Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I am so hurt…

Muslim woman in hijab

Hi,I am married to my husband for 8.5years . We are interracial marriage and he converted me to Muslim .i am an Asian he is An African.We have been through so much together .

We struggled so much together.until 5 months ago,he told me that he actually had another wife back home. I was soooo shocked and heartbroken because everything happened just around 4 years ago- the first time he went back home after marriage.apparently I was not known all these because I trusted him so much .he told me it's an arranged marriage ,and the most difficult part is they have a 3 year old child together .he told me that he doesn't really love this woman and he will file a dirvoce with her but fact that they are having a child together and he needs to keep their marriage until the child is grown like 6 years old .etc so that the child can stay with us here in Asia since he is still young that he needs his mother.but during this few years ,he has to be like a husband to her ,take care of her everything and having sexual relationship with her .and I have to be patient.

I have been standing by his side all these years, I did feel so much pain regarding his action of hiding facts ....and I accept that things happened for a reason,but I really can't accept that he has a will to dirvoce her but at the same time we need to be patient until the child to be more grown. And during these times tho he said he will always put me first priority.but they will have sexual intercourse etc.

I really can't accept esp this thing. What should I do?????i love this man so much,but  I am so hurt in a level that I feel so lost and crying everyday.....I just don't know how to handle it anymore............pls I need your sincere advices and I just wanna be a good Muslim and a good wife.


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3 Responses »

  1. This makes me so furious
    Sister, put aside your love for him and take some time to look at the REALITY
    This man cheated you...all this time he had a wife and he never told you, I don't even think his marriage with her was legal because a second marriage is not legal without the FIRST WIFE'S consent. You were his first wife, weren't you? Don't listen to him telling you he loves you and he will divorce her for you...I know you are hurt and you love him but he is not right. I bet the second wife doesn't know he's married and that you are his original wife. And what did he tell you?? He would leave the second wife, take his child with him when he's 6 and the two of you would raise him? THAT'S ILLEGAL!! If its not illegal, it MUST be haram. That's a horrible sin...taking away a child away from his stable mother? He doesn't need to tell you any excuse, it doesn't matter if his marriage was arranged and forced, and what was supposed to happen has happened. I can't even think properly right now...I hope you get more answers on this one. I'm sorry this happened to you, but think of this from another's perspective...What has the other woman done? How do you think it would feel...knowing that you have settled with a man you thought was your life partner...having a child with him, and then finding out that he already has a wife and doesn't like you and is planning to divorce you, ruin your life and then take away your child from you, only to raise it with that other woman. Again, i'm sorry I referred to you as the other woman...You can either divorce that man, find someone better, or let him live with two & the one with the child. My opinion is that he doesn't deserve you, he's clearly playing with you. Don't fall for his lies and even if he is not lying, you can't possibly live with that bad of a man. He is not a man
    May Allah help you

    • the rights of a second wife. She must be treated fairly and you. He can't just divorce her cause he doesn't love her...he is using her for some reason. He can't take his child from her, unless she is unstable.

  2. Sister,

    I dont have a good feeling about this. Custody laws vary in muslim countries. But he does not have to ve married to the childs mother and maintain a marital relationship until the child is 6.

    That's what irks me. If he legally gets the custody when the child is 6 then there's nothing the mother can do.

    He kept this from you. His explanation makes no sense. Sounds like is trying to have his cake amd eat it too. He wants both. It's up to you to determine how fair this is to you. You are in pain. Islam does not ask you to be oppressed by your husband. It gives you rights. Faithfulness, love, respect, protection, maintenance etc. Being a good muslim does not mean the husband can do whatever. He is not being a good or honest Muslim husband.

    You are vulnerable both because you are new to Islam and his betrayal is a shock. That's a lot to take in. You dont have to accept this. Allah knows your pain. Allah won't hold it against you if you were to consider divorce. That's why ge created marriage and a way to get out but you need to make that decision as it ia your life. Love is great but it us not always enough especially when one party is cheating.

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