Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I am afraid to lose him?

Righteous Husband

I like my cousin. He lives abroad, his mom will come this year for proposal. She indirectly has already given me a signal that I can be the one. But that's not for sure. He is 6 years younger - he is 21.

There is a problem here which I fear. We are 4 sisters. All are single and I am the youngest. We have the eldest one who is dominating in our house. She has a violent ย nature. She will make a huge mess if any proposal would come and we all are always afraid. She now has become like a man-hater and very violent - she daily reminds us not to marry a guy coz its kufr? If we oppose her she later finds a pretext to have a fight, saying you did this you did that etc. Sometimes she says she is selfish, she wants to run away from us, she is not sincere with her parents..

The problem is if his mom comes to our house, how can I take a stand.?

Let me tell you, my parents never ever tried to find a proposal for any of us. And that my eldest sister used to have fights with my father on this issue. My friend told me about a proposal a year ago. I told this to my dad but he said in turn we should sell this house for marriage and should start living on roads. You go and marry. If I try to tell my mom about any proposal or my any sister tries she don't listen to us, always have an excuse saying this is the responsibility of your Dad but among relatives she always cry saying my all daughters are now getting old.

My brother is married for two years, it was love marriage and my mother was not so happy coz she thought that the girl has stolen her boy from her. He lives separately in other house but my sister always curses him ,his sons and even wife that they may die. If any of the relatives tries to talk about proposals she always say tell about job not marriage, no no no we dont want to marry etc, and then we fearfully have to remain silent.

Tell me the solution for this or any dua. I have no hope for marriage because I am very weak to take a stand, I dont want to be beaten up, I cant face criticism. My parents cant do anything coz they cant speak infront of her. Same case I feel for my other sisters and they are afraid too which I know, sometimes they tell me but.

Lorelei Lee

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16 Responses »

  1. Looks like you have a dysfunctional family. You have to leave your family to make a life for yourself.
    Do you work? Can your brother help you in this matter? Are you a US citizen?

    If your aunt is willing to accept you and your family creates a problem, you can let your aunt know you are willing to get married. Just go for a simple marriage/court marriage. In the mean while you can plan where you can stay after you get married.

    What kind of education you have?

    • i have done masters. i am not a u.s citizen. i dont work, brother lives abroad and is married. my sister is not married so feels insecure that we will leave her alone for our happiness and we are selfish but she is right at certain point loneliness kills ๐Ÿ™ i dont want to hurt her but i cant sacrifice here. if i dont get married its ok but if there become a chance thats why i fear to take a stand. parents are afraid too to live alone cause brother may not help in this case ๐Ÿ™

      • Why are you not working? Getting married does not mean you have to give up taking care of your parents or sister. Your sister should also work. Your sister and parents can support each other also. What country you live in? In western countries governments help senior citizens in many ways. When was the last time you met your cousin?

        • i live in asian country and i dont work. i am very lazy in this manner.

          • You need to get out and work. Go volunteer in a school. Tutor young girls.

            You say your sister has now has become like a man-hater and very violent - she daily reminds you not to marry a guy coz its kufr?

            Was you sister abused by a man? Marriage may get her calm down.
            Why marrying a guy is kufr?

  2. Sister share this information between u and ur parents sit them down and habe a word with them..on this...
    Trust me sis it will be the best way forward...I have been anf introvert most of my life...
    If u never ask u dont usually just explajn to ur mum amd dad this is situation and if they ask for yyour hand u , want this to happen...
    I been quite type that meand alotnof get lost in people talk and thinking...

    Pleasetell me you will talk directly to your parents to me? Dont br shy the bigger dream of marriage is in the horizon....but be careful u dont go over the top as well and start dreaming as u knw they havent asked yet they maybe interested in looking at many girls so be ur self keep grounded stay real

  3. Assalam alaikum,

    The first problem is your father's outlook on marrying his daughters. Unfortunately, it's tradition that the girl's family give a dowry and many expensive gifts to the boy's family - if this isn't the case, simply tell your father that his approval is needed, but he need not worry about "selling the house." Speak to your parents and let them know. If you worried about how and what to say, I suggest that you read:

    โ€œLord, lift up my heart and ease my task for me. Untie my tongue, so that they may understand my words (rabbi shrahli sadri wa yassir li amri waโ€™hlul `uqdatan min lisani yafqahu qawli)โ€

    ุฑูŽโ€Œุจูู‘ ุงุดู’ุฑูŽโ€Œุญู’ ู„ููŠ ุตูŽุฏู’ุฑูโ€ŒูŠ ูˆูŽูŠูŽุณูู‘ุฑู’โ€Œ ู„ููŠ ุฃูŽู…ู’ุฑูโ€ŒูŠ ูˆูŽุงุญู’ู„ูู„ู’ ุนูู‚ู’ุฏูŽุฉู‹ ู…ูู‘ู† ู„ูู‘ุณูŽุงู†ููŠ ูŠูŽูู’ู‚ูŽู‡ููˆุง ู‚ูŽูˆู’ู„ููŠ

    Ignore your sister. If she speaks out, she is making a fool of herself and, from the sounds of it, it doesn't sound like you can reason with her.

    Make Du'a to Allah swt to allow what is best for you, pour your feelings and concerns towards Allah and invest your time talking to your parents. If someone is critical of you - it doesn't make them right.

    May Allah make it easy for you and help you to get married in the best possible situation, Ameen.

    • thanks for the suggestion

      • I tooo hv my love problems...Her mothr make me promise her tht i wll nt tlk to his son.. His family is not agreeing.. we r talkng... I cnt thnk evn to stay widout him.. Plz plz hlp me tll me some wazifa fr making his famly agrree.. plz..plz its my humble request my dear sister n brothr allah wll keep u hppy.. ๐Ÿ™

        • Assalaamualaikam

          Please read the articles on this website about wazifa and dua. What you need to do is ensure that you are observing Islamic limits, avoiding haraam actions, and making sincere dua to Allah.


  4. salam ..I am 26years old.

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