Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I am not happy with my husband



I am a mother of 2 little boys, have been married for 7 years to a man who is a student of knowledge. We are from the west but my husband studies in Saudi.  To give a little background information, at the time of our marriage my husband had a year of study left to complete his degree, however after this he has continued for a further 6 years, against my wishes. He is now wanting to study further another 5 years.

My problem is that I am not happy with my husband continuing his studies as we have financial difficulties, and I cannot live in Saudi. Since we got married, I have supported myself financially and was never allowed to ask husband for money because he was a student.  Now 7 years on I am still not allowed. My husband has made me lie to council and say I am a single mother and I live off the benefits I claim. If I put any pressure on him for money his reply is something of the likes that I am a bad ungrateful wife and I should fear Allah.

I have tried to live in Saudi with him for the past two years with my babies where I have lived in pretty much isolation.  My husband has hardly any friends he has not introduced me to anyone and for a very long time the only friend I had was my next door neighbour.  I don't know the language,  stuck mainly indoors with two children, and with very little money. I have lived there and become severely depressed. My husband and I also do not communicate very well. He is always so engrossed in his studies spending hours upon hours in his own room and not giving me much company.  Over time we have argued a lot and he has also been physically violent towards me a number of times ranging from hair pulling to slapping pushing and even kicking . If he doesn't physically hit me he will abuse me verbally.  I won't lie our relationship is strained and I also now have no respect for him and I have a lot of hate in my heart for him, and I also swear at him.


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4 Responses »

  1. Walaikum Asalam Wr Wb.

    Your husband is a student of knowledge? First ive heard of this. Does he not work?

    Either way, everything that you've described is very strange and abnormal for a marriage. If you're from the West then I'd advise you to take your children and yourself out of this misery and fly back with the help of your embassy in Saudi. Since this marriage has been all about your husband since the beginning, you should make this about yourself and the kids now.

    Hope this helps and Allah knows best.


    • Salam,

      This seems like very solid advice, particularly if she has the family, financial, emotional, and/or government resources to leave and take the first few steps towards a good life for herself.

      Greenland15....if you do not have the resources to leave at this time, I would try to remind yourself on a continual basis that you will one day have the resources to make a better life for yourself and the babies, by leaving or otherwise. In the meantime, vow to take very good care of yourself as Allah intended and tell yourself that you will find joy in the little things you do have until that in your babies, pampering yourself in the shower with beautifully scented soap and lotion, taking walks around the block outside with the boys on nicer days, stretching your muscles gently (shoulder squeezes and buttocks squeezes release tension and provide an immediate relief), going to the grocery store and picking out colorful fruits and veggies, making sure you are getting your regular medical/dental check ups even if you are not having a health issue, and making simple, healthy dinners for you and the kids (I guess the husband can have some too;)

      Also, I would spend some time daily connecting with people online like on this website and other forums, maybe after your babies are asleep or any other time you have...doesn't have to be the same time every day, just so long as you are getting social interaction. Do you have a Facebook? Aside from providing a means to keep in touch with family and friends, there are a lot of organizations doing good things on Facebook these days and lots of young people posting valuable, interesting information. It's not like it used to be where you just see some selfies and pictures of someone's dinner. There are human rights activism, animal rights, and nature conservation petitions going around to sign and share, and everyday tidbits of news from a more personal angle without the bias of tv networks. If you're into a particular thing (for example, delectable dishes, or wild birds, you could join those pages and communicate with people daily. It will help you to feel less isolated, more connected with the community, and individually purposeful until you are able to leave or things get better at home, whichever you prefer and/or is in Allah's plan.

      I hope that any of this will help you in this time of difficulty. We are rooting for you! May Allah reward you and ease your way. Remember Allah created everything and everyone with a beautiful purpose.

  2. speak to someone dont let this eat you inside
    an imaam or elderly

  3. and if you have family that you can stay with for some time to make you forget the loneliness

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