Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I can’t bear the knowledge that my husband will have hoor al ayn

Dunya versus Aakhirah

Dunya versus Aakhirah

Salem aleykom

I have this issue that I am really struggling with. It is the hoor al ayn for EVERY man in jennah. I feel like the only one I could always count on is against me and disappointing me. I am Afraid I have done koefr and still do. Further I cant enjoy anything anymore.. not my salaat not my husband even my daughter I cant enjoy. I am trapped. I even prefer that I did not exist at all. Please can some one give me advice of how to tackle this. That I will love ALLAH again and that I can love my life and family again??

Please don't come with you are more beautifull you have not jealousy. I already know but does not change the fact that he does not only loves me and There is not True True love in islam/jennah. It hurts more because my husband always said and says I only want you but I don't dout the words of Allah that he will have hoor al ayn.

Seriously I cant even make dua for paradise for my husband or daughter. And when I think about my husband becoming a martyr and receive 72 I throw up. All this does not feel like jennah to me but a less worse hel.

Some May think that I am overrating my feelings but no I don't. I feel empty all Day cry a lot want to be alone not even my daughter.

I am really feeling nothing. You can hurt me or my daughter before my eyes, and it does not affect me. Whether I am with islam or kefir I can never be happy.

So please advice me!! BarakAllah fiek


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95 Responses »

  1. Waleykum salam sister,

    First of all, relax. Really just keep doing your salat and make dua. Obviously you have fallen into a trap, it is important not to neglect any of your duties towards Allah, your husband and child. I recommend you listen to some of the lectures of yasmin mogahed, or read a book of hers. It's really helpful regarding relationships. In the end the most important thing in this life is that you recognize that everything belongs to Allah and to Him we return. Your husband is something given by Allah to you, just as you are gifted to him, appreciate this fact alhamdulillah. He is not your possession nor are you anyone's. The fact that you love him so much that jalousy has consumed you for something that is basically of the unknown, is a little over the top (to put it lightly), clearly shaitan tries to lure you into despair. So please read and recite the quran, that will definitely calm you down. Because of the stress of losing him to other 'better creatures' for instance, you lose track of the real purpose of life as well as the actual enjoyment you can experience with your family now that they are within your reach. Please enjoy the time you have with them. And your purpose is to get closer to Allah and to depend on Him for everything.
    Secondly, before anything else, Allah loves you better than anyone can and does. You walk, you breath, your heart beats, you can see!! Alhamdulillah! So please please don't let yourself get trapped any further. Don't forget that the shaitan always is the enemy and he likes to take away people's from Allah's path. I mean everyone (Muslims) knows this, but you need to internalize it as well. Therefore, these are small matters that you are worrying about, you need to think of the bigger picture here. Allah is Rahman and Raheem, repeat to yourself His names. Also, you were put on this earth with a purpose: become the best person you can possibly be to make those around you better people too. And more importantly, return back to Allah.
    Thirdly, I don't dare to say anything about marriage life in the afterlife, so again I'd ike to point you towards lectures from nouman ali khan or omar suleiman and yasmin mogahed.
    Again, relax! And recognize your issue for the test it is. I wish you the best!


    • Ba, this is a good comment. Jazak Allah khayr.

      Wael Editor

      • Wa iyyakum, just passing on some things that I've had to learn as well.

        • To put it out straight.
          Allah, promised hur, like he promised wine, servants, and all those jewels...

          But, do you want them all? Does every Muslim have to take them all and want them?

          I personally don't like marjan. Would Allah change my mind about it in hannah?
          Why bother?
          Allah would give us other things. There is no way he could mention everything he can give in a limited book, and there is no point in doing so. Do we have to like them all the same and accept them the same?

          Is there anything in the Quran saying that all men and women would have to like and take everything in Jannah

          The answer is no. And, people know this.

          But, when it comes to hur, men feel offended, by other men, saying they want to be faithful and stay with their families. I've looked into comment sections about the videos related to hur el ayn and men who were complaining that they just want to stay with their wives were shamed and called 'kafirr' , 'who dare? Allah knows you best?'. This is emotional abuse. May allah forgive them for uselessly hurting other Muslims.

          Do you think that it's fair that Allah would give both men and women jealousy in life. Then, only motivate men with that jealousy ('the hur would only look at them') while torturing women because of it (and remove it for them, the other day).

          This is clearly very unfair to every woman on earth. It would never be fair. And, Allah is very fair.

          If your husband turned out to be a different person, happens to chose the hurs in the other day, then he's unworthy of your love in the other day. You would just forget him and move on with your daughter. You won't have trouble moving on. Allah would make the truth easy for you to accept. If he loves you like he does on earth, then you'll be happy together.

          And, may allah forgive those imems for their pitiful selfish mentality and the takfir they're doing for nice muslims like you and their families.

    • Salem aleykom,

      it is not the problem that I love my husband that much. The problem is that the thing I want most a man who only loves me, isn't possible. So I began to astarfillah not love Allah and his creation, specific the man and his lust. But I know Allah exist so I will burn in hell. I am not happy here, and there it will be terrible. I do not know what to do, I just have to accept that a man never can only love me, but I don't know how, it is affecting everything. Please some advice or sister had the same situation.

      • My dear Sir,

        As i have read your story i have to the conclusion that, You were mis understood by the hoor al ayn, did you know that when a man goes to jannah his wife who support him in his deeni works and work to please her husband and Allah. will be the head of all the hoors that Allah has given to her Husband.
        The hoors are the maid of Jannati man and his wife. Allah has made hoors to serve Jannati.
        So dont be afraid of it.
        may Allah guide you sister

  2. As Salam Alaikum !

    What exactly is your question ? What is troubling you ? All that i could understand was that you dont want your husband to be with a hoor in Jannatul Firdous. Is it this what is bothering you ? Please correct me if i am wrong.

    But if that is what is making you obsessed about , well than thats future which only ALLAH knows. But in present is your husband fulling all the duties loyally in this life to be credited with Jannah hereafter?

    • the problem is, I am not, I want to be a moslima, but I do not know how anymore, I know I HAVE to be moslima because of hell etc. but I don't know how to love Allah if he created man the way that they can never love only one woman. I know what I am saying isn't allowed but I don't know what to do anymore. And I know it is weird I say this, since my husband never talked about marrying another woman, I have a child and food and everything but I can't see the blessings of that anymore because I have no joy and I prefer that I was not created which is obviously impossible, but to live in a world where man are created the way that they can never love one woman forever. I hear also who says your husband will have hoor al ayn if he only wants to be with you, but then I think about other sisters, if only it was 1 man, I feel bad for his wife. I don't know anymore.. I am struggling for about 6 months and I feel nothing has changed I am waiting for my hell, feel pain for me but my family too.

      • Was your questions ever answered? I feel just like you today, lost upset and alone and I can't talk to my partner as he'd never understand, i don't know who I can talk to

        • Assalam O Alayikum sisters! I know my reply is very late but I just want to say that it is ALLAH's great wisdom and mercy that HE has hidden the rewards for women in Quran because a woman by nature is shy and modest.. but at the same time ALLAH revealed many verses in Quran that hint towards Muslim men and women receiving the same rewards.

          (Surah 3: Verse 195, Surah 40: verse 40, Surah 33: Verse 35, Surah 4: Verse 124)

          My sisters I want to tell you that please don't believe what scholars and other people say about Jannah and what women will or won't have there because NO one has seen Jannah and even our beloved Prophet (S.A.W.W) wasn't given complete knowledge about it.

          It is the matter of unseen. If we talk too much about the unseen we will lose our focus on ALLAH because the devil is in the details. Its true that ALLAH has promised men reward of hoor al ayn but don't for a second believe that a woman who wants her husband all to herself will not be granted her wish. How will ALLAH satisfy both the male and female's desire at the same time? Its ALLAH who knows about that and there is nothing impossible for ALLAH. The laws of this world do not apply in Jannah so please sisters have faith in ALLAH and trust me HE (SWT) will not disappoint us. ALLAH loves men and women equally and HE would never prefer a male's wishes above a female's wishes.
          Men and women have different obligations and duties in this dunya but the Paradise is a place for rewards and ultimate happiness. It is not a place for compromises and sacrifices.

          "And no soul knows what is kept hidden for them, of joy as a reward for what they used to do" (Quran: Chapter 32, verse 17)

          Please have faith in ALLAH and do not fall for the waswas of the shaitaan.. He so badly wants you to leave Islam.. please don't let him win

  3. Well don't fret sis
    If your hubby will have a hoor in heaven

    You will have a Ghillmaan (male hoor reserved for ladies)

    But your jealousy issues show they you may have some internal, deep dug insecurities
    This is something we all have

    Were there any times in your life that you were let down or abandoned?

    There are times we all wish to look like a rock star and have the brains of a scientist

    But we are living in the real world and have to deal with the realities

    Why not talk to a councilor about your feelings
    Or even an Iman

    It is their duty to give you guidelines upon having a more positive outlook on life

    Don't lose hope
    Pray for self acceptance
    When you accept yourself
    You will have less doubts regarding your husband

    • it is not about jealousy or maybe it is, but I think not. It is about true love forever together which is not possible. Possible but with maidens. I do not want him to run of to some other woman as I do not want to run of to other man or ghalliban or how did you call them. I was never abandoned or something like that. Not sure who to talk to, don't think anyone can help because talked with many..

  4. OP: Seriously I cant even make dua for paradise for my husband or daughter. And when I think about my husband becoming a martyr and receive 72 virgins I throw up. All this does not feel like jennah to me but a less worse hel..... I am really feeling nothing. You can hurt me or my daughter before my eyes, and it does not affect me. Whether I am with Islam or kefir I can never be happy.

    Are you depressed? You imagination is out of control. You are obsessed with sex.. Stand before a mirror and say "no one can hurt me or my daughter". How long have you been married? How old is your daughter?

  5. the answer to your question is in Quran Surah Waqia. the wives will be raised virgin and they will be given to their men. the 72 hoors are for those who migrated in the path of Allah, bore difficulties, the companions , the prophets, the shudah, the army men who fought for islam. martyr is only that person who fights for islam and Allah and to protect Islam. these days the army men die in accidents, fighting for borders, nuclear power game and considered themselves as martyrs they are not martyrs and very few in current era, the very very pious, full of taqwa, they will get hoors.

    the men we see, moderate like us, we are all sinners, such kind of men will get their wives as virgins. think of the labours who watch blue prints, the teachers who are corrupt these days, people like us who backbite, lie and are sinners. will they get hoors 72 hoors ? no!. in this Surah.. Allah has divided the people in to three groups As Sabiqoon Group ( the excelled ones)
    [Waqia`h 56:39] A large group from the earlier generations.
    [Waqia`h 56:40] And a large group from the latter.
    2- the right ones group
    3- the left ones group

    if your husband falls into the category of the first regarding the characteristics then definitely he is going to have hoors if no then not to worry you will be given to him as virgin. is your husband very pious and God fearing?

    if you fall into the first category regarding the characteristics then definitely you are going to get what Quran has not revealed and may be Allah will gift you with male hoor , i m not sure about that but for women and men all the things have not been revealed only few rewards of jannah are disclosed. we have no idea how infinite rewards we are going to get and hoors will be one of them.
    in Quran Allah says in jannah you will get whatever you will wish for. so it includes everything. you should nt worry what other people says. you should trust Allah. he is full of justice he will never leave you alone and give your husband hoors and you alone in jannah, no. Allah will reward everything with justice and not according to gender.

