide you and make you stronger in your iman, and inshalalh you will guide your misled friends - this will take a lot of strength on your part. But it can be done. I did it, as I came to Islam while at university in london and not one friend of mine was a good muslim example.

    I just lost a friend to Allah two days ago who died of cancer. In the end we will all be six foot under, and then no friend of yours will come by to save you from the punishment which Allah swt has in store for the disbelievers and munafiqin.

    I pray dear sister, that Allah swt guides you, blesses your parents and strengthens your faith. Your parents deserve the best - and one day that might be you.

    Inshallah may Allah swt protect us all from Satan. Ameen

    ws
    Umm Hamzah

  4. Dear Asala, Asalaamualaikum

    The brothers and sisters have given some very touching and useful advice here already maashAllah.

    You seem to be a very sweet, striving and conscientiousness teenage soul, growing up in a cocktail of various cultures plus Religion.

    MaashAllah you are contemplating important issues while still in your youth. Asala, I don't think there is anyone who has become an adult without making mistakes in their life - some make minor mistakes, others make major ones and those who learn from other's mistakes are lucky! It is part of human nature to make mistakes, but it is also part of 'good' human nature to repent and to turn back to Allah. You made a mistake and you realised it and also repented - Alhumdulillah. Allah says: “Say: O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” [Sûrah al-Zumar: 53]

    Asala, maashAllah you are fortunate that your family are practising and take the middle ground; they are not too strict or too lenient. A reason why you are even more fortunate is that Allah has given you the wisdom to understand and realise this. Some children your age or even older fail to understand their parents when they are trying to implement their deen in the house. I also noted that you mentioned that you have been praying since the age of 7 - Alhumdulillah. Do you know how blessed you are that you have been praying for most of your life since a young age? I keep telling my nieces and nephews that maashAllah they are young and that they too can take advantage of their youth by praying all their Salaah and by doing good - they have the chance to be shaded by Allah on the Day of Judgement inshaAllah. I pray that they listen and that you do too inshaAllah. I so wish I could have my youth back to do things differently by devoting myself to Allah; but Alhumdulillah. So, dear little one, you have a beautiful blessing called 'youth' : )...do not waste it inshaAllah xxx!

    Muhammed (saw) said in a hadith that those who spend their youth in the worship of Allah will be under the shade of Allah on the Day of Judgement. (Narrated by Abu Hurairah & collected in Sahih al-Bukhari)

    TEST of LIFE
    You said: "I don't believe I'm a bad girl but if the situations were different, I wouldn't have been like this. My parents say I have to be strong enough not to be dragged by my friends into sin. But I'm not I guess. Which gives me the other choice...make friends that drag you into righteousness...but its too late now to make new friends. I can't just ditch my best friends for a long time and join a completely different group of girls."

    Asala - we will all be tested in this life and these situations you have been through are your tests. We may do very well in our driving lessons, but the real test will be if we are able to apply what we have learned during the actual driving test (by the way, I passed on my 4th go, it was not damaging to the soul, but was a little to the ego, lol). Anyhow, likewise in life, we are put to the test in our relationships, friendships, etc to find out how strong we are in our deen? We may pray, be calm and level headed when things are going well - but thats the easy part. The difficult but potentially rewarding part is when things are not going so right. Are we still obedient to Allah and patient and level headed in our reactions and emotions?

    'Straight roads never make good drivers, Smooth seas never makes good sailors, Clear skies never makes good pilots, Problem free lives never makes a strong person...' (This is one of those forwarded text messages I received)

    Repeatedly doing bad at these tests, can be damaging to the soul. So we need to do our best to learn from our mistakes and try our best never to repeat thema again. Muhammed(saw) said: "The (strong) believer is not stung from (the same) hole twice." This is very well explained by Ibn Hajar al-`Asqalânî, who is the leading authority on the interpretation of Bukhârî's Sahîh, who says the following: "This is presented in the form of a statement. Al-Khatâbî has said: This is a statement in its wording, but a command in its meaning. It means that the believer is resolutely aware, he/she is not taken to apathy (in learning his/her lesson), nor is he/she deceived time and time again. Thus, this is an order in religious matters as well as worldly matters.."

