Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I don’t know how long we’ll stay married and it’s only been 5 months.

woman in regret, sad, depressed

Asalaamu Alaikum,

I'll keep this short. Me and my husband were only together for 3 months before we were married.
Neither of us had been in a long term relationship before and we came from different upbringings.
He's always been a refugee, traveling to different countries. He spent most of his youth in our motherland.
I've been in America since I was 4. College educated, and a modern household.

None of this sounded like it would matter until we were married and I realized, we're not even close to right for each other. Our personalities are polar opposites. We don't share any interests or hobbies.

There's also the fact that we got married under the impression that he was as big an animal lover as I was. I'd often talk about my beloved cat, that I've had since she was a kitten and how I wanted my children to always live around pets. He would always agree.
Then when I brought my kitten to our new home, it took a month for him to guilt me so much about how he wasn't comfortable and how he was always annoyed by her, he would lock her in the room when I wasn't home, that I finally gave her away.
I can't forgive him for that. It was such an important thing for me. I've been an animal lover since I was a child and the idea of my kids not having pets, even though it doesn't sound important, is devastating.

Anyway, all this stuff and the constant arguing and silent treatements (from both of us) has made it so that I never fell in love with him. And now I don't even like him.
Which makes sex absolutely a chore for me. There's no physical attraction since there isn't an emotional one.

I want us to make it to a year just so we can honestly say we gave it time and didn't rush into divorce but I'm already done with him in my head.

My question is, is it wrong that I expect us to get divorced? There's no love to save because it was never here. And honestly, I think he would be much happier with someone else. We're both miserable.


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5 Responses »

  1. Salam,

    Honestly, why wait a year? Why not sit down together and talk about things? Chances are, he's as miserable as you are. No need to be mean or accusing...just talk and let him know how you are feeling. You may find he can open up to you and feel relief of some sort. May you both find peace and happiness, even if it isn't with each other.


  2. If it's too hard to run the relationship get a divorce now. I've heard it's harder to run a relationship from different classes and it sounds like this is what it is. Better now than coming back later and asking if you should get a divorce now that you have a kid.

  3. Excellent advice Najah!

  4. I do not know how well looked after and vaccinated pets are in your country of residence, however, they can be a source of disease for young children as well as an unborn child. So your desire for your kids to grow up with pets has to be put on the back burner for a few years. I think fishes are good pets too.
    You have not mentioned your age but as Najah said you need to discuss your issues openly and clearly. Nobody is perfect.

  5. Salam sister.As a revert from a world of materialistic life.I will give you deep advice.1st I studied a little in England when I found the correct Islam and I am happily married for 11YRS to someone who is 10YRS apart and was raised as a religious scholor.Mind you I only met my wife 3 times before we both agreed to get married.Since this way of marriage according what Allah wants and the example of are prophet Muhammad PBUH teachings.I can say wow only if people knew the blessings of following the commandments of Allah !Yes we all might disagree argue in differences but that is reflection of are Belief in Allah.You see today the muslims around the world are so deceived by the illusions that SHAITAN puts in front or whispers into them.Regardless a man's wealth or intelligence. No one will ever be successful in both of the world's. Allah will fill his heart with worries stress problems and no peace of mind because of disobedience and not following the orders of Allah...people have not understood there purpose in life.....The quran 1st few pages explains.Allah is the controller of everything.So my point is learn the basics of Islam pray Salah and master it and read quran daily to protect you and increase you piety taqwa noor blessings etc.......the list is unimaginable! Remember an idle man's brain is a devils workshop....NOW FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP SHAITAN LOVES TO SEPARATE HUSBAND AND WIFE HE IS A MASTER AT FINDING YOUR WEAKNESS AND HABITS.HE ACTUALLY KNOWS YOU BETTER THEN YOURSELF YOU CAN SAY.HE IS ALWAYS THERE BUT WHEN YOU REMEMBER ALLAH (ZIKR)THEN HE KEEPS AWAY FOR THE NOOR OF ALLAH BURNS OR WEAKENS HIM....THE WHOLE LIFE OF EVERYBODY REGARDLESS WHO HE SHE IS TESTED RIGHT TO HIS LAST BREATH.....FACT MENTIONED IN HADITHS.SOO YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THAT PEACE AND TRANQUILITY WILL COME WHEN WE OBEY .WHAT IS OBEY. BESIDES PRAYING SALAH ON TIME PAYING ZAKAT 2.5%OF YOUR HALAL INCOME A YEAR.FASTING IN RAMADAN HELPING COMMUNITY OR ANYONE IN NEED.KEEPING AWAY FROM INTEREST ADULTERY MUSIC DOUBTFUL FOOD SOCIALIZING WITH OPPOSITE SEXES...ALL OF THIS IS INCLUDE AND THATS HOW SHAITAN WEAKENS YOU AND THEN DESTROYS YOU.LOOK AT THE MUSIC STARS MOVIE STARS DRUG SUICIDE BAD DEATHS ETC....DIVORCE RATE IS HIGH AND HUSH HUSH.CHILDREN ARE BORN OUT OF WEDLOCK. .wow so many things....oh by the way there is no such thing is religious fanatics or extreme....Know this the elite work with devils who disguise themselves as so called aliens and these terrorists are all the same working for the devil ....kill kill destroy and cause mayhem...In Islam we do not kill anything .We respect and love everything for the sake of Allah only.The prophets life is an example when we studied's one and learn from this ...a lady use to throw garbage out her window everytime the prophet Muhammad pass by .but that one day she didn't the prophet came to the door and sought permission of the house slave to see her...When that lady saw him the prophet as she layed in bed I'll. She inquired why have you come to see me when I treat you bad in other words....He replied that I was worried that something had happen to you and I had to know.From that little love and patience sacrifice without any hate revenge.Allah put in her heart to except Islam.You see actions are louder then words......Good luck my sister and know that life is short and become master of your destiny. YOUR SUNNI FRIEND

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