Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I am a muslim, 26year old girl & I want to get married

" Quran 30:21"]marriage islam nikah purpose of

"And among His(swt) Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your [hearts

AoA,

I am a 26 year old muslim girl and now I really feel that I want to get married. Actually I want to have sex, my sexual feelings are getting very strong and I dont want to make any sin. But my parents think I should study and do PhD before I get married.

What can I do and how can I tell them I cannot resist sex. I want to have my life with my partner.

What can I do? Please tell me. I cannot tell this to my parents ๐Ÿ™

~HumaKhan1

Advertisements

Tagged as: , , , ,

50 Responses »

  1. Assalam alikum Sister,

    I think you are an adult. You need to take the step of nikah to serve Allah (SWT). So do not be shy bring up this topic in conversation either directly or indirectly. You may want to make up a silly story that you will be married before 50 then push the conversation like that. Or just go to a Muslim matrimonial website and look up guys who want a to marry a woman with a PHD. Or even go buy a toddlers dress and say you liked it so much so you bought it for your kids, its not a crime. Some clues like that. See how many 32 year olds with PHD's are there look for a guy on shadi.com. Because you will be in that situation in the future. Keep in mind that it may take a few years to find some one suitable if you live in the west. Considering you are well educated you many not be open to marrying any guy from back home.

    If I was in your situation i would do istakahara. Try to do some internet research on how to bring up this topic into the conversation gently with your mother. There must be some books on this subject. You have to start talking to you mum and dad and do it soon. Do you know what kind dof guy you are looking for? What are you expectations? What are you parent's expectations? etc.

    http://daleelsahih.tripod.com/201Nikah/Contents.html

  2. tips if your feeling lustful
    -fast
    -pray

  3. Asalaam alaikum,

    Do not dismiss the notion that you can at least talk to your mother about such things, as hopefully she will listen to you. Yet, this relies on how strong your relationship is with her. Even if it is not great, you should be able to say to her what you feel and that you fear the consequences of not marrying.

    You are definitely at the right age, I am guessing past your B.A. onto a Masters to mention a PhD., and have the human and rightful desires in your body.

    So the question is, have you received a proposal, yet? Will you solely rely on your parents to find a spouse or are you willing to inquire yourself, if they refuse?

    Sit down, talk with your mom, and let her know that you need a husband. In fact, according to some rulings, if you are independent from your parents, all you need is a guardian (wali) as your guide in getting married, if your parents outright refuse. This can be an imam, a trusted elder or the like.

    I have the feeling though, with the right respectful and honest approach, your parents will start looking for a husband for you and you you will able to make inquires through friends, as well. Channel your sexual energies in selecting the right spouse and don't just settle for a warm body, God forbid. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Sexual desires are a natural and healthy thing. They are a way of Allah (swt) signifying to you that you should be making plans to getting married. Yet, be careful with them, as they can be very powerful if left to roam about, so to speak. It's important to know what your boundaries are and to be respectful of the feelings.

    And rest assured, there's always someone looking for a good wife, if you are looking for a good husband. Take the time to assess who you want in your life, how you will build a healthy marriage and what's important to you in a spouse. Start developing a list of questions of what you insist on, what you refuse and what you are flexible on. This will be the most crucial part in discovering what marriage means to you.

  4. AA;

    Nothing wrong with wanting to get married. Just open up with your mother, be polite, respectful, and inshallah she will listen. And if you already know someone, or have such a relationship already (which is nto a good idea) maybe he can meet your parents and that will get them to think that well, maybe it is time for her to get married.

    May ALLAH guide you, grant you patience and shower you with his mercy.

    If I am correct, it is from ALLAH. If I err it is from me, and I pray ALLAH forgives me.

    AA

  5. Salaam waleikum waragmatoelah hibrakatoe,

    May Allah bless you all dear brothers and sisters.

    I to be honest have no advice on this topic for the young lady other then the fact that I have been following Baba Ali on youtube for more then 2 years now. This person with many other great muslims made the website Halfourdeen.com But before you go there, I advice you that if you do facebook. search for them and read the comment, questions and reviews.

