Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I don’t want to die a sinner…

Burial of the Dead

Assalam o Alaikum.

I found this site very useful so I wanted to share my thoughts which often make me happy and sometimes depressed, and hence I want advises.  I hope I will be relieved as you people have the knowledge of Islam. I will insha Allah try to write each problem with detail.

I am a teenage girl from Asia. I had gone through some of my thick and thins, but I am not entirely convinced if these were the hardships or not. 'I am too young to be experienced' this might people would say. Allah tests His slaves but accordingly their capacity.
I am here for: I sincerely want to repent. I cry alot but then commit sins (I guess). I know Allah is the most merciful. He loves us more than 70 Mothers do to their children. I do not know if Allah is happy from me or not. I want to make Him happy. Tell me how to do it? I do pray five times a day. Mostly I cry at night, while praying Isha prayer.

I am basically scared with death, I know we should not. But then when I read that every soul will taste of death, it scares me. What will happen to me, I think this. Once my family and I was going somewhere in the car and somehow, we accidentally got struck in a place. As we were finding the exit, we passed from a graveyard which had no boundaries, no walls. It was on a plain field. It was the night time and it was terrifying. The thing which came to my mind was these people were once alive, once born and now gone.

Allah has told us about it all. What terrifies me the most is 'if I am ready for it yet or not' I don't want to die as a sinner. I read how the  life of a believer, disbeliever and a sinner will be taken, how Hazrat Izrael (A.S) and the 18 Angels will come and take away the life of a believer, disbeliever and a sinner. How their faces be like for believer, disbeliever, and a sinner.  I am scared of that time. I don't know in which category I come.
Okay let me tell you how it occurred and then I will insha Allah go with the flow. It might be long but I want to describe my problem in detail so I can get the best advises, and insha Allah there will be no problem left.  btw this is not the mere problem.

I don't know when and how I started offering prayers; anyway I was really young. I left it in the middle, then started praying again I was not really so concentrated in my prayers. Sometimes I used to pray hurriedly for movies or something else or for no reason. (Astaghfirullah)  I sometimes used to get really inappropriate thoughts while offering my prayers. (Astaghfirullah) I am sure you are aware what those are, so I won't write them. As I can rather die than writing them down. This was in my past; but I have not gotten rid of these filthy thoughts. I did for a couple of time, maybe 1 year or maybe months, or maybe days. I don't remember. But I was (maybe) in relief for a short period of time. During this time, I was badly addicted to songs and maybe other bad activities. I so wanted to look beautiful, wanted people compliments, best at each and everything. I cannot recall the time and the reason I started praying Namaz again. I can't say if I was fully concentrated or not.

After Namaz, while making Dua, I usually asked Allah for a boy, to get married to him, and sometimes got tears in my eyes. I did care about other things too, but little. I could not accept if he gets married to someone else, but I still asked Allah, give what is best for me. If he is not best for me then make his thoughts, love for him to be vanished away. This boy is a family friend. I started talking to him but not in person. I did not tell him who I am, but told about the love I was having for him. Then months passed, we were still talking. He was sometimes really sweet to me and sometimes quite rude. One day I finally told him who I am, and got really upset.

My mother noticed I was really depressed. I told her about it, she confronted me. I told her that he smokes weed even when I told him it's haram, he still does, but he stopped for a couple of days. When I asked him the reason of smoking it or if he's addicted to it or not, he told me he is not and he loves smoking it. I heard rumours about him, that he takes drugs and had sex. He smokes weed but I am not certain if he had sex.  Those to whom I told about this tension regarding this guy, they told me to stop talking to him and if he meets you in person, although they will try their best not to go somewhere where he will be. But if I accidentally meet him somewhere, I have to react like I don't know anything or like that person was not me who talked to him. If he asks me directly, then of course I have to lie. And if someone asks them (those to whom I told about this) they will surely lie. This is what they told me. My heartbeat used to get really fast, whenever he was near to me. I reacted really weird. I could not face him as you can say I was shy to do that. I could not do anything. I knew if I would talk to him or talk to someone infront of him, I would hesitate, babble or speak haltingly. This can be an evidence that, that was me. Basically, I don't want to lie because it's a great sin, right?  Then kindly, tell me what I can say if this situation occurs.

The second thing which I am afraid can make me lie is when my fellow friends, some relatives or someone else, especially my fellow friends, ask my marks, I think I would lie and I am afraid. I have already lied when few friends and relatives asked me. I have told my friends about the marks I got in the previous papers. They thought I am really an intelligent girl and I am going to beat everyone. I did not get the highest marks so I lied, not by saying I got the highest marks, but by telling really good marks. What should I do? Should I go to those to whom I have told the wrong marks and tell them the real marks? Or should I ask for forgiveness from Allah and don't need to tell them? What to do when other also ask? How to prevent it?
And please do tell me how to be so bold to tell the truth always and never lie?

Moreover, one day I read something which happens after death which was written in a story. It was not really horrible. It was about how one person suffered who did not offer his obliged prayers and stopped praying them. But then I tried not to leave my prayers. I started searching what happens to the soul when it comes on this earth and  then when the person dies. When I read the part of unbelievers and sinners, I was shook. IT WAS SO HORRIBLE. But the believers part was really nice, so beautiful. Masha Allah. I don't know what I am. May Allah make me one of the bestest believers, and make me die as one of the bestest Muslims. insha Allah. Please do pray as when one brother or sister prays for their Muslim brother or sister, their Dua is more powerful than of self Dua. (I heard this) May Allah makes (whoever reads this) one of the bestest Muslims, and makes them die as one of the bestest Muslims. insha Allah


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9 Responses »

  1. This is the age where many girls and boys think they have found the love of their life, everyone goes through it. You are a teenager and at this age your hormones are going crazy and your brain (the frontal cortex in charge of reasoning and decision making) is still in the process of being developed. You need to protect yourself and follow the right path. I read (in hadith or quran i dont remember which) that when a woman marries she should look for a husband who PRACTICES being a muslim and not just is one by name. Only then will you live a happy life. Think to yourself, what kind of husband do you want ? how do you wish he treats you, your family and your kids? You don't want to live a life in which you regret everything you do. You have to learn to be confident in yourself as a muslim.
    If you are scared of punishment, than do everything you can to do good deeds. It is hard, temptations will be there at every step of the way, but those are the challenges. Shaatan is not going to wait till your older to guide you astray. You have to strengthen your self confidence. Start by taking time to pray and giving prayer higher priority than leisurely activities (going out). Build your confidence, so you won't be afraid to be approached by others. If you are ashamed of something, go make a effort to do better. You dont have to go to the friends you said you did good on exams and tell them you didnt. Just make sure you score really well on your next exam/paper. Don't be afraid of others, just be afraid of Allah (swt). and if you do good deeds and start to repent than Allah (swt) is all forgiving and most merciful.

    • Assalaamu Alaykum Wa-Rahmatullaahi Wa-Barakatuhu,

      Masha Allah, nice reply

      May Allah guide every muslimah to the right path Aameen, !

      Fee Aman Allah.

  2. Assalaamualaikam

    You're right, those descriptions are scary. But we need to trust in Allah's mercy and love, that He is the only one who can forgive us for the sins we commit and grant us Jannah instead of the hellfire. Remember - He is Most Merciful, and has told us that if we truly repent for a sin, then it is erased from the balance as if it had never been there.

    During the course of our lives, we're not always going to get everything right, but what matters is that we try to follow Islam, and when our deeds fall short of what is expected, we recognise