    • it is not about my husband or so, but about me, I have big issues with Allah and my deen now. it is not about jealousy or maybe it is, but I think not. It is about true love forever together which is not possible. Possible but with maidens. I do not want him to run of to some other woman as I do not want to run of to other man or male hoor or how did you call them. So I do not have what I want (and most woman I think) And even if my husband don't get them, he was created that way, and others will have them and I feel for their wifes. I do not know what to do. I also now you guys are going to think, she's crazy has a husband who only loves her, child, food, but I can't see the blessing of it anymore because I know of hell I am going to, a husband who never can only loves you I don't see anymore as blessing, child is less special because it is not just you that your husband wants kiddies with and so on..

      • dear sister, ...oh my dear sister

        I complitely understand you beacuse I feel the same, all last year and I read your queestion and I cry again. may Allah protect us, but sometimes I feel I am not motivated...I never ask for jannah, Only to protect me from hellfire...When husband told me" you know, You and me in jannah..." I start to cry, and ask him not telling me about jannah, because I will always cry....I'm crying now too....

        • Ok but if he were to die wouldn’t you replace him anyway with another man? What does he get then in return? You only love him as long as he is alive but when he died with time you will forget him and turn to a new man in your life. At that point, so what if he gets Hur al-Ayn, you’re only his wife as long as he is alive, after he dies, what you women like to do is forget everything and move on to someone else for your own reasons.

          • Never if I were to find my true love and if he died I would never ever marry an another man just so we could be together in jannah for ever alone not with hour or male hour or anyone else just me and him forever

      • Assalamu alaikum!
        I just wanted to know if you found your peace again?
        Were you able to win all your struggles?
        I am feeling tha same right now...
        Nothing makes me happy.

    • But according to bukhari a muslim in the lowest level of paradise who will enter jannah after his time in Jahanum will be granted ATLEAST 2 WIVES. For example if you have 1 wife in this duniya, you will get her and one more wife who will be from the women of this duniya, some say it ll be one of the hoors. No matter what it is still unfair. I know what i am saying is against islam but that's how i feel. Instead of removing jealousy from hearts of women why not remove the obssession of sex from the hearts of men? Why not grant every man their wife of this duniya and let them enjoy jannah alone? It is not fait to women. I do not care about any amount of gold, silver, silky clothes whatever is promised in jannah. I rather have my husband just to myself.

  6. I can't believe this. I'm so sorry you've been mislead this way. There is no such thing as hoor al ayn. The idea that jannah is a sexual paradise for men is disgusting and degrades both genders. The Quran says that both men and women in paradise will have companions, and the word for companions is gender neutral. It does not indicate a sexual relationship at all. A few scholars have noted this. There will be no sex parties in jannah, and the idea that there will be is horrendous. It is shirk. Please see:
    You are absolutely right. The idea of hoors degrades women and is actually unIslamic and has no basis in the Quran. The Quran states in many verses that men AND women who are righteous will have whatever they desire in Jannah. There is no discrimination. The repugnant idea of female virgins for men in paradise was invented by biased male scholars and is used to blackmail women.

    • The thing is Allah (S.W.T) has mentioned Hoor in the Quran and even the Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W) has mentioned about them in his sayings to further clarify the meaning of what is said in the Quran.

      Men in Jannah will have both the Hoor (women of jannah) and many women of this world as wives. The quantity of both types depends on how close they were to Allah (S.W.T) and the Prophet (S.A.W) in life and death.

      The OP has nothing to worry about really. She just needs to focus entirely on her Imaan and live on as a good Muslimah. Too much thinking about stuff we don't need to just means we have made our minds idle and an idle mind is considered to be home/palace/heaven for shaitaan so we just gotta keep ourselves busy with useful and important things whether Islamic or wordly stuff and in the end we will die with Imaan like we should Insha Allah.

  7. Sister, I understand what you are going through. It is very understandable and humane not to want to share your husband in Paradise. Just like many men who wouldn't want to share their wives in Paradise. Why oppressing the desires of a woman and not those of men? I also understand why you start doubting about even the religion.

    It also sounds ''unfair'' that our destiny is in the hands of a man. A man getting many woman and a woman must accept that and has no say in that. Do you think God, the most fair, would allow something like that? God said we would get whatever we desire. If you desire to be the only one for your husband, why would you not be able to be that? It is sad that woman of this world even feel like they are in a competition with ''hur al ayn''. Those creatures are made for Paradise as a reward and we as woman deserved Paradise and worked for that. God allows woman on earth to choose to be in monogamy or in polygamy. Nobody has to be in a relationship they don't desire to be in. Some people prefer polygamy and some people prefer monogamy. Fine. So are those people trying to say that here on earth we have the freedom to choose in what type of relationship we want to be in and in Paradise not? God knows what you feel, sister. God is the most fair. He knows what you desire and need before you know it yourself.

    It is not something you have to believe to be a muslima. Many scholars have said that ''hur al ayn'' have no gender. The Quran translations of two very respected scholars called Muhammad Asad and Yusuf Ali have translated the word ''hur al ayn'' to pure companions for both men and woman. Dr. Zakir Naik said the same. They have no gender.

    At the same time, we can't fully know about ''hur al ayn''. Also those people who claim they are females and for all muslim men can't fully know if this is true or not. What people believe came all out of questioning too. Wondering what those verses and hadith would mean. Not everybody believes they are females. So you are also able to take this opinion for yourself and believe in that. 🙂 Have faith in God my dear sister.

    I wish we could speak about it personally.

    Allahul ‘Alem.

    • Sister I would like too. U can contact me at *****

      • Moslima, we do not allow posting private contact info on our site, sorry.

        Wael Editor

        • So how can I contact her?

        • But according to bukhari a muslim in the lowest level of paradise who will enter jannah after his time in Jahanum will be granted ATLEAST 2 WIVES. For example if you have 1 wife in this duniya, you will get her and one more wife who will be from the women of this duniya, some say it ll be one of the hoors. No matter what it is still unfair. I know what i am saying is against islam but that's how i feel. Instead of removing jealousy from hearts of women why not remove the obssession of sex from the hearts of men? Why not grant every man their wife of this duniya and let them enjoy jannah alone? It is not fait to women. I do not care about any amount of gold, silver, silky clothes whatever is promised in jannah. I rather have my husband just to myself.

    • I too would like to speak with you as I am also facing the same situation. I am not married yet the thought of having a husband who solely wouldn't be yours that too in Paradise is very disturbing and I just feel depressed about it. I know Allah knows better but, I feel extremely hard accepting it and also feel less worthy of myself.

    • I would also really like to talk to you sister, I'm going through a really tough time right now and my iman is just plummeting and the way you explained really spoke to me, is there anyway I can contact you to talk?

      • yoyoma, we generally don't allow the exchange of private contact info, but you can both discuss here in the comments if you like.

        Wael Editor

        • I too am struggling, I have a partner that I'm looking to marry but this is upsetting me a lot, I keep crying and really struggling with all of this. My partner is Muslim however, I don't feel I can talk to him at all and I don't have any muslim friends, not ones I can speak to about this anyway. I feel very alone right now and need some help with all of this, im a new muslim of 6 months only.

  8. as salaamu alaykum sister,

    I wonder, are you aware that we will be a New Creation in Jannah? The Flaws of our personalities here in Dunya will have been Erased, along with all feelings of hurt, or any other Negative emotions. Those of us fortunate enough to have been saved by Allaah t'aala, ourHoly God, will be Perfect in Akhira, even more so than the Angels!

    There will Only be Bliss in complete Harmony! Dear sister; you will not even be Able to feel Jealousy! Peace and love and Gratitude and Happiness for All. What Ever you Wish for will be granted you, by our Lord, the most Generous! This is His promise so will you Believe in Him and drop the apprehension?

  9. I will say that I feel the same as this sister even though I am an unmarried man. However, Allah swt has strengthened me not to leave the folds of Islam Alhamdolillah. For even if I will never give up my tawheed and my deen for a mountain of gold. Even if I was made to suffer the worst suffering I will still say There is no one worthy of worship but Allah swt and that Muhammad saw is His last and final messenger. That said, I am not going to lie. This has effected my devotion and iman to a great extent. I continue to have trust in Allah swt and fulfill my obligations to Him. First I want to clear something up for which some people have pointed here and elsewhere that do not have any evidence in the quran and sunnah, may Allah swt preserve us from such lies:
    1. Women also get an equivalent of a hoor
    2. Hoor al ayn are non sexual
    3. Only martyrs get 72 virgins
    The other thing is that when analyzing the shariah only the foolish one relies on one single statement for the answer and is content as soon as he sees it. For example, in jihad many people quote the hadith in which the prophet saw told a mushrik who wanted to fight alongside him that go away for I dont seek help from a mushrik. But other reports confirm safwan bin umayyah(who was a mushrik pagan) and some jewish tribes fighting alongside the prophet saw in battle of uhud and hunain. The true scholors of the deen attain a holistic knowledge to understand the bigger picture and the context of many such traditions. One of the signs of the coming of the hour as narrated by the prophet saw is that knowledge will be sought by lowly ones.
    Anyway, back to the topic at hand. I have seen some well known scholors who rebuke married men and women from desiring, making dwa, or even saying/thinking about this. They equate this with rejecting the blessings of Allah swt and this is incorrect because it is well known that the ummul momineen particularly Aisha ra used to ask such questions and sometimes even be very critical in their jealousy both from the worldly women and the women of paradise. Never once did the prophet saw rebuke, insult, threaten, or divorce them for this. So this kind of a response is unnecessary and does not comply with the shariah. Yes, the rejection of the blessings of Allah swt which Sheikh al Islam talks about in kitab ut tawheed is a different matter altogether. One cannot take the rules of dunya and apply them on the akhira.
    One of the things that the believers are promised in the Quran(also) is that they will get whatever they desire. So where such people get the notion that all the traits of jannah such as marriages, weather, food, etc are fixed and have to be accepted the way they are. Its like saying if a Muslim does not marry 4 wives he is sinning. Where is the proof of that? and I follow the manhaj of the salaf and never accept things without proof.
    I am not a scholor but Allah swt has blessed me with some knowledge that allows me to seperate truth from falsehood. I ask him swt to give me and those affected with this problem patience because the shaytan is after us. If He ever granted me a spouse and I loved her. I would want only her in the dunya and only her in the akhira.

  10. I'm going through the same as you sister. But a voice inside me told me today: What if the mention of the Hoors in the Quran is Allah's test for all of us women, to see if we will be patient for all the beautiful rewards he has yet to reveal for the women. The Prophet said that there will be more women in Hellfire than men and I think any woman who has had an issue with the Hoors, including myself, is speaking in one way or the other against Allah and his promises - and as one who committed this sin, I can say that I understand all my sisters. Allah is aware of how his Quran will be misinterpreted by false hadiths and how these things will affect women like us. But today I tried to think not as a wife, but a sister to my big brother and suddenly I told myself: Why can't my brother who is a devout muslim in this life, can't have all the beautiful wives in Jannah. I cheered inside me. Yes, I want to see my brother getting rewarded with everything that Allah has to offer for him, including his wives from Adam and his wives from the Hooris. Then, of course, I think of myself as a wife and I tell myself that if I will be happy for my brother if God rewards him with Hooris, then why can't i feel the same about my husband? Then my judgment becomes clouded. And it's not jealousy that I feel, deep inside I know that, I think it's anger that I feel that is clouding my judgment. Not anger towards my husband, but anger towards the degradation of women present in many Hadiths.