    They are a great group, very cheap for people who don't have enough money and strictly on the Sunnah so no ''hanky panky''.
    Also they report the amount of people that got married. But I do tell you that they may be experienced muslim the site is just over a year now I guess.

    There is also pure matrimony (purity). Google it and also on facebook. They are what more experienced.

    I do not recommend other sites, because personally I have no experience with them, with these I mentioned I do and I really like them they are truly great. But once you see their site or facebook you will see for yourself what I mean.

    Dear sister I want the best for you and wish you the best that you can get. May Allah bless you... Patience is a great virtue, so even though you have waited for so long I still have to ask you, to wait a little bit longer.

    And yes do istakhaarah.

    Let me sum it up for you dear sister.

    Step 1: See what your parents interests are and your interests, write this on a sheet of paper and try to find common ground, where you and your parents will be happy, InshAllah.

    Step 2: Do some research, Hadiths, questions, etc and write these down as a preparation for if you parents find a spouse first that you will be sure you are marrying the right one. (the best way is Istakhaarah I will get back at this). So write everything down.

    Step 3: Go to the 2 sites I recommended or if you feel another site is better, where ever Allah may lead you. Join, Find and do your research. (be carefull many people can be shady and you will always have people in this world who lie and cheat) So don't proceed without parents, good friend or someone mahram who can guide you in the right direction. Some one who wishes the best for you. SoebhaanAllah.

    Step 4: After you have found these persons, Use step 2, familiarize with them (let your mahram please be next to you, I advice you BOTH your parents or someone very knowledable). Ask them questions in Halal way and try to see if they fit the description of the common ground of step 1.

    Step 5: Do istakhaarah (how to do istakhaarah has been explained in explicit detail on this website in a above tab I recommend you to study it). Pray, Dua and ask Allah for guidance. Consel with your parents and also important with yourself (you will be eventually the one living with the person). After you have a firm decision made.

    Step 6: Ask Allah soebhaan wataa'Aalah his blessings and his protection to protect you from harm and to guide you unto the right path. Go and get married inshAllah. I can't stress this enough but please dear sister to receive Allah's guidance and blessings you also have to do what he order us to do, in other words follow the ways of the Sunnah. Keep a wedding the like prophet peace and blessings be upon him would keep. So you have sure of divine blessings for you and your husband as a couple. Proceed with everything in a right order and InshAllah everything will be ok and you will be married.

    Couple of things to note before getting married;

    - Making sure the person fits the common ground but is also compatible with you.
    - Making sure that you have set certain agreements for the wedding. (like the mahr and to finish your phd)
    - Making sure you are proceeding in the way of the Sunnah. May Allah bless our prophet peace and blessings be upon him.

    I hope I have been of any help InshAllah. If I have hurted anyone please forgive me it was surely unintentional. If I have said anything wrong please correct me as your brother in Islam so I won't make the same mistake in the future InshAllah.

    Also feel free to add your own tips, steps or notes that are important before getting married. Let our intentions be pure and our Ummah be together. SoebhaanAllah.

    May Allah bless you all dear brothers and sisters and give you the best, Ameen.

    Salaam waleikum waragmatoelah hibrakatoe.

  6. Also you can visit this islamic matrimonial sites and find a potential spouse. . You gonna meet many people of your kind and you shall not feel alone,,, http://www.singlemuslim.com http://www.zawaj.com http://www.shadi.com you should register yourself in this islamic sites and inshaallah you may have your match. I want to assure you that you are not the only one in this, alot of men are out there seriously searching for a better female match to marry.

  7. Sister Assalam alikum,

    One question how prepared are you for Marriage? If your mother has not been openly disscussing with you these things then how are you going to handle the challanges after getting married. God forbid if you find out thst the person you married is abusive or has other issues, you know many brothers are not angles. How are you going to handle it? That's why you have either improve your relationship with your parents or find an other source to help you either a close friend or a community leader in the mosque. One way to do this is to buy islamic books/ Cd's on parenting/ Marriage.

  8. Ok...there are PhD candidates at top universities that are not only married but have kids and are starting life with many more stress factors than you.

