Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I am 15 & my father beats my mother and is an alcoholic

children affected by argumentative parents

My mum & dad are muslims and also drink too they are divorced because my dad use to beat my mother. she had started when I was 9 at first I thought it was okay cause I didn't know at the time it was alcohol when I finally noticed I told her what she was doing was wrong and also tried to persuade her and say its haram but she would give me the answer that it is her life and God will judge her, she says she drinks because of stress & when I ask her what kind of stress she never seems to answer me.

Years went by and when I reached the age of 11 she had finally stopped alhamdulillah. But when I was 14 my dad came back and was now married to my mum again, everything was going fine until my mum told me the news that she was pregnant with my dad I was the youngest at the time with 4 older siblings. A sister, twin brothers & a older brother that are all in foster care because they don't want to live with my parents.

But everything was okay until I saw my mother and father arguing like always I didn't pay attention because I thought it be the same old arguments until I heard my mum screaming stop, I saw my dad repeatedly hitting her, I tried to stop and pull my dad away but never done any good. He grabbed a chair and was about to hit it my mum with it until I came in front and got hit with the chair, but that didn't stop my dad he went to a kitchen and grabbed a knife a went towards my mum... I went in front so he couldn't touch her because she was pregnant he tried to stab her but I put my hands in way and begged him to stop and thank God he did. I asked my mum to keep quiet and call the ambulance and police because my dad was mental at the time.

It's been 5months without and my mum had started heavily drinking again and I tried everything to make her stop but never worked right now I'm currently 15 years old.

~ Aminaa

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4 Responses »

  1. I'm very sorry to hear that.. I know how it feels to be in a situation like that.. Tonsee something so violent.. I get abused by my older brother all the time.. All the time.. He gave me a black eye when I was 12 and beat me up just for coming to the living room.. My parents barely do anything about it except say don't touch her and that's it.. He's started to abuse my mother as well and even cut her arm with a knife once.. He started fighting with my younger bro who is 15 and they even got knifes but my mom stopped them.. There's a lot more I could say, but idk what to do in a situation like this.. My life is messed up... I'm 17 and engaged to a 26 year old guy who cares a lot about me Nd says he loves me but I don't think I'll be happy with him.. He says he wants to get married right now and have kids right now and he doesn't want me to work or go to school and just stay home and take care of the kids and live life the way Islam taught us... Islam does not say I can't study and work does it? And I'm only 17??!! I hate my life.. I don't want my parents name to be bad but I really want to find some way to leave the house and live on my own and study and in an Islamic way, find myself someone who I will love and someone who will understand me an be my age as well.. Idk what to do... I'm never aloud to do anything.. Ever.. Im just home and home and home.. I'm not web aloud to walk to the store right in front of my house.... I'm in like prison and I will be again with my future husband.. What can I do? I can't tKe it anymore.. I hate my life.. I wear hijab and I used to read Quran and pray 5 times a day but now I'm so depressed and sick of my life, that I dont pray or read Quran... I hate myself.. And I know I'm going to hell.. I want to eithe die or somehow get out of this life, away from my family, and start my own new life.. And I never get love at my house and I cheated on my fiancé and kissed a guy.. I'm a virgin and I would never do anything but I was so depressed I only got love from this guy and was about to lose my virginity to him.. But I stopped myself only because if my fiancé found out I'm not a virgin he would leave me (which is very stupid) and my parents name would be bad... Also, I don't want to leave my finace because everyone will talk behind my back and say bad things about my parents.. But I know after all this.. I'm not a happy person and I won't be happy and won't be able to keep my husband happy and I think he deserves a better girl than me.. I'm not going to tell him about the fact that I cheated on him because he will wither leave me and talk shit behind me or hate me and marry me and make my life miserable... And I'm thinking about cheating on him again... Because I don't have anyone to give me love except my baby sister.. I'm so lonely and I feel like a guy can calm me and give me the thought of how special I am.. My finace is in anothe country and I don't even know what to talk about with him... He's so much older and old minded than me.. I don't love him... I told him too myself that I don't want to talk to him on the phone because we're so far away and we have nothing to talk about and it's just weird for me! I upset him, I know.. And then we frequently have a lot of arguments.. About the fact that he wants to have kids now and I don't... That he wants me to stay home, but I want to finish school and start college and work.... He's in the translation thing with the army and he tells me he won't get off work like for vacation until I come to see him and get married and then he says he has a chance of dying! I got pissed about that.. It's not like I told him to do that work, he doesn't have to... And just because of me he will stay at the job more and increase his chance of dying... I do have some feelings for him, but when he talks like this to me.. It makes me hate him... I'm telling him when he comes to America he should go to college, but he says no he's gonna start his own business? How? He doesn't have money and there are no jobs in America! I don't want him to just go and work in some stupid gas station and he thinks it's just easy to start a business? I'm trying to convince him we both should go to college together.. And get a job and save money and get to know eachother more and then get a nice house and have kids.. But he says no...he thinks life is easy here in America but you have to work hard.. Money just doesn't come flying to you... He doesn't understand me whatsoever.. My life is horrible at my patens house.. I wish that's atleast its not like that with him.. Please someone tell me how I can do anything to bring changes.. Please... Thanks...

    • Sadgirl, please log in and submit your question as a separate post. Post a comment here to let us know when you've done it, and I'll move your post to the front of the queue.

      Wael Editor

    • "He's started to abuse my mother as well and even cut her arm with a knife once"

      Absolutely flabbergasting, this is the most intolerable behavior.

      The prophet[saww] said a person will pay for his 'Uquuq to his parents in this world before he pays for it in the afterlife.

      This type of behavior is what totally forbids a person from jannah.

      It is less of a crime to abuse and oppress every single other family member and cut them with knives and to leave the parents in peace, than to abuse them and leave the rest.

      Make du'a for your brother that Allah guides him.

  2. As salamu alaykum, Aminaa,

    Let´s make a call to all those that even when they may not have a solution, may have a thought of hope, compassion, love,....towards all of you that are going through so much hardship, insha´Allah, they will listen.

    Your mum won the battle to alcohol, once, insha´Allah, she will do it again. Physically, she needs to eat plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables and drink water not to get dehydrated, take some sun and fresh air, may Allah(swt) guide her to a healthy life, insha´Allah, to recover emotionally she needs to go through the mourning of losing her husband, through the violence she lived with him once again, the guilt, the lack of selfsteem, .....she has a heavy baggage right now, may Allah(swt) ease her suffering and soften her heart towards forgiveness towards herself and the others, Insha´Allah and spiritually, May Allah(swt) guide, protect her and us every step we take towards Him on the Straight Path, insha´Allah.

    Only Allah(swt) knows why you´re being tested with so much struggles, the way you protect your mother and even put your life to save hers is priceless, to give birth to a child like you is a blessing not just for your mother and father, it is a blessing for all of us that knows about you. May Allah(swt) bless you. Ameen.

    Stay strong in your deen, stay close to Allah(swt), ask Him(swt) for everyone of His Names and learn about His Attributes, go to Him(swt), He will answer you, insha´Allah. Take care of yourself as much as you can.

    All my Unconditional Love and Respect,
    María Editor

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