    There are many bad muslim men out there, and there are still many good muslim men out there. I think to myself, if a man loves his wife, is good to his wife and children and remains faithful to her and on top of that does his duties towards Allah, then he deserves all the delights that can be found in paradise, including sexual pleasure with his many wives in Jannah if sex is such a thing in Jannah.

    But I go back to the main point, I'm angry at how some hadiths mock women and even put words in the mouths of the Hooris against the women of Adam: "Keep annoying your husband and he will one day leave you and come to us." Blasphemous as there is no such thing as jealousy, hatred or all these evil sentiments us women feel towards other women.

    I posted a post too and it's being reviewed and I wanna see what others would say

    • My view of this question is like this:

      Allah has commanded both men and women:

      Tell the believing men to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts. That is purer for them. Indeed, Allah is Acquainted with what they do.24:30
      And tell the believing women to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts and not expose their adornment except that which [necessarily] appears thereof and to wrap [a portion of] their headcovers over their chests and not expose their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands' fathers, their sons, their husbands' sons, their brothers, their brothers' sons, their sisters' sons, their women, that which their right hands possess, or those male attendants having no physical desire, or children who are not yet aware of the private aspects of women. And let them not stamp their feet to make known what they conceal of their adornment. And turn to Allah in repentance, all of you, O believers, that you might succeed.24:31

      Therefore, the command is the same. Than Allaah describes the reward for men (ayahs about hoor) BUT says:
      Is the reward for GOOD [anything] but GOOD?(55:60). Allah says in another ayah:

      Indeed, the Muslim men and Muslim women, the believing men and believing women, the obedient men and obedient women, the truthful men and truthful women, the patient men and patient women, the humble men and humble women, the charitable men and charitable women, the fasting men and fasting women, the men who guard their private parts and the women who do so, and the men who remember Allah often and the women who do so - for them Allah has prepared forgiveness and a great reward.(33:35)

      In this ayah, Allah promiss for woman reward for what?...For Guarding their private parts, so don't worry, just make du'a to Allah to be concrete 😉 and the next time someone tells youR man gets hoor, tell him "the men who guard their private parts and the women who do so 🙂

  11. Its not fair right. Then do something

  12. Hai sister, you will be the wife of your husband in jannah,if you love your husband from here. And the hooruleen will just be his servant there. You will be most beautiful woman than them.

    • First of all the hoors are not slaves they are wives for believing men in paradise.
      secondly, please do not talk about what a woman will get on Jannah or not when ALLAH himself hasn't talked about it then it is HIS Almighty's wisdom to conceal women's rewards. I do not like how men and scholars are so confident about what women will have in Jannah when they themselves have not seen Jannah.
      ALLAH himself has promised in Quran that a believing woman and man will get whatever their hearts desire and both of them will not be wronged even as much as a speck on a date stone.
      It is mentioned in Surah 3, verse 195 that both believing men and women are equal in rewards.

      Jannah is a matter of unseen. Do not blindly believe every scholar who has to say something about it seriously its not a joke. Your reply can easily divert someone from the path of ALLAH. A believer (male) will get whatever he wants and a believer (female) will get whatever she wants (and it could be ANYTHING. Her wishes are a matter between her and her Lord). Its ALLAH's promise.

  13. hearing all of this, I can’t take it anymore. I dont want to be beautiful I want to only be loved by one person who wont love anyone else. I’d rather be ugly than have to share, I’d rather be inferior to the hoors than have to share. There is no way Allah (SWT) would do this to women. There is no way. Allah said so Himself that we will get whatever we desire, and the Hadith that said people will remember what they desire in this world and will get it. Allah is Just. Allah would never do this. He knows how I am feeling and He knows how I am hurting so badly. I attempted suicide multiple times because of this, since I felt that if there is nothing to strive for in Jannah, and the fact that I am thinking this, i may just be destined to Hell so I should just leave. Am I a curse for being a woman? I wish I was never a woman, i wish I was never born. Why do male scholars think they know women? Why educate women about being a woman without being a woman? How does it make sense? Yes, my lack of understanding of the Hereafter is there, but how are male scholars so confident that they have an understanding and I don’t? Allah says we will get whatever we desire. Men and women. Are men just better creatures? Were they made better, are they more favorable than women? I am losing my mind. I stopped wishing to marry after this. I gave up my dreams of marrying a wonderful man and settling down, my deen is in danger, my life is too. If adultery is haram in Jannah, then at least give me what is Halal, a loving man to myself. Is that too much for a woman? I am not asking for more men, but rather just one handsome loving one to myself that won’t love anyone else. And if I can’t then it’s only fair that I get male hoors as well. I know Allah is most Just, All Knowing, and He would never favor men over women. He would never change women to facilitate to a man’s desire. There is no way. I cannot believe it. Yes I am a woman, i am preferably monogamous, why should I facilitate to a man who is so called “polygamous by nature”? If Men by nature like women, then women by nature want unfiltered loyalty and a man to themselves. Allah is the best. I have to trust Him, but how can I if this is what I am promised? Am i insecure for wanting love? Am i bad person for being jealous of love? Am i not worthy of a perfect love that i have dreamed about for my life? Does Allah not listen to my dreams? Surely He will give women what he promised and that is everything they desire right? Or am i just.. not worthy enough cause i am a woman? i am a flawed creature that was made just for a man’s pleasure

    • Same, inshallah in jannah Allah will create men better than dunya men maybe like the hoor but male version, and be ours only.

      I would chose him over men who has other wives, easy men go with hoor and we go withe special man who wouldn't have other wives. It is a halal wish to, if you think about it. You ask wants one husband made in jannah since men in this life will have hoor, then they aren't an option. Even if I got married, I wouldn't want my husband their, he can go with hoor, I wish him all the best, but inshallah I will ask Allah for my special man or go into anime world and marry my favorite charaters.

      • Mimi,
        Exactly! I don’t understand why having one all to myself is such a bad thing. It’s not haram. I’m not even asking for multiple men now it’s just I want one to myself. One man all for me. Is that such an impossible wish? Will everyone be coerced into polygamy in Jannah? I don’t think so. I think in Jannah we will have free will. If we did on Earth, why can’t we do so in Jannah, which is the best place where all my dreams can come true.

  14. hearing all of this, I can’t take it anymore. I dont want to be beautiful I want to only be loved by one person who wont love anyone else. I’d rather be ugly than have to share, I’d rather be inferior to the hoors than have to share. There is no way Allah (SWT) would do this to women. There is no way. Allah said so Himself that we will get whatever we desire, and the Hadith that said people will remember what they desire in this world and will get it. Allah is Just. Allah would never do this. He knows how I am feeling and He knows how I am hurting so badly. I attempted suicide multiple times because of this, since I felt that if there is nothing to strive for in Jannah, and the fact that I am thinking this, i may just be destined to Hell so I should just leave. Am I a curse for being a woman? I wish I was never a woman, i wish I was never born. Why do male scholars think they know women? Why educate women about being a woman without being a woman? How does it make sense? Yes, my lack of understanding of the Hereafter is there, but how are male scholars so confident that they have an understanding and I don’t? Allah says we will get whatever we desire. Men and women. Are men just better creatures? Were they made better, are they more favorable than women? I am losing my mind. I stopped wishing to marry after this. I gave up my dreams of marrying a wonderful man and settling down, my deen is in danger, my life is too. If adultery is haram in Jannah, then at least give me what is Halal, a loving man to myself. Is that too much for a woman? I am not asking for more men, but rather just one handsome loving one to myself that won’t love anyone else. And if I can’t then it’s only fair that I get male hoors as well. I know Allah is most Just, All Knowing, and He would never favor men over women. He would never change women to facilitate to a man’s desire. There is no way. I cannot believe it. Yes I am a woman, i am preferably monogamous, why should I facilitate to a man who is so called “polygamous by nature”? If Men by nature like women, then women by nature want unfiltered loyalty and a man to themselves. Allah is the best. I have to trust Him, but how can I if this is what I am promised? Am i insecure for wanting love? Am i bad person for being jealous of love? Am i not worthy of a perfect love that i have dreamed about for my life? Does Allah not listen to my dreams? Surely He will give women what he promised and that is everything they desire right? Or am i just.. not worthy enough cause i am a woman?
    How come men who don’t want to have multiple women be coerced into having them? Some men just don’t like multiple women and that is perfectly okay.

    • i don’t why but my messages aren’t going through, or i just can’t see anything but.
      I have been feeling so hopeless again and in too much pain. All because I am a woman.
      More women will follow Dajjal
      More women will go to Hell
      I will only have my last husband in Heaven and that’s it.
      Am i curse for being a woman?
      Astaghfirullah but should I have stayed being buried alive so I don’t feel any of this pain?
      Was I made as a woman to suffer?
      Was it the point of every staying upon this world as a woman if this is what is my destiny because my genitals happen to be different?
      I want to leave once and for all
      I am sorry to anyone who has ever met me.. i really don’t know how much i can take this burden of mine
      To anyone else who is feeling this.. do you also want to leave as well?

      • Zoe ,

        You need to take things positively .There are many hadiths about women who will get highest honour in Aakhirat .Few examples I am putting below

        There is one Surah in Quran with name Surah Maryam itself .

        Asiyah, Wife of the Pharaoh is mentioned in the Quran .

        Asiyah is praised because in Q 66: 11, which is dated into the late Medinan period, she prayed to God to build her a house in paradise and save her from her wicked husband, Pharaoh.[2]

        "And Allâh has set forth an example for those who believe; the wife of Fir'aun (Pharaoh), when she said: "My Lord! Build for me a home with You in Paradise, and save me from Fir'aun (Pharaoh) and his work, and save me from the people who are Zâlimûn (polytheists, wrong-doers and disbelievers in Allâh)."

        — Quran, Sura 66 (At-Tahrim), ayat 11 [n]

        There are many such examples if you search .So don't get lost by reading few out of context or selective things .

        Also below is good read

        • I’d rather have no honor than share a man who won’t love me exclusively. Men just don’t understand us women and what we feel. If they are naturally polygamous, then I dare say women are naturally monogamous and their nature asks for a loyal person because our hearts hurt so much. I’m not sure if you are a man or a woman. If you’re a man, then you will never understand how a woman feels. What’s the point of honor when our honor, having a man to ourselves and being in love with someone who will love us indefinitely and with exclusivity, is being removed so a man can be satisfied?

        • I’d rather have no honor than share a man who won’t love me exclusively. Men just don’t understand us women and what we feel. If they are naturally polygamous, then I dare say women are naturally monogamous and their nature asks for a loyal person because our hearts hurt so much. I’m not sure if you are a man or a woman. If you’re a man, then you will never understand how a woman feels. What’s the point of honor when our honor, having a man to ourselves and being in love with someone who will love us indefinitely and with exclusivity, is being removed so a man can be satisfied?

