Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I cry everyday


Hello I can't say name BECASUE I'm afraid someone might see this I even changes up my user name but Anyways I wanted to tell that I'm 14 I know that sounds quite small but every person has problems so you might as well listen I have a great family and I'm happy that they let me buy stuff I live under a roof have food I have one sister and she's 19 our entire family was really attached when j was little about 10 years and younger but my family started slowly not really talking to EACHOTHER my mom and dad both used to work in the same company but after a lot of years my mom thought its best to stay home Anyways my dads a rly nice person but he can get a bit angry sometimes whenever my grandmas here for visit like my dads mom things go really bad my dad starts waking my mom up to do the chores even though we have servants and scolds her to wake up and when my grandmas not here none of this happens my dad once slapped my mother saying that she's always sleeping but he never does that my sister has cooperated with me since I was little but now I can't say she threatens me that shell tell all my class mates not to talk to me or my crush and threaten me that shell tell hom

not to ever talk to me I know siblings do that but no this is a different kind she kicks me off the bed and tells me not to cry or my parents will scold her everyday early in the morning I go out on the balcony cry so hard and sometimes my sister locks me in the balcony I feel like suciding but no ! I know it's bad too and my moms a really nice and peaceful person but she always takes my sisters side I cry myself to sleep everyday and I feel amazing with my friends like al my worries are over but as soon as I get home I feel bad


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3 Responses »

  1. Hi Elle,

    You are aware and grateful for everything you do have as you make evident in the first part of your post: your family, the roof over your head, abundant food, and the connection your family members once had with each other. You are also aware that suicide is not the answer.

    I am sorry to hear that your family members have all drifted apart a bit, and there is some frustration and irritability on both your parents and your sister's part that is rubbing off on you and even further affecting your mood at times. it sounds from what you say that your parents are normally nice, but have their times of irritability and frustration, particularly when grandma visits. I am guessing that this is your paternal grandma, thus your father's frustration?

    First off sister, I know how it feels to have tension present when grandparents are's not what you hear from everybody...sometimes there are sweet fuzzy stories of grandparents over, but I want you to know that you are not alone. It can be very taxing being around family conflict and frustration, and I would encourage you to remember that it is not your fault and it isn't forever.

    It sounds from what you say that your parents are normally nice, but have their times of anger. This must be very difficult, as those times can be confusing and put us on a rollercoaster ride. Everybody has good and bad days, and the bad ones often throw us for a loop.

    Have you tried crying to Allah and letting out your pain to Him after a 2-rakah prayer, talking to Him or simply sitting still, knowing that He knows all and can make things better for you? This could be just the outlet you need to get you through those really difficult times.

    Also, do you have a school counselor you could see? I'm assuming you are in high school, and they have counselors there to help sort through these things. The counselor may even suggest some regular therapy outside of school for you.

    Crying is a natural and normal response to pain and Allah has provided us tear ducts for this very reason sweetheart. It's bad enough to FEEL bad enough to have to cry...please, if you can, do not compound this pain by feeling bad ABOUT crying sister, even if your family tries to humiliate you or put you down about it. It's normal in your situation.

    May Allah relieve you of your burden and replace it with ease. Inshallah things will get better.

  2. Dear Elli

    You seem quite mature and senseble for your age MashaAllah.A very appreciative of the things you have.

    I think you all are going through a phase in life. Your elder sister must be going through her issues that she can not discuss with you or any other member.

    Your parents are not aware of what's going on.. Your mum sounds nice but might have become a bit week,perhaps you could try get more close to your mum and open up to her, you feel your mum is taking your sisters side I don't think,she means to your sister might also be thinking that your mom favours you more as you are the youngest!!as I have two daughters of similer age like you two,your 19 year old might a bit difficult to handle, and you are possibly the sensible one, at least in your mothers eyes hence she seem to be taking side.get close to your mum help her and take her help & advice more.
    As far as your father's behaviour towards your mother is concerned when your dad's mum is there, it must be disturbing for you & your sister. It's temporary. None of it is your fault.make lots of doa for your parents and for your sister, show kindness to her even though she is being mean to you right now, but she will realise her bad attitude indhaAllah. Be happy it's not the end of the world things will get better instead of crying and being upset do something constructive, go find something to do make yourself a den in the balcony with lit candles, make hot chocolate or something and read a book, enjoy,when your sister ask you leave the room/ bed.

    May be she needs privacy?request your mum to get your own bed ?
    Don't take things so personally and seriously I know it is hard living with unkindness from sibling especially after having a good relation with them.your family love you more then anyone in the world just remember that .keep praying & make Doa to Allah.

  3. Hi Elle,

    I hope that you are feeling a lit bit better sister.

    You are in our thoughts and duas.


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