    Also control yourself. Avoiding zina shouldn't be the prime motivation to get married. There are ways to get rid of accomodate one's own sexual needs without going into haram and marriage is a lot more than about sex.

  9. Salaam sister! I know how you feel...I have been searching for a while now and it takes ages to find the right person. I would suggest, search for a spouse, and as suggested above use matrimonial sites if you have to, to speed up the process. Who knows you may have already completed ur phd by the time you find your mr right, but i dont think it will help to delay the search till after the phd.

    Defintly talk to your parents about getting married now rather than later, there are lots of sisters out there who are married and studying. Marriage does make it a little bit harder to study but does not make it impossible esp if your partner is supportive and knows from the beginning what your goals are.

    I personally feel that 26 isa good age to get married..and the feelings your having are all very natural and inshaAllah by getting married you will protect yourself by expressing those feelings in a halal manner with your husband. I think it comes down to individual choice + circumstances, but I believe if you are able to and have met the right person its not healthy to delay marriage, not even for a phd. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Marriage is nothing to be ashamed of, be straightforward with your parents and tell them you are ready for marriage, and dont feel you are able to delay it any longer, and that you will inshaAllah attempt to fulfil their goal of you completing a phd, but that you are also very ready to settle down and begin the next stage of your life.

    Hope it all works out for the best, remember me in your duas also.

    ws

  10. assalam alikum,
    u must talk to your mother or any lady cuisine. please dont commit zina, remember sex is not life, it is part of life. if you talk to your parents they will definitely give positive response. involve yourself in islamic things.....

    khuda hafiz

  11. Asalamu Alaikum Sister

    Getting married is the lawful way for fulfilling sexual desires.That's why the prophet(peace be upon him) advised youth to get married I agree with above try to convince your parents to find for you a pious muslim man so you can marry and be safe from sins.

    Al-Bukhari and muslim reported that Ibn Masoud narrated that the prophet (peace be upon upon him)said(O' you young people whoever among you can marry,should marry,because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty and whoever is unable to marry,should fast,as fasting diminishes one's sexual power''

    The best choice for you is to convince your parents politely so you can get married as you are in the perfect age.otherwise Islam has some measures that can help you to control your lust:
    1.Spend your time in the obedience and remembrance of Allah in order to fill your heart with faith and increase your fear and faith in Allah.
    2.To fast as mention in above Hadith.
    3.To keep company with pious and righteous people,
    4.To close the doors that lead to inciting or arousing your desires,like watching sex movies,forbidden looking,staying in seclusion with non-mehram men e.t.c.

    And may Allah help you.

  12. A/a...
    Pray to Allah and start fasting as much as you can.....
    further If you cannot tell it to your parents involve your close relatives to solve the issue,,It may be your uncle ,brother or elder sister etc.. but do not shy away which may prove fatal otherwise...

  13. Salam
    I would marry you if you accept me as husband ( at Allah and profit muhammad )

  14. asalamoalaykom
    i m 22 year old and i know how you feel i have the same problem and i need a solution i pray to allah for help plz if anyone can give me advice plz help

  15. The main problem is that you are eating too much food. If you start eating less food bit by bit then it will reduce your sexual desire. http://www.ghazali.org/site/ihya.htm on this website the text is called breaking of the two desires. This book will tell you how to reduce your desire for sex.

    When one eats it increases one's sexual desire. So to reduce one's desire for sex one have to reduce food consumption. One can not reduce food consumption but only if one does it slowly. So to achieve that one has to reduce one's food bit by bit. i.e. 3 to 5 calories a day.

    All great harms start from Gluttony. Stomach expands desires because from it branches out sexual desire.
    If desire for eating and sex is to be defeated we must terminate the desire of wealth. To terminate the desire of acquisition of wealth we must terminate the desire of rank and honour because acquisition of wealth is difficult without rank and honor.

    So to reduce food eat the food that is less tasty like stir fry without any seasoning. This will help you reduce the food intake over time. So instead of eating Biryani you will end up eating raw food like carrots. so the lack of test will help you eat less.

    • this is true. 1.5 years ago i went on a higher-protein, low-carb diet and i found it really helped me control my desire. i've noticed when eat more carbs and more food in general i have a hard time controlling myself sexually. interesting to know Ghazali talked about this. I'm gonna check it out.

