Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I don’t think my mom is having an affair – I am sure of it!

Keyboard keys showing man and woman


I want to share my story to my good brothers and sisters here with the hope that I can get good advice on how I can cope with this situation.
From the title i know most of u will think that its my moms fault and i'm not saying otherwise but first i want u to know a little story about my family's past story. I can say my family is one of the "religious"  family but we still put up a lot of tolerant here and there that i'm starting to think its starting to run out of control.

My mom was the most loyal and obedient wife I've ever known, i know this because she had been very faithful to my dad while he was working outside the country for about 5 years, and how do i know this exactly? well during this awaiting time my grandma tried to pair my mom with some other guy, but she refused and even decided to run away from my grandparent's home (with permission of  my dad) and kept her love to my dad along with her. This is just one example of how hard she struggled when my dad wasn't there, but yet she stayed faithful because she knows that my dad is struggling even more for our family's future.

years passed by and finally my dad was able to move us abroad with him. My mom was so happy, now she could finally be together and stay close to the man she's always loved and trusted. Little did she know just a few days after arriving to our new home she found some letters along with a picture of a lady, nope this picture isn't the one we usually use for office requirement or anything like that, this lady was wearing a dress and a bright red lipstick, her lose hair seems to justify my point. oh and the letters? it was all  directed to my dad, ofc it's a "special" letter. Nope, this wasn't my moms first heart break. He's done it several times before, but she seems to forgive him every time. And yes, this is not the only thing that broke my moms heart, alot of things  happened, but i remember she almost went crazy thinking about it, and by crazy i mean -continuously banging your head on the wall while u're crying - crazy. As her first daughter I was her only child for 10 years so i can say i am the closest one, besides, my sibling are still so young so they don't really know whats going on. Knowing my mom was so depressed over my dad i started to blame him even hate him for a everything, i thought that he's the most egoist, unfair, unfaithful and stingy man/husband.

Can't quite remember when was the first time my mom started to act differently towards my dad, not only my dad but towards me and my siblings too. At that time i thought it was just an act out of anger, depression and misery so i let it go. Months went by and the same drama was played over and over again. I know it is faith from Allah, He wanted to show me something more behind this story so one day i accidentally saw my moms fb messages (dont remember how), oh and yeah i feel really guilty cuz i was the one who taught her how to make and use fb. From there i found out that my mom is having an affair with an "unmarried man" (I stalked him), he seems to be religious from the way he looks and his posts on fb. I assumed that they haven't met or they were friends when they were young. I was wondering if its possible that my own mother and this so called religious man is having a relationship? so i decided to go through their old conversation, it feels as if i was my dad and i am experiencing  heart attack due to the amount of shock i receive from this truth.

I knew something was wrong, i knew i had to do something and yet i hid the truth and kept quite, i tried so hard to convince my self that my mom would never do such thing. But the truth can never be hidden no matter how deep you berried it. My dad finally figured it out himself, and No it wasn't the world war 3, instead they settled down and somehow managed to get through it.

I am once again a happy teenage girl, NOT. But it doesn't matter, i got used to the fact that i spent my teenage life quite differently than other girls. Not a big deal compared to whats gonna happen to my family when my dad is going to find out that my mom is still having relationship with "that guy". Yes, i recently saw a message on her phone from him and that's when i decide to finally do something about it, but i don't know what yet. I have a conflict with myself.  I know my mom is dying to separate from my dad long before she even know this guy, but she stayed for the sake of her children. Now she has to live her life with someone that she doesn't love anymore. I sometimes try to position myself in her place and often ended up with a decision to just let her do what makes her happy. Moreover i don't want her to go to hell because she is continuously fighting with my dad and also the other way round, not to mention this haraam relationship (they are only communicating through electronic devices).  I know my mom planed to meet him someday and may be that will be the day she she finally break away from my father. These days she often mention about being okay if my dad wants to get a second wife, now i know for sure the reason why. On the other hand small part of me refused to let this family tear apart. I worry about the impact it'll have on my sisters and if my mom decides to go i have to stay with my dad until i finish my study not to mention no one wants to have a broken family background.

I'm sorry i made it look like a short novel instead of just making it short, i just had to let it out somehow. Pls do respond, i cant go on thinking about this as my exam is gonna start soon. Thanks in advance and sorry for my horrible grammar.


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1 Responses »

  1. Sister ,

    When you are in this kind of situation you always needs to be OPEN and communicate directly to your parents and ASK what is happening ? And this is Unislamic and sinful .
    You need to communicate directly to your mom and say you are not supporting for this sinful and Un Islamic behavior .

    There is some possibility of having effect due to direct talk .If you don't talk it will continue further and your mental peace will go for a toss .

    Be Open ,Bold and WARN them .

    Sad to know that this is the state of Ummah where some married middle aged people with grown up kids don't have fear of Akhirat and behave worst than Kaafirs .
    Allam Iqbal's Poem have some lines "Yeh hai muslmaan Jinhe dekhe sharmayee Yahood "

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