Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I can’t bear the knowledge that my husband will have hoor al ayn

Dunya versus Aakhirah

Dunya versus Aakhirah

Salem aleykom

I have this issue that I am really struggling with. It is the hoor al ayn for EVERY man in jennah. I feel like the only one I could always count on is against me and disappointing me. I am Afraid I have done koefr and still do. Further I cant enjoy anything anymore.. not my salaat not my husband even my daughter I cant enjoy. I am trapped. I even prefer that I did not exist at all. Please can some one give me advice of how to tackle this. That I will love ALLAH again and that I can love my life and family again??

Please don't come with you are more beautifull you have not jealousy. I already know but does not change the fact that he does not only loves me and There is not True True love in islam/jennah. It hurts more because my husband always said and says I only want you but I don't dout the words of Allah that he will have hoor al ayn.

Seriously I cant even make dua for paradise for my husband or daughter. And when I think about my husband becoming a martyr and receive 72 I throw up. All this does not feel like jennah to me but a less worse hel.

Some May think that I am overrating my feelings but no I don't. I feel empty all Day cry a lot want to be alone not even my daughter.

I am really feeling nothing. You can hurt me or my daughter before my eyes, and it does not affect me. Whether I am with islam or kefir I can never be happy.

So please advice me!! BarakAllah fiek


Tagged as: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

36 Responses »

  1. Waleykum salam sister,

    First of all, relax. Really just keep doing your salat and make dua. Obviously you have fallen into a trap, it is important not to neglect any of your duties towards Allah, your husband and child. I recommend you listen to some of the lectures of yasmin mogahed, or read a book of hers. It's really helpful regarding relationships. In the end the most important thing in this life is that you recognize that everything belongs to Allah and to Him we return. Your husband is something given by Allah to you, just as you are gifted to him, appreciate this fact alhamdulillah. He is not your possession nor are you anyone's. The fact that you love him so much that jalousy has consumed you for something that is basically of the unknown, is a little over the top (to put it lightly), clearly shaitan tries to lure you into despair. So please read and recite the quran, that will definitely calm you down. Because of the stress of losing him to other 'better creatures' for instance, you lose track of the real purpose of life as well as the actual enjoyment you can experience with your family now that they are within your reach. Please enjoy the time you have with them. And your purpose is to get closer to Allah and to depend on Him for everything.
    Secondly, before anything else, Allah loves you better than anyone can and does. You walk, you breath, your heart beats, you can see!! Alhamdulillah! So please please don't let yourself get trapped any further. Don't forget that the shaitan always is the enemy and he likes to take away people's from Allah's path. I mean everyone (Muslims) knows this, but you need to internalize it as well. Therefore, these are small matters that you are worrying about, you need to think of the bigger picture here. Allah is Rahman and Raheem, repeat to yourself His names. Also, you were put on this earth with a purpose: become the best person you can possibly be to make those around you better people too. And more importantly, return back to Allah.
    Thirdly, I don't dare to say anything about marriage life in the afterlife, so again I'd ike to point you towards lectures from nouman ali khan or omar suleiman and yasmin mogahed.
    Again, relax! And recognize your issue for the test it is. I wish you the best!


    • Ba, this is a good comment. Jazak Allah khayr.

      Wael Editor

    • Salem aleykom,

      it is not the problem that I love my husband that much. The problem is that the thing I want most a man who only loves me, isn't possible. So I began to astarfillah not love Allah and his creation, specific the man and his lust. But I know Allah exist so I will burn in hell. I am not happy here, and there it will be terrible. I do not know what to do, I just have to accept that a man never can only love me, but I don't know how, it is affecting everything. Please some advice or sister had the same situation.

      • My dear Sir,

        As i have read your story i have to the conclusion that, You were mis understood by the hoor al ayn, did you know that when a man goes to jannah his wife who support him in his deeni works and work to please her husband and Allah. will be the head of all the hoors that Allah has given to her Husband.
        The hoors are the maid of Jannati man and his wife. Allah has made hoors to serve Jannati.
        So dont be afraid of it.
        may Allah guide you sister

  2. As Salam Alaikum !

    What exactly is your question ? What is troubling you ? All that i could understand was that you dont want your husband to be with a hoor in Jannatul Firdous. Is it this what is bothering you ? Please correct me if i am wrong.