          • Zoe not true. I am a man and I definitely understand your pain. On the bright side, if I were to be in Paradise with my wife I would only want her exclusively because she would deserve to have such a pure love for eternity. She shouldn't ever feel that she isn't good enough and therefore I wouldnt need nor want more women. I mean come on, the perfect model was made in Paradise between Adam and Eve. It wasn't Adam, Eve, Zaynab, Ayah, etc. It was a union between one man and one woman which was meant for eternity (until Satan made them disobey their Lord and now we are here). The same way you said a man wouldn't understand you I often feel a woman wouldn't understand me because if I were to die and leave behind my wife I wouldn't want her to marry another man. I am not comfortable with some man sleeping in the same bed as my wife when I die, it is very grim and morbid thought. And that also goes to me, I wouldn't accept any woman to sleep on the same bed or take the same position as my wife. Why is it when a mother, father, brother, etc dies they are irreplaceable and you can't get anyone to take their place but when a spouse dies you can simply replace them after some time/procedure. That doesn't sit right with me. A wife and husband should be eternally loyal to each other despite all circumstances and that is indicative of true love between two people. More men should value the virtue of loyalty to their wife (and she should as well) and never forsake her by wanting another woman and chasing empty pleasure. And Zoe try to have a good assumption about Allah because he will not force your spouse to be with many women in the Hereafter, if your husband loves you he could see no other woman besides you. The rest who want many women in the Hereafter resemble pubescent children with raging teenager hormones disguised in a adult bodies and do not despair about them. In time, Allah will bring the person you yearn for, the one who will love and nurture you forever without end, fi dunia wa fil akhirah aydan. Stay strong Zoe and OP.

        • also to that article you sent, I don’t understand why my only rights with men are superficial items that are to just clothe, feed, and protect. And I sit here to sacrifice my body to a man cause that’s a right of his. He has no obligation to sacrifice his body. everything I stated in my comment and this all make me hate men. I truly despise them to measures I can’t describe. I decided to not get married and Inshallah get the man that I want all to myself in Jannah. Just one anime man is enough for me. That’s all I’m asking for.

          • Omg it’s a rare breed of a man :O.
            I guess it helped knowing that some men love their women. A lot of the men that speak about this, especially scholars, seem to have no care for their wives because of their own selfish desires. It’s not that I don’t want my man to have women, it’s just that if he can have women. I can have one man to myself. It’s really not that difficult. Not only is it halal request (to which some men are like women cannot wish for multiple partners there which is not a solid argument at all), but it’s a really simple one in a sea of requests that could be made. If I can have that, I would need nothing else. Surely, this request can be given to me right? It’s not a big one.
            Plus, there are some men that are like “every man gets 2 wives because there is an excess of women”. It’s the dumbest argument I ever heard since why would there ever be a shortage of men in Heaven? It’s like their being blasphemous but assuming Allah can’t give more men in Jannah to those women??

            People are dumb sometimes.

  15. No Zoe you are not a flawed creature meant to facilitate the desires of overly sexual men. You are a woman from the creation of Allah, He will give you something good just have faith in Him. He will give you the man you want the one that wants you and only you forever, whether you are tall, short, skinny, fat, young, old, strong, weak, beautiful, not so beautiful, alive, dead; there is a man somewhere that you will take the part in his heart that crowns you as his one wife for eternity. Why does it sound so crazy to you? Us men aren't all the same believe me. It disgusts me to think about being with several women, rather it is more fitting to be with one woman; a monogamous lifestyle. I know the pain you are feeling and I once (yes, even us men) feel pain concerning women but only in trusting in Allah does your heart find rest and you eventually realize that the man you were hoping and dreaming about will be a reality because Allah loves to see His servants happy with that He has blessed them with. Allah created you, he knows all your intense desires, needs, wants, hopes. He will never waste you Zoe (and to all girls suffering emotionally about this).

  16. First off I am not a rare breed, there are many men as my friends are that share the same opinion and some to an even greater magnitude. P Zoe, how would it be a big request for Allah. Everything for Allah is easy, wa dalika 3ala Allahi yaseer. What you want he will grant until you are pleased and more. The thing with the every man will have two wives is false because even mathematically speaking the population of women isn't double the population of men and besides that Allah doesn't force anyone into polygamy. It seems in our time there is an influx of "scholars" who exhibit hypersexual qualities pushing some hardline form of politicized Islam.

    However I must say I am a bit disturbed that you don't mind your man can be with other women, that you would remarry after your husband is gone (you said you don't want to be with only your last husband, I am assuming you want to be with all of them). I think if you were to remarry after your husband died why should he only be paired with you in the Hereafter if you were with other another man/ that case wouldn't it only be fair if he was with other women? Its not clear if you are trying to say that your remarriage after your spouse dying is all good and clear but if he were to be paired with someone else in Paradise alongside you it would be unacceptable. Remarriage after the death of the spouse can be likened to a virtual form of polygamy since you now have had technically more than one partner. Monogamy in it's true essence and form is staying, loving, and cherishing your partner no matter the circumstance. Can we agree on everything or is there a disagreement Zoe?

    • Sorry for any misunderstand, I sometimes don’t type properly when I’m mad.
      Just to be clear, I am not married yet. I always had aspirations to get married and all of that. However, with more men these days seeking superficiality in women, my lack of personal beauty, my emotional instability, I am sure men would not want me. I had many bad experiences with men in general and so I have been traumatized to the point where I decided I am going to go without a man. Seeing all the rules and regulations for a woman in a marriage also has strayed me away from it. Cannot refuse intercourse? Need to obey? Can’t see my parents without permission? He has the right to polygamy whether I like it or not? Can divorce me whenever I want, but I can’t divorce since I need HIS permission to divorce??? I refuse to be in this situation. I am terrified of men, of love, of being loved because that would mean I am signing myself up for that risk. I called you a rare breed because truly good men are rare to find these days, the ones that Allah had in mind when bringing up those rules. Nonetheless, I said I wouldn’t mind my man being with other women because of the sheer multitude of men bringing up how “men are more sexual beings” “they deserve more women in Jannah” “they will get this” “they will get that” and so I jus gave up and said I wouldn’t mind, but I would want at least one man to myself while he can have all those women. That’s all. If I loved my man, why would I even bring up the thought of him being with other women? I would throw up seriously.

      • zoe, I did not read this whole comment chain, but I saw this comment of yours and I think a lot of this exists in your imagination. Who says that more men these days are seeking superficiality in women? Men have always been attracted to female beauty, but any man with common sense knows that it takes much more than that to build a marriage. Furthermore, it really is true that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Good character, kindness and respect make a woman more beautiful than any physical shape.

        You are imagining the worst case scenario, where your husband would be a controlling monster. I don't know any men like that. The vast majority of the Muslim husbands I know are not interested in polygamy, have happy relationships with their wives, don't try to prevent their wives from seeing their parents, and are not sitting around dreaming of a Jannah where they will have multiple partners. Yes, I know one man who used to curse at his wife and punch the walls, and they got divorced. But I also know a man whose wife used to scream, abuse the children, and cheat on him. People are people. Most are decent and good-hearted. Men are not a separate species. They have the same wants, hopes and dreams that you do.

        If you want to remain single, that is your right. But don't do it because of some imaginary male boogie man that exists only in your nightmares. And by the way, what you put out into the world matters as well. I would avoid you as a marriage prospect, not because of your appearance, but because of your anger and bitterness. Sometimes we conjure our own fears into reality.

        Wael Editor

        • “I would avoid you as a marriage prospect”
          I brought it up in my comment that I know this was the case because of my emotional instability. I am aware that that part of me is a reason why I can’t get anyone. So I understand where you are coming from and 100% agree with you. I am not worthy for marriage and so there is no use for me to seek for it anyway. That was the point I wanted to bring up.

          Back to the case,
          Well I brought up the idea of superficiality because a lot of men have been going into the MGTOW movement. I suggest you do some research to understand more of their case but in general, they are men who are becoming against modern women and feminism in general. As a feminist my whole life, I thought the whole goal was to make men and women equally valued and loved and cherished as human beings and to recognize each one as capable to do things. I apologize if seems like I made the generalization to go to all men. It definitely did not include the good ones. It’s just my personal lack of trust and my experience along with delving into these movement, and seeing people in my own life go by those doctrines, I started to lose hope. Definitely, there are good men are there. But it’s what risk I need to take to find them. If I end up with one who does dream of women all the time and puts up a facade to tell me he loves me, won’t it hurt me more in the end? If I end up with an abusive one, a manipulative one, a liar, a sociopath, all who can put up a fake mask and show they loved me, would it no be more painful in the end? The extent to my argument is just: I don’t think I’ll ever find a good man for me. Firstly, cause I am unmarriageable. Secondly, I lost trust in all these real men, and third, because of the many claims made about the Hereafter that I can’t bear. It made me feel like just because I was born a woman, I am unflavored cause it’s always going to be a man first and last.

          One argument that hurt me the most was:
          Well Adam (AS) was made first, prophets were all men, and Imams are man. so obviously there is a natural priority and supremacy put on a man.

          After hearing that, how can I ever be happier? Especially if I am threatened to be a bad muslim for not listening to a “scholar”

  17. So Zoe answer this. If.your husband died would you remarry?

    • I don’t know cause I am not married and choose not to. But if I loved him and he loved me then of course I wouldn’t remarry.

      • sister. Two things i want to tell you. "Allah can make anything happen" and "you will get whatever it is that your soul shall desire". If a man wants hoor he will get it, BUT if a woman wants a man all to herself, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK SHE WONT GET IT?!? He can make all things possible after all, he is Allah. So i actually believe that in Jannah there will be co-existing realities, two realities happening at the same time. For example a woman is wearing a pink dress, but her husband wants her to wear a blue one. In HER reality, she will be wearing the pink one, and in HIS, it will be blue. Do you understand where im getting at here? Dont forget Allah knows how he made his creation, he knows how ALL of the women feel in regards to this. And in Jannah "there shall be not an OUNCE of injustice" So it wont make sense that Allah gets rid of our desire and favors a mans desire over ours, nor will he favor a woman's over a mans, he will favor both desires. The main reason many scholars don't about this whole idea of co-existing realities is simply because its Not A DUNYA concept. They most likely don't even know that, this is possible. And this trouble its causing you is very reasonable, trust me, Allah is testing you and your patience, don't forget that NONE of your hard work will be wasted there. NOT a single DROP. Im sorry this came to you late. I'm also a sister so i too understand you. Take care salam.

    • You see, you yourself don't understand my struggle. Why is there an "I don't know", does that mean there is a chance if you were married and there was great love between you two that certain circumstances may lead you to remarry?

      • I meant and I don’t know cause I never really felt anything close to love. I am not someone who goes for a man’s money. Money is not important to me. I grew up in a lower class family and am the only person who is going to make at least double the amount of my current household income. I don’t care if a man is poor. If you’re implying I’d remarry for these reasons then no I wouldn’t. But if someone were to love me and only me, regardless of how many other options he has. Why would I ever even think of remarrying? It’s wrong and it would hurt him, just like you’re hurt to hear what I said.

