Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I ask for forgiveness every time I do it – please help?

Ashamed woman, sad woman, depressed woman

Feeling ashamed.

I'm a girl and i'm 16, I live in Germany and for the past few months I started watching porn to be more specifically "Lesbian porn". I wasn't interested in it in the beginning I thought it was disgusting but then I thought of watching it.
When I started watching it I thought it was fun , by the way I strictly follow all the Islam rules I pray all the prayers and I even read Quran day by day, but recently I started thinking about it and I know it's not good for health and I know it's haram to do it and to be honest I find it disgusting now but it always turn me on and for the past few days I was Istaghfr every time I do it for 100 times as it was said and sometimes I don't watch it but I have the urge to watch it sometimes and when I do , I keep on saying to myself why did I do that it's not good and do same thing over and over again.

I just want to get over it and FORGET IT COMPLETELY , but I don't know what to do.
I'm ashamed of asking forgiveness every time and I always pray that Allah remove this habit from me and it is removed but for a couple of days only and since my exam results is after 2 days I fear that Allah might not help me succeed because of what I do , though I always pray for it.
I don't know what to do , so please help me !!

I'm looking forward for your response.


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6 Responses »

  1. Are you sexually attracted to boys?

    I see problem 2 fold, porn and lesbianism.

    Most people are unable to control sexual desires/habits. At least you are trying. If you can control yourself for few weeks that may lessen your desire and help you to quit.

  2. Wa 'alaikom alsalam.

    Have a sitdown with yourself and ask yourself why you resort to watching pornografic material. The answer may seem obvious but dig deeper into yourself and find out why you feel the urge to watch it? Maybe you're curious? Lonely? Maybe it's the only form of excitement you get? Only you can know answer. When you know the answer try to find a way to get rid of the motivating cause and if that's not possible then try to find other ways of dealing with it.

    Repent to Allah, ask for His forgiveness and ask Him to strengthen you and to help you fight your desire (nafs). And then commit yourself to not doing it any more.

    Another important thing is to increase your taqwa as it would help you overcome your desires.

    I wish you all the best and may Allah help you!

  3. You are at an age that your hormones are at high levels in your body and your brain is still being developed (your frontal cortex in charge of decision making is still developing at this age). You need to understand that you will be challenged in many ways and you have to fight it to keep on the straight path. Try being around people the times you feel the urges so that you won't get a chance to watch it. Fear of the punishment of hell is also something to consider. If you keep doing this and repent afterwards you will forever be unhappy. You will always feel that you are doing something haram. Before this turns into something bigger you need to force yourself and be strong in your decision to be on the straight path. It is more compelling to want to do something that you are not suppose to. Try to keep yourself busy and focus on reading the Quran and praying. It will help. I found myself going the the same spiral and luckily stopped myself. When I would watch something in relationship to that, my days would go really bad. I started having problems at home and school. Allah (swt) will be there for you as long as you are there for islam. If you follow haram than shaatan will be at your side. Try your best to focus on other things and know that if you repent and go on the straight path, you will marry someday and be happy. Think of yourself down a couple of years and where you want to see yourself ?

    • teal22: You are at an age that your hormones are at high levels in your body and your brain is still being developed (your frontal cortex in charge of decision making is still developing at this age).

      Do you mean her frontal cortex is making her watch lesbian porn? Do you also watch lesbian porn?

  4. Assalaamualaikam

    Keep praying for Allah to guide you through this, and trust in His mercy and love.

    There are a few practical steps you can take to try to stop watching these things.

    1) Think about when you watch them. Is there a particular time of day when you are more drawn to them, or when these urges come to you? If so, plan your schedule so that you are busy then - or if the urges come at night, make sure that you have a full schedule and a night-time routine that means you go to bed feeling tired and ready to sleep. When you're planning this, make the activities ones which you can't easily avoid or put off (eg. commit to a study group, do a scheduled activity with your family such as reading with a younger sibling).

    2) Think about how you watch them. Presumably, if you are watching these things online or on TV, you have private access to the computer/phone/tablet/TV. So prevent yourself from having this. If you have a computer or TV in your room, move it into a public area of the house. If you're watching it on your phone at night, leave your phone to charge in a public room. If you don't have access to the pornography in a private setting, it's far less likely to tempt you - I'm sure very few people would want to have their mum or dad walk in on them while watching porn!

    3) Think about why you watch them. Think: Is this something that interests you because of a sexual interest in women, or as part of exploring what sex and physical intimacy are, or because of the forbidden nature of it...? (Please don't answer that here - just think about it). If you are feeling sexual desires, it's important to learn about what Islam says about sex and sexuality - you could ask your mum about this as a general topic, as you're at an age where your parents may be expecting you to be thinking about the issue. If you don't feel able to speak with your mum, you could ask another female adult you trust - could they tell you where to find out more about Islamic teaching on relationships between men and women? If you are experiencing sexual desires towards other women, it's important to take this seriously, and to be aware of what Islam teaches. The first thing to do would be to stop watching the porn - these desires may be conditioned/brought about by associating sexual desires with pornography featuring women being intimate with women (if we watch something or experience something enough times, it can become an automatic association in our minds).

    It's important to remember that watching lesbian porn does not make you a lesbian. Your identity and life are as a Muslimah - so don't allow shaitan to convince you otherwise. Many young people can feel uncertain about their sexuality but then find that the path becomes clear for them once they remove haraam things from their environment and concentrate on Islam. InshaAllah you can and will overcome this situation. After all, you've already taken the first step - you've realised that your actions need to change.

    Midnightmoon editor

  5. Wa alaikum mussalam,
    keep urself bizi allways, and don't b alone and always ask allah (swt) for forgiveness and guidance.
    In shah allah everything ll b ok.

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