    But if that is what is making you obsessed about , well than thats future which only ALLAH knows. But in present is your husband fulling all the duties loyally in this life to be credited with Jannah hereafter?

    • the problem is, I am not, I want to be a moslima, but I do not know how anymore, I know I HAVE to be moslima because of hell etc. but I don't know how to love Allah if he created man the way that they can never love only one woman. I know what I am saying isn't allowed but I don't know what to do anymore. And I know it is weird I say this, since my husband never talked about marrying another woman, I have a child and food and everything but I can't see the blessings of that anymore because I have no joy and I prefer that I was not created which is obviously impossible, but to live in a world where man are created the way that they can never love one woman forever. I hear also who says your husband will have hoor al ayn if he only wants to be with you, but then I think about other sisters, if only it was 1 man, I feel bad for his wife. I don't know anymore.. I am struggling for about 6 months and I feel nothing has changed I am waiting for my hell, feel pain for me but my family too.

      • Was your questions ever answered? I feel just like you today, lost upset and alone and I can't talk to my partner as he'd never understand, i don't know who I can talk to

  3. Well don't fret sis
    If your hubby will have a hoor in heaven

    You will have a Ghillmaan (male hoor reserved for ladies)

    But your jealousy issues show they you may have some internal, deep dug insecurities
    This is something we all have

    Were there any times in your life that you were let down or abandoned?

    There are times we all wish to look like a rock star and have the brains of a scientist

    But we are living in the real world and have to deal with the realities

    Why not talk to a councilor about your feelings
    Or even an Iman

    It is their duty to give you guidelines upon having a more positive outlook on life

    Don't lose hope
    Pray for self acceptance
    When you accept yourself
    You will have less doubts regarding your husband

    • it is not about jealousy or maybe it is, but I think not. It is about true love forever together which is not possible. Possible but with maidens. I do not want him to run of to some other woman as I do not want to run of to other man or ghalliban or how did you call them. I was never abandoned or something like that. Not sure who to talk to, don't think anyone can help because talked with many..

  4. OP: Seriously I cant even make dua for paradise for my husband or daughter. And when I think about my husband becoming a martyr and receive 72 virgins I throw up. All this does not feel like jennah to me but a less worse hel..... I am really feeling nothing. You can hurt me or my daughter before my eyes, and it does not affect me. Whether I am with Islam or kefir I can never be happy.

    Are you depressed? You imagination is out of control. You are obsessed with sex.. Stand before a mirror and say "no one can hurt me or my daughter". How long have you been married? How old is your daughter?

  5. the answer to your question is in Quran Surah Waqia. the wives will be raised virgin and they will be given to their men. the 72 hoors are for those who migrated in the path of Allah, bore difficulties, the companions , the prophets, the shudah, the army men who fought for islam. martyr is only that person who fights for islam and Allah and to protect Islam. these days the army men die in accidents, fighting for borders, nuclear power game and considered themselves as martyrs they are not martyrs and very few in current era, the very very pious, full of taqwa, they will get hoors.

    the men we see, moderate like us, we are all sinners, such kind of men will get their wives as virgins. think of the labours who watch blue prints, the teachers who are corrupt these days, people like us who backbite, lie and are sinners. will they get hoors 72 hoors ? no!. in this Surah.. Allah has divided the people in to three groups As Sabiqoon Group ( the excelled ones)
    [Waqia`h 56:39] A large group from the earlier generations.
    [Waqia`h 56:40] And a large group from the latter.
    2- the right ones group
    3- the left ones group

    if your husband falls into the category of the first regarding the characteristics then definitely he is going to have hoors if no then not to worry you will be given to him as virgin. is your husband very pious and God fearing?

    if you fall into the first category regarding the characteristics then definitely you are going to get what Quran has not revealed and may be Allah will gift you with male hoor , i m not sure about that but for women and men all the things have not been revealed only few rewards of jannah are disclosed. we have no idea how infinite rewards we are going to get and hoors will be one of them.
    in Quran Allah says in jannah you will get whatever you will wish for. so it includes everything. you should nt worry what other people says. you should trust Allah. he is full of justice he will never leave you alone and give your husband hoors and you alone in jannah, no. Allah will reward everything with justice and not according to gender.

