Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I am trying to give my wife Dawah to Islam

Can Muslim-Christian marriages work? Can Muslim-Christian marriages work?

AlhamduLlilah, I have recently been giving Dawah to my wife in Islam. Insha'Allah we will both be united as Muslims. When we got married, we were both practicing Catholicism and regularly attended a Catholic church.

AlhamduLliah, I have recently accepted Islam and I want the same for my wife. We got married in a rush in a City Hall because I wanted for her to have U.S. citizenship.

I was born in the states but she was born in Mexico. Overall, during our relationship, I really just want the best for both of us. Citizenship as well as Religion (Islam). I need some advice. What should I do?

~ Abdul-Rahim

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4 Responses »

  1. Alhamdulillah. Welcome to Islam and may Allah (swt) grant you paradise. Please pray for all your brothers and sisters in Islam.

    First, your wife will make the ultimate decision about her faith. On her own time and will, she will eventually decide, but there are a few things you can do.

    The biggest factor is to treat her and afford her all the proper rights of woman in Islam. Lavish her with love, be gentle to her, soothe her worries constantly and be a source of comfort and compassion for her. Let Islam guide you to a blissful marriage. Let her see in your actions, more than your words, how much you value her by following the Islamic way of life for the both of you.

    Speak kindly to her, help her with household tasks, play with her and laugh with her. Make her feel as the best woman in the world, because that is what Islam teaches the husband to do. Take this time to reform all aspects of yourself and in your role of a husband in every sense, as well. Let her truly see what Islam has done to your heart, mind and soul through the way you value her every day. Treat her as an beautiful gift from Allah (swt). That is the best way!

    Read books about being the best Muslim husband and implement it into your life. More than anything, this will let her see the beauty of Islam.

    Not to be to obtuse, but even before your private time of copulation, recite verses from the Qur'an. Remember that love making is akin to worship, but also a gentle jihad! Follow the timeless wisdom of an excerpt from the hadith of Jabir. There is so much wisdom hidden in it, so I will link to it here and share some of the dissection below.

    In all of these hadiths, we see once again the clear encouragement to engage in passionate and fulfilling sex with one’s spouse. The frank advice given makes it crystal clear that we should aim to have healthy sex lives. No less a figure than our beloved Prophet informed us of ways to increase our love and make the act of intimacy more fulfilling. Washing oneself after a first act invigorates the body and rejuvenates the soul, and thus helps in repeating the act again.

    What is truly amazing is that while the message is crystal clear in each and every one of these traditions, never is the wording vulgar, nor is the language crude. Similarly, we should be frank in our teachings, but there is no need to employ unbefitting language.

    You may ask, why would someone bring this up in a daw'ah topic? Because she is not a potential Muslim only, but your wife! Enjoy your life with her, treasure her and pleasure her accordingly! Make her feel loved and make love to her, in kind. With your wife, I don't know what better kind of dawah there could be! Subhan'allah!

    Yes, that may sound funny to some and embarrassing to others, but we have the best religion! Yes, we do! So be passionate with your wife in every moment and let Islam show you the way.

    Another thing is to always bring her to prayer even if she prays differently. Learn to recite the Qur'an beautifully for Allah (swt) first and naturally, your wife will want to know what you are saying. If she takes interest in your prayers, do not make the mistake of showing her every movement at once, but let her witness the wisdom and sincerity behind it. After praying salaat, ask her to sit with you and read some verses that you select especially for her. The ones below are specifically for your circumstance

    Recite the timeless one of Sure Ruman beginning with verse 17:

    30:17 So (give) glory to Allah, when ye reach eventide and when ye rise in the morning;

    30:18 Yea, to Him be praise, in the heavens and on earth; and in the late afternoon and when the day begins to decline.

    30:19 It is He Who brings out the living from the dead, and brings out the dead from the living, and Who gives life to the earth after it is dead: and thus shall ye be brought out (from the dead).

    30:20 Among His Signs in this, that He created you from dust; and then,- behold, ye are men scattered (far and wide)!

    30:21 And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and compassion between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.

    30:22 And among His Signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth, and the variations in your languages and your colours: verily in that are Signs for those who know.

    30:23 And among His Signs is the sleep that ye take by night and by day, and the quest that ye (make for livelihood) out of His Bounty: verily in that are signs for those who hearken.

