Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I can’t bear the knowledge that my husband will have hoor al ayn

Dunya versus Aakhirah

Dunya versus Aakhirah

Salem aleykom

I have this issue that I am really struggling with. It is the hoor al ayn for EVERY man in jennah. I feel like the only one I could always count on is against me and disappointing me. I am Afraid I have done koefr and still do. Further I cant enjoy anything anymore.. not my salaat not my husband even my daughter I cant enjoy. I am trapped. I even prefer that I did not exist at all. Please can some one give me advice of how to tackle this. That I will love ALLAH again and that I can love my life and family again??

Please don't come with you are more beautifull you have not jealousy. I already know but does not change the fact that he does not only loves me and There is not True True love in islam/jennah. It hurts more because my husband always said and says I only want you but I don't dout the words of Allah that he will have hoor al ayn.

Seriously I cant even make dua for paradise for my husband or daughter. And when I think about my husband becoming a martyr and receive 72 I throw up. All this does not feel like jennah to me but a less worse hel.

Some May think that I am overrating my feelings but no I don't. I feel empty all Day cry a lot want to be alone not even my daughter.

I am really feeling nothing. You can hurt me or my daughter before my eyes, and it does not affect me. Whether I am with islam or kefir I can never be happy.

So please advice me!! BarakAllah fiek

Moslima


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22 Responses »

  1. Waleykum salam sister,

    First of all, relax. Really just keep doing your salat and make dua. Obviously you have fallen into a trap, it is important not to neglect any of your duties towards Allah, your husband and child. I recommend you listen to some of the lectures of yasmin mogahed, or read a book of hers. It's really helpful regarding relationships. In the end the most important thing in this life is that you recognize that everything belongs to Allah and to Him we return. Your husband is something given by Allah to you, just as you are gifted to him, appreciate this fact alhamdulillah. He is not your possession nor are you anyone's. The fact that you love him so much that jalousy has consumed you for something that is basically of the unknown, is a little over the top (to put it lightly), clearly shaitan tries to lure you into despair. So please read and recite the quran, that will definitely calm you down. Because of the stress of losing him to other 'better creatures' for instance, you lose track of the real purpose of life as well as the actual enjoyment you can experience with your family now that they are within your reach. Please enjoy the time you have with them. And your purpose is to get closer to Allah and to depend on Him for everything.
    Secondly, before anything else, Allah loves you better than anyone can and does. You walk, you breath, your heart beats, you can see!! Alhamdulillah! So please please don't let yourself get trapped any further. Don't forget that the shaitan always is the enemy and he likes to take away people's from Allah's path. I mean everyone (Muslims) knows this, but you need to internalize it as well. Therefore, these are small matters that you are worrying about, you need to think of the bigger picture here. Allah is Rahman and Raheem, repeat to yourself His names. Also, you were put on this earth with a purpose: become the best person you can possibly be to make those around you better people too. And more importantly, return back to Allah.
    Thirdly, I don't dare to say anything about marriage life in the afterlife, so again I'd ike to point you towards lectures from nouman ali khan or omar suleiman and yasmin mogahed.
    Again, relax! And recognize your issue for the test it is. I wish you the best!

    Salamaleikum!

    • Ba, this is a good comment. Jazak Allah khayr.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Salem aleykom,

      it is not the problem that I love my husband that much. The problem is that the thing I want most a man who only loves me, isn't possible. So I began to astarfillah not love Allah and his creation, specific the man and his lust. But I know Allah exist so I will burn in hell. I am not happy here, and there it will be terrible. I do not know what to do, I just have to accept that a man never can only love me, but I don't know how, it is affecting everything. Please some advice or sister had the same situation.

      • My dear Sir,

        As i have read your story i have to the conclusion that, You were mis understood by the hoor al ayn, did you know that when a man goes to jannah his wife who support him in his deeni works and work to please her husband and Allah. will be the head of all the hoors that Allah has given to her Husband.
        The hoors are the maid of Jannati man and his wife. Allah has made hoors to serve Jannati.
        So dont be afraid of it.
        may Allah guide you sister

  2. As Salam Alaikum !

    What exactly is your question ? What is troubling you ? All that i could understand was that you dont want your husband to be with a hoor in Jannatul Firdous. Is it this what is bothering you ? Please correct me if i am wrong.

    But if that is what is making you obsessed about , well than thats future which only ALLAH knows. But in present is your husband fulling all the duties loyally in this life to be credited with Jannah hereafter?

