Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I am stuck in this ..

punishment

As-salamu alaykum brothers and sisters ..

I thought i will never get involved in a relationship like this but here iam .. i've been in this relationship for almost 2 years , a long distance relationship. we text , talked daily.

she is having a hard life, her parents have forced her to join an university that she doesnt like and people are treating her badly there, she trusted me. i tried to keep it clean till she starts to tell me about her past and the guy that she had been with and haram stuff that they did. i told her that she has to repent and move on but unfortunately i got tempted and fell in the pit. we did bad stuff a lot , i couldnt got away from that , everytime i was trying to leave her she starts to cry and get upset and i cant take it when a woman cry infront of me and she tried to leave me too but she couldnt.

i prayed for allah to end this relationship, cried, hated myself for doing these stuff, felt weak, suffocated and what made me feel more pain was watching my friends on fb having a halal relationships -(engaging\marrying)- while iam stuck in this pit, i even went for umrah with my family (may allah grant you all that privilege) and prayed for allah to grant us maghfirah, tawbah and guidance, she tried to contact me there but i was ignoring her so that my umrah doesnt get ruined but when iam back i fell again.

lately i told her that i cant keep on this relationship but she keeps on crying and telling me how much she love me and she cant live without me. i dont know what should i do anymore, i know iam wrong and guilty but i cant take it anymore ..

Mohamed992

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11 Responses »

  1. Brother you need to move on
    Change your number deactivate facebook simple
    Get married your parents can find you a wife
    Honestly woman can trick people with crying it's just a tactic they use to make you feel sorry for them I would know because my brother went through that and the outcome was bad anyways but Allahu alim up to you everything is written by the qadr of Allah

  2. Assalamalekum Brother,just block this girl from your life.&!all means of communication with her.
    Keep praying Allah is being kind to you and has guided you to see and realise that this woman casing you to do haram activities.(may Allah forgive her and cure her sickness) not many people get the chance and realise their mistake.It is not good for you or her. She is a Fitnah .it might not be so easy but it can be done. Don't respond to her at all. Be strong and defeat shaytan.She will get used to it. Repent. Allah is most merciful. And make doa for a pious wife.

  3. Assalaamualykum wrb. A suggestion... Have you considered getting married to this girl, seeing that she cries to be with you and loves you? Maybe your feeling of love is also mutual towards her since you not resisting as well. Yes, we are not perfect and make taubaa. Follow up your bad deeds with good deeds and give charity. Sit down, and ask yourself, is this the girl that you would like to spend the rest of your life with? Is she the girl that you would like to be the mother to your children one day? If so, I would suggest, in order to live a clean life, rather get married to her, or refrain completely from her..
    Todays life, people make Nikaah so difficult and Divorce becomes so easy.
    Jazakallah

  4. Salam brother
    This is what Islam says that keep a distance from a female. Don't meet a lady when you are alone because the third person must be shytan. You are an open example of all these situations. Bow your eyes when you saw a non mehram.
    So the best solution is keep a distance from her, don't talk to her, block her number and contact in all mean so you don't get emotionally blackmail.
    Say Astaghfar and recite lahawlwallah a lot because shytan will try to trap you again.
    Get married asap. Tell your parents that you are tempted to do something wrong and help you to stay away from haram relation. They will definitely help you.
    Hope you get out of this.
    Just keep one thing in head that there is a beginning of everything and you should stop yourself in the start otherwise you will just getting deeper and deeper like you are now. Stay away and pray Allah will take you out of this.

  5. I second Fatima, go ahead and marry that girl and recite Astaghfirullah as much as u can , wish you the best of luck brother.

    • Jazakallah Maha. My personal opinion. Also have the other commentators blamed the girl only as she lead him on. We should also clearly note that it takes 2 to tangle. Both are responsible for the actions. Man is made weak, but the strongest man is the one who can control his nafs and lower his gaze.

  6. Brother why did u even start relitionship with this girl if ur intentions were not marrying her??? U gave her hope and love in the begging n now ur being coward and trying to aviod her. If u dont want to be in a haraam relitionship then marry her and make it halal. Why is it so difficult for u???? Other bors n sis who advised u to leave her is wrong advise. He made her promis of marrying so he shold marry her not leave her. This will break her heart n trust in men and will affect her mentaly and emotionaly. Its not easy to forget somone u love.

    • Bad advice. Regardless of her being heartbroken the relationship was haram to begin with.

      So leave her, forget her, repent and move on.

  7. Salaam brother
    Why did you play with her head and heart? What makes it ok for you to play with woman's heart. What make you any better than the crappy men rapes women. Some ppl here says so negative about women as if it's only the women's fault. It take two to tangle. She wouldn't cry if it didn't come from her heart sincerely. Maybe you "can't" cry because you are a "man" but you can't imagine what pain she is going through. Be in her shoes and let's see if you or other men can say the same way again. You made this relationship happen and if you are a true Muslim man and don't want the punishment from Allah then you would marry this woman. Not to be mean but what goes around comes around. If you follow good then you get good karma and if you do bad then there is bad karma.
    Am sure you know this but I will remind you. If you do wrong in this life, such as not reading salaah or going bad stuff in life, Allah can forgive you. But Allah said every clearly that if you hurt someone in anyway, Allah won't forgive you. Even if you pray and beg for mercy, He won't! The only person can relieve you from your guilt or sin is begging from that person you hurted.
    Yes it's your decision at the end but think wisely before doing so.

    Good luck and hope Allah have mercy upto you.

    • This advice is wrong. Fine you broke her heart but at the end of the day it was a haram relationship to begin with. You aren't obliged to marry her just because she has fallen in love with you.

      Cut off all contact with her, delete her from your contacts, repent sincerely and don't look back.

      Allah will forgive you if you repent sincerely. You aren't obliged to make her feel better. True you did a bad thing by hurting her but that was all in the context of a haram relationship.

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