Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I cheated on my fiancee by talking and meeting another woman

Asalamoalaikum dear readers,

I would like to have your sincere help as i find myself in this dark hole alone and searching for a way out.

I got engaged to my fiance, she though lives in a different city in the same country, far though about 4 hour flight. Weve been talking to each other for about three years and two years ago we got engaged.

Recently with shaytaan running all over my mind i started talking to another girl from a social media playform, thjs girl lived about 30 minutes away from me. I saw nothing but sexual pleasure with her, we talked on text for a while on and off, mind you im deeply inlove with my fiancee and she is and always will be the love of my life.

Anywho this girl im talking to who im just trying to meet so i can find sexual pleasure out of. I dont know what i was thinking.

Anywho this texting went on for about 2-3 months and then we finally decidedd to meet. Now she invited me to her place i went, and we kissed and layed in her bed and being completely honest, nothing further than that happened.

So i went home i felt completely miserable for what i had donee i told myself thst this is enough i need to put an end to this. I called her up and i told her i cannot carry this on, i have a fiancee and i love her veryy very muchh and i cannot ruin this and i need to move on.

She then went on to say that well i thought we had something going between us, i am to blame as well i lead her on, but again my intentions were only to get sexual pleasure out of this. I didnt know she would have feelings for me. So she went on to say that you know what lets be friends and i really dont want to lose you as a friend and want to maintain that, i should have put an end but shaytan had to play another card and i said sure we can be friend, we went on to talk through text on and off she asked me to meet her for a movie, we did that and at the movie we kissed again. After the movie we both went home.

I told her that what we did was not right and that has to end and she agreed that this will not happen again, now the following week we decided to on another movie and shaytaan had to play another cardd to get something ignited with us, my brother and wife left for work and i told her why dont u come over to my place we can hang out then we will go watch a movie from there on.

She came over she wanted to see my bed, layed down and we kissed yet again this time more intimatly, with being more touchy feely. After about 10-15 mins i feltt terrible just sooo terrible i got up and i acted like i got a phone call and asked her to leave because i have to be somewhere, she left in a bit of anger.

I messaged her later on and i said to her that listen this cannot go on and i need to stay awayy and all this is not right and i reaallyy need to stay away. She went on to say noo i really want to just stay friends and i beg you that we stay friends, i cannot lose u as a friend. Anywho with alot of talking back and forth i said fine! We will not talk much but i will not block and delete u off.

Now i felt terrible inside for what is going on, i had been planning on moving to the city where my fiancee lives and i was just waiting on some financial support so that i can finalize my move. Now this is where it all goes downhill, not forgettig it already has gone downhill for me. But i was feeling reallyy ill minded and my fiancee kept asking whether im hiding something and i kept denying it and i just felt really really bad that im doing this to the love of my life.

Anyway so this girl now what she does is she goes a little psycho, she started messaging the next day saying dirty things, that she doesnt care anymore and she just wants to be jn bed with me and wants to just be friends with benefits, and i swear by Allah i dont know what took over me, im sure it was shaytaan and i started to respond to her and saying all the things she wanted to hear, i even sent a pciture of my private region and told her that i want to do all things to her in bed.

After that conversation ended and i said to her that i will come to her next day and we wjll finally sleep together. I thank Allah for saving me and i knew i was not going to go, but Allah saved me, my old friend from work called me and me him and another friend went to hang out.

Later that night i was talkjng to my fiancee and she kept saying how i sound different and she thinks there is something hidden and i kept denying it again. Once again i just feltt terrible inside that im hiding somethig so big to her and i cant afford to lose her she is the best thing that happened to me.

My fiancee went to sleep and later on that night i wrote a long message to that girl and told her that this cannot carry on anymore we both need to move on in our lives and im putting an end to it and i will be blocking you and deleting you from this point.

I came back to sleep and i woke up to my fiancees call and shes screaming and crying and saying that i ruined her life and that she found out that i have cheated on her. She saidd that the girl messaged her (finding her on social media) and sent her pictures of our most recent conversation.

i was devastated and so was my fiancee she was crying and screamjng at me and i was just broken i did not know how to respondd and what to think. So the girl i was talking to basically did this in revenge.