    So we need to avoid blaming the situation, but rather focus on our decision making process. What drives and influences us to make the decisions we make? We have many great influencing factors but ultimately we make the choices.

    Sorry to sound blunt at this point Asala, but having read the above, hopefully you will now understand that its not right for you sit there feeling sorry for yourself. You are responsible for your decisions and can't keeping blaming the 'situation'. If you know a situation is bad for you, be grateful that you have only be grazed slightly and not burned - you have the option to remove yourself from it.

    FRIENDS
    This leads me on to the topic of 'friends'. You said your parents say that you 'have to be strong enough not to be dragged by your friends into sin'. Asala, they're very right. For you, part of your test in life is your 'friends'. Although you are responsible for the bad choices you have made, your friends are are the influencing factor and the very 'situation' that you talk about. You have admitted this - so now it is up to you to protect yourself from this negative influence. You may continue mixing with them - but then how long will it be before you get sucked in again and trip up? The next time you trip up, it may not be so easliy fixed as the last time and could be even more damaging to your soul. Mixing in their company, is not going to have a positive affect on you Asala.

    I know its hard to move away from these long time friends who you enjoy being with, but these friends will not speak up for you on the Day of Judgement. You will be alone with the mistakes that you have made - regardless of whether they influenced you or not. If you are finding it hard to stay on the straight and narrow whilst being in their company - then Asala you are causing harm only to yourself by staying with them? If you are finding it too hard to move away from these friends while in the same school, maybe changing schools is not such a bad idea.

    This could be the refreshing good start that you need. Some years back, I wished a miracle would occur so I could just be removed from a difficult situation and crowd of people I was surrounded by, as I was not strong enough to avoid being distracted from my deen. Allah made a situation occur that pushed me to leave, I wasnt happy after that for a good long time - but Alhumdulillah eventually I realised that it was a major blessing in disguise. So Asala, you feel that if you leave this school, you will be sacrificing your education. But if you stay at the school, you may be sacrificing your eemaan. Which would you rather sacrifice? The truth is Asala, if you want to study well, you can do this in any school. We are on this earth for one purpose only - and this is to worship Allah. If anything comes in the way of us worshipping Allah; then there is something wrong with it.

    Abu Hurairah narrated a saying of Muhammed (saw): “Man models himself after his companion; so let each one of you see who he chooses for companion” (At-Tirmidhi).

    With regards to our company, Allah has said in the Glorious Quran:

    [And incline not to those who do wrong, or the fire will seize you.] (Hud 11:113)

    [Therefore, shun those who turn away from Our remembrance and desire nothing but the life of this world.] (An-Najm 53:30)

    In another place, the Qur’an directs a believer to seek the company of the well guided.

    [Restrain thyself along with those who call on their Lord morning and evening seeking His face.] (Al-Kahf 18:28)

    Dear sweet sister - you may feel like the odd one out, because you are different to your 'so called friends'. But you are the fortunate one amongst them because Allah has given you not only knowledge, but also wisdom and understanding of Islam, He has also given you parents who practice Islam with love and care.

    TEENAGE HORMONES
    Asala, you are a growing teenage girl with flying hormones. Its not easy is it? You attend a mixed school and may be feeling attracted to boys, you have friends who are dating and oh what fun it may seem like!!! They all go out together to parties while you have to stay at home. Asala - you are the fortunate one here.

    Observing hijab, praying salaah five times daily and maintaining Islamic manners can be a struggle for us humans and moreso as the society of today is so very confused. But remember this is our struggle in life and if we pass this - we have a beautiful reward waiting for us in Jannah - one that is much better than all the things we may sacrifices on this earth. So we need to do our best to make things easy for ourselves to achieve a place in Jannah; even if that means sacrificing friends and top schools - because its for the sake of Allah.