    • it is not about my husband or so, but about me, I have big issues with Allah and my deen now. it is not about jealousy or maybe it is, but I think not. It is about true love forever together which is not possible. Possible but with maidens. I do not want him to run of to some other woman as I do not want to run of to other man or male hoor or how did you call them. So I do not have what I want (and most woman I think) And even if my husband don't get them, he was created that way, and others will have them and I feel for their wifes. I do not know what to do. I also now you guys are going to think, she's crazy has a husband who only loves her, child, food, but I can't see the blessing of it anymore because I know of hell I am going to, a husband who never can only loves you I don't see anymore as blessing, child is less special because it is not just you that your husband wants kiddies with and so on..

      • dear sister, ...oh my dear sister

        I complitely understand you beacuse I feel the same, all last year and I read your queestion and I cry again. may Allah protect us, but sometimes I feel I am not motivated...I never ask for jannah, Only to protect me from hellfire...When husband told me" you know, You and me in jannah..." I start to cry, and ask him not telling me about jannah, because I will always cry....I'm crying now too....

        • Ok but if he were to die wouldn’t you replace him anyway with another man? What does he get then in return? You only love him as long as he is alive but when he died with time you will forget him and turn to a new man in your life. At that point, so what if he gets Hur al-Ayn, you’re only his wife as long as he is alive, after he dies, what you women like to do is forget everything and move on to someone else for your own reasons.

          • Never if I were to find my true love and if he died I would never ever marry an another man just so we could be together in jannah for ever alone not with hour or male hour or anyone else just me and him forever

      • Assalamu alaikum!
        I just wanted to know if you found your peace again?
        Were you able to win all your struggles?
        I am feeling tha same right now...
        Nothing makes me happy.

  6. I can't believe this. I'm so sorry you've been mislead this way. There is no such thing as hoor al ayn. The idea that jannah is a sexual paradise for men is disgusting and degrades both genders. The Quran says that both men and women in paradise will have companions, and the word for companions is gender neutral. It does not indicate a sexual relationship at all. A few scholars have noted this. There will be no sex parties in jannah, and the idea that there will be is horrendous. It is shirk. Please see:
    You are absolutely right. The idea of hoors degrades women and is actually unIslamic and has no basis in the Quran. The Quran states in many verses that men AND women who are righteous will have whatever they desire in Jannah. There is no discrimination. The repugnant idea of female virgins for men in paradise was invented by biased male scholars and is used to blackmail women.

    • The thing is Allah (S.W.T) has mentioned Hoor in the Quran and even the Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W) has mentioned about them in his sayings to further clarify the meaning of what is said in the Quran.

      Men in Jannah will have both the Hoor (women of jannah) and many women of this world as wives. The quantity of both types depends on how close they were to Allah (S.W.T) and the Prophet (S.A.W) in life and death.

      The OP has nothing to worry about really. She just needs to focus entirely on her Imaan and live on as a good Muslimah. Too much thinking about stuff we don't need to just means we have made our minds idle and an idle mind is considered to be home/palace/heaven for shaitaan so we just gotta keep ourselves busy with useful and important things whether Islamic or wordly stuff and in the end we will die with Imaan like we should Insha Allah.

  7. Sister, I understand what you are going through. It is very understandable and humane not to want to share your husband in Paradise. Just like many men who wouldn't want to share their wives in Paradise. Why oppressing the desires of a woman and not those of men? I also understand why you start doubting about even the religion.

    It also sounds ''unfair'' that our destiny is in the hands of a man. A man getting many woman and a woman must accept that and has no say in that. Do you think God, the most fair, would allow something like that? God said we would get whatever we desire. If you desire to be the only one for your husband, why would you not be able to be that? It is sad that woman of this world even feel like they are in a competition with ''hur al ayn''. Those creatures are made for Paradise as a reward and we as woman deserved Paradise and worked for that. God allows woman on earth to choose to be in monogamy or in polygamy. Nobody has to be in a relationship they don't desire to be in. Some people prefer polygamy and some people prefer monogamy. Fine. So are those people trying to say that here on earth we have the freedom to choose in what type of relationship we want to be in and in Paradise not? God knows what you feel, sister. God is the most fair. He knows what you desire and need before you know it yourself.