      • Wael, as she said earlier, she knew you wouldn't understand her feelings and essence of her argument. I know how she feels–she is posting on a comment chain that discusses this issue, just look at OP's post for example. She wants to love someone who loves her, and to love someone is to be vulnerable to them and so she doesn't want to be hurt if the man she ends up loving will not be with her forever as in it would be a crushing disappointment and of course that would hurt her. Just because according to you there aren't "men who sit down thinking about their wives of Jannah" doesn't mean she won't fear what happens in the Afterlife. I totally understand her pain and it takes experience to understand and empathize with that.

        • Zoe, what about other reasons like perhaps you didn't have any children from him or he died when you were young. What would be a reason? Or that doesn't matter as well so long as he loved and wanted only you despite all options available to him?

          • Love to me is am extremely dominant emotion and even if I was in the worst conditions, as long as I had someone to love nothing could even prevail. If I had no children then I would be happy feeding children from an orphanage or fostering. If he died very early on in marriage then I still wouldn’t marry. It’s not fair to the person I loved and who loved me back.

          • I understand Zoe. Thank you for your time and answers. May Allah grant you a husband who will love and be with you forever, this life and the Hereafter without Hur al-Ayn. Be patient and face Allah in du'a. I want you to know we men aren't all the same and Allah is my witness that I have no desire for the Hur al-Ayn and how beautiful of a life it is to live with my wife for eternity in Jannah, one on one.

  18. I understand Zoe. Thank you for your time and answers. May Allah grant you a husband who will love and be with you forever, this life and the Hereafter without Hur al-Ayn. Be patient and face Allah in du'a. I want you to know we men aren't all the same and Allah is my witness that I have no desire for the Hur al-Ayn and how beautiful of a life it is to live with my wife for eternity in Jannah, one on one.

    • It is beautiful to live that way. I just hate that people are saying it’s impossible that I can’t have a man to myself. Why is that such a bad thing? Why are people so fed up with me wanting a single person to myself? I a, promised whatever I want and though I may not want to marry in this world but I know in the next, if I get there IA, I’ll get whoever it is that I want. Thank you for listening to me and -putting up with my frustrations.

  19. I would say try being more open, I know many men would love to marry a woman like yourself. You are the loyal kind of woman and Allah would only give you a loyal man. And what scholars say isn't the end all be all, they even disagree amongst themselves, listen to someone who has similar viewpoints to you. It will bring you a lot of relief for sure. One day In Sha Allah a man of your liking (personality, character, loyalty) will decide to marry you and love you. Don't feel bad because Wael said he would eliminate you from his marriage prospects lol, you could care less. You need someone who can understand your feelings and frustrations not someone who just dismisses as if it is useless banter. I am not fed up with you wanting to have a single person to yourself, in fact I support and pray for you to get that and for your heart to be content with that one person forever and ever. Ameen

  20. Hello everyone. Sorry if I am bothering you all with posts like these but I seriously am in a mental health crisis and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I am going to do something to myself because of how hurt I am. I just hate being a woman. Ultimately I don’t see any benefit from being a woman. I really do feel like I am born for a man. (Need to obey him, cannot fast without his permission because he needs his desires to be satisfied, in heaven I will be there only for him to use and he will be unfaithful to me because of his desires to be satisfied with hoors, women were created as “gifts” for men because they need their desires to be satisfied.) I truly cannot take it anymore. I feel like I am deserving to hell for this but how can I ever feel happy anymore? I wish I was a man, I really do. Then, I would be able to go outside without fear, I’m not going to feel the need to be beautiful to be loved and wanted. My gender would not have the need to destroy themselves in society through pornography, modeling, etc. I would be strong enough to fight someone who is attacking. I would be considered superior in the workforce due to my physical strength and my natural born higher intellect. I would be better as a man, because I as a woman have never been anything more than a gift for a man. I wasn’t born for myself, I was only made for a man. And that fact has broken me to a point of suicide. I truly don’t know how much I can restrain myself. If I call any mental health services I would just put a burden on my parents. I can’t take it. It’s too much. Once again, I am sorry to everyone in this post and especially brother Waël for having to deal with me but I don’t know what to do.

    If I leave, would I be missed.
    I am so sorry everyone. I hope I can be here to see your advice.

    - Zoe

    • Asalamualaykum Zoe,

      Which country are you in? If you are in the U.S., please call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. In fact, you may be able to call this number from overseas - I am not sure. This line in anonymous and your parents will not find out. Call from your room or under the bed covering if you are worried about it.

      Zoe, none of what you describe should be a reason for you to end your life. You are going through a sort of existential crisis and need to treat it as such by getting help from a mental health professional. We all go through this type of thing from time to time, albeit for different reasons, and come out on the other side of will too.

      Why do you feel you are being a burden on your parents by seeking help? Regardless, you have to put yourself first and not worry about what they will think. You owe that to yourself. You are a smart, honest, and kind human being, and have lots of worth beyond being a "gift for men." I think you've gone down a rabbit hole and you need to pull yourself out before it gets any worse. The farther down you go, the harder it will be to get out.

      Please talk with your parents to get you a therapist or a counselor for your depression. He or she will also be able to help you get psychiatric help if you need it.

      Zoe, each human being is so critical to the world. Without even one of us, including you, the world would not be the same. You have no idea how much you impact the world. The smallest action of yours has such a wide reach that you cannot imagine it.

      Please take care of yourself Zoe, and do not be embarrassed to talk about your fears with a professional. We can help you here as well, but you need to take that first step Zoe.



      • I don’t like therapists or mental health professionals as I feel like I’m being assessed rather than helped. If I call the suicide prevention hotline then my parents may potentially be arrested because the system is so bad here in the U.S. Yes, I am having a existential crisis and I don’t think anyone but Allah can help me at this point. I’ve truly given up. I really did. And I do think the reasons I mentioned are valid since, why live when you are only known in this world to be used for someone else. Why live when I truly do have nothing to live for? Besides, won’t there be more benefits if I wasn’t here?

        - Zoe

        • Zoe,

          Your not trusting mental health professionals is actually your own problem, not theirs. You need to acknowledge that Allah created them, suited them to their professions just like you or I were well-suited to ours, and guided those who need help their way. I live in the U.S.too and I've been seeing mental health professionals since 2006. And it has done nothing but help, but you have to be open-minded and trust. Do you honestly think you can see your situation objectively when you are the one in it?

          I feel like you have a lot of anger, which is fine, but you need to direct it towards helping yourself rather than blaming men or Allah or the way the Universe was designed. Honestly, the better of a person you are, the more you will trust others, because you will not feel like everyone is out to get you or spite you.

          Bottom line is, you have to survive, and it is ok to seek help. There is no shame in it. Inshallah with the help of others created by Allah, He will help you through them.


          • i am angry.. i guess it is my fault. It goes to show that I really am a bad person like I was told I was. I truly am the one alone to blame and I don’t think I am one to ever be saved. Nonetheless, thank you all for taking time to respond to the mess that I am. I truly do love you all. I’ll make my decision in a couple hours.

            With love,
            Zoe <3

      • Zoe don't hurt yourself please. I told you there is a man who will love you perfectly and won't view you as a toll or gift for him. Don't let Satan get to you. I know you are stronger than that. I meant what I meant when I told you what I did. You are valuable. :'/
        And there is a man that you will love so much and he too will love you, you don't ever have to share him. You have all the right to feel that way. You should never feel like someone is forcing you to share the person you are meant to build your life with.

  21. Hello. I am alive, i wanted to apologize for saying that all in front of everyone out loud. Yes i had a terrible existential crisis and am now in severe chronic depression, but I thank you for worrying about me Nor and Zakaria. i still do feel everything I said beforehand, however, keeping on talking about it is mentally exhausting. So though it will be in my head all the time, I’ll stop talking about it unless I’m having a crisis again.

    - My apologies,

    • Zoe, there's no need to apologize. That is what we are here for. Please get treated for your depression. May Allah grant you peace of mind and tranquility.

      Wael Editor

    • Asalamualayum Zoe,

      I mimic Brother Wael's sentiments in that you never have to apologize for speaking your mind or being yourself. In Sha Allah people will take what you say in the way that you mean it, and look past their own prejudices. Thank you for letting us know how you are doing. Please take my advice to see a mental health professional seriously. I've been there, trust me, things will get so much easier if you trust Allah's plan for you and the professionals He created to help you.



      • thank you for worrying about me,
        i will resort to medication to attempt and treat my depression and anxiety because therapy is off limits for me, and I know no would really understand me.

        • Zoe,

          I can understand why you might feel that way about therapy. But the therapist will let you talk for yourself, "get everything out" and should only steer the conversation...not necessarily understand every feeling of yours. It helps you by bringing your own feelings to the surface and sharing the burden with another.

          Medication is a choice, and if this continues to bother you, a good one in my opinion. Look into Anafranil and Luvox. They both help with constant worry/OCD.



          • Nor,

            Thank you for worrying. But therapy is something I always had bad feelings about so I am trying for medication after an evaluation.


  22. Hello my dear sister. First of all I want you to know that you're not alone in this, MANY women suffered from this problem but Allah has revealed to me the solution so I can tell it to all my muslim sisters to ease their pain, because Allah doesnt want ANY muslim woman to cry and suffer or even lose her faith from this! So listen carefully to what I will tell you next! I had a mental breakdown when I learned that my husband will have multiples wives and female creatures in Jannah, I cried hysterically for almost 20 minutes. Then I prayed in my heart for understanding, and Allah opened my eyes. It’s funny how short sighted we are while in the dunya, I guarrantee you you’ll laugh at present self if you manage to get in paradise! First of all, our imagination is too limited and we assume that the same laws of time and space will apply to Jannah, so we’ll have to share our husbands with other women! That’s simply not true. The physical laws of this world don’t apply to the hearafter. There is a simple solution to your problem: Have you ever heard of parallel dimentions? Quantum physics speculates that there is a posibility of infinite parallel dimentions, with every single possible outcome that we can imagine. Do you care if your loyal husband is cheating on you right as we soeak in a parallel dimention? As long as he’s faithful in your dimention of reality, no sane person would care about other planes of existence! If mere humans can imagine something like that, imagine what Allah can do! You won’t have to share your husband with other women or hoor of paradise. You husband will be able to enjoy all of them simultaneously, at parallel dimentions, while he’s giving you 100% of his attention and affection! Plus, you will never come into contact with ANY of those other women. But even though you’ll know about their existence, you won’t care. I guarrantee you that. Just imagine if your husband came right now and told you that, in a parallel dimention, he’s havimg sex with another woman right now. Any normal person would just laugh and not even think about it! If your husband is giving you his undevided attention in your plane of existence, if he’s madly in love with you in THIS realituy, why wpuld you care about other dimention? It makes no sense to be jealous of parallel verions of our husbands! Plus, in jannah there is NO jealousy. You wont be able to get jealous even if your husband is having sex with another woman in front of your eyes! Most probably, you would get immence pleasure from his pleasure! There are polyamorous people even in this world who feel this way! If imperfect humans are capable of not having jealousy and not be possesive (which are both based on incecurity, which is an imperfection) just imagime how much more free of any flaw we will be in Jannah! There is NO imperfection or negative feelings in paradise. Just pure bliss and overwhelming happiness beyond any imagination! Even your very idea that true love should be monogamous is planted in you by modern society and based on your brain’s chemistry (that causes you to become jealous if your man wants another woman because of fear of abandonment that he’ll leave you and your kids and go procreate with that other female, leaving you and your offspring vulnerable). It’s not your own idea. Your jealousy is not a trait of your personality or who you are as a person. This is all just biological traits imposed to us by Allah to ensure our specie’s survival and then of course society’s ideals that shape our concept of romantic love. Trust me, if sources were unlimited (unlimited food, unlimited material goods, unlimited love and attention from your man) you WOULDN’T be jealous if he had many women! The ONLY reason humans are jealous is because of survival instincts. Men, for example, are jealous because of their biological need to ensure that the offspring is theirs (so their DNA can continue existing). This jealousy trait is present even in animals. Male tigers, for example, expect fidelity from their females, and if they find out she has mated with another male they will kick them out of their territory, even percecute them and kill their young when in doubt that they’re indeed theirs. I hope you are able to see clearly now that when you are in Jannah you will have NONE of those characteristics that define you now. You will be unable of experiencing jealousy, or any negative feeling whatsoever, as there will be no biological reason for them to exist any longer. The sources will be unlimited and infinite, so you will have NO survival instincts. Even the physical laws will no longer apply. Your husband will be giving you his undevided time and attention, and you will simply not care about parallel dimentions. If you still feel jealous, there are deeper emotional issues you need to check. Even i, an incredibly possesive and jealous woman, am able to relax, smile and feel content knowing that Allah will make sure I will have no idea what jealousy even feels like in heaven, and i won’t have to share my husband with ANYONE. What he does in parallel dimentions of Jannah is simply none of my concern to be honest. If i dont care what a parallel version of my husband is doing now, even in the dunya, do you really think there is the SLIGHTEST chance I will care in Paradise? Our Creator is all knowing ladies, he has created us to our very last atom, he has created our psyche and He knows even better than us what we need to be happy. The real question is, do you trust your Lord? Do you believe that He would never do anything that would cause you pain and suffering in the next life (even tho He may cause you suffering in this life, He does this for a reason -this life is a test and training for the next, but He has no reason to test you in Paradise!). Do you trust that His imagination exceeds yours by infinity and do you trust His capability to make the seemingly impossible, possible? It all comes down to how much you trust Allah. Your Father and your Master would NEVER EVER betray you. He knows best. Return to him my sister and rest assured that he WILL NOT make you share your husband in the next life!!!❤