Now my fiancee told her brother who called me saying that i shohld stay away and not call his sister, i triedd to explain to him but obviously he wouldnt listen. This ended up being spread amongst our families her brother told my brother and my brother told my parents who live in a different country by the way.

Now i am devastated and i couldnt be more heartbroken that this had to happen. Im crying since yesterday i cannot eat or drink properly im just broken! I cannot believe this happened this way but i guess Allah has his way to punish his people . I have been repenting and i do not want to lose this relationship, my fiancee keeps saying its over and nothjng can be fixed but i know that with allahs help anythjng is possible.

Everyone here i need your help and assistance, my brothers are upset I spoke to my mom today and cried to her and she accepted my apology and said that things will work out but i just needed to let this out somewhere, whosoever can help me through this, please guide me, my main focus right now is to seek forgiveness and making sure that my relationship with my fiancee is not broken. Thank you for reading all this and jizakalahukhairan for all the help i can get.



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12 Responses »

  1. This is so devastating and sad, sometimes we blame shaytann for the mistakes we make our selves. Deep down you knew you should have ended this relationship from the very beginning,meeting an ill mannered girl like that. But alhamdulillah Allah protected you from committing zina, because a girl like that must have surely done this with several guys. Pray to Allah just like you do keep making du'a and inshaAllah we'll help with du'a too every life before marriage face challenges it's either within the couples or with the parents or life challenges. I'll advice you text your fiance tell her everything from the beginning to the end,no lies how it all began how it ended, ladies /women are understanding souls and soft.

    Look for a way go with your parents to your fiance's house even if they would chase you out they wouldn't chase your parents, show them your regrets and cry keep pleading with them. Because you don't know what that girl has poisoned your fiance's mind with all those pictures you sent her as proof, go to them cry your heart out show your regrets and tell them your story tell them your path. Every marriage face challenges don't give up just yet at least never give up rather die trying hard Just like the soldiers of Allah. I hope this helps I hope someone find this post in your fiance family and understand you. Even if they don't find this keep trying your best to explain yourself.

  2. I think your fiancé deserves someone who is completely fairhful and u didnt treat her right when u had the chance. U keep blaming shayateen but shayateen only whispers and we carry out the act. Maybe u should focus on bettering yourself and then finding another girl. Your fiancé may one day forgive u but will never forget what u did. Also the fact that her brother knows... not good, as her family will have no respect for u.

  3. Brother your blaming everything on shaytaan. If you truly loved your fiance, then why would you keep making the same mistake over and over again. Its not looking good for you now brother. I think you might be better of marrying the other girl. Repent to Allah and InShaaAllah he will put happiness in your life in what ever way

    • marrying the other girl you say why should you advice him to marry such ill mannered girl then whenever they have a problem she'll go ahead and lie on him. I'll advice he cut off all relationships with that girl she's not the sign of a woman who will be a good mother it's obvious she's done this with several guys. Yes he was blaming everything on shaytaan but even if he doesnt end up with his fiance it should be some other girl not a girl like that

      • Blackceena: marrying the other girl you say why should you advice him to marry such ill mannered girl then whenever they have a problem she'll go ahead and lie on him.

        This guy is no saint either. He wanted to use the girl sexually. He says "but again my intentions were only to get sexual pleasure." ......She came over she wanted to see HIS bed, layed down and ...... kissed yet again this time more intimately, with being more touchy feely.....HE even sent a picture of his private region and told her that he wanted to do all things to her in bed.

  4. Asalamoalikum
    Bismillah brother never give up until shes decides to move on with someone else. Pray 5 times a day, read quran. Im sure Allah is putting you through this test for a reason. If Allah has made this relationship for you get married to her asap talk to her and ask Allahs forgiveness. ITS A TEST FROM ALLAH

  5. Assalamualaikum brother one simple question if it was ur fiancee who did this mistake were u ready to forgive her......................thats not easy and ask forgiveness from Allah

  6. I'm sorry to say brother but honestly your just being selfish and thinking about just yourself and how you can satisfy your own nafs/desires. If your engaged to someone whom you say is the love of your life why did you continuously go behind her back to have an affair with someone else? Why weren't you man enough to bring her to your home or go to her home to marry.

