Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I don’t understand the method of liking someone for marriage in Islam

Marrying a Paralysed person

Aoa I have a question that ISLAM promotes liking and marrying to a person you like,, Question here is that if a person (male/female) who have some deficiency in appearence or he/she is disabled then there are 90% chances that he/she would not be accepted by a normal person because ISLAM allows only seeing and talk infront of Mehram for Marriage proposal. But there are many stories in this world that after meeting, talking, chatting and understanding each other, disabled/appearance deficient people found MOST BEAUTIFUL AND CARING PARTNERS. Question here is this why not understand first and when love develops then one should marry?? Because I am unable to understand the METHOD OF LIKING A GIRL/BOY FOR MARRIAGE  IN ISLAM. Thanks and sorry for grammatical mistakes.

Saleem

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4 Responses »

  1. This is simple..but the question is boy friend girl friend allowed... ? no matter how you look at the question it is all the same.In Islam besides the prophet who has the deeper understanding of things....we should relate all questions problems to our scholors...They are like guiding stars..Whether you understand or not. We say Allah knows best and we obey what our Prophet has said.and move on. I am not A scholor although as a revert I studied a little in U.K but my wife is a sunni scholor! Before getting married to her I met many women but I was looking for a girl with a solid foundation in deen .So oneday working I was deliverING some products to this lady and I said you have a smile on your face...how come....She said that her daughter is coming today from U.K after studying 7 yrs as a scholor...It must be a sign..so I asked if she would be interested to meet up as see if we were on the same path....You must understand that I have know IDea about how this works in Islam because I was brought up different were we date...So the family told me that I can come on this day.She does were a face veil so i didn't care about that.....I just knew that Alla puts beauty in the heart eyes and light on the face....This is called Iman....So I met her and she removed her veil had a list of questions and then I needed to come back and think clearly because she asked a lot and I was in shock speechless...It was on 3 times that we saw each other before are Nikkah. ...she was 19 I was 29..She knew a little bit of cooking but that didn't bother me because sooner or latter we learn n grow together.....You see love grows ..I've been married for 11YRS .I have 2 girls one is 9 the other 6......The deception of this world is go to school first date and wait.....Curse on those who disobey the commandments of Allah and teachings of prophet Muhammad PBUH. ..It doesn't matter what condition you r in ....This life is a test for the believers....build your Iman and do as much as good deeds....Look at the world around you....People are sleeping around diseases cancer drugs alcohol same sex....The scholors say that the disasters that happening in this word is due to the sins the muslims commit .Decisions are made in the heavens and those bad actons go up n come down in the form of punishment....even the animals get effected...SHAITAN also plays a big role...He is ever do present.......AN IDLE MAN'S BRAIN IS A DEVILS WORKSHOP! WHATEVER CONDITION YOU ARE KNOW THAT IT ALLAH KNOWS BEST...WE MUST NOT DOUBT .THIS IS DANGEROUS..THIS LIFE IS SHORT BE THE BEST YOU CAN BE NEVER FEEL DOWN...JUST LIKE THE BODY NEEDS FOOD THE SOUL NEEDS FOOD ALSO....PRAY your SALAH AND READ QUtan daily ..This will protect you and give you unbelievable happiness success ..there are to many virtues of the quran to list.. but you must Develope a love for quran....and most of all keep away from sins..the prophet advised us to protect are private parts and learn silence. BECAUSE THESE TO ARE VERY DANGEROUS...IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY .SAY ONLY GOOD....THE POINT IS DON'T LET THAT HEART BECOME BLACK FOR IT WILL NOT REFLECT....LEARN PATIENCE BECAUSE YOU WILL BE TESTED RIGHT TO YOUR LAST BREATH....Last thing don't think marriage is fun and exciting ..that's in the movies.It only last for a while because getting married is what SHAITAN hates and it will be a big test....so be prepared..... It is OK to meet for interest in getting married but down play around with it because someone always gets hurt.You must do things with guidelines....
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  2. Dear Brother

    Woman or any person in question is more attracted to how much a person is involved in enjoying his life.

    For a physically disabled person to compete with healthy and normal people in getting suitable proposal,

    he/she should compete in other departments of life other than physical. I would outline a few of them

    (i) Speaking skills are very much important as they are the cornerstone of communication skills.

    (ii) Maintain your health and fitness. As it will demonstrate one's resolve to enjoy life as normal person

    despite disability

    (iii) Indulge in endeavors like painting\calligraphy, music(non-sensual) or teaching(if possible)

    Hope that helps

    Good Luck

  3. Assalaamualaikam

    I think your confusion about "deficient" people getting to be in relationships with "normal" people stems from a basic misunderstanding of disability, diversity, and normality. I don't know where you've got your "90%" statistic from either.

    Having a disability does not make a person deficient or undeserving of love and happiness.

    Having a physical appearance that differs from the current concept of physical attractiveness doesn't make a person deficient or undeserving either.

    What society says is "normal" changes and is usually very superficial. It can't be used as a benchmark for whether or not someone is deserving of a happy marriage. Someone who uses it in this way may well find that their relationship is built on superficial and transient things rather than on qualities and values which last.

    Islam recommends that people meet and get to know each other before marriage, in a halal way. This means that people will inshaAllah be able to get to know the real person and make an informed choice based on things that really matter. Physical appearance changes over time, as does society's concepts of what makes someone "beautiful". Disability can affect any one of us, if it is part of Allah's plan for us. But faith and good character and shared values can be a strong foundation for a marriage.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

    • I don't think this individual is asking if certain people are/are not "deserving of love". It is very possible that English is not his second language.
      I understood the gist of his question to be this, that individuals with a disability or abnormal physical appearance may not have the same chances to get married compared to able-bodied muslims, as the pre-marital communications in most muslim cultures are very limited. Families are heavily involved, and appearances often carry significant weight.

      Whereas, in dominant culture, we see many individuals with disabilities who meet single people, develop relationships and eventually marry. Given the restrictions on gender relations in Islam, and the notion that "love" develops after marriage, a disabled muslim -- i.e. a sister in a wheelchair -- will not have those same chances.

      I think this is what Saleem was getting at. In many ways he is correct. To agree to marry a person with a disability would require a great deal of compassion and love for that person. You would in essence have to be their caregiver. There may be issues of sexual compatibility or other sexual challenges that, typically, you would discuss prior to marriage, but in Islamic communities this would never happen.

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