Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I divorced my wife, now she wants to marry her lover

family argument, not talking, feud, dispute

Assalamualaikum. I have a big issue and I would like to know your views or opinion on this matter.

My wife (we've been in a 7 year marriage), she was in Nikah with me and cheated me and had sexual intercourse with another man...The man was fully aware she is married and in Nikah with me yet destroyed my marriage & family. After I came to know as she confessed everything, I told her to get lost. I gave her triple divorce in one sitting as I was disgusted. From that moment she left my place and has been staying with that man during her Iddah Period and definitely having intercourse with that other man during Iddah. They are both waiting for the iddah period to be over so as to get married.

She told me she is sorry and kept asking for forgiveness...she was someone good, but I cant understand how come this has gone that far. I still appreciate her for all the good she has and sometimes I want her back and sometimes I hate her for what she has done.

What are your views if a wife has sexual intercourse outside nikah?

Is she allowed to marry that man??

Is she allowed to have sexual intercourse during her iddah??

Does the triple divorce take place as 3 or 1??


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14 Responses »

  1. Brother,

    So, basically what you are saying is, she is an adulterer. This man you speak of did not destroy your marriage brother...your wife allowed it. You say that she asked you for forgiveness and said she was sorry yet, she is now staying with this man! Does that sound to you like a woman who gives a dam about her marriage?! If she truly cared about saving her marriage, she wouldn't be there.

    You want her back because no matter what, you love her. I can understand your love for her...I really can. After all, you have been married for seven years.

    You hate her for what she did and you have every right to. Sexual intercourse outside of marriage is something that you should never tolerate. Not now, not ever.

    Is she allowed to marry that man?? Well, I imagine if you are divorced...she most certainly can.

    Is she allowed to have sexual intercourse during her iddah?? The answer to your question is no however, it didn't stop her while she was married so I don't think it would make any difference to her one way or another.

    Does the triple divorce take place as 3 or 1?? That question is best answered by someone with more knowledge on the subject than myself. Some say the triple divorce is valid, others say the triple divorce is not valid and counts only as one. Some also call the triple divorce bidah. Allah hu alem.


  2. I don't think you should let her back in your life. If you are divorced according to experts then pray to Allah to heal your wounds and help you move on. If you are not divorced then you need to pray to Allah for help.

    Personally I don't think you deserve such a wife who is living with her boyfriend during her 'iddah'. Plus if you have divorced then stop keeping up with news about her. And if you find out anything then pray to Allah for patience and move on.

    Although you two may have been through a lot together in the past 7 years of marriage you deserve a better lifepartner.

    Take care

  3. I agree with the above. The marriage is over and she clearly does not wish to be with you. Rather than asking questions, put the past away and move forward.

  4. She's a waste of space. Marriage is over, she clearly has no shame and has continued to live with the man she committed adultery with ! I know your probably really hurting, as am I becsuse my husband betrayed me too - but if she wants to make it work then she knows where u are, she needs to show remorse, repent and try to win u back. Even if she does come back to you the trust is gone, and she may well repeat the same behaviour again. I think your better off without her. It's bitter, it's painful but try to see the light at the end of the tunnel and walk towards it.

    May Allah swt make this easy for you , ameen.

    • I've been seeing this "waste of space" expression lately, and I don't like it. It implies that the person's life is worthless. But every human being is a living soul created by Allah SWT. A person may be a faasiq (a sinner), a kafir (disbeliever) or a mushrik (polytheist). But everyone has the potential to find guidance and make tawbah. We can and should denounce haram actions, but no living person is a "waste of space".

      Wael Editor

  5. Brother I'm sorry as you are in very hurtful situation.
    I have some Q for you.
    Is she living with that man as she has nowhere else to go or is it by her choice of preference??

    Are you guessing she is going to get married with that man and getting intimate during this period or she has announced it to you?

    If you really want to reconcile with her ,you can without her getting married first with some one else because 3 divorce in one setting is one divorce however your mind is clouded at this time with surprise, anger, hatred and also love. Give yourself time before making any decision.

  6. Don't ask her to come back you will ruin your life again.

  7. You don't actually know she is having sexual intercourse but don't assume something if you have no proof. Yes she can remarry after her iddah 3 months of waiting. Yes triple divorce is set has one setting.

    Clearly she don't want to be with you. Let her go and move on. You deserve so much better and please do not allow her to treat you like this anymore. Clearly some people don't have any respect.

  8. She is waste ..As per Mailiki and Hanbali views the nikah with a person who is responsible for the destruction of the marriage is not valid(like in this case the new man ,who had sex with your wife) . There are other views too ..

    • Again with the "waste" expression? See my comment above. This is not an Islamic way of expression. No human being is waste, astaghfirullah. Dehumanizing expressions like this are part of a way of thinking that enables vigilantism and "honor killings". Allah created every human being with a purpose and with intent. Everyone has potential to be guided and to repent.

      Wael Editor

  9. Salaam,

    I would like to follow up with your situation. It has been almost 9 months. I believe in forgiving. No one is perfect. i hardly hear women cheating, there must be a reason to why she did it. Do you have children? We have done worst and Allah has forgiven us. If you did the same, I am sure she would have forgiven you. Try to forgive her and work out your marriage if done yet done. May Allah guide you.


    • Strange ..
      OP's wife cheated and ran away and you are telling OP that she might have forgiven him ..Very strange comment ..

  10. assalumu alaykum,

    she has made her decision and you need to pray to Allah to help you move on. find another who will love and honor you and give you many strong and honorable children.... Praise Allah the one...

  11. OP: What are your views if a wife has sexual intercourse outside nikah?

    Divorce cases are even increasing in Saudi Arabia. According to one report, more than 30,000 divorces take place in the Kingdom every year and 82 every day..............According to Dr. Musfir Al-Malees, a family consultant, social networking sites have contributed to at least 25 percent of divorce cases in the Kingdom.

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