I don’t know what has happened to me since we emigrated from Iraq
The Door of Allah's Forgiveness is Still Open!
Salam, I have many questions about my life so I'm going to tell you some of my problems.
I am a Muslim girl and I am 18 years old. I was born in Baghdad and and I came to California with my family when I was at the age of 4. I went to an Islamic school and I didn't feel comfortable there because:
1. I would always get picked on and made fun of because of I was the only girl who didn't wear a hijab (my family is Muslim but we don't wear a hijab).
2. They were crazy about their religion to the point where birthdays and music was haram. My parents didn't agree with their hard beliefs, so I went to a public school in 5th grade. People would still make fun of me and I didn't understand why no one liked me.
I found a group of friends who I can be myself around but they are Mexicans, non-Muslims. Throughout high school, I met a lot of "Muslim" girls who had no faith and did the dirty. My parents are pretty strict about what I can and cannot do and I don't blame them, but I have never seen my parents being really religious. They don't pray and only on occasions they fast for about 2 or 3 days. What they have between them and Allah is between them and Allah and I know I have a lot of faith in Allah and I'm not like the "Muslim" girls I've come across in my life.
I have committed sins however. I met a male friend online at the age of 16 and we started skyping and talking everyday until we created a relationship. The problem is I don't know who he is and he has never turned on his camera to skype me and I've never seen pictures of him.. He won't show me any. I was stupid and I started to get naked in front of the camera and do sexual things with him. We would masturbate to each on the phone or on the camera.
I then forgot about him because he wouldn't reveal his identity to me. I then found a guy that I really liked. He is Mexican and Christian, but I told him in order for us to be together, he would have to become Muslim and believe in Islam. He agreed and he is now Muslim.
We got carried away and ended up having sex. You do not know how disgusted with myself I was after that happened and we didn't stop, we kept doing it and I don't understand why I couldn't stop and think.. This was 10 months ago and I stopped having sex with him because I realized what I have done. We did it probably 10+ times and I stopped. I haven't had sex in 10 months but I am stuck now.
I still kiss him and hold his hand, and we are now engaged and my parents know. They do not approve, but they said its better to be engaged than to still be together as bf and gf.
I want to repent but I feel so disgusted with myself. I have so much faith and I am such a loving person to my religion, but I am not educated enough about Islam to know what to do now. I know how to pray and I speak Arabic fluently, I'm not a whitewashed American.
I am a Muslim woman who is trying to seek answers. Everyday I feel depressed about what I have done and I wish to do something to let Allah forgive me, I want to repent yet I don't know how. My parents don't know that I've had sex, and I do not plan on telling them.
I don't have anyone to tell me what to do with myself and I'm scared of asking any Muslim or going to a mosque to ask because I feel like my secret will be known and everyone will not want to associate themselves with me. Please help me turn my life around I want to become a better Muslim and I want Allah to forgive me and guide me in the right path in my life, please.
- osama1994
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Salamu alekum. First of all you should do alot of istighfar , and since you have committed a gravely sin with eachother. Now that you have both engaged to eachother focuse on becoming a better Muslim and stay away from him since he is still your non-mahram, (He is not yet your husband). You should wear the hijab from now on, Guide your Chasted ,As it will be a shield ,The aura of privacy created by hijab is indicative of the great value Islam places upon women. Trust me you will be very happy to cover up than being immodest. Since you can speak/ write Arabic fluently you should read the Quran to soften your heart and ease your mind and perhaps if by the Will of ALLAH Subhana it might awaken/ alert your parents ears one day. Advice your Fiancé to visit the Masjid frequently since he is a new convert, Perhaps you should too to make new friends and get into congregation to strengthen your Faith and imaan. Second try to think about how you will raise your children around his family as they are Non-Muslims. Talk to your parents about Islam let the topic break atmosphere of forgetting to take our Deen seriously, Try to pray, Fast in Ramadan, also do our Sunnah. Live the life of the way our prophet did S.a.w.s. and see for yourself how your community will grow/ change. You will become an example as a righteous person ,for those who are low in imaan, beginners. May ALLAH show us all the straight path Ameen. I hope my replied helped a little. Asalamu alekum
You have been very careless sister.