    You are going through an internal jihad - one to fight against the deception of this dunya. And Allah loves you for every ounce of struggle you will go through for His sake.

    xxx

  5. salaam alkium siis mashlah wat a lovley story i really liked it but i hv cople if things to tell u ;

    U SHOULD NK ALAH EVERY TYM COZ U WERE LOST TRYING 2 COPY UR FRIND I CAN UNDERSTAND WAT IZ LYK GEING IN TEENAGGER LYF OR EAG EVERY 1 GOES THROUGH THAT IT\S NOT U IT'S UR BODY CHANGING WITH SOCIYATII UR IN IT REFLECTES U BUT THEN U TRY UR BEST NOT 2 GET ENVOLVE TOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH ,MY ADVICE 2 U MY SISTER IZ THAT U STREAT BEING GOOD AS UR SAYING NOW BYE PRYING N COVERING UR SALEF I KNOW IT NOT EASY 2 STREAT IT BUT THEN TAKE IT THIS WAY INSITED OF THINKING THEY WILL LAUGUG AT OR DISLKE U WHY DOT U THINK U WILL HAV REFLECT ON THEN MY LAST ADVICE TO U DO NOT FLOW DA SHYTAAN WILL LEAD U 2 BAD PATH U MAY NOT REGRAT IT NOW BUT IN DA FUTRURE U WILL N O HOP IT WILL NAT HAPPEN 2 U MAY ALAH PROTACT U N SHOW U DA WRGHT PATH AMIN

  6. I was going to say some of what Sister Z said, especially about how this fairly innocuous experience could lead to something worse if you continue on the same path. Read some of the posts here from teenage girls who started out a lot like you, but ended up in love, or pregnant, or running away from home, or all of the above PLUS dumped by the boy. Some of them are so desperate.

    Better to avoid all of that and stick to the way of Islam. Allah creates rules for us out of love for us, desiring to guide us to the best way to live our lives and be happy.

    In your youth you may think a certain thing will make you happy when it's just flash and glitter, with a lot of misery behind it. Even adults make the same mistake.

  7. I am not Muslim, but I was raised the same way because of my parents religion, We did not wear a mohajaba, but it was mandatory for us to wear a veils to cover our heads, I wasn't allow to attend any parties at all, no wearing pants, no short dresses etc. Now that I am reading this article, I think the Pentecostals and some other Christian religions are very similar to Muslims....Well I've moved out of town by myself , and I wasn't easy to convinced my parents about that, but they let me go because we were going to a bad financial situation and working here in USA was the only solution....to make the long story short, I meet this guy and we were dating for about a yr. then we got married, but not by church, because I was not allowed to marry a man who was not from the same religion, I felt so guilty, because I didn't marry a person from church , the way they want me to and I feel so bad and guilty that I disobey my parents.... I've been married 20 years now with the same man, he is a good father and a wonderful husband, we have 2 beautiful children a boy who's 19yrs old and a girl who is 16, its hard to raised a child now this days, I am very strict to them, and sometimes I think about my childhood, and then I changed my mind, I do let them go to parties, and let them hang out with friends, I do not see nothing wrong with that, I want my children to trust me, and not to be hiding doing things that they are not even bad, behind my back..... I have no regrets in my life anymore. I think that everything happens to you for a reason. I am still a Christian and pray to God, I do not attend a church very often but I thank god for all my blessings and for the beautiful family he gave me.

  8. I know how you felt. Im living in Britian. I started secondry school a few months ago i'm 13 and all my friends are on about discos. I don't want to say i'm not allowed go because i'll be the laughing stock of the school and i really want to go just once. But my parents are strict they dont let me sleepover with christian people or go to their houses i just want to go once 🙁

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