    It is not something you have to believe to be a muslima. Many scholars have said that ''hur al ayn'' have no gender. The Quran translations of two very respected scholars called Muhammad Asad and Yusuf Ali have translated the word ''hur al ayn'' to pure companions for both men and woman. Dr. Zakir Naik said the same. They have no gender.

    At the same time, we can't fully know about ''hur al ayn''. Also those people who claim they are females and for all muslim men can't fully know if this is true or not. What people believe came all out of questioning too. Wondering what those verses and hadith would mean. Not everybody believes they are females. So you are also able to take this opinion for yourself and believe in that. 🙂 Have faith in God my dear sister.

    I wish we could speak about it personally.

    Allahul ‘Alem.

    • Sister I would like too. U can contact me at *****

    • I too would like to speak with you as I am also facing the same situation. I am not married yet the thought of having a husband who solely wouldn't be yours that too in Paradise is very disturbing and I just feel depressed about it. I know Allah knows better but, I feel extremely hard accepting it and also feel less worthy of myself.

    • I would also really like to talk to you sister, I'm going through a really tough time right now and my iman is just plummeting and the way you explained really spoke to me, is there anyway I can contact you to talk?

      • yoyoma, we generally don't allow the exchange of private contact info, but you can both discuss here in the comments if you like.

        Wael Editor

        • I too am struggling, I have a partner that I'm looking to marry but this is upsetting me a lot, I keep crying and really struggling with all of this. My partner is Muslim however, I don't feel I can talk to him at all and I don't have any muslim friends, not ones I can speak to about this anyway. I feel very alone right now and need some help with all of this, im a new muslim of 6 months only.

  8. as salaamu alaykum sister,

    I wonder, are you aware that we will be a New Creation in Jannah? The Flaws of our personalities here in Dunya will have been Erased, along with all feelings of hurt, or any other Negative emotions. Those of us fortunate enough to have been saved by Allaah t'aala, ourHoly God, will be Perfect in Akhira, even more so than the Angels!

    There will Only be Bliss in complete Harmony! Dear sister; you will not even be Able to feel Jealousy! Peace and love and Gratitude and Happiness for All. What Ever you Wish for will be granted you, by our Lord, the most Generous! This is His promise so will you Believe in Him and drop the apprehension?

  9. I will say that I feel the same as this sister even though I am an unmarried man. However, Allah swt has strengthened me not to leave the folds of Islam Alhamdolillah. For even if I will never give up my tawheed and my deen for a mountain of gold. Even if I was made to suffer the worst suffering I will still say There is no one worthy of worship but Allah swt and that Muhammad saw is His last and final messenger. That said, I am not going to lie. This has effected my devotion and iman to a great extent. I continue to have trust in Allah swt and fulfill my obligations to Him. First I want to clear something up for which some people have pointed here and elsewhere that do not have any evidence in the quran and sunnah, may Allah swt preserve us from such lies:
    1. Women also get an equivalent of a hoor
    2. Hoor al ayn are non sexual
    3. Only martyrs get 72 virgins
    The other thing is that when analyzing the shariah only the foolish one relies on one single statement for the answer and is content as soon as he sees it. For example, in jihad many people quote the hadith in which the prophet saw told a mushrik who wanted to fight alongside him that go away for I dont seek help from a mushrik. But other reports confirm safwan bin umayyah(who was a mushrik pagan) and some jewish tribes fighting alongside the prophet saw in battle of uhud and hunain. The true scholors of the deen attain a holistic knowledge to understand the bigger picture and the context of many such traditions. One of the signs of the coming of the hour as narrated by the prophet saw is that knowledge will be sought by lowly ones.
    Anyway, back to the topic at hand. I have seen some well known scholors who rebuke married men and women from desiring, making dwa, or even saying/thinking about this. They equate this with rejecting the blessings of Allah swt and this is incorrect because it is well known that the ummul momineen particularly Aisha ra used to ask such questions and sometimes even be very critical in their jealousy both from the worldly women and the women of paradise. Never once did the prophet saw rebuke, insult, threaten, or divorce them for this. So this kind of a response is unnecessary and does not comply with the shariah. Yes, the rejection of the blessings of Allah swt which Sheikh al Islam talks about in kitab ut tawheed is a different matter altogether. One cannot take the rules of dunya and apply them on the akhira.
    One of the things that the believers are promised in the Quran(also) is that they will get whatever they desire. So where such people get the notion that all the traits of jannah such as marriages, weather, food, etc are fixed and have to be accepted the way they are. Its like saying if a Muslim does not marry 4 wives he is sinning. Where is the proof of that? and I follow the manhaj of the salaf and never accept things without proof.
    I am not a scholor but Allah swt has blessed me with some knowledge that allows me to seperate truth from falsehood. I ask him swt to give me and those affected with this problem patience because the shaytan is after us. If He ever granted me a spouse and I loved her. I would want only her in the dunya and only her in the akhira.