    • the problem is, I am not, I want to be a moslima, but I do not know how anymore, I know I HAVE to be moslima because of hell etc. but I don't know how to love Allah if he created man the way that they can never love only one woman. I know what I am saying isn't allowed but I don't know what to do anymore. And I know it is weird I say this, since my husband never talked about marrying another woman, I have a child and food and everything but I can't see the blessings of that anymore because I have no joy and I prefer that I was not created which is obviously impossible, but to live in a world where man are created the way that they can never love one woman forever. I hear also who says your husband will have hoor al ayn if he only wants to be with you, but then I think about other sisters, if only it was 1 man, I feel bad for his wife. I don't know anymore.. I am struggling for about 6 months and I feel nothing has changed I am waiting for my hell, feel pain for me but my family too.

  3. Well don't fret sis
    If your hubby will have a hoor in heaven

    You will have a Ghillmaan (male hoor reserved for ladies)

    But your jealousy issues show they you may have some internal, deep dug insecurities
    This is something we all have

    Were there any times in your life that you were let down or abandoned?

    There are times we all wish to look like a rock star and have the brains of a scientist

    But we are living in the real world and have to deal with the realities

    Why not talk to a councilor about your feelings
    Or even an Iman

    It is their duty to give you guidelines upon having a more positive outlook on life

    Don't lose hope
    Pray for self acceptance
    When you accept yourself
    You will have less doubts regarding your husband

    • it is not about jealousy or maybe it is, but I think not. It is about true love forever together which is not possible. Possible but with maidens. I do not want him to run of to some other woman as I do not want to run of to other man or ghalliban or how did you call them. I was never abandoned or something like that. Not sure who to talk to, don't think anyone can help because talked with many..

  4. OP: Seriously I cant even make dua for paradise for my husband or daughter. And when I think about my husband becoming a martyr and receive 72 virgins I throw up. All this does not feel like jennah to me but a less worse hel..... I am really feeling nothing. You can hurt me or my daughter before my eyes, and it does not affect me. Whether I am with Islam or kefir I can never be happy.

    Are you depressed? You imagination is out of control. You are obsessed with sex.. Stand before a mirror and say "no one can hurt me or my daughter". How long have you been married? How old is your daughter?

  5. the answer to your question is in Quran Surah Waqia. the wives will be raised virgin and they will be given to their men. the 72 hoors are for those who migrated in the path of Allah, bore difficulties, the companions , the prophets, the shudah, the army men who fought for islam. martyr is only that person who fights for islam and Allah and to protect Islam. these days the army men die in accidents, fighting for borders, nuclear power game and considered themselves as martyrs they are not martyrs and very few in current era, the very very pious, full of taqwa, they will get hoors.

    the men we see, moderate like us, we are all sinners, such kind of men will get their wives as virgins. think of the labours who watch blue prints, the teachers who are corrupt these days, people like us who backbite, lie and are sinners. will they get hoors 72 hoors ? no!. in this Surah.. Allah has divided the people in to three groups As Sabiqoon Group ( the excelled ones)
    [Waqia`h 56:39] A large group from the earlier generations.
    [Waqia`h 56:40] And a large group from the latter.
    2- the right ones group
    3- the left ones group

    if your husband falls into the category of the first regarding the characteristics then definitely he is going to have hoors if no then not to worry you will be given to him as virgin. is your husband very pious and God fearing?

    if you fall into the first category regarding the characteristics then definitely you are going to get what Quran has not revealed and may be Allah will gift you with male hoor , i m not sure about that but for women and men all the things have not been revealed only few rewards of jannah are disclosed. we have no idea how infinite rewards we are going to get and hoors will be one of them.
    in Quran Allah says in jannah you will get whatever you will wish for. so it includes everything. you should nt worry what other people says. you should trust Allah. he is full of justice he will never leave you alone and give your husband hoors and you alone in jannah, no. Allah will reward everything with justice and not according to gender.

    • it is not about my husband or so, but about me, I have big issues with Allah and my deen now. it is not about jealousy or maybe it is, but I think not. It is about true love forever together which is not possible. Possible but with maidens. I do not want him to run of to some other woman as I do not want to run of to other man or male hoor or how did you call them. So I do not have what I want (and most woman I think) And even if my husband don't get them, he was created that way, and others will have them and I feel for their wifes. I do not know what to do. I also now you guys are going to think, she's crazy has a husband who only loves her, child, food, but I can't see the blessing of it anymore because I know of hell I am going to, a husband who never can only loves you I don't see anymore as blessing, child is less special because it is not just you that your husband wants kiddies with and so on..

