Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I don’t have feelings for my husband

SALAM everyone

i would like to share my story and would need some suggestions please

I'm in my early 20's engaged to my cousin , i have been engaged/married for 1 year now. and this is my story .

back in 2011 My cousin asked for my hand from my family and at that time i was in relationship with someone else.  he was my first and will be my last love. my family is not religious neither am i except my mother .in 2011 my dad asked me that what do i think about getting engaged to my cousin and i said no since i had my ex at the time , i broke with my ex 2014 and that was the year i went through depression and anxiety to the point that i used to cut myself . 2 years later my family asked me again about cousin and i said no but they did not accept my answer since they wanted to hear something magical. (my cousin used to live with us and i used to call him brother). my parents went back home and get me engaged to him without me knowing (they signed my nikah paper on engagement on my behalf i didn't even knew ), i found out the day after and cried for days but no one give a dam , somehow they convinced me to give him a chance and i did so.  after the engagement  party i came back to the country Im atm. i just don't like him and his personality , I'm not  attracted  towards him . the day he texts me feels like hell . i just hate him and talking about him because he was the reason me and my ex broke up   (my family didn't know i had someone ) . i tried talking to my family but no one listens they are like its one you can't do anything about it. (my dad is a politician which makes it harder) . so i told my fiancé that i don't have any feelings for him i did it all for my family , he started acting weird he would tell everything to my dad that we argue about, so i stopped talking to him . Im dealing with depression i sleep with tears in my eyes overnight , i smoke , i cut myself , nothing makes me happy i have become so heartless, no emotions or anything i just hate the word men , i don't wanna be in relation with anyone because i still love my ex who has moved on and is married now. my family aint by mu side , i have no friends , nothing , i did pray istekhara but didn't work for me so hopeless i don't know what to do . sometimes i feel like finishing myself that way at least my family would be happy . any suggestions please help me brothers and sisters.


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5 Responses »

  1. I sincerely hope and make dua that you find peace in your life. It's so sad to read what you are going through. My heart bleeds for you. Everybody deserves happiness. Please speak to your husband as I'm sure he can't think that he is happily married. Your nikkah sn't even valI'd as you werent even present.

  2. Yes, the nikkah wouldn't be valid.

    Firstly, you're not alone. Allah is with you.

    And please, please, please do not even contemplate giving up and throwing the towel in and hurting yourself!

    Please understand that Allah does not burden a soul more than it can bear. You are a strong person and you will continue being strong and Allah give you strength. You can get through this.

    In Islam, we are not allowed boyfriend-girlfriend relationships; and now, I'm sure you know one of the reasons why. You committed yourself a lot to your ex in a Haram relationship, that now you are unable to move on because of him.
    He has moved on, but you haven't.
    You're hurt and can't stop thinking about it.
    This is the pain and suffering these rules attempt to save us from.

    But he is your past. It's upto you to make your present. Don't dwell on it.

    Talk to your parents. Explain to them that you're not happy with this man.
    Tell them that it is having an effect on your psyche. And could cause health issues for you. Be respectful and firm about it.
    Tell them that you're not happy and this would mean your fiancé won't be happy. That's 2 lives that will be ruined. Sometimes you need to sit down and have a proper conversation: it may erase misunderstandings and misconceptions that you're parents have that you're totally unaware of!

    But overall, my dear sister, my advice would be don't dwell on the past and think about sorting out your present. No one should force you to be with anyone at all. And pray please. Communicate with Allah.
    Surely, hearts find relief in the remembrance of Allah.
    You are not alone. Allah is always by your side. Do not consider yourself alone.

    Your Sis in Islam x

  3. This is not how marriage works. No one can sign any documents on your behalf and say, "there you go, you are now engaged". Just like a random person on the streets can't sign anything on my behalf that commits me to buy a $5 million house. Your engagement is invalid, because you have very clearly said NO to this proposal. You are suffering from oppression, and you need to get yourself out of this situation before your life gets ruined (or worse yet: You decide to harm yourself more than you already are).

    Please reach out to someone and tell them you're being forced into marrying someone you don't want. I don't know where you live, but please look into talking to a social worker, the police or a women's shelter. It's hard to take action against your own family, but when your family are willing to hand you over to the devil, you have to love yourself enough to do whatever you can to help yourself. It's not your fault that your family does not respect a loud and clear NO...

  4. First things first there is no one out there worth killing yourself for ... So you hear me ??
    Second divorce your family went behind your back you go behind there's .
    Thirdly I will be your friend you are never alone and we are all going through difficult times. (Can I give her email address)?? Or is it against rules on here??

  5. Assalamualaikum sister

    nikah without your not halal it needs your aceptance

    when family convinced u and u gave chance then why are u regreting .....outer beauty will vanish what stays is good soul see him with trust in Allah make ur life beautiful by moving on and do not hold emotions or regrets of past as it will burn ur present and future .........why are u torturing urself move on life ur life happily when u accept with whole heartedly then things will be more better and nice ....stop looking back as its gonna spoil ur life...


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