  16. Salam
    I understand your problems. You are 26 yr old so yeah your going to want to have sex. Tell your mother asap. Doing it the Halal way is the best way. Are you parents stopping your proposals? Like what is it? being here were we live they see a 16 yr. old its like thats it shes too old iots time for marriage lol ๐Ÿ™‚ it okay Allah swt will Insh'Allah listen to ur prayers
    Good Luck Salam

  17. have u got married sister?
    so sad, am of 20 year and going to get married on 14 march don't know why parents do late marriages.. while islam says to do it in small age.
    its not possible for girl to go to mom and say that i want to get married just for sex.
    but u can take help of elder sis or frank cousin.

  18. salam my dear sister I am also a 25 years old girl and also want to marry obviously Allah makes s desires in all the living things to have a sex but being s humman and specially a Muslim we have borders. It is impossible for me to tell my parents or even my sister for a wish of a marry. I m a youngest in my home but no one give attention towards this issue I don't know how parents forget the need of a marriage specially for girls. Even it is not permitted us to chose a person or to wish for a marry. You know this problem is only facing by those girls who are shy n can't say even a word husband or a marry just because of haya n this is remains only in some girls and I think you n me are belong to them that are totally depending on parents.well my rest sis don't be upset we are right n we have a right wish that only Allah knows if He is the Allah for those who fullfill their desires n marriage at the right time than He is also god for us.remember the more we have intensity in a wish and in the dua Allah gives us a more sawab as compare to those who got things without any patience n dua. Dear I somehow defeated this wish by just make a duas after prays that Allah I can't able to full fill my wish but you knows I am right so help me to defeat these desires and dear always do astaghfar. He will mashAllah help you n give you a great person and that will b the reward for your patience.

  19. I am 32 and reading your comments they are very interesting when I mentioned to my parents I wanted to get married at 25 they didnt get me married I could see myself falling for a man and I asked my parents to get me married before I sinned but they didn't and a year later I committed a sin am not proud of it but coming from an Asian background our families follow culture that religion now am 32 now they are concerned that am not married when I wanted to get married they thought I was young, becoz I have sinned I dont think its right for me to marry anyone becoz firstly no guy would accept me with my trust and secondly its not right to start a relationship on lies. The man who I did it with who was also a Muslim when it came to marriage he rejected me and chose a non-muslim woman, guess that's faith or destiny but talk to your parents make them understand, I tried to explain to mind but they never listened and today in the eyes of Allah am noting but a sinner I don't know if Allah will forgive me because I dont even know have to ask for forgiveness also I feel so bad for this guy that I have never been able to forget him, I know its wrong but he was the only man in my life he rejected me and my life is all alone so sister just express yourself to your mother and hope things work out for you Amen

    • Sister Sara,

      You should do some research on forgiveness. Allah (swt) forgives all sins except shirk. Do not feel that your sins are too many so Allah swt will not forgive you. Instead take the time to repent to Allah (swt). You are not allowed to disclose your sins to any one. Allah (swt) requires you to repent. So repent to Allah (swt) and take the means to find a suitable spouse for yourself. Allah (swt) make the rules learn them and follow them. Turn you guilt and shame to repent to Allah (swt). Inshallah Allah (swt) will forgive my sister in Islam. Wit the best of luck for your future.

    • Dear sister,

      Allah says" Ask me for forgiveness even if your sins are as high as the sky is".
      Kindly follow these steps
      Allah is Rahim and Rehman. So, offer 2 rak'at Salaatu Tauba and ask Him for your forgiveness. And promise Him that you will never committ any sin in the future. Offer 5 time prayers. Recite Holy Quran daily. And recite Astaghfirullah as much as you can.

  20. Sara,

    We have been through the same. I am a guy and my parents did the same. They thought I was too young to get married. I think it is the fault of the society and the parents themselves, who do not see the bigger picture. When they do see it, it is already too late.

