I don´t know how to end this relationship
I´m a nineteen year muslim girl in love with a muslim guy since 8 months with many problems because he suffers from depression and anxiety and used to frustate me, he made my life miserable but I thought if I love him I should support him too, so I stuck to him, he used to threaten me that he will die if i leave him or he will take all my nekiyas if i leave him.
He even tuk kasams because he didn´t trust me when I said I will be with you, I was patient and cared for him more than myself lest he would spoil his exams, he has become emotionally weak. I´m just scared to tell him whats on my mind, the point is as muslims now I have realized it is wrong to have any relationship before marriage even if you wanna marry each other, please help me , I don´t want to be a sinner nor I want to hurt him......
Our parents are also hurt because i have this relationship, my mom wants me to break up, she thinks, I can get married to a better guy after I complete my studies and become a professional doctor. After 3 years..tell me what to do under Quranshareef's light I will repent for the sins i have done by being in a relationship, now that I clearly know it is un islamic...what should i do...should i break up??? i sincerely want to repent for my sin and not continue with this....but we both will be too hurt...he would even curse me...m scared help me...???? dua mein yaad.....jazakallah khair.
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Assalamu alaykum Sister,
May Allah have mercy on you.
Falling in love and stuff leads to much wrong and fitna. So come out of it soon Insha Allah by marriage with the guy or separation.
People here will say, brother, why do you tell people of their past, we are here to help them to move on etc.
But I want to again repeat a question: When you well know what you do is wrong, you will discontinue it in future and your parents may not agree for your marriage with so and so, why do you first of all fall in love, contact someone in great frequency and then leave him to cry without you?
Anyways, it is nothing but a result of our actions. We leave the straight path and the crookedness begins to hurt.
Now past is gone, what you can do is "think" and face the reality. People with good iimaan are bound to make up good husbands Insha Allah, more chances of them being better than others, so choose such one, or if you want to marry this guy, ask him to develop his career, be a good Muslim and Insha Allah you would think of finalizing marriage with him.
If you think that would take too much time, if you think the guy is not worth waiting for and he can hardly change from his odd behavior and you do not wish to marry him, then you should speak to him clearly that you followed your desires and fell in love and did wrong, now you realize it was wrong and xxx xxx xxx things are there which you do not like and so you want to move out of this relationship by ending it.
The guy would be hurt, cry, some even harm themselves or others in this madness called love before marriage , this is why Muslim youth should be very careful and abstain from this disease. But if you wish to discontinue, the sooner you do it, then better it will be, Insha Allah.
And we should never play games with our hearts and with the hearts of others and "move out" of the relationship whenever we "realize - ah know I realize in Islam it is wrong". Why you make someone else suffer for your realization?
Anyways, this world is too complex and so are people and Allah is best aware of whom He wills to guide and best aware of whom He wills to send astray.
Concentrate on your learning of Qur'an and Islam, Insha Allah.
Read the Qur'an with meanings.
My humble request is to solve the matter with kindness, not hard feelings. If your mother is aware of this, then you better meet him in presence of her and clarify if you want to continue or discontinue. Do not avoid meeting and cutting all of a sudden as this may have grave psychological hurt upon someone. You should meet in presence of your mahram if they are aware of it and Insha Allah bring a peaceful solution which does not harm you or him, Insha Allah.
May Allah make it easy for you, whatever you choose, Insha Allah.
Salaam,
Your brother.
Repentance,
Ask Allah for forgiveness, He is ever ready to show mercy.
135. And those who, when they do an evil thing or wrong themselves, remember Allah and implore forgiveness for their sins. Who forgiveth sins save Allah only?. and will not knowingly repeat (the wrong) they did.
136. The reward of such will be forgiveness from their Lord, and Gardens underneath which rivers flow, wherein they will abide for ever, a bountiful reward for workers! - Surah Al Imraan.
90.....Lo! he who wardeth off (evil) and endureth (findeth favour); for verily Allah loseth not the wages of the kindly.
91. They said: By Allah, verily Allah hath preferred thee above us, and we were indeed sinful.
92. He said: Have no fear this day! May Allah forgive you, and He is the Most Merciful of those who show mercy. - Surah Yusuf.
118. And (O Muhammad) say: My Lord! Forgive and have mercy, for Thou art best of all who show mercy. - Surah Al Mu'minuun.
Surah 40. Al-Mu'min
1. Ha. Mim.
2. The revelation of the Scripture is from Allah, the Mighty, the Knower,
3. The Forgiver of sin, the Acceptor of repentance, the Stern in punishment, the Bountiful. There is no God save Him. Unto Him is the journeying.
286. Allah tasketh not a soul beyond its scope. For it (is only) that which it hath earned, and against it (only) that which it hath deserved. Our Lord! Condemn us not if we forget, or miss the mark! Our Lord! Lay not on us such a burden as Thou didst lay on those before us! Our Lord! Impose not on us that which we have not the strength to bear! Pardon us, absolve us and have mercy on us, Thou, our Protector, and give us victory over the disbelieving folk. - Surah Baqarah.
53. Say: My slaves who have been prodigal to their own hurt! Despair not of the mercy of Allah, Who forgiveth all sins. Lo! He is the Forgiving, the Merciful.
54. Turn unto Him repentant, and surrender unto Him, before there come unto you the doom, when ye cannot be helped. - Surah Az Zumar.
Wa huwal Ghafurul Waduud - And He is the Forgiving, The Loving - Surah Al Burooj.
Wastagfirullah Innallaahaa Ghafuurur Raheem - And seek forgiveness of Allah, verily Allah is the Forgiving, the Merciful - Surah Muzzammil.
Allah is full of Mercy, full of pity towards His slaves, turn to Him repentant, Insha Allah, this repentance may secure you a place in Jannaah.
Salaam,
Your brother.
As salamu alaykum, sister saba,
Alhamdulillah, your time to return to the straight path is here, be honest to him, tell him you don´t want to sin anymore, that you want to repent from Heart, stop sinning and come back to the straight Path. He may understand or not, advice him to go back to Allah(swt) and acknowledge his sins, do tawbah and begin from cero.
Don´t be afraid of his reaction, you are acting right, finish your studies and focus on learning more about your deen, there are posts here about repentance, I share some with you.
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/how-do-i-repent/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/tawbah-in-islam/
All my Unconditional Love, Respect and Support,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor