Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I can’t get over him

True Love

I was once in a relationship with a guy for nearly 3 years. For so and so reason we broke up. And he got married after 4 months. It took me long to accept it. But eventually I did accept the fact that he was married and no longer mines..

Despite having no contact at all. I still remember him every single day and upto 4-5 times a day. I do everything possible to keep my self distracted and occupied. I concentrate on my prayers, work, uni, friends.. I keep myself busy majority of the time. But its still really hard for me.. I literally cry every night/ morning. I just don't know what to do anymore..


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10 Responses »

  1. Salaam,

    Thats what happens when you play with fire, you will get hurt. The dating game is how so many sisters end up getting hurt. Now only time would heal. It will take time.


    • Well people get hurt in forced arranged marriages or cousin marriages also. Divorce rate is highest in Saudi arabia where a man is not even allowed to see a woman's face. Main reason of divorce seems to be infidelity. We are talking about a country where women have to wear burqa and religious police is still needed to keep men and women seperate.

      • what you said is irrelevant, as always.

      • SVS,

        There are ten countries that have the highest cases of divorce and Saudi Arabia is not one of them. I have been in and out of Saudi Arabia since the 1980's and I can assure you, men do see women's faces every day. Some women choose to cover their faces or their husbands require them to cover. Some women don't cover at all. I was just in Saudi a few months ago and was shocked to see that women are even walking without any head covering at all. These are Saudi women I am talking about here...not foreigners.

        The religious police are around but are not needed to keep men and women separate. In my opinion, they are just a bunch of self appointed hypocrites that often harass innocent people.
        You stated that divorce in Saudi Arabia is mostly due to infidelity however that is not the case at all.

        Forty percent of divorces in Saudi Arabia are mainly due to the husband’s refusal to let his wife continue to work and forcing her to quit her job, while 60 percent are due to issues related to the husband’s control of his wife’s salary.

        I humbly apologize to the poster for interjecting comments that are not related to the post. I felt compelled to comment due to the misinformation given. Often individuals take at face value what they read but to say that divorce in Saudi is mainly due to marital infidelity as absolutely false.


  2. Mns123: For so and so reason we broke up....I still remember him every single day and upto 4-5 times a day

    What is so and so reason?
    I guess you are not sure if you broke up a good reason or not

    Does remembering him make you sad or reminds you of good times?
    I guess the void left you guys breaking up is still there. He is married and you should get married to. Don't go back as an extra in the play.

  3. So many people get hurt whether arrange marriage, forced marriage or dating relationships. Everyone gets hurt by someone who betrays them including family from my own experience.

    I will say to you is be strong, best you forget him and move forward not backwards. Time for you to heal and it is good you are keeping yourself busy best way. Don't let shaitaan get to you, but Allah become your best guidance to the righteous path inshAllah.

    These are test paths we are all in, have patience and do not ever allow a man come between you and your respect again.

  4. You feel you cannot get over him. But, someday you WILL get over him.

    Everyone has their own time. Be patient.

  5. Assalaamualaikam

    It takes time to get over a relationship, and it's ok to still have memories of him - it's normal to remember important people in your life, and even though this relationship didn't work out, he was still a significant person in your life for some time. Take it one day at a time, and when something brings back a memory of him, rather than fighting to push it away, try to look at the memory as something from your past and accept that is where it will stay. It might sound strange that I'm suggesting that you allow yourself to think about these memories, but here's an experiment that might explain it:

    1) Don't think about an octopus. Whatever you do, don't think about an octopus.

    ... (now, you're probably thinking about the octopus - when we focus on not thinking about something, that thing can be really hard to think about)

    2) Now think about the octopus.

    ... (after a while, you'll probably move on to thinking about something else - and yes, an octopus is a pretty boring example, but it illustrates the idea that telling ourselves not to think about something can make us focus on that thing more - by allowing yourself to think about the times you shared, and reinforcing that these are in the past, the thoughts may, inshaAllah, become less persistent and distressing.)

    It's hard to imagine life without someone we care for, but we find a way, with Allah's guidance. Keep yourself busy with things that help you feel good about yourself and your faith, so that when you feel low, you can remind yourself of all the positives in your life, and turn to Allah for comfort and strength.

    When you feel ready, ask your family to help you find a spouse the halal way. InshaAllah, you can then find a husband who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve as a Muslimah.

    Midnightmoon editor

  6. Sister,

    Continue to keep yourself busy and do not dwell on what you cannot change. Seek forgiveness from Allah for your transgressions. If you want to marry, talk to your parents.


  7. Salam sister i would advice you to get married.

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