      • dear sister, ...oh my dear sister

        I complitely understand you beacuse I feel the same, all last year and now...today I read your queestion and I cry again. may Allah protect us, but sometimes I feel I am not motivated...I never ask for jannah, Only to protect me from hellfire...When husband told me" you know, You and me in jannah..." I start to cry, and ask him not telling me about jannah, because I will always cry....I'm crying now too....

  6. I can't believe this. I'm so sorry you've been mislead this way. There is no such thing as hoor al ayn. The idea that jannah is a sexual paradise for men is disgusting and degrades both genders. The Quran says that both men and women in paradise will have companions, and the word for companions is gender neutral. It does not indicate a sexual relationship at all. A few scholars have noted this. There will be no sex parties in jannah, and the idea that there will be is horrendous. It is shirk. Please see: http://quransmessage.com/articles/sexy%20female%20virgins%20for%20men%20in%20heaven%20FM3.htm
    You are absolutely right. The idea of hoors degrades women and is actually unIslamic and has no basis in the Quran. The Quran states in many verses that men AND women who are righteous will have whatever they desire in Jannah. There is no discrimination. The repugnant idea of female virgins for men in paradise was invented by biased male scholars and is used to blackmail women.

    • The thing is Allah (S.W.T) has mentioned Hoor in the Quran and even the Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W) has mentioned about them in his sayings to further clarify the meaning of what is said in the Quran.

      Men in Jannah will have both the Hoor (women of jannah) and many women of this world as wives. The quantity of both types depends on how close they were to Allah (S.W.T) and the Prophet (S.A.W) in life and death.

      The OP has nothing to worry about really. She just needs to focus entirely on her Imaan and live on as a good Muslimah. Too much thinking about stuff we don't need to just means we have made our minds idle and an idle mind is considered to be home/palace/heaven for shaitaan so we just gotta keep ourselves busy with useful and important things whether Islamic or wordly stuff and in the end we will die with Imaan like we should Insha Allah.

  7. Sister, I understand what you are going through. It is very understandable and humane not to want to share your husband in Paradise. Just like many men who wouldn't want to share their wives in Paradise. Why oppressing the desires of a woman and not those of men? I also understand why you start doubting about even the religion.

    It also sounds ''unfair'' that our destiny is in the hands of a man. A man getting many woman and a woman must accept that and has no say in that. Do you think God, the most fair, would allow something like that? God said we would get whatever we desire. If you desire to be the only one for your husband, why would you not be able to be that? It is sad that woman of this world even feel like they are in a competition with ''hur al ayn''. Those creatures are made for Paradise as a reward and we as woman deserved Paradise and worked for that. God allows woman on earth to choose to be in monogamy or in polygamy. Nobody has to be in a relationship they don't desire to be in. Some people prefer polygamy and some people prefer monogamy. Fine. So are those people trying to say that here on earth we have the freedom to choose in what type of relationship we want to be in and in Paradise not? God knows what you feel, sister. God is the most fair. He knows what you desire and need before you know it yourself.

    It is not something you have to believe to be a muslima. Many scholars have said that ''hur al ayn'' have no gender. The Quran translations of two very respected scholars called Muhammad Asad and Yusuf Ali have translated the word ''hur al ayn'' to pure companions for both men and woman. Dr. Zakir Naik said the same. They have no gender.

    At the same time, we can't fully know about ''hur al ayn''. Also those people who claim they are females and for all muslim men can't fully know if this is true or not. What people believe came all out of questioning too. Wondering what those verses and hadith would mean. Not everybody believes they are females. So you are also able to take this opinion for yourself and believe in that. 🙂 Have faith in God my dear sister.

    I wish we could speak about it personally.

    Allahul ‘Alem.

  8. as salaamu alaykum sister,

    I wonder, are you aware that we will be a New Creation in Jannah? The Flaws of our personalities here in Dunya will have been Erased, along with all feelings of hurt, or any other Negative emotions. Those of us fortunate enough to have been saved by Allaah t'aala, ourHoly God, will be Perfect in Akhira, even more so than the Angels!

    There will Only be Bliss in complete Harmony! Dear sister; you will not even be Able to feel Jealousy! Peace and love and Gratitude and Happiness for All. What Ever you Wish for will be granted you, by our Lord, the most Generous! This is His promise so will you Believe in Him and drop the apprehension?

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