What kind of smart girl would talk to an absolute stranger on skype while he is still hidden and she is stark naked on the cam? i cant think of a single non muslim friend of mine who would do that even if they believe in pre marital sex. Do you think its over now? that guy was probably known to you and even if he wasnt then what can guarentee you that he hasnt saved your performance. he could do anything with it. Upload it on the internet as a home video and one day God forbid every1 will see it in school b4 you. you said you dont plan on making confessions to your parents? right..but what if they came to know through some other source.
just think about it. think how you have put yourself in a vulnerable situation. if you would want to file a formal conplaint in the cyber crime department you will not be able to help them in anyway to catch the pervert. Can you evaluate the dangers you can possibly face in your life because of that or you actually think its your past?
our past sins are like ticking time bombs. they can blast anytime, be very careful on the internet and you dont have to be a muslim to understand that... and beg Allah s.w.t to defuse it b4 it blasts and ruines
your life completely.
Sister you are very confused. mainly because your parents are not practicing muslims. being born to certain kind of people and speaking arabic is not enough for you to go to heaven...
I'll tell you a true story of a hindu nanny who raised my mother. she just realised one day that islam is the truth and said her shahada. she was very old so she could not grasp or memorize much. so my mum's mother just taught her Bismillah. she would do her wudu and open the Quran and run her finger on every word just saying bismillah bismillah. my uncles who were naughty kids at that time teased her saying '' your car just starts and stops at Bismillah''., but she only smiled. she would do thay evryday but she couldnt tell her family about it. her sons were aggressive and communal hindus. So one day she told my grandma '' when ill die my sons will cremate me, my body will perish to ashes except my heart and my finger'' and she raised her right index finger '' bury it in the muslim graveyard''. God know how she.knew it but after many years when my mother also got married away she got the news that her old nanny died and indeed some1 found her heart and finger unburnt from the ashes and they were buried. This is what emaan means. Acquiring knowledge can make your journey to jannah easy but you can succeed even if you had none. knowledge cannot survive without emaan but emaan can survive without knowledge. Arabic is your mother tongue but it wont help you unless you realised how lucky you are and picked up that quran instead of feeling pride for nothing.
your reasons for leaving the islamic school were baseless specially when you were subjected to similar treatment in your other non islamic school as well. Obviously you cant change that but you must understand where you are wrong. just feeling guilt wont help coz even the kafir feel it, what seperates you from them is the will to change and submit to the will of Allah. cut off all the ties with those who are misleading you including your female friends. start reading the quran with comprehension. watch tafseer videos on youtube to understand it better. see for yourself how many time Allah has said in His book that He is the most merciful and oft forgiving. that will give you some hope. read about his wrath and know where those who say they believe but do not believe end up. this should scare you enough to do your taubah without any delay. Pray to Allah to conceal you sins in this world and the hereafter.
eman is a line right between hope and fear.
Return to Him.
I hope he is a muslim and practicig one.
Do Istikhaara youve dne wrngno till marriageit no mre tillll marriage...
Mre importnat is day ofjudgement..why dnt u marry a practicing brother n make pure relationship.if hes practiccing do istikhaara n get married quicker.
Be strong sis ifnu wanna talk lets talk on here.ur young haraam brings confusuion im nt perfect my self...instead try n focus on pleasing Allah at the endthts wht counts look fr a person whose gt the prophets character. Hw beautiful to have ahusband who says laa ilaaahaaa illalah..u hve becme to close when ur around him itwill be difficultto cntrol ur self u cn marry. Allahs mercy is far mre then u cn imagine seek frgivesness u give this person maybe to much.
Think intelligently distance urself from haraamaam n take small steps I need to get married lol I 27. Talk to sisters here u just need to let alot out look fr islamic counselling websie