Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I can’t move on after my divorce

upset muslim woman, distressed sister

I got married two years ago. It was an arranged one. We were allowed to get to know each other by talking on phone. I liked him and he did too.

After marriage he was a changed man completely. Sometimes he was really nice and loving and the next moment he is yelling at me for no reasons... insulting me in front of his family.

I got pregnant third month after marriage. He accused me that he has doubt about this being his baby. I cried a lot and the next day he forgot and was normal. After some time he started accusing me of bad character and told me to leave and go to my parents. He along with his mother forced me to leave.

I was blessed with a baby boy and no one came to look at him from his paternal side not even his father.

He divorced me on sms six months later.

I am in shatters. I don't understand what I did. I loved him dearly. I still love him. Sometimes I feel hatred for him. He stole all my dowry and jewellery and is not returning when I asked him to.

My family is very supportive and are always telling me to move on and forget the past. The thing is I can't. And I feel like crying when I think of all my things given by my parents with so much love which he has stolen... and then I miss him too. I still imagine my life with him.

I have a son to look after and I have to be strong for me to be with him. But I am broken from inside. I question myself all the time that why he did this to me - why he falsely accused me of bad character -why me?

Capri25

 

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5 Responses »

  1. Assalaamualaikum Dear Sister,

    I can understand your feelings and what you are going through. Believe me, no matter how much you think the answer for why is not here in this world. We can only get to know on the day of judgement.

    You are blessed to be a mother and I know its very tough to be single mother but Alhamdulillah you have a supportive family like me, so things will be very easier.

    take care of yourself and always remind yourself, you are not responsible for his actions and his statement on your character does not define or assert who you are.

    Allah is Most Just and Most Kind and Merciful.

    My prayers are with you and your baby.

    Allah Hafiz

  2. Divorce is a very traumatic experience, its a life changing experience and you have to put ALOT of effort to recover and move on. Divorce is like a roller-coaster, one day you are angry,the next day you are depressed, the other day you are extremely sad. My best advise is to take it one day at a time. Recovering from divorce takes time depending on the length of the marriage, divorce and how attached you where to him. Give yourself a minimum of a year to recover.

    My advise sister, turn to Allah, I found praying, listening to Islamic videos very helpful. Allah heals souls, no one can heal it for you. You can also watch a video by sister Yasmin mogahed 'healing a broken heart'

    As someone who has gone through it - I would say turn your soul to Allah, my prayers helped me a lot recover from the sadness and depression.

    Focus on your child and yourself, this man is no longer in your life. You have to first accept the situation to start the recovering process. Then forgive yourself and him. You cant start healing without forgiveness. Take good care of yourself(health, spirituality) also try to find some work or volunteer work to occupy you.

    Good luck... we are here for you dear sister. Love you 🙂

  3. Assalam Aleykoum My Dear Sister,

    You are not alone. I am also left with the whys? and the whats? No matter how hard I think of it I still can't figure out why he chose divorce or why he decided to treat me awfully.

    In your case, this is one situation where I would personally recommand you to stay strong because sooner or later he will contact you. I hope you will not give in, because he seems like a very nasty person.

    You have a gift from Allah SWT and that is your son. Stay strong sister and ask Allah SWT for ease. Also know that Allah SWT loves you so much to protect you from such a vile man. If he is accusing you of bad conduct without a proof, and accussing his own child with such vile accusation then know that had you continued living with him, he could have done worse to you and the child. Say Alhamdulillah that Allah SWT protected you.

    We may not know why but Allah SWT knows why. So let us both be patient and Allah SWT will reward us both. Ameen

    May Allah SWT give you ease and keep you both safe. Ameen.

    Sister Zahriya

  4. Ok, your husband sounds like he has a mental disease. And he actually might so there you go. Maybe there is no reason and he just needed some mental help and now you're divorced instead of being with him for 10 years and then finding out he's nuts. I hope things work out with you though.

  5. Dear sister,

    You have found yourself in a traumatic situation. Having married happily you never expected this test. But Allah swt will test those whom He Loves. And He Will not burden you with more than you can bear.

    Congratulation on your beautiful son and lovely family. You are so blessed to have them.

    As for your ex- you are blessed that he was eliminated from your life. I suspect that the one person you love the most now is your son, not your ex. Imagine any harm coming to your son. As a mother I think you would fight tooth and nail to protect him. The way to protect him now is to look after yourself, him and be thankful to Allah swt. Raise your son well within your family and leave that man behind. If he wants to be involved in his sons life he knows how to contact your family. As for now, he is a non mahram and a stranger to you.

    In terms of the wealth spent and lost, it is gone now in this dunya. If you have been unable to retrieve it in this life, you'll be repaid on day of Judgement. Don't worry about that, your life and your sons life is more important. Dont blame yourself for this past. But equally don't chose to be miserable and harm your son and family by searching for someone who has left.

    Your husband did not love you. I know this is hard to imagine since he married you. But what is normal and right to you and me seems to be completely different to what is normal to him. And if someone chooses to not love us we have the choice to UNlove them. The why's don't matter once you understand that this man did not love and care for you. It is very unlikely that you did something from your post that made him lose his love in you. Rather from the start he was acting out to be loving. But it was not genuine. It is not your fault. Furthermore he has proven himself to be a thief if he does not return your property. But the property touvd lost cannot be compared to your and your sons safety and wellbeing.

    If you love him that is ok. But chose to love something better. Love Allah swt the Most always. Then love yourself, your son and family. The love you have for your ex will go away with time. But he does not deserve your love at all. Your love is worthy and special. He does not deserve for you to spend that on him.

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