Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I am terrified…!!

mercy forgiveness repentance tawbah

Asalaamu Alaikum All,

I am a 13 year old girl going to the 8th grade inshallah.

My problem is....well I'm too embarrassed to say but I tagged it if you want to know the word, and it includes "self-satisfaction" if you know what I mean.

Gotta say I don't know exactly how I discovered it, but when I was about 5 or 6 years old I was laying in bed one night having strange thoughts and I touched myself in a certain way, and somehow did this horrible act without knowing what I was doing, only knowing that it gave me a certain feeling. I did this a couple nights that year, then soon forgot about it. I don't know how I even did it cuz obviously a 5 or 6 year old doesn't know what real "love" is, or how it happens!

Fast forward years later, when I was eleven years old. Got the same feeling, something telling me that I just had to touch myself for some reason, and as soon as I did I had certain thoughts once more and gave myself a certain feeling. I had no idea what I was doing, only knew that when I did it I got sensations.

It became addictive, and one day I stumbled across a word on the Internet (you know, the M-word!!) and decided to search what it meant on, only to be devastated and horrified. Turned out the meaning of the word was exactly what I was doing all this time! I tried to stop after that, but couldn't!! A few months ago, I decided enough was enough and forced myself into stopping this awful habit. I went almost 3 and a half months without doing it, then I did it again last week. I was so heartbroken and frustrated! I thought it was all over, but then my temptations led me all the way back to square one...:'(

And for the past few months, I have literally banned everything I thought led to this habit, like erotic songs and movies, and if I ever accidentally came across an inappropriate picture on tv or computer, I'd quickly look away or turn it off.

But why do these temptations last?? What definitely makes matters worse is that I'm a teenager now, so my hormones are going everywhere, making it hard to quit this terrible habit.

I recently heard a terrifying lecture about what happens in the grave to people who do zina, and I'm so terrified of Allah! I never did zina to anyone, but I've pretty much done this habit that has to do with it, so I'm pretty much considered a fornicator, right?

I'm so sad that on the day of judgement, my shameful sins will be revealed to everyone. Is there a way Allah will conceal it?

plz help me, I'm so upset and need to get rid of this disgusting habit !


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9 Responses »

  1. Assalaamualaikam

    Masturbation isn't the same as zina, and doesn't make you a fornicator. There are a lot of different opinions on the permissibility or otherwise of masturbation, including among contributors to this site - some people are of the opinion that it's acceptable when there is no other avenue to relieve sexual urges, while others feel that it's something to be avoided... But I think we can all agree that it's not the same as having sexual contact with another person outwith marriage.

    The Day of Judgement can be a very scary thing to think about, for all of us. But we need to remember that Allah is Most Forgiving, Most Merciful. The Quran and ahadith tell us many times that His Mercy and Love are for all of us who make sincere repentance and do our best to follow His guidance. So, when you make a mistake or transgression, repent for it and place your trust in Allah that He will be Merciful.

    It might help to read the articles about tawbah and repentance which are available on this website. InshaAllah they may be able to help you feel more reassured about Allah's Mercy.

    Midnightmoon editor

    • Salaams,
      Sorry this is a few days late.
      JAK for your helpful reply, I really got a lot from it. The only thing is, I fear that it is much too late for Allah to forgive me. When I was 11, I did it almost every night for almost two whole years, it was so obsessive! I've tried repenting and following up my actions with good deeds, but I'm scared Allah won't forgive me for this repetitive sin. Is there any hope that I will be forgiven and protected from any form of punishment in the hereafter?

      • Allah is Al-Ghafoor (the Most Forgiving). Do not place limitations on His forgiveness. Furthermore, we are not held accountable for what we do as children.

        Wael Editor

  2. Assalaamu Alaykum,

    I just wanted to say that you express yourself very well for your age. I don't know many adults who are as articulate as you are, let alone teenagers. Even if your post was edited, it's clear to me that you are gifted in this area.

    As far as your issue, there have been countless people who have written in with the same concerns and feelings you have. All I can say is, it's not the end of the world. If you want to have a look in the archives to see what other people have shared and gotten advised, it may reassure you some.

    -Amy Editor

  3. OP: Gotta say I don't know exactly how I discovered it, but when I was about 5 or 6 years old I was laying in bed one night having strange thoughts and I touched myself in a certain way

    -Seems like these temptations get stronger at night or when laying in bed. If you cant sleep get out of bed and do something else , don't stay in bed.

    -There are certain foods you can eat that may help lower the temptations. There are to many to list, you can search them up online, but some of the basic ones are beans, popcorn, cheese. chocolate, fish

  4. Imagine yourself as a bird sitting on a tree and there is a huge sea surrounding the tree. The birf has some mud in her mouth and she spills it in the sea. So ofcourse it will disappear and take that mud as your sins and the sea as the forgivrness of allah.

    • Thank you, that really gave me some peace:)
      May Allah forgive this little bird for her foolishness
      and reward you for your help:)

  5. Oh and one more question, how on earth do I tell my parents? I want to tell my mom so bad, but I don't know how without her getting so incredibly angry at me. I really want to inform her as I feel guilty about keeping this secret from her.

    • Assalaamu alaykum,

      I don't think this is something necessary to tell your mom. In reality, most people have struggled or currently struggle with masturbation- at all ages. Your mom may have even done it when she was younger before she married. It's kind of one of those things we all understand is a universal struggle, but don't need to talk in details about to one another.

      It's not reasonable to see it as something you are keeping a secret from her, because it's not affecting her nor a wrong against her. Our parents aren't obligated to know everything about our lives. For example, do you tell your mom every time you have a sexual dream? Or every time you use the restroom? Some things are private, and regardless of whether someone sees masturbation as sinful or not- it's still private.

      -Amy Editor

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