Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I can’t stop doing things I know are wrong

Homeless youth, running away, street kid


I  am 15 and I live in Singapore. I really need help in my life.

I masturbate a lot of times, smoked before but I quit it, drank beer once cos of curiosity, lie to my parents, I don't pray, I watch too much pornographic, I use vulgar languages every day in my life. I'm selfish too. I purpously touch my sisters breasts when she was sleeping. Basically I have the problem of a normal teenager.

I as a Islam muslim, I know all of this is wrong and it a very bad sin. I feel very ashamed and guilty and I want to change myself. But I know changing  just like that won't do any difference. I do go for Friday prayers but I know it doesn't do any good if I continue this way in my life. I want to repent and change to be a better person. Can somebody give me their advice? Teach me the dua too. Pardon me for my stupidity.



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20 Responses »

  1. Brother, i will give you short advice due to me having limited time, im sure others will elaborate, when you carry out the evil acts, think to yourself what am i doing, essentially you are having sex with yourself through masturbation, sounds wrong right ?, this will make you question the act, the same applies to the others, getting excited over a image/video of a lady, kind of pathetic really ?, and this unspeakable act with your sister, your sex drive is in overdrive, you must step back and rethink what you are doing, stay in wuzu, shaytan cant get to you, and you wont commit such acts, you need to cleanse yourself of this filth and enter a clean state, my words are soft, but your acts are haraam and sick, you need to change yourself and you made a good first step by asking for advice, whatever you are told, follow and inshaAllah move away from shaytans acts and embrace in acts of worship towards Allah.

  2. Salam brother.
    Are you maybe a malay bro? If yes, maybe I could speak your language. I know every bad deeds is a problem, but, if you truly have a heart to change, Allah will help you. Make this salah everyday
    Salatul Hajat
    Salatul Istiiharah

  3. Brother Assalamualaikum,

    Always think that Allah is looking us,

    and most Important do alway Jikra of Allah.

  4. Always keep your eyes in downside, not too down and not too up....

  5. salaam brother, as a woman your post has really disturbed me, remember that you are your sister's PROTECTOR and that you are not fulfilling your duty as her brother.

    YOU are violating her in your sleep and you need to STOP NOW.

    If you approach her again, THINK TWICE!!

    How would you feel if she woke up whilst you are commiting this shameful act? Imagine the look of disgust
    on her face. This disgust would turn to HURT and then HATE for you.

    She will NEVER trust you!! Your relation will NEVER be the same again and she will HATE you for life.

    YOU will cause her deep psychological issues, so THINK TWICE!!!!

    If you STILL cant help your self, think of the FIRE OF HELL and a BIG SNAKE on the bed. Think of ALLAH (SWT) exposing you!!! You will be labelled a PERVERT and no sane woman will marry you. YOU WILL RIUN THIS LIFE AND THE NEXT. THIS IS NOT NORMAL!!

    If this is of no use SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP!!! AND REPENT!!!

    • Asalaam alaykum,

      It would be within your sister's rights to have you arrested for sexually molesting her, if she ever find out or you do it again. In fact, you are assaulting her and committing a form of incest which is absolutely haraam. If you die without repentance, then when you are raised, your hands will testify against you as being a sexual pervert who molested the body of his sister. That doesn't sound too good, does it? And no, this isn't normal behavior for a teenager or any brother. Your ideas of sexuality are very warped.

      Your sexual perversions are rooted by masturbation and porn, so you really need to stop that poison from infecting your brain and body. You are a porn addict and you're letting that lead you to molestation which is a crime. You really need to reflect on what kind of human being you have become and what you want to change into. Do you want to continue to hurt your sister and land up in prison where more than likely you may be raped and molested yourself? Do you want to face the humiliation of being known as a sexual predator? God forbid this.

      You should think about moving in with a relative that has no females, perhaps with a single, older and pious male cousin or an uncle who is on the Straight Path. Maybe you should think about sitting down with your father and telling him that you want to straighten out your life and you need this action. Do not confess to touching your sister, because your father could become violent towards you. In fact, never tell anyone that you did that and NEVER DO IT AGAIN!!! I strongly encourage you to stay away from your sister and any other females. Your sister is a blessing from God and you have no right to hurt her, ever! You should respect her and honor her every day. Protect her from yourself!

      Porn had led you to the extreme of acting out and I'm going to post some links to watch.

      You need to start recovering from this disease today. If you don't, you will end up hurting yourself and going to jail as you are on that road. There is nothing funny or light about this. All this is serious and you need to help yourself out of this.

      Brother, the good thing is that you know you are in bad shape, but as a boy trying to become a man, you know everything that you shouldn't be doing, but you are still doing wrong. Why? You have no self control and no self discipline. All this is evident in everything that you describe. I can try to sit here and paint a rosy picture or tell you the truth, which is that if you don't start reforming your life today, then sitting in a prison cell is more than likely within your future.

      You are right in one respect, changing is hard, but it can happen quick if you make up your mind to do so. The only thing standing in your way of reform is yourself. You need to stop masturbating and stop watching porn to give yourself some self respect. Stop thinking that orgasms are your outlet and start finding ways to become a better human being and a real man that doesn't touch himself sexually.

      There is no one prayer that makes it all disappear unless you start believing in Allah's (swt) Mercy and His Wrath. He will forgive you, but if you stray back into your sins, you risk incurring His anger. Yet, He will save you from that if you get your deeds to start matching good intentions and a real change within yourself.

      Stop hanging around your friends that are crooked, stop partying and stop getting yourself into trouble. Put your computer in a public place in your house and stop being alone and bored all the time. You are getting old enough to work, so find a job and get committed to earning your way through life. Ask your father for help in showing you the ways to become a man. Find a job that is labor intensive, that makes you tired and hungry for the better life in front of God. Sweep floors, clean toilets or paint houses. Find something tough to get you busy and away from the bad life. Become an asset to those who love you and stop being a burden to them.

      Start respecting your family and make many apologies to your parents, especially your mom. If you die with your mother righteously angry at you, then you will have a hard time escaping the squeezing of the grave which may take you to the worst of places. Go to her, apologize to her, love her and make each day an opportunity to set things right with her until the day you die. The same thing with your father: beg them, plead with them and make up for all your bad actions against them.

      You need to start giving time and your own earned money from a job to charity to make up for your sins. Learn to help other people and then your'll learn to help yourself.

      You've made the right choice in asking for help, but you also need to match this with real actions. Perform the ritual washing of ghusal, pray to God every day and start reading Qur'an to inspire you to make a life on the Right Path. You can do this and you know it, so stop wasting time and get set straight.

      If you need more advice, just respond. We'll try to guide you.

  6. As a person who has counseled children and adults who have been sexually assaulted you should know that there is a very high chance that she is not sleeping through your assaults, but rather pretending to be asleep out of fear. Please listen to what professor x and other previous posters have suggested and stop what you are doing immediately. You are doing serious damage to your sister that will strongly impact her throughout her life, stopping now will make sure it does not get worse but you have caused her serious damage. Do not continue to think only of yourself but think of your sister ad what you are doing to her, think of the pain your mother will feel of she's to ever know what you did and do. Put yourself at the mercy of Allah because he is the only one to help you now. Your behavior is completely inexcusable and I can think of no place in the world where it would be considered ok. This damage you are doing to your sister will impact her relationship with her future husband and the intimacy that is to be enjoyed by them together, you are scarring her taking so much away from her, please stop what you are doing and seek help professionally as needed. Repent, change your habits and actions and begin to accept what you have done and work on making amends. Reconnect with Allah because surely you have been distant from him in order to commit such heinous acts, may Allah have mercy on your soul.

  7. its saheeh hadeeth, that for those who can not marry, they should fast. i would suggest that u fast as much as u can, esp on mondays and thursdays, may Allah s.w.t guide u.

  8. brother salam
    I hope you are in straight when i am leaving this response! but if you arn`t i ask you some questions to help you better.please reply them. do you think about god and his opinion about you?2.who/what(it can be a thing) is your best love or friend and who loves you more than the others?
    be succesful insha`allaah . i hope good to you!!!!!!!!! allaah hafiz.

  9. salam

    Subhan Allah! Brother i understand you and it is very normal for teenagers to feel this way and even go too far to even porn and masterbate! But you are going Beyond far by molesting your sister! I cried when i saw u wrote that you touch your sister, and im still crying! You are the one who is suposed to be protecting her from evil but you ended being the one that caused evil and harm on your own blood sister! ITS DISCUSTING!i'm 17 years old, and i hope to one day work with children and help/protect them, so i feel that i need to know where you live to save your poor inocent sister. no one knows how badly you want to change, it's between you and Allah!


  10. hmmm speechless

  11. i am a muslim and i'm 16 years i also suffer frm the masturbation part but not the sister part after masturbating i feel guilty and stuff , but I still can't stop . Everyday i pray to god to bless me with a wonderful wife as soon as possible so i won't have to do this haraam act and feel bad bout myself! the community i come from is mixed with muslims and kafers and i get distracted by what the girls might have on i do try to lower my gaze but my urges are to strong at this age I really do hope that i overcome this problem.

  12. can someone give me some duas please

  13. aoa!
    i am 22year old a muslim girl. doing sex with my ownself .. this act really teas me....i dnt know y em doing this....after doing self sex em felling very guilty...but this sexual feeling is become apart of my life...i want 4ever breakup from this sin...
    kindly help me in this regard plzz,,,,
    suggest me any wzefa as well

    • maha, we have answered many questions on the subject of masturbation. Please search our archives. Personally I think it's not a big deal as long as it 's not excessive and does interfere with your salat. Also, considering your age, you should try to get married. That will provide you with a lawful and pleasurable outlet for your desires.

      Wael Editor

  14. Salaam everyone,

    I have come here ashamed of myself yet stuck in a sutuation. Im im a relationship n looking to get narried to this guy buti ts been pretty diffucult, parents not agreeing and things, one frustration led to another and we ended up commiting intercourse on many occasions. We still.want to get married but i am changing mysepf and we have stopped it... N sed must stop.till we marry but now we miss it but im.scared i know i shudnt do it again as i will go tohell. Pls do dua we get married asap.
    Im seeking forgiveness from.allah n hoping to.becum.a better muslim but i am ashamed of myselffor doing this!

    Also the other thing is my self help to avoid sex is masturbation! Is that ok to do, ??

    Its ridiculous but what do i do! I cnt stop that, its like once a week, i could not face anyone toask this, thats y having it on here. Please do dua i am forgiven, thankyou x

  15. offer ur prayers five times a day..... becz salah stops a man frm shamful act..... the only solution to all problems..... i know its difficult in the beginning. but when u get into it .. it will become easier n easier... {personal experience}.. star with 2 salah per day and steadily increase it... n do offer d salah in the mosque i hope u will never be de railed again... Inshaa Allah... stay blessed 🙂

  16. Masturbation is okay as there is no exact Surah in the Quran detailing this part and is actually very healthy and will relieve sexual tension, stopping you from comitting vulgar acts like molesting your sister. I recommend doing this.

  17. assalamualikum

    First quit telling lie.


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