Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I can’t forget her

lonely man, losing her,

Assalamualaikum to all my fellow Muslim brothers and sisters. I am desperately in need of your advice regarding a serious personal problem.

I am still unmarried and have been looking for my soulmate since the mid of year 2013. But, there have been so many obstacles to my marriage. Till now, I have proposed to at least 10 women.

But, I was especially attracted to one young lady, and I have never had such a feeling for the other ladies I proposed. I sent my proposal to her in the month of March, 2014. Her parents were very much eager to marry their daughter to me, and she also didn't show any opposition. But, while we talked over the phone, I became very much doubtful about whether she was interested in marrying me, and I also had a feeling that, she might have had an affair in her university. I became very confused and, when I tried to make things clear, things became more chaotic, and one night, she directly cancelled the marriage over the phone. I really was in love with her and I was really heart-broken when she cancelled the marriage.

On that night, I deleted her and her mom's cell numbers from my mobile phone and ended all communication with her. But, I couldn't forget her. I couldn't sleep for 3 to 4 consecutive nights since the night she ended everything, and when I prayed, I used to cry to Allah (SWT) while in the state of Sajdah. I used to pray to Allah that, either He makes me forget her or bring her back to me. I also did Ziyarah of Allah's Wali's (Hazrat Shah Ali Bogdadi (Rahmatullahe Alaihe)'s tomb and prayed the same to Allah (SWT).

Then, after one month, the girl miraculously contacted me over the phone. We continued talking, and gradually she has fallen in love with me. But, some of her activities and talks have made me suspicious about her real intentions behind coming back to me.

So, I did Istikhaara about her. I saw horrible dreams about her on the night I offered the Istikhaara prayer and the next day, early in the morning, a guy most probably with a false identity called my mom and told her that, the girl was in deep love with a guy in her university for 4 years. I didn't say "Auzubillahiminash Shaytanirrajim" before going to sleep on the night of Istikhaara, and I'm not sure whether, Shaytan showed me those horrible dreams. But, I believed that, these came directly from Allah(SWT) and I took those to be Allah's decision, and I was convinced that, she is not the right girl for me.

But, I can't still forget her. At times, when I miss her, I feel pain in my chest and find it very hard to breathe. I also ended all sorts of communication with her, and she also told me that, she would try not to talk with me. But, going far away from each other brings us closer to each other. I don't know, why we can't forget and can't stop talking to each other. I really want to know, What is Allah's will about us ? Does He really want us to marry each other ? Will He enable me to forget her and will she be able to forget me ?


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5 Responses »

  1. she will b a joke for u, when u get ryt one from Allah SwT . be patient.. , read Quran more often by understanding the meaning.

  2. As salaam alaykum. Try as humanely possible to let her go. Whatever is yours, will never pass you by. And whatever passes you by, was never yours. Allahu 'alam

  3. I know I'm answering a bit late brother, but I hope my advice can help. Allah loves you very much. You know why? Because you are doing your utmost best to keep everything halal and you fear Allah. If you feel down, it's alright, because that happens when people are hurt. But remember, Allah never tests a servant with difficulty unless He loves him very much. So when you try to look at it that way, it's an honor.

    Make dua to Allah to help you get past it. I know you can, because no matter what trial we're in, if we're patient, we will get our reward with Allah, the Lord who gave us oxygen to breathe, life and its many opportunities and never demanded its like in return. You will get your reward in the Hereafter, but also in this world as well. That woman wasn't written for you, and thank Allah for His Qadr because if you'd married her when she had this problem, it would have affected you far worse.

    Keep praying, keep looking, and seek a woman of religion and I promise you Allah won't let you down. But remember no human being is perfect. A relationship requires effort from both sides.

    Meanwhile, do everything you can to feel better. Whether it's eating your favorite food, reading a good book, playing sports with friends, keep yourself busy every minute with halal fun or serving Allah swt through acts of worship. I think we're able to recover when we're using our time and get detached from whatever was affecting us.

    Take care brother.

    Assalamu alaikum warahmatullah

  4. Dear Brother

    The matter of fact is that marriage is a life time commitment. It demands both husband and wife to be capable of taking care of each other throughout life. So sense of responsibility should come before than the sense of romance. Few couples get lucky to share this sense of responsibility and romance together before and after marriage.

    You feel pain because a part of you has grown fond of her but you are doubtful of her commitment with you. You should demand a sense of responsibility from her by leaving those suspicious activities that have created distances between you and her.

    If she agrees then all is well and good but if your relation fails then pray for her well being in this world and here-after and leave quitely.

  5. My Brother,I don't know you but i read your full story and i really impressed from your story.May ALLAH help you

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