Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I can’t be intimate with my husband since we had our baby

Sexless marriage, lack of intimacy, no sex
Asalamualaikum

Ive been married for two years now and I had been with my husband for three years before that. I'm writing this as I need help in regards to having sex with my husband. Since after having my baby I've totally lost my sexual drive. I don't even like hugging or kissing my husband anymore and it's just getting worse day by day. I don't like having sex, don't enjoy it, sometimes I go totally off whilst having sex and my husband gets annoyed and wants to finish it and I just want to get it over and done with.

I understand that he has his needs but I can't push myself to do it anymore and it's comes to the point that when he touches or kisses me I feel like crying and pushing him away. I told him to let me go see a counsellor but he thinks it's just in my head and instead is telling me to go my parents house and stay there until i want to come back. But whenever I go to my parents house I don't feel like coming back, before I would cry everytime I would have to come back and I can't get my sex drive back unless I get help so what do I do? Please help.

Sammy1


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7 Responses »

  1. Salaam sister
    I'm sorry to hear of your difficult situation .. However you are being very selfish. Even of you're having issues should your husband put up with such behavior? I think not. You are clearly not doing your duty. Or being a good wife. Its your job to cook clean take care of your child and husband.
    I can't imagine how your cold shoulder must feel to your husband. My suggestion to your husband is to take a second wife someone who loves him and take care of his needs.. Otherwise he may fall into zina thru no fault of his own.
    If you care about him suggest to him to look for a girl who will love and care for his needs. Make sure you give him the privacy to do this and not bother him. .
    After he married her he can come visit your child and take intercourse from you when you're willing to do your duty.
    My husband wouldn't put up with this. I would have had my privileges taken away like no allowance or trips to see my friends or family.
    -Noor

    • AnAngelsPain: I can't imagine how your cold shoulder must feel to your husband. My suggestion to your husband is to take a second wife someone who loves him and take care of his needs.. Otherwise he may fall into zina thru no fault of his own.......If you care about him suggest to him to look for a girl who will love and care for his needs. Make sure you give him the privacy to do this and not bother him.

      So if a man can't do his duty, should a woman get another husband. Many woman have complained about living in sexless lives with their husbands on this forum. A man can live without sex. You are implying that if a wife is sick first thing a husband should do is go find a girl and have sex with her in his home.

      I suggest OP should read the following article........shows she is not alone who is going thru this.

      http://www.womansday.com/relationships/sex-tips/advice/a4196/the-truth-about-sex-after-pregnancy-91928/

      I am a man. I did some research...................

      And according to many experts, including Trina Read, PhD, a sex therapist in Alberta, Canada, it can take a woman months, even an entire year to regain her sex drive. "It is my experience that the majority of women completely lose interest in sex for at least a year after the baby is born," she says. "Because many women associate sex with performing just another chore, having to be touched becomes just another sacrifice on her part. So, when he touches her, whether he wants sex or not, her body immediately shuts down." The solution? Make time for no-pressure intimacy, like cuddling on the couch together after the baby is asleep, that doesn't necessarily end in sex, says Dr. Read.

    • from your answer it seems you are already struggling to be the wife of a married person. she has just delivered the baby she is weak why dont you come to her house for cooking and cleaning her husband will pay you and if not i will pay you. how much money do you want. you are very much worried about her husband right?
      so in your opinion a woman who has delivered the baby with so much pain even Quran claims that woman bears the pain of a child she gets of tired keeping the baby for 9 months in the womb and you think she is pretending.

      **Make sure you give him the privacy to do this and not bother him. . from your point of view marriage is all about sex, locking up the room and having sex especially during the presence of 1st wife
      why dont Allah bless you with a sautan, May Allah reward your husband with 3 wives and if you are a male may your wife run away with your friend now how does it feels tell me?

    • @AnAngelsPain - what a cold response, no sensitivity what so ever. I cant believe you are a woman and that was your response.

    • "fall into zina through no fault of his own"

      Seriously? We are not animals, we are human beings. We have choices. Zina is always always 100% a choice. If he commits zina it will entirely be his fault.

  2. Assalaamualaikam

    It's quite common for women to have low mood or mood swings after childbirth, and for them to have difficulties with physical intimacy; about 50% of women will be affected in some way. However, these usually resolve within a few weeks - for these problems to have persisted for so long in your case, suggests that you may need some additional help in overcoming them.

    I think it's important for you to speak with your GP or family doctor, as they'll be best placed to help you find the right support for you, inshaAllah. It may be that some counselling could make a big difference. If you're spending some time at your parents' house, maybe you could make an appointment while you're there, and your parents could give you support and take you to the appointment? If getting to appointments is an issue, there are some online counselling services, so your doctor might be able to identify one which could be suitable for you - don't use ones that aren't approved by a reputable organisation, though, as there can be some dodgy sites out there.

    Your husband may be struggling to understand what's happening - for many men, it can be difficult to understand the emotional and hormonal changes that go on inside a woman in the period after having a child, so he may feel that your current low sex drive and problems with intimacy are a rejection of him. Reassure him that you do still love him and want to be with him. Actions often speak louder than words, so make sure that you're doing something nice for him every day - his favourite dinner, letting him pick something to watch on TV (if you watch TV), holding his hand when you're sitting next to each other... the little things that make someone feel wanted and loved.

    It might also help your husband to speak to your doctor after you've seen them, so he can ask questions and understand more about the problems you're having, and so he realises that, with the right support, the two of you can feel comfortable with physical intimacy again inshaAllah.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  3. Salam sister.

    Its funny that our roles are reversed. I was excited to resume our sex life once our baby was born but my husband was on the opposite page.

    Btw its entirely normal, what you are going through. As a wife we should not reject our husband. So you and your husband need to work things out. I also hope you can talk this through with a doctor. You are probably going through depression.

    For me I'm being very patient with my husband. There are ups and downs but the faster you are back on track. The better it is for the both or you and your marriage. All the best.

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