I have done my nikah and do not like the person who I married, I need help
i went to pakistan one
year ago.... and i said yes in marrying my mum's nephew. i did the nikah, but i don't like him anymore and don't know what made me say yes.
i no longer want to be with him for many reasons, he isn't educated and does not have a decent job, he calls but we don't talk much it jus a hi and bye to be honest.
he tells me how he could have married sum1 else if my dad didnt give him me - this makes me feel bad and i just dont want to be with him.
can you please guide me, i want to get married here in England to someone. please help me
thank you
- fatima786
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Dear Fatima786, Asalaamualaykum,
Thats a difficult one you've landed yourself in. You may not like what I am going to say, but marriage and divorce are not things to be chopped and changed as whims and desires change. I am sure you did not take the decision of marrying your cousin lightly, but you probably didn't give it the full attention it required either.
I would recommend that seeing as you have agreed to this nikah through your own will, you owe it to yourself and to this man to make a full effort to make the marriage work before thinking of divorce. As you are both away from each other and have not had much chance to build a relationship added with your change of heart, the cracks will become bigger and harder to mend if you do not do something now.
Dear Sis - try for the sake of Allah :O). This man married hoping for a loving marriage just as you did. Exchange a few nice words and inshaAllah see how both of your hearts will begin to warm towards one another. I know you do not want to, but ask Allah to put love in your heart for your husband and make the effort. See where it leads you inshaAllah. May Allah make your husband the comfort of your eye.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
x
I agree with SisterZ. Also, the phone calls are probably like that because neither of you know what to say. It isn't his fault, sometimes it can get difficult when that happens.
Sometimes it helps to write down the things you want to talk about in advance. When I was in a situation where talking to a certain person made me nervous, I used to keep a small notepad in my pocket. Whenever something interesting happened to me, or I heard a good joke, or whatever, I would note it down. Then when I spoke to my friend I had plenty of things to talk about if the conversation got stale.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
As salamu alaykum,
My experience with communication tells me that we can find both ways(nothing to say or non stopping talk) and anything in the middle, and with maturity, experience and respect we can talk to almost anyone, of course using the adequate terms and making sure that the person feels comfortable talking to us.
Being very young, I went through a experience where I didn´t know what to say, from that time on, I discovered that behind a conversation there is a whole science and a strong wish of wanting to share and sometimes we don´t need to say much, maybe is enough to listen with a soft open heart, ...
I discovered too that if a person doesn´t want to communicate, much better to forget about it, because to open ourselves to someone we need to do it in a conscious way, we need to decide that we want to do it and if we don´t want to do it, we should be respectful to the others time, energy and life and make it clear as soon as possible,... we should just let them go.
Not all days are the same, sometimes we need to be silent, others we are plenty of energy, others may feel emotional in any direction, .... when we decide to share life, communication is a strong element of any relationship´s foundation, then all the efforts to improve it, to give it time, to be there when the other needs to share, to take the conscious option of sharing, .... those are little points that will make a strong line where to be supportive one to the other and will create a strong bond, that will be tested when tough times come.
I heard many times here the word non educated, through my life the most interesting people I have met were what you call illiterates, but they were extremely well educated people, ... they were strong in values, specially the women, and both men and women had a special wise touch that I miss so much right now in some "well educated" people,... With this, what I mean is that we should review our foundations and then looking at ourselves we should be realistic and accept what we have and if we can improve it then good for us, ...I have seen marriages between two career people, one career-one not, two almost illiterates, and many in between and the marriages I´ve seen that has flourished in time didn´t have to do with degrees, had to do with Unconditional Love, Respect and Support, through good and bad times, ... and all of them began with the same step, building up a relationship between two people.
Oops, I meant:
"May Allah make your husband the comfort of your EYES", lol, both eyes, not just one eye.
SisterZ
Lol =)))
x
firsto f all to those brothers and sisters this is not joke this sister is in real problem second ssiter u should tell him to learn some islam becuz islam says to love wife truly and not think about other girls and also it says to act like good humans notj sut act also be good humans
if u dont liek him at all and also he talsk crazy dreaming about others while being with u would really pissed u off loving wife truly is important in happy marriage so u should divorce him and marry soembody else
who can truly love u and whoever u r and dont drema of other whiel being with u u r educated he is not and he is paki haha well this was my advice i am not very experinced man i am 18 so dont take my advice as some i dont know lol
sister u should marry person your type jazakallah bye
Salam sister,
This is a very serious matter as you have already done the nikah.
Marriage is very serious thing and not to be taken lightly so you
should have thought in depth about who you're marrying when you agreed.
Nevertheless, the nikah has been done,
so try to make an effort the make the marriage work.
Like any other guy, i'm sure he has his own fantasies
about his wife regardless of him being uneducated or unemployed.
If he doesnt talk on the phone as much, then maybe hes a shy type
i'm sure he has much to say but doesent know how to express
it and most guys are like that!!!. Try asking him different
questions and get to know him better.
And who knows maybe you will end up liking him.
The more you spend talking, the more you develop feelings for eachother.
This has certainly worked for me, so it might just work for you 😀
Best of luck sister,
May Allah guide you.
Only Allah can guide you. Turn to His book and to His Messengers authentic Sunnah