    30:24 And among His Signs, He shows you the lightning, by way both of fear and of hope, and He sends down rain from the sky and with it gives life to the earth after it is dead: verily in that are Signs for those who are wise.

    30:25 And among His Signs is this, that heaven and earth stand by His Command: then when He calls you, by a single call, from the earth, behold, ye (straightway) come forth.

    30:26 To Him belongs every being that is in the heavens and on earth: all are devoutly obedient to Him.

    Notice that verse 21, speaking of wives and husbands is amid all the magnificent creations of Allah (swt). That a marriage is seen in this light of the Qur'an indeed shows the greatness of your wife in Islam. But not only that, but it takes it further than the Bible by talking of love and compassion between two people at the same time. It wasn't enough to make pairs, but that they had to be this emotional way for fulfillment and happiness.

    Share that with her, and it should have a wonderful affect on her heart that Allah (swt) would reveal this to Gabriel (as) to give to the Prophet for all of us to know. That in turn, you share this wonderful verse with her in special moments. This is the way to use this time to explore the love of God with her through Islam. Alhamdulillah, this is the Right Path.

    Traditionally, Mexicans have a very good understanding about religion, though Catholicism has left a lot to be desired in Mexico. The practices is some parts has become more ritualized than spiritual, but Insha'llah, your wife is a pious and believing woman of God. This is important because walking the bridge to Islam is quite easy, as you already know.

    The best additional advice I can give you is find similarities between the two religions that she can identify with. The most notable being the story of Maryam (sa) and Prophet Isa (as). Because the Surah of Maryam in the Qur'an is more intricate about her struggles in social life and pregnancy, we can see how Islam elevates woman in devoting a whole chapter in the Holy Qur'an to her, unlike any other holy book before it. Each verse describing her life reveals how much Allah (swt) wanted every man and woman to appreciate the virtue of her role in religion and how a woman's story is also one of the greatest stories told in Islam. It has an amazing significance to every woman, but especially Mexican women.

    Mexican women come from a society that overtly sexualizes them, perhaps even more so than the United States. We see that the machismo attitudes in Mexico have hurt the status of woman greatly in that country, with less education opportunities, sexual exploitation and the like. While this is true of many societies, this is also very true of Mexico. So the idea that Islam brings forth about women is akin to how Islam was to reform the status of woman in the Days of Ignorance in pre-Islamic Arabia.

    Prophet Isa's (as) story is of vital importance to all Christians, but the Islamic perspective is very enlightening and logically erases many of the contradictions that many Christians feel in their religious life and rituals. This is a more subtle point for later, but slowly do your research and in time, she will naturally ask about it, so you can be prepared for that time, Insha'allah.

    Most of all, show her how awesome a Muslim husband can be and how Islam has changed your life. Surely, she'll want to know more by the grace of the Divine Lord.

  2. SubhanAllah!

    Welcome to Islam! Brother Professor X has said it so well that I honestly don't know what to add.

    I will give you a link I know that has the beautiful recitation of the Quran and also the Azan.

    You can play the azan in the computer and let your wife hear it, I promise you it touches the heart directly, MashAllah this person has a beautiful voice. His name is Yahya Hawwa.

    Here's the Azan on Youtube:

    Link to the Whole Quran (downloadable) by Yahya Hawwa:

    Listen to it and try to recite it like he is reciting, InshAllah, the beautiful Quran will touch both of your hearts and make your iman(faith) stronger, Ameen.

    Jazak Allah Khair.

  3. alhamdulillah , u have accepted the right path. pray to allah you will get heaven.
    khuda hafiz

  4. Alhamdulillah brother, its great to hear that u have accepted islam, May Allah guide ur wife too. Ameen.

    Explain ur reason for becoming a muslim and what made u drawn towards islam, and how ur journey to islam was like. This may give her an interest into islam, tell about other revert strories, particulalry of female revert stories, which u can get from google.

    this website has really good info and she can have a one to one chat and ask any questions about islam that she may have, u too can use the webchat.

    By the way, will ur marriage with her be valid? Thats something for u to research, perhaps by asking a local imam and by asking on the site that I gave u the link to. its true that a muslim man can get married to a christian woman, so u can marry her. But from ur msg, it seems that u were married to her from before u accepted islam, so im wondering wheather u will have to marry her again after u became a muslim in order for her to be ur wife.

    May Allah guide us all.

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