  21. Salam Everyone!
    I am 24 years old,well educated ,good looking modern and religious too.I have been very keen throughout my life in mixing with opposite sex.Since last two years i have very strong sexual desires.First i did not tell anyone about this than 6 months before i asked my parents to make me married because i am 24 now.My parents are separated and continuously fighting even on my marriage issue.Under this situation what should i do?Sometimes i plan to go for court marriage,so that i prevent my self from doing sin and zina.
    i have done varous wazaif for getting married.I never left my prayers ,but now since 3 months i do not say prayers.I dont know what has happened to me.

    • Wa Alaikum as Salam sister Sarah,

      If you need answers/advise, please login and submit your question separately. In sha Allah, we will submit your post in turn.

      Abu Abdul Bari
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  22. (deleted by Editor).

    Salaams, we do not allow the exchange of personal contact info on this site. Thank you.

    -Amy
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  23. I just wanted to say to the sister, it is alright to have sexual feelings. She is a mortal. Fasting and praying will build strength, and istikhara is to make her intention to the Most Merciful. May Allah Bless her istikhara prayer, and may He Bless her with one whom He is well-pleased with.

    If she is pure, she must marry one who is pure as well. I think she should speak to the imam at her mosque. Mosques often have lists where women and men sign up for marriage. That is a better strategy than idly visiting a marriage "website" where you could be introduced to a mass murderer in disguise!

    Patience since nothing happens without Allah's Decree. Hence we can't hasten anything or delay it. Indeed it is important to get married, so tell your imam. He might have promising advice for you and good brothers that he could recommend. Your parents might be supportive of your initiative, Insha Allah.

  24. Salam alaikm if you are serious I will get marriage from you , bout we have to know each other ,if Allah wrote that in our book Befor we will get marriage.

  25. Assalamu Alleykum Everyone!
    I have never married , so I need muslim girl ready for marriage. I am 27 years old. any one who wants to contact me use this address ***

  26. I am also facing the same issue of strong sexual desires. I am 26 years old. I am an engineer by profession. I have a good job working in an MNC getting pay in 5 figures. But still my parents are not allowing me to get married. They think that i am too young to get married. I have been trying to overcome this problem but all in vain. I dont want to committ any sin. So what should i do in this situation?
    I had read a hadith of Hazrat Mohammad PBUH that you should fast if you have the problem of sexual desires because hunger helps you in lowering your gaze. It is also not working in my case. Please help.

    • Since you have completed your education and are employed and earning a good salary, and are emotionally ready for marriage, there is no moral or religious justification for your parents to prevent you from marriage. They are committing an injustice by delaying. The Messenger of Allah (sws) has commanded that those Muslims who are able to marry should do so. Therefore I suggest that you go ahead and get married anyway, with their permission or without it.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  27. ...

    [Edited to remove inappropriate content.]

    • Assalaamualaikam

      Proposing to a stranger, who you know nothing about, on the basis of a few posts on a website, is a really bad idea.

      We do not permit the exchange of personal contact information and we are not a matrimonial site.

      If you wish to look for a spouse, I'd recommend asking your parents to help you identify potentially suitable women, enquiring at your mosque about any introductions services that may be available, and if necessary signing up to a reputable matrimonial website.

      Midnightmoon
      IslamicAnswers.com editor

  28. Ok you should do marry

  29. Chill untill the right tym

  30. Don't be shy sis. Do whatever you want bcz this is ur own life and its ur choice how u want to manage urself....be strong and brave

  31. Im a muslim 27 man and I wanna get married insallah it's my dream ๐Ÿ™

  32. Allahu akbr. We forget how Allah is the greatest Allah knows your needs I know this is going to sound simple but its harder then it sounds seek Allahs help prayer do work ask Allah put the time in and Allah will help

  33. Help me when i login my profile its open but not option like "submit for review" and save draft i posted my story two time but not publish i really need help .Plz help me why this option not appear and can not write my story .Thanks

  34. When would be publish my post .I wrote in february and does not published.I wrote 2 time but not published plz soon publish i need suggestion how to prevent herself frombmy ex boyfriend thanks

  35. I want to get married. If someone from the sisters wanted to get married you can let me know. You can contact me in Sha Allah. My email is *****************

Leave a Response