    I believe the sister made a right decision of ending the engagement as you clearly haven't given a thought about her living situation and how she's coping.

    All I can say now is if your really are sincerely repenting and realising that your weak and kept commiti ng sins which you weren't able to stop then now is the time to look at yourself and say how you will not committ such acts again but marry someone else and have a halal relationship with your new wife. Allah forgives all sins so don't lose hope we all committ sins one way or another. No one is perfect. So continue seeking forgiveness.

    To be honest going back to your engaged wife to be is out of the question as it is unlikely she will accept you now. so don't waste your time. This might be a good time to look at yourself and see where you have gone wrong and do everything you can to be a better Muslim and not to do this again. It may be that Allah has something better for you for the future where's shaitan likes us to think of ourselves as waste and worth nothing so as to continue Sinning making us realise that Allah will not forgive so losing all hope in Allah but Allah is forgiving and his bounties are unlimited.

    And as for the other sister you were having haram relationship is seems like you were used by her. And that may have continued if you married her also behind your back. But I don't want to say anything bad about this sister as backbiting isn't right all I hope is that she realises what she is doing is also wrong and Allah guide her to the right path.

  7. A Mistake done repeatedly is not a mistake but is called an HABBIT. In your case BAD HABBIT which you had got obssessed about. Kissing , Kissing , Kissing.. well how many times ?

    Shaytan are you kidding ? Its your mental phase. Would have your Aqidah been pure and strongest Shaytan wouldnt even hiss in your ears forget about him whispering words/things to do. Its you who wanted to do all that. Sexual Pleasure are you a womanizer? Sorry for being blunt but thats how you have phrased it all. Agreed with your honesty but i am being honest too as a reciprocation to your honesty being a Woman. :-ss

    I dont think you have any future with the so called innocent fianceè of yours. Rather wait till Shaytan again comes to you and advises you to be with that same Girl with whom u intended to have sexual pleasures. Made for Each other.

    Last and the least. No Apologies for being blunt.

  8. Asalamoalaikum Brother,

    I think right now you need to focus on one thing: seeking repentence from Allah swt.

    Clearly and rightly so your ex-fiance is heartbroken and upset. You need to let her be and allow her to make the right choice for her life. If you truly love her, you'll let her go. If she decides to forgive you and return by her own free will, that's different. That is only fair to her.

    I know you're hurt and upset but be thankful you're alive and have the opportunity to repent. Stay away from this girl, she clearly is no good.

    If you truly repent, perhaps Allah swt will return what He gave to you or give you someone good again. But for now your sole focus should on bettering yourself.

  9. Salam,

    It's probably been a month, have things settled down now? What is your situation now? I think the best part of your story is that you avoided zina. As for your fiance, it's odd that you have a long distance 3 year relationship with her. If not for this when were you planning on getting married?

    Now that this has happened perhaps it's best to move on from both the fiance and the new girl. See if you can find someone that you can marry sooner than 3 years. Sorry for what happened, inshallah your fiance will get over this and hopefully you can learn from this and put this behind you in time.

  10. Asalaamu Alaikum,

    As the person above me said, it's good you did not commit zina with her. Perhaps the only good to come from your situation. You may want to confront a Sheikh or a marriage counselor on whether you can salvage your relationship with your fiancee. Or better yet, discuss the issue with her in private. Include her parents if need be. Communicating through text/phone can misconstrue a lot of information, leading to more problems.

    I sincerely suggest you repent to Allah (which I'm sure you have). Regeret on its own is a sign of repentance. Pray istikhara and ask Allah to guide you to which deems fit for the both of you, then follow whatever you decide with sincere tawwakul.

    Don't feel entirely hopeless in your situation, as Muhammad (saas) once said: "By Him in whose hand is my soul, if you did not sin Allah would replace you with people who would sin and they would see the forgiveness of Allah and he would forgive them."

    I pray you find a solution to your situation. If not, may He grant you and your fiancee someone better than eachother.


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