Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I can’t live without him but he won’t forget my past

broken heart

Brother and Sister of Islam I have found myself in a very deep problem and there is no one I can speak to in my environment. Because I have no one to speak to I am consumed by my thoughts. I am a born muslim and I believe in Allah. I do good things but I have sinned very badly. I never understood how much I would regret my sins. From the time I was 14 to 18 years old I have dated guys and did haram things with them. I had a tendency to date any guy I found attractive that liked me. If they asked me out and I liked them I said yes.

So it wasn't any different when I met my now boyfriend 10 months ago. From the beginning he was very sweet, loving, and caring. I had never met a man so interested in me and that would do anything for me like him. Honestly that's the reason I stuck around with someone I never liked too strongly nor loved.

Through out the many ups and downs we recently had big fights that turned into him and I breaking up but it was then when I realised I cannot live without him. Thinking about him leaving me makes me crazy, I start having panic attacks and strong anxiety. He knows the general things I have done in my past and he obsesses over it, constantly asking the same questions over and over again. I've learned from my mistakes and I want to be a better muslim but it's hard when he cusses me out, calls me names and constantly keeps bringing up my past. He wants to forget and I want to forget and move on and marry him but our future is so unclear. Sometimes I wish I never met him because this whole journey with him has been painful but the strong love I have developed for him won't let him go. How can I get him to forget about my past?


Tagged as: , , , , ,

7 Responses »

  1. Salaam-alaikum,

    Sister, I would firstly like to suggest that you make taubah, sincerely.

    Now, I must let you know that if this man ACTUALLY loves you, he would not be bringing up your past again and again. If he loves you then, he should forgive and not inflict this kind of pain on you. People like him, I'm sure have been with other girls too. If you know he has done something like that, then are you willing to forgive, forget and move on? If yes, then he should do the same for you too. However, personally, if someone did this to me, I would not waste a SINGLE tear or a thought about them, because they are not worth it.

    This is the best I can do for you right now.


  2. You can't get him to forget about your past. That's the way he is, and if you marry him he will make your life all about guilt trips, and reminding you of your past arguments, sins, mistakes, that the kind of person you want to be with?

    Let alone he is comfortable insulting you and calling you names, my dear you deserve better.

    Start fresh, keep it halal, let your family know and always meet with a shaperon so you don't end up wasting your time on people who won't be in your future for the long run. Being serious scares people who are not ready to commit. Next time you meet a man you like, tell him to meet your parents right away and don't have a relationship behind their back.

    All the best sister and know that there is better out there. Marriage is for life, so don't stick yourself with someone who will make it a living guilt trip.

  3. Dear sister,

    I'm sorry that you have found yourself in this situation. Part of repentance is to give up that which lead you to the sin in the first place and this includes boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. Please try to step out of this situation and pray and repent to Allah swt. You will then find peace within and inshAllah succeed in your endeavours if finding the right spouse.

    As with regards to this man: let him go. Love Allah swt first. There are times in life we feel that we love someone/something so strongly that we cannot let go. But you'll be surprised how strong will and determination will break you free from burdens of ' wrong love'. I sincerely believe that if man/woman uses your past against you there is no goodness in staying with them. They WON'T forget. And you will spend all your time trying to ' make it up' to them. It's a destructive way of living and it is better to be brave and chose better for yourself.

  4. I agree with above advises.

    Let this man go he dont deserve you and he wont ever change. If he really respected you and that goes to anyone who has a past he or shouldn't keep bringing it up or asking questions after questions. This is wrong at least you was honest but then being honest always backfires for some people they themselves cant take it or they are being totally hypocrites. This is why you should only repent to Allah and leave it at that.

    I know you are hurting BUT when we want something so bad its best to respect yourself and let it go. Letting go is the best thing even if it hurts.

  5. All four of the previous commenters gave good advice. Jazakum Allah khayr.

    Wael Editor

  6. Omg my guy does this, leave him girl. You will find someone amazing He doesnt deserrve you

  7. Assalamu aleikum,

    Dear sister, first do taubah like the sister above mentioned and ask Allah for guidance. I was in a non-halal relationship, where at a moment I felt stuck because the other person didn't like Islam. There was no future anymore, but I made the dua to Allah swt to help me get out and without shaming my family or hers. Alhamdulillah Allah has helped me in ways I couldn't imagine. Also for you try to be more occupied with the deen and never forget Allah is the one who can turn impossible situations into possible ones.

    Also I don't know whether the rest missed it, but panic attacks at night? This is the main reason I wanted to write here, we all know a lot of muslims use sihr due to ignorance or weak faith to control their spouse or families. What you described sounds very familiar, there are some people who use sihr for love. Like taweez, love potions, jinn etc. Have you ever received something like an amulet or something that has a piece of paper in it?

    Maybe it's nothing, but there is still a possiblity.

    I hope the best for you and your family, may Allah protect us. Ameen.


Leave a Response