    • Matina, this may have been the most interesting and original comment I've ever read on this website, lol.

      Wael Editor

      • So inevitably,
        I would not matter anyway since there will always be accommodations for him. I won’t be feeling anything so he could be accommodated. Male sexual instincts would be intact, but I would be given other dimensions, other ways that I would accommodate and facilitate for a man, regardless of what I want. My jealousy would be taken away for a man? Do not call my Lord a “‘father” because that is humiliating and blasphemous. “no survival instincts” yet a man could keep his biological makeup. Polyamorous people are polyamorous. They feel that way because they do. I do not feel that way, but so long a man could get what he wants, my biological makeup doesn’t matter. I would be considered nothing but an animal he could kick away if I wanted someone else. So that he could always enjoy himself, and I’ll know, but only because I am the inferior sex i should not care, and would be made to not care. I just accepted that I am not as loved as a man would be, and that it is my fault because I am a woman and I exist. That because I’m a woman I make the majority of eternal damnation, that because I’m a woman I’m made to get raped, killed, and oppressed against, but yet because I’m a woman my gossiping and ungratefulness to a man would get me into Hell. That as long as a man is happy with me, I go to Heaven, and if he’s not that I am doomed to Hell. I know Islam is true and that if I stray into another religion I will never be forgiven, and so I just need to sit here and accept my inferiority. I don’t even have the option to be alone in Heaven. I just want to be alone. If that were a thing I’d 100% do that happily. But I can’t do that. I can’t be happy. I suffer forever, no matter where I go, simply because I was made a woman. It’s the reason I have such severe depression now. I am truly waiting for the day that I could die. But even so I will suffer.

  23. Greetings Zoe,

    I feel your pain believe me. Disregard everyone else's comments, as I told you have faith that Allah will grant you that which your heart yearns for. We should have a good assumption about Allah that He is generous and that he knows every single one of us personally. Allah is our Creator after all, we all have different wants and needs as people. I, like you prefer one man and one woman forever ♾️, a relationship that death cannot separate. Others don't think like us. Allah said that He is as you assume Him to be. If you assume Him to be generous you shall find him so and if you assume Him to be harsh, you shall find him so. Zoe you are in my du'a, a loyal man for you in this life and the Hereafter. You will be exclusive to each other Ya Allah.

    • Thank you,

      It’s been an extremely difficult time for me, and I am severely tired of everything. I just want to be happy. Why do people tell me I can’t get what I want in Jannah? Ramadan is coming and I want to be happier or at least take that time to try and heal myself. I appreciate your Duaa.

      - Zoe

      • hello everyone,

        It’s been a good couple of months after I talked in this chat. Let’s just say my feelings have not been completely subdued but I was wondering if I can have a little advice on other issues. The main issue in my head right now is the concept of marriage. After everything explained through this chat, and given the situation where I am right now, I feel like marriage is not plausible for me. However, my parents are stressing the concept of marriage and I fear things will become ugly later on when I refuse them. They seem to believe that my sheer refusal to marry is just a phase and not true emotions. I fear for my future. I really don’t want to marry. Islamically, I know it’s recommended and that no one is able to force me, but excuses are made and manipulation is used all the time. I want to peacefully be able to stay unmarried in my life without judgment from my parents, the rest of my family, and my friends and neighbors.

        Thank you!

        • Salam Zoe! I think i have most answers to the things you're asking.

          Absolutely every single thing that you've said, i have felt too, honestly i 100% understand everything that you've mentioned (even when you said that you'de rather remain single than share ur hubby, i almost screamed knowing that someone else understands me) and i've also been suffering so much in the idea that we are inferior. But sister i can assure you that this is the most complex trick from the shaytan and a HUGE test on us women. Allah's wisdom is far more than that which we can fathom (but also fathomable to an extend where we know some of the intent behind certain rulings if we dig deep enough).

          Regarding the parallel universe thing, I think you misunderstood:

          YOU WILL HAVE YOUR HUSBAND ALL TO YOURSELF HE WILL LOVE YOU AND ONLY YOU AND JUST YOU AND YOURE THE ONLY THING HE CAN SEE IN HIS EYES, YOURE BEAUTY, THE IDEA OF YOU, THE THOUGHT OF YOU, THE BLATANT SURROUNDING OF YOU. ABSOLOUTLEY EVERYTHING!!! And he will also have his hoor. Same soul of the person but two different worlds. In YOUR world, he will want nothing but YOU and in his world he has what HE wants, this is the truth of the JUST of our ALLAH.

          To put it blatantly, every single thing you've ever imagined and wanted and loved and wished about having in a man and fantasized over and enjoy and really really deeply want and wish and LONG FOR and just dream day in and day out and CANT GO TO SLEEP OVER. YOU. SHALL. HAVE.
          Habibti, my dear lovley sister, my gorgeous sister. YOU WILL HAVE IT.
          And i hate to say it this way, you can hold Allah accountable for what he promised in the Quran 'anything your soul desires' (not that he would ever say no to your desires) but its just another way of putting it out there. Please please pleaseeeee don't let the shaytan deceive you.

          Similar idea, if we all want to go and meet with our prophet and form a relationship with him, how will this be possible since there is going to be BILLIONS of Muslims in Jannah and he's just one person, Simple solution, The idea of co-existence, all depending on YOUR lenses. Allah has created the males nature in a way that tests us women, and he created a woman's nature in a way to test men. I've noticed in our society, men aren't what women want them to be, and women aren't what men want them to be. Is a just solution to make one be what the other wants them to be, no. Rather the best solution is to give both what they want at the same time.

          I also have similar feeling regarding us being inferior to men, but listen to this, majority of the information you've told us is referring to hadith, don't forget that not all hadith is authentic and its easily edited by our imperfect human nature. Im not saying All hadith are not true but there isnt a guarantee that they all are, Allah promised in preserving the quran, not the hadeeth. You may Ask but why would Allah allow for this to happen? Simply as a test, to test how we react to this sort of situation, to encourage us to seek more knowledge about our islam and what our islam TRULY is.

          Sister, if we really were inferior to men, why would Allah:

          -Make it permissible for a woman to KILL her rapist. Do you think this is what men want?

          -Make it a mans 100% ABSOLOUTE RESPONSIBILITY to provide, protect, treat his wife with kindness and "ma3'roof" (which means the good which is known to all of human kind i.e: not harming her, being emotionally connected with her, loving her, being gentle, respecting her privacy, respecting what she wants, doing things which will soften her heart towards him). Do you think men want to put in all this massive amounts of effort to please their woman?

          -Make men's obligation to LOWER THEIR GAZE. If a man even takes a second glance at a woman (non-mahram) for his own desire he gets a sin. Do you really think men enjoy not looking at one of, if not, the most beautiful creation to man kind??

          -Make Dowry a woman's verified RIGHT. He MUST give her what she wants in terms of material things (back then before revelation women were required to gift the man rather than the opposite).

          -Command women to GUARD the beauty that he had given them. (i personally take it as an honor, an absolute honor that my ALLAH expects of me to be unsexualized and remain modest in the sense that others (especially men) almost instantly and subconsciously speak to me with nothing but utter and pure respect and dignity). Why would a man want the gems and attractions of the world be hidden from him?? If you think about it from a female perspective, imagine all the men you've ever wanted ever dreamt about ever thought about ever desired for, the most handsome men in the world existed all around you, but you weren't allowed to look at them nor were they allowed to flirt with you. I personally would be super sad knowing that they exist. (lol even tho gorgeous men of such kind aren't really common).

          -All of a sudden give women a MASS amount of rights that they didn't have before when men thought they were superior. When women weren't given the right to divorce, Quran came down and said EXCUSE ME?! Women are allowed to divorce. When women were married against their will and only the husband can choose who he wants and when he wants her, Quran came down and said ERMMM NO THIS IS ABSOLOUTLEY NOT RIGHT... When women weren't given the right to working nor to an education, nor to a say, Quran came down and said NOPE THIS IS WRONG. When women were considered to be the property of a man and her surname was changed to his. QURAN ABSOLOUTLEY ABLITERATED THIS IDEA AND SAID NO WAY.

          Why on gods good living earth would any "superior" man back then want all of these absolutely bias and beneficial societal rulings to be taken away from him. Example: We all know deep in our cores that social classes aren't fair. But if the world made it a rule that the rich are REQUIRED to give to the poor no matter what their situation is and that they need to give the poor until both classes are equalized, OFC it would make sense that the rich would go against this entire idea.

          And even if you think about it, ISLAM is the reason the rise of women began, not the feminists, not the suffragettes, but Islam. Islam started far far before both of them did.
          The main enemies of Islam back them also were MEN. MEN didn't enjoy this idea that women had rights they wanted it all to themselves.