  10. I'm going through the same as you sister. But a voice inside me told me today: What if the mention of the Hoors in the Quran is Allah's test for all of us women, to see if we will be patient for all the beautiful rewards he has yet to reveal for the women. The Prophet said that there will be more women in Hellfire than men and I think any woman who has had an issue with the Hoors, including myself, is speaking in one way or the other against Allah and his promises - and as one who committed this sin, I can say that I understand all my sisters. Allah is aware of how his Quran will be misinterpreted by false hadiths and how these things will affect women like us. But today I tried to think not as a wife, but a sister to my big brother and suddenly I told myself: Why can't my brother who is a devout muslim in this life, can't have all the beautiful wives in Jannah. I cheered inside me. Yes, I want to see my brother getting rewarded with everything that Allah has to offer for him, including his wives from Adam and his wives from the Hooris. Then, of course, I think of myself as a wife and I tell myself that if I will be happy for my brother if God rewards him with Hooris, then why can't i feel the same about my husband? Then my judgment becomes clouded. And it's not jealousy that I feel, deep inside I know that, I think it's anger that I feel that is clouding my judgment. Not anger towards my husband, but anger towards the degradation of women present in many Hadiths.

    There are many bad muslim men out there, and there are still many good muslim men out there. I think to myself, if a man loves his wife, is good to his wife and children and remains faithful to her and on top of that does his duties towards Allah, then he deserves all the delights that can be found in paradise, including sexual pleasure with his many wives in Jannah if sex is such a thing in Jannah.

    But I go back to the main point, I'm angry at how some hadiths mock women and even put words in the mouths of the Hooris against the women of Adam: "Keep annoying your husband and he will one day leave you and come to us." Blasphemous as there is no such thing as jealousy, hatred or all these evil sentiments us women feel towards other women.

    I posted a post too and it's being reviewed and I wanna see what others would say

    • My view of this question is like this:

      Allah has commanded both men and women:

      Tell the believing men to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts. That is purer for them. Indeed, Allah is Acquainted with what they do.24:30
      And tell the believing women to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts and not expose their adornment except that which [necessarily] appears thereof and to wrap [a portion of] their headcovers over their chests and not expose their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands' fathers, their sons, their husbands' sons, their brothers, their brothers' sons, their sisters' sons, their women, that which their right hands possess, or those male attendants having no physical desire, or children who are not yet aware of the private aspects of women. And let them not stamp their feet to make known what they conceal of their adornment. And turn to Allah in repentance, all of you, O believers, that you might succeed.24:31

      Therefore, the command is the same. Than Allaah describes the reward for men (ayahs about hoor) BUT says:
      Is the reward for GOOD [anything] but GOOD?(55:60). Allah says in another ayah:

      Indeed, the Muslim men and Muslim women, the believing men and believing women, the obedient men and obedient women, the truthful men and truthful women, the patient men and patient women, the humble men and humble women, the charitable men and charitable women, the fasting men and fasting women, the men who guard their private parts and the women who do so, and the men who remember Allah often and the women who do so - for them Allah has prepared forgiveness and a great reward.(33:35)

      In this ayah, Allah promiss for woman reward for what?...For Guarding their private parts, so don't worry, just make du'a to Allah to be concrete 😉 and the next time someone tells youR man gets hoor, tell him "the men who guard their private parts and the women who do so 🙂

  11. Its not fair right. Then do something

Leave a Response