Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I delayed intimacy with my husband due to my in-laws but now regret it

Wife Denies Sex

As Salaam Alykum,

Recently, me and my husband moved out of my in-laws' home after living there for a few years. They were a very difficult few years as my in-laws were not nice to me at all. Although we have moved out, I still think about how much pain they gave me, and how they wronged me. I've tried to move on, but sometimes I still wake up, get emotional, and spend some time crying about it.

When living with my in-laws, I told my husband I wouldn't be able to mentally carry a child while living there if I were to get pregnant. We haven't had intimacy in the four years we have been married. A few months ago, we decided to try but were unsuccessful. This was because I wasn't feeling like doing it and my low libido.  I was also thinking of everything that has happened in the consumes my mind. I would love to start a family but just feel so hurt inside and sometimes because of my husband's family, I don't feel like talking to him. I feel like bursting at him but that will not do anything.

I just don't know what to do. At this rate it feels like we will never be intimate and never have children because of me. I delayed it due to what I was going through while living with in-laws and now I regret it. And I just don't know how to move's so difficult to not let these things affect the marriage. I need some advice please.


Tagged as: , , , ,

4 Responses »

  1. Asalaamu Alaikum Sister

    This is obvious to me, I've had the same situation in my marriage. YOU NEED COUNSELING, wherever you can get it, talk to an independent person about the pain your in-laws gave you and then you will move on and overcome that pain inshAllah.

    Dont let your in-laws continue to control and ruin your life, forgive them for Allah's sake, and love your husband freely. This is the goal, but without counselling, you may have some good days, but you likely wont be successful in overcoming this pain.

    Usually masjids offer counseling for free or maybe there are other organizations you can turn to.

    Also, create very clear strong boundaries so your in-laws can no longer hurt you, and make your husband the bad guy when it comes to dealing with the inlaws. I would recommend not confronting them yourself if possible.

    May Allah make things easy for your in this difficult time and give you many blessed children if that is best for you.

    All the best

  2. Aselamu Aleykum

    you need to visit a psychiatrist right away

    All the best

    • I respectfully disagree, a counsellor is all you need, don't waste money on psychiatry and drugs.

      • Ak,

        You are probably right, but it is best to let a trained counsellor or therapist guide her as to whether a referral to a psychiatrist or medications are appropriate. Medications are not a "waste of money," and many in the Muslim community could be helped by them but are instead suffering silently.


Leave a Response