          If this isn't enough then hear this out. Polygamy. It actually was practiced years and YEARSSSS before Islam even came down. Islam is ACTUALLY the REASONN that the practice of monogamy came into sight even. Allah has VERY CLEARLY restricted a man from taking more than 4 and on top of that he can only consider having another wife if he can deal juslty with them (in terms of making them feel the same, same money, same affection, same attention, same treating, SAME EVERYTHING), Did you also know that further down in that same surah (Surah Nisa) Allah tells the men that They will Never be able to deal with their wives with just as they will always incline toward one over the other, So he is indirectly telling men only one. In another surah Allah actually commands male and females to "marry the unmarried among you", So even me as a woman, my first option shouldn't be a married man. Allah actually send down the Quran which slowly made polygamy something unreachable to men. (Lowering their gaze: they shouldn't be looking at other women in the first place, Making it not possible for any man to deal justly with women either way even if they try, Commanding them to only marry one if they know that they will be unjust, knowing that all men are going to be unjust either way) But other than all of this stuff polygamy actually had some of its benefits back then, for example providing for a protecting the women who have lost their homes, husbands and families due to the men going to war.
          Some ridiculous and uneducated people try to claim that Allah made this permissible due to the Mans sexual desire, but this simply isn't true because if their desire was the main purpose then he wouldn't have prioritized how the women were being dealt with justly (in how they feel and how their treated) over the desire. Its obviously all about the women. And another point is that if it was even about their sexual desire Allah would've made it permissible for them to do all sorts of things like cheat on his wife, not lower his gaze, command women to look as beautiful as they can for the eyes of men, etc.

        • PART 2: i had no more space to type sorry ^^.

          Also regarding polygamy, if uneducated men that talk all about quran and Sunnah and how its 'sunnah' to marry more than one. They would also KNOW that the prophet SAWS Remained with Khadjia RA alone, ONLY HIM AND HER, for 25 years until the moment of her death, and only married other women that needed his support, etc (widows, women with no parents, women whom he could guide to islam, etc.) And on top of that, when fatima's husband Ali wanted to marry another wife and fatima was upset by this, the prophet SAWS told him not to do it if this was going to upset Fatimah RA. This just goes to show that the prophet really cared about how us women felt and that OFC its within a woman's nature to want a man all to herself, i mean look at the prophets wives, they had some gheerah (jealousy) over him too. I mean even Aishah RA , when a beautiful woman knocked on her front door, she was trying to hide her and the prophet from seeing each other in fear and gheerah that he would fall in love with her. If you look into prophet Ibrahim AS story, He was married to his first wife Sarah ALONE only them two, even though she was infertile he remained loyal to her only until she told him to find another wife to give him the blessing of having a child. Also implying how much the prophets really cared.

          All of this evidence from how the prophets treated this to how Allah limits polygamy goes to show YES indeed its within a woman's nature to want a man all to herself and Allah simply made us that way and that we aren't sinful for having this jealousy as its wired within us.
          I mean at the end of the day Allah did Make Adam and Hawaa, Not Adam Hawaa and Marwa LOL.

          Another thing, don't EVER think to urself that simply because of our worldly quests and responsibilities, that man is better than woman. Don't let the words of ANY MAN defeat you and destroy you when Allah HAS SAID WHAT HE SAID regarding our equality:

          Allah says in the quran:
          For Muslim men and women,
          for believing men and women,
          for devout men and women,
          for true men and women,
          for men and women who are patient and constant,
          for men and women who humble themselves,
          for men and women who give in charity,
          for men and women who fast,
          for men and women who guard their chastity,
          and for men and women
          who engage much in Allah's praise,
          for them has Allah prepared
          forgiveness and great reward. (33:35)

          It is strongly emphasized both within Quran And the prophets teachings that we were simply given certain roles and rights over one another for the time being. "With what Allah allowed for you to excel over the other", "Fear Allah regarding women. Verily you have married them with the trust of Allah, and made their bodies lawful with the word of Allah. You have got (rights) over them, and they have got (rights) over you". Allah clearly emphasizes it to reassure us that its nothing but a simple role to play until the show is over. (Until death comes upon you).

          In regards to obedience:
          Yes sure, women are told in the quran and sunnah to be obedient to their husbands. But not OBEY THEM HEADLESSLY. The prophet SAWS SAID: Obedience is in "al ma3'rouf". Its within what is KNOWN to be good by society as a whole, Known to human kind, known to nature. Ma3'rouf quite literally means known. So does that then mean if a man commands his wife to run 10 laps around the building to lose weight because she's fat that she must OBEY no matter what otherwise she's sinful? OFC NOT! The prophet SAWS said that "the halal is clear and the haram is clear!, Its Obvious when someone if abusing the rights Allah has given them and we're all judged by our intentions. If he was a true believing Muslim man that knows he must speak kindly with the known natural good to human kind and with kindness and if its something quite harsh then try to approach it in the nice and gentle way rather than calling her fat he can just opt for cooking her healthy meals to encourage her to stay healthy, etc. Same thing with a woman, she should show kindness towards her husband, don't be rude or ungrateful, do what's known to be good. Don't let peoples words deceive you, islam is clear with the idea and belief system its portraying, Allah says "do you believe in part of the book and disbelieve in the other parts". We need to work out Islam's full message by putting ALL of it INTO context and most definitely not out of its context. Do you see how harmful it is to the portrayal of islam when someone goes about saying "JAHANAM IS MOSTLY OF WOMEN!!!" without also telling the people that "JANNAH IS ALSO MOSTLY WOMEN". Do you see how harmful it is when people go about saying "ISLAM SAYS TO HARM PEOPLE" Without mentioning "ONLY IF YOU'RE AIMING TO SELF DEFEND". Sure they're saying true statements, but the half the truth doesn't make the truth true. Rather it becomes a cracked bitter and untruthful truth that people try to manipulate for their selfish benefit. Subhan 'Allah. I have so so many more points, sorry sister if i wrote too much but all points must reach out to you in order for me to feel satisfied that i have helped you kick the shaytan in his face.

          Allah tells us all that we were made from "a single soul" which he then made from it all of us. So all of us are actually equal in a soul basis but different in the physical realm. The prophet SAWS said that "If you kill one human its as if you have killed the entire of humanity" Emphasizing that in our core we are all ONE. not two, one. We all have the same origin and will go back to this origin. Whether male or female. We all have the same punishments for the same bad deeds, the same rewards for the same good deeds. We're all required to pray, to fast, to be kind, to lower the gaze, to dress modestly, to remember Allah and to trust him, etc. AND ON TOP OF ALL OF THIS, even with the clear evidences which support the justice of Islam, Allah still withholds further and more in-depth wisdom to all of this in his "ilm al ghayb" (knowledge of the unknown) which no one but HE HIMSELF knows. All of the purpose the cause the reasoning behind everything, behind existence, behind reality, its all with him. So lets stop poking at things that only exist in this physical realm and trust that the kings rulings indeed have meaning and value.

          NOW, i'm gonna talk about the philosophical reason as to why Islam is seen as misogynistic and why this is one of the worlds biggest misunderstandings and complex hoax against Islam.

          This world is but a mere test, Think about it Islam is almost always inverse-parallel with the rest of the world in terms of Hero vs Villain in the eyes of us women:

          Back then - In the world where Islam was seen as the savior of women, it protected their safety when safety was an issue, it protected their rights when rights were only for men, it elevated the status of the women by making them have both a purpose to fulfill which is to Worship Allah, equal purpose of the male, and to have an end goal of Jannah when they felt they had no purpose but other than to serve men. It Kept them protected from the nastiness of the world and told them that all they need is Allah. It also, however, commanded women rulings which don't serve an OBVIOUS or clear/known purpose, their meaning is hidden but within time meaning begins to prevail, for example: women were told to meet the requirements of the hijab, they asked why? disobeyed, and found the unsettling truth behind the reason, which only came to light nowadays (i will explain how).

          Nowadays- Islam is being seen as the villain, Telling women that they cant dress how they like, they cant wear make-up, they have to cover their bodies, their husbands can marry multiple wives, they must obey their husbands, they cant make friends with men, etc. But when you think about it, Why was islam being seen as the hero back then, but as the villain now?

          Many people say its because "society has grown to the point where it doesn't need islam anymore" or "islam is old-fashioned". But i have evidence which suggests otherwise. Most of todays 'feminist ideas' actually rooted from Islam and have a foundation that comes from islam. If not, Islam surely SPED UP the process of women getting their rights. We can see a trend which occurs though out history until now, which is that as Allah is slowly removing the rights from men which positioned them in superiority by setting down his sharia, we notice that through out time, women were getting their rights simultaneously, uplifting them from a position of inferiority. As you notice there is some sort of pattern which looks like this:

          Men ↓

          As you can see, Allah is slowly rising women's status higher and men's status lower, both tending towards a line where they are slowly and slowly getting more equal.
          But then in the modern society women have exceeded this line and have gone above, and men have also exceeded and have gone below. Here's the thing, with non-Muslims that don't portray the hijab properly, this begins to harm the woman because as Allah's deen is pushing up towards this equality line, the non-Islamic dress code subconsciously, naturally and inevitably keeps pushing a woman's value lower. Let me explain to you why.

          When you become more sexualized in the eyes of mankind, chemical signals in the brain which light up for "OBJECT-identification" are stimulated, scientific studies show. This evidence quite LITTERALY tells us that people in the LITERAL sense begin to see us as objects. Seriously ,they don't know whether to believe that you have a soul at times.
          This Sadistic culture of sexualizing women has only started from around 1800s, while the Muslim women were progressing into the ideal version of an Islamic woman:
          if you envision this in your mind you will understand what vibe I'm trying to get at when i say ideal version of Islamic woman and what an ACTUAL woman is meant to be seen as from an Islamic perspective:
          Think about a person that is dressed in a cloak, just a human, nothing too special, this human works hard for people around them, is patient, talks to the people around them in respect and dignity, isn't flirty, is serious but gentle, is focused and disciplined, now THIS is what the vibe of an IDEAL Muslim woman is. Notice how the vibe we get from a person that does all of these things is masculine. Actually, the kafir world WANTS you to believe this is masculine, but in reality, this whole ideology that success and strength and discipline is to be associated with only men in fact originated in the western world.
          Did you notice that Islam was trying to get at us women to becoming people that generally are viewed as equals, neutral, just as partners/companions. It completely opposes the western ideology of what it means to be feminine and womanly (being pretty, being cute, always being seductive, only cares about the male view, attention seeking, agrees to everything and says yes to everything, etc.)
          Now, these non-Islamic/ untruthful things associated with women are the TRUE down graders of women. It is a widely known and practiced thing that anyone whether male or female act in these manners (trying to seduce everyone around them, seeking for attention, is weak/submissive and doesn't stand up to their rights trying to act a certain way which will please the other person) is considered and known to be OBNOXIOUS, and when people find something annoying/ obnoxious our natural reaction is to scold at it or to try and control it(IMPORTANT).
          These traits have unfortunately been associated with women ever since the sexualization's started. Every young girl can trace back to her very youthful moments as a child, before she was introduced to all of these filthy feelings about women and all of these ideas and concepts and inferior feelings, moments where she wasn't ever wired to think about her appearance and seduction. Her goals were to be strong and happy and to live in a world where she can play, run, fly, make friends, laugh with her friends and just be a normal person. When her dreams were no different to those of a young boy.

