Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I am afraid I will go to hell

Woman alone

I feel lost.

AOA brothers and sisters.

I have so many problems in my life.I am suffering from alot of depression!

I always fight with my mother on small things,she tries to explain but I never listen and curse her and shout and cry.She cries too and in return curses me too!

I don't want to get angry with my mother or make her cry.I was never like this,I dont know what happened to me!!I feel lost!Even when I am saying something bad to her at the same time I dont want to,But I lose all patience and feel like its my mother fault and burst on her!In the end she comes to me and I agree with her and apologize!

But I never forget her bad duas.They are mentally torturing me!I dont want to get her bad duas.I dont want to fight with her.I dont want to curse anyone but I cant help myself!I pray five times a day,I do Quran recitation daily in the morning and always pray that,"Allah make my eman strong,Increase love between me and my mother and so so..." But last time my mother gave me bad dua (Because I fought with her and cursed her without any reason) saying,"May Allah betray you!"..Now I feel like Allah will never listen to me.Whenever I pray for something good like "increase love b/w me and my parents"..It decreases!opposite things happen!..I feel like..I will go to hell.I will suffer in grave and also in this world.

My life is a mess.I am lost.Need serious help. (My mom never gives bad dua without any reason).


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4 Responses »

  1. I will commend you on this.....
    You are being honest.
    You are admitting your mistakes for losing your patience with your mum.

    You are also doing the right thing by going to God and asking for help

    You are on the right steps towards a better life with your mum

    I need more info
    Tell me your age and your mom's age
    What part of the world you both are in
    Has their been a great tragedy in your life
    Is their cases of anger issues or violence in your family?
    Please give me more of a detailed picture
    I will be able to have a better idea.

  2. You have not mentioned it clearly about your depressions. Okay whatever it may be but you have lost your patience. You are acting badly because you are suffering inside and wondering about solutions. Why dont you try to speak to someone about your problems who can guide you. I think ur depressions are creating a disturbance to your daily life which results in fighting with your mom. You are honest & loves ur mom but same time you are making her cry too. Its not good. If you feel awkward about sharing the problems with your mom then atleast dont put those frustration & anger into a fight with her. Go to mom & ask forgiveness. A mother's dua for her child is a blessing. she is hurt deeply thts why she uttered bad duas. Still she is mother. Allah knows best. Dont fear thinking about curse,grave,hell etc because of bad duas made by ur mother rather try to focus on finding a guidence to ur problems & make smile to your mom. Believe urself.

  3. I pushed my mom the other day. Like literally pushed her.

    here's the story. i have been in severe depression and very bad anxiety for years now. sometimes i can't leave my house because of how badly i panic and break down. my family makes this worse as i feel they do not take it seriously, and on some occasions mocked me. my siblings blatantly mock me for always being anxious and scared, and as a result i always stay in my room because i feel embarrassed and humiliated by them. my parents never take my side.

    i had serious suicidal thoughts that i almost acted upon when i was alone but then stopped. the other day, my mom called me attention seeking and said i'm just desperate for "anyone to help me!" (she said this in a mocking way, like making fun of me for pretending to be a victim when she doesn't think i am). i lost it and started crying very, very hard. screaming at everyone for how i felt, the hell i've been going through every day for years because of stupid anxiety and panic attacks. she screamed back, and we got in each others face. at one point i got REALLY close to her, screaming, so i think she thought i was gonna hurt her or something. she put her hands on me to lightly push me away. i snapped and pushed her back, hard. she fell. i screamed and cried some more.

    now everyone in the house is calling me sinful. i've never put my hands on my parents in my life. am i gonna go to hell. also i feel like i don't even feel bad for what i did because i felt pushed to that limit mentally -- they never take me seriously and my siblings make fun of me for being anxious and acting scared all the time. after she fell i screamed at her that i didn't feel bad and "i hope she falls!"

    again, i said these things because i was crying and was very upset and distressed.

    now they are saying i am very sinful, that i am like the firoun (pharaoh) because he was a kaafir and is going to be punished severely.

    • Asalamualaykum,

      Have you seen a doctor and therapist about your depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts? If these feelings have persisted and been your constant companion for years, then you would benefit from some professional help. There is nothing shameful about it. How old are you? If you can write to us here, you can probably also make an appointment for yourself with a psychiatrist.

      It is likely that your family actually uses these symptoms of yours to consider you "weak" and as a reason to bring you down, bully, and provoke you. Do you have any kind of support system? Could you leave your family's presence when they are verbally abusing you, go to your room, and call a friend or trusted other?

      I think you need to stand up for yourself assertively with your family (not aggressively). You need to teach them how to treat you and show them that you will not accept this kind of abuse. It's not easy. It comes with recognizing you are worthy of respect and love. And a lot of practice. In the meantime, you need to give that love and positive self-talk to yourself, since no one else is.

      You should not have put your hands on your mother. She did provoke you, but nothing excuses physical violence unless it is in self-defense. Which, it may have been. You can make that call.

      Their name-calling (calling you sinful) is something they will be held accountable for...not you!. Allah decides whether someone is sinful or not. I wouldn't even give a second thought to what they are calling you or comparisons with the Pharoah! Like honestly, that's pretty lame.

      You are human. Forgive yourself and retreat to a safe place when you are being mocked and otherwise emotionally abused. Their behavior is totally unacceptable in Islam.



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