IslamicAnswers.com: Islamic Advice

Salam.

I am an 18 year old female living in Canada and am going through some tough times in my life right now. I have been for a few years ever since my family started having big issues. A few years back I used to be on the deen and strictly practising Islam. After the issues with my family started to arise, instead of turning to Allah I turned away from him. I felt like after constant dua and cries nothing was changing in my life. I became a very different person to who I was, and people began to view me in a different way. I also started rebelling against my parents and at school, whilst also self harming. I was experiencing not only emotional pain, but also physical. I was becoming suicidal and was going to attempt it several times. Through all this I was still conscious of Allah but I just felt empty, like I didn't care about anything.

This was going on for a long period of time. After a while I met a guy the same age as me. He helped me get through my troubles and get closer to Allah once again. We helped each other through difficult times and bought each other to love the religion. When we started talking we always had the right intentions to inshallah eventually make things halal and tell our parents, which we did. My mum found out and his parents also found out. A few months before his parents found out about us his older brother passed away, may Allah grant him the highest level of Jannah. This obviously had a massive toll on his parents and family, and his dad kept telling us to wait to make it halal because he still was in shock from the incident.

A few months ago though his sister got engaged, and it was so easy for her to. There was no fuss or waiting, it just happened. This has had a massive effect on me as his dad is still telling us to wait and to be patient but allowed her in an instant. I feel like his dragging it on without knowing the damage and emotional pain his putting us through because of it.

I don't want to stay talking in a haram relationship but his dad is making it so hard for us to just make it halal and I can't deal with that anymore. I want to stop talking to him and I'm trying so hard to but I can't. And he can't either. I love him dearly. He bought me out of my darkness and without him in my life I know I'll end up the same as before, depressed and alone. I'm scared that without him I'm going to become lost in my deen once again, and start to self harm and completely lose track of my iman. I know yous are gonna tell me to stop talking and just rely on Allah but I know in the end I'll begin to fall out of the religion. Is there any other options? I honestly don't know what to do, should I just wait like his dad is telling us to? I told him I will wait for him without us talking so no haram is commited and they can come when his dad is ready, but I honestly can't live without him. His never done me wrong in any way and Alhamdulillah he is the man any girl would be proud of having. Please help me.
Jzk.

el123