          Now the problem occurs when both the western ideology and the Islamic ideology of women cross paths and both worlds meet each other at an inverse-parallel way (One is going at one direction, and the other at a different direction):
          -When we are being raised in a society where a woman needs to cover up her beauty, with an aim to make her a respected/honored human being, not being associated with sex (because unfortunately her dunya nature that without a veil she is wired to sexually drive men without her will), nor with everything else considered obnoxious, the world sees it as a way to scold at a woman for being feminine *(in the non-Islamic sense) and obnoxious, it comes across as misogynistic when in reality its two different aims which are moving towards opposite goals. Kind of like pulling a tight rope from each side, the middle becomes restrained.

          -When Islamic women are expected to respect their husbands and listen to them in what is known to be good, the aim is to form a unity between two people, to have a captain of a ship and his partner to work together both with the goal of sailing across the sea, the world sees it as a woman being forced to embrace this idea of femininity and submissiveness, when in reality it is meant to be seen as the woman doing jihad and doing some things that she may not want to for the sake of being a strong person that has great emotional intelligence and does good things even without wanting too.

          Considering 'a woman that is listening to her husband' to be a problem is actually misogynistic within itself because when considering otherwise - a man who listens to his wife- we praise the man and call him a noble and good person. So why must the woman be taught by her society that she is turning 'submissive, obnoxious and clingy' when in reality she is doing the exact same as the man is doing but from a female body. It doesn't make sense when you think about it. Her doing these things makes her a cool person honestly.
          To put it into more perspective, just completely disregard the statements I've said before, and imagine you're reading a text which talks about person A and person B:
          Person A asked nicely for Person B to do something in order to help Person C, because Person A knows that Person B is good at specific things that Person A isn't skilled at. Were completely neutral to these statements and we see no issue. Now if we all of a sudden come and change things up, and i tell you that person A is the father, B is mother and C is child. All of a sudden Its a problem and that Person A is misogynistic because people make assumptions that Person A is a very controlling man and that Person B is a weak woman who has no other choice but to listen.
          These ideas that are linked to certain genders become normalized within society that you can even convince a man who isn't intentional in being bossy, that he's misogynistic to his wife, And you convince the woman who was simply being the generous person that as she is, that she is weak and submissive. When both parties intended on accomplishing a simple task that they were going to do together. If people really wanted gender equality they would understand that they should find no issue with a man asking a woman to do something nor a woman asking a man to do something. These are simply double standards and people following rules blindly is a psychological phenomenon known as the bandwagon effect and affects people's mindsets from when they were children, since the mind of a child is like a sponge and absorbs everything around it.

          I'm pointing these things out because when you dig deep enough you start to unveil the reason behind everyone's arguments and why no one is understanding one another. It starts to make you understand people's perspectives:
          I now understand the whole idea of pronouns and why people opted for them - the vibe that many people get when being associated with the western idea of what a woman is, is very off putting, and as its is growing within society it causes people to associate the entire gender with this icky, inferior, saddening feeling. Why else do you think its mostly women which are part taking in this new idea and Men are mostly going against it, because women believe that it can help aid them being seen and felt to be equals to men and men are hating on it because they feel it reducing their unfair superiority.
          So to an extent I understand this new idea of pronouns which was created by the kufar with the good intention of making both genders feel equal, but it simply isn't a solution because the source of the problem is still bleeding, which is the causer of all problems, sexualization of women.

          I also now understand feminists to an extent, i understand what they're trying to fight off, this association that were made for men and this idea that were just objects in their eyes.

          The difference in belief between us Muslim's vs these pronoun people and feminists is that they believe that a woman's appearance isn't linked with her sexualization. That its a societal construction and could have been avoided if the past people took other routes in belief system. They believe that eventually if we poke hard enough at the eyes of people and expose them to sexual content more, that their nature will change and sexual sights will be considered to be normal sightings. This also leads to understanding different movements that have been going on such as free the n**ple and exposing more sexually explicate content to children.

          We, on the other hand, believe that Allah has wired the human form/ body of the women in a way that its almost inevitable for it to be seen in any other way other than sexual, and that he wired men in the way to almost inevitably be attracted immensely towards it, and that the only simple solution it to command both parties to do something about it, women to address the hijab and men to not look at what is unlawful for them to look at. I personally think its an honor and something i must be proud about that Allah has commanded from me to do, it shows that he knows were intellectual being and he sees me and knows me and expects things from me and it makes me feel like some sort of soldier for Allah and i feel very happy to be associated with such things. I notice that Islam is actually much more in line with nature of the world. Islam doesn't push against nature rather works with it. I mean it makes sense that Allah Made us attractive and men attracted, its simply a law of this physical realm that allows us to procreate.

          I've also noticed that ever since i began to apply the true and correct form of hijab, I've felt a shift in the tones and the way people address me. When i say true hijab, i mean: no make up, no perfumes, no jewels, no attractive things, just plain and simple, awrah covered, not tight, not speaking with the attention of sedating people, maintaining a respectful manner and tone of voice, respecting myself and respecting the others around me, not entertaining anything inappropriate that someone else may start. Kufar like to use the argument that "These are way too many things expected from us women, why cant men do the same, Why should i change myself for men, its unjust to put too much on one gender", Here are my arguments against this. Firstly really and truly, these traits aren't really that hard to develop, they're much easier to put into your day to day life and any respectful person should abide by them, they eventually become apart of your personality. And even men are expected to speak in such manner. This is the true haya (shyness) Its shying away from not having borders, but NOT shying away from respecting yourself. Haya is having shame, shame from coming close to sin. Having Haya doesn't mean being so shy and smiling too much and being overly nice and down grading urself, Yet again, this is the western idea of shyness. We aren't even meant to smile too much nor be overly nice whether male or female.
          This is yet another example of when western thought mixes in with Islamic thought, the person who lives within both societies understands the war of constantly trying to find an association with Islam: It comes down to 2 options Islam is misogynistic and is made from men who want to control women or Islam is subtly protecting our honor, its being done indirectly to test if the woman can face what she fears and search for the path towards Allah and his reasoning and to Insha'Allah enter us into paradise. The reason you don't ever find many people in Muslim countries or back in the prophets times questioning the same things as us Muslim's living in a kafir world is because they've felt the direct healthy affects simply by following it. The women have seen how the non-sexual environment has honored them, its sort of an unspoken reality, everyone knows its there they just don't really talk about it, this is why they don't question it. So to those people that claim that they're brain washed into living that lifestyle since they were born and raised into it, don't assume that just because they don't question it, that its automatically a bad culture to be brought up into. Same thing can be claimed against other cultures that they never speak of because its an unspoken moral which can explain why specific things may be considered rude in other cultures.
          I as a Muslim woman personally find Islam way too scientific and reasonable and filled with beautiful mystery and hidden gems to ever consider it to be false. There is far to much to talk about when it comes to how much DEPTH there is within this religion, really and truly I've never felt happier. I've also noticed how my interactions with men have been different since i've started wearing hijab properly. I've noticed that men have not approached me at all in attempt to get with me, i've noticed that the men that began with speaking in an inappropriate tone almost 90% of the time sensed a bit of shame within themselves and shifted towards a much more respectful tone of voice and words when they picked up on the way i maintained my borders. I'm not saying that it all depends on a woman, I'm saying that it depends on one strong person that won't change for the other to change the people around her/him. An example of this is of someone i used to have a crush on, Masha 'Allah he was a very good Muslim at the time and i was a little bit trying to flirt, but as soon as i picked up on his maintained tone of respectful mannerisms i changed almost instantly.

          Now regarding you're original husband concern, Listen to me here sister. I know and understand that most of men are guided as their shaytan has lead them astray from the right path, and this whole idea that men are all polygamous by nature is not true, they will always incline to one over the other as Allah says. I really believe that you will find the man for you and the man who loves you. Even if a man was polygamous by his nature, he should fear harming his wife and should NEVER talk about it so insensitively to her as the prophets also did too, knowing she would be upset. You can make du'a for everything you want in a man and trust that Allah SWT will give you what you ask for. Just try to push away shaytan from your field of vision because he can so easily convince you that islam is BLAH BLAH BLAH and making you forget that he is reminding you of things which are only the half truth ,like i said before, and makes you forget the other half of the truth. The word 'Insan' in arabic acutally comes from the word 'nisyan' which mean to be forgetful, us humans are extremley forgetful, i mean, if i ask you to remember what you ate yesterday for lunch you almost definitely forgot. This is why Allah emphasizes remembrance of Allah and to STUDY the deen. I never could've made sense of the deen without looking into it into detail, and i did it because of faith. I had faith in islam that its more than what its portrayed to be, and my faith was confirmed when i found that everything islam seemed to be it actually WASNT. And ive come to untimate conclusion that Allah's main test for us women is to see if we do our research and try to find our answers through faith as he has made us intellects and beautiful minds. And his big test for men is to see how they use their rights and to see if they abuse them or not etc.

          As i said before, this world is but a mere test. And within the crevasses of islam our answers lay hidden, waiting to be found, we just need to look for them.

          You are far far more than everything you think you are. If Allah made it a universal feeling for women to feel a certain way, there is no way anyone can then come and point fingers to the woman and say she is bad. You will get what you want in Jannah, and its your lawful right to want a husband all to yourself otherwise Allah wouldn't have made it apart of EVERY SINGLE WOMANS nature.

          I really really hope this helped you sister Zoe, I wish you nothing but the best and i really hope you have cured from these was was of shaytan. You are amazing and deserve to be loved eternally. Now go and pray to Allah and make dua for ALL YOU WANT!!! Salamu Alikum Wa rahmatul Allahi wa barakatuh.

          With love, Zahra. xo

          • Asalamualaykum Zahra,

            This is gold. Thank you for your very well-researched and informative contribution to this page.


          • I never comment on sites, but you left me with no choice.

            I've been reading all the posts and comments from the top of this page, with each comment i became more depressed. to be honest i've been crying all day while reading all of this. until i read your comments. thank you for such great knowledge. i will be even as bold as to say that your comment SAVED me. maybe it was Allah's will that after all that crying, i see your comment.

            i'm the type who never comments, just quietly reads and leaves, and i know there are many other people like me, so i'm sure many people have read your comments and you've helped many people.

            if i hadn't read your comment i most definitely would have left this matter with loads of anxiety, but i'm glad because now i feel a lot calmer.
            the idea of parallel realities in Jannah seems the most convincable to me. if it can come to the limited mind of us humans, then Allah can definitely make it happen with his unlimited power, right?

            anyways, i admire your knowledge sister. may Allah also help me grant such amount of knowledge one day. and may Allah give you Jannah and many blessings.

            as i said, i never comment but i felt that this comment of yours needs to get the appreciation that it deserves, so here i am writing this reply! XD

            Thanks again for your comment!
            May Allah always protect you and increase you. ♡

  24. Assalamualaykum everyone,

    Thank you so much for all the comments. I can’t believe 2 years past. Despite maturing and growing older, I do think about this from time to time. However, with the world evidently ending soon, I honestly have lost all hope in even finding a husband now . I’ve just decided to stay single because there is no need to stress myself out over hoors when I won’t even find a husband. Instead, I won’t marry and just pray really hard for Jannah and my very own husband in Jannah Inshallah. But even so, thank you for all your comments trying to help me make sense of this.

    I hope everyone is doing well.

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