Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I can’t stop the feelings come back all the time………

teenage teacher student

AsalamuAlaikum,

I just wanted to get advice on a topic which i think most teenagers might go through especially when attending a mixed school full of boys. I have fell for a boy ive known for a very long time since primary and he is still in my school so i see him everyday. Every year i would at least try my best to keep him out of my thoughts but some how he would always creep back in. Its nothing to do with him. I dont even think he knows that I have fell for him. I know for a fact that this isn't love its lust that has been with me since i was in primary school. He doesnt even like me he is just polite and caring and has the same attitude towards everyone. Its come to a point where i cant take it anymore and i want to forget about the feelings inside of me. At some points like during these years i would forget about him and not even crave to speak to him. Like i dont even care about him. But when something happens or he starts talking to me and i get these feelings back it all crashes down and its hard to get back to how i was before.
I just hate the fact that i think about him all the time. I just hate the fact that i feel like talking to him and when i do i feel stupid about it because i know its wrong. I have never been in a relationship before with any one and i would love to keep it that way so i dont upset Allah. Please i really need help. I want to focus on my last year and make my parents proud and i cant do any of that when i keep thinking about him. I hate that i fell for him and i wish i never did. I feel stupid about having this lust towards him its just getting on my nerves. InshaAllah Im planning to go to an all girls sixth form when i leave school so i can be away from all theses dramas. But for now i dont know. Im struggling. I wish the best for him always and want to see him happy. I want Allah to provide him with success in this dunya and in the akhira InshaAllah. but i just want to forget these feelings that keep haunting me.
Please any sisters who have advice on this???

JazakAllah

Uknownstruggler


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3 Responses »

  1. I would advise you with this:

    "Whoever leaves anything for ALLAH, ALLAH will grant him something better"

    So don't you want anything better? Will you sign this deal with Allah? 🙂

  2. It's normal
    Humans were meant to come together
    Procreate and continue generations

    But just keep your distance
    And keep yourself busy

    Should you feel lust for your crush
    Say in your heart
    God help me please.
    And go your way.

    The more you pray the more relaxed you will feel

    You must get involved in certain hobbies
    Be busy.
    Or keep a pet to occupy your time.

    Remember, an idle mind is the devil's playground.

    Good luck dearie
    Salamalekum

  3. Walaikumassalaam. Praise be to Allah.

    Allah says in the Quran:
    "And indeed We have created man, and We know whatever thoughts his inner self develops, and We are closer to him than (his) jugular vein." (Quran 50:16).

    Iblees said to Allah, "By your might, I will surely mislead them all (Muslims) except those among them who are Your sincere worshipers" (Quran 38:82-83).

    What you are going through is nothing but a test. And even if you get married to this guy or even a guy who is a mumin and then if you are not a sincere worshiper, you'll again have feelings for some other guy. So, first thank Allah that you are going through this test before marriage coz Allah says the punishment is more severe for married people in this case.

    Now, who are sincere worshipers that the Shaytan leaves alone? The ones who perform their daily 5 prayers, give zakath, do fasting, the ones do not even go close to zina, and the ones who have a modest character.

    How to avoid this Zina?

    “And come not near to unlawful sex. Verily, it is a Faahishah (i.e. anything that transgresses its limits: a great sin, and an evil way that leads one to hell unless Allaah Forgives him)”

    [al-Isra’ 17:32]

    Looking at that which is forbidden is one of the arrows of the Shaytaan, which leads a person to doom, even if he did not do it intentionally at first. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts). That is purer for them. Verily, Allaah is All‑Aware of what they do.

    And tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts)”

    [al-Noor 24:30-31]

    Think about how Allaah connects the issue of lowering the gaze with the issue of protecting the private parts (guarding one’s chastity) in these verses, and how lowering the gaze is mentioned first, before protecting the private parts, because the eye influences the heart.

    In these two verses, Allaah commands the believing men and women to lower their gaze and guard their chastity, which is because of the serious nature of zina and what it leads to of great corruption among the Muslims. Letting one's gaze wander freely is one of the causes of sickness in the heart and the occurrence of immoral actions, whereas lowering the gaze is one of the means of keeping oneself safe from that.

    And the easiest way to defeat the Shaytan when any bad thoughts or the thoughts that you don't like enter your mind is to say again and again until the bad thoughts go away: A'udhu billahi min-ash-shaytan ir-rajim { I seek Allah's protection from Satan who is accursed.} And by saying this, not only you'll defeat the Satan, but you'll also see the trap of Satan and see how bad it could've been for you. As Allah says in the Quran:

    ” Indeed, those who fear Allah – when an impulse touches them from Satan, they remember [Him] and at once they have insight.” [Surat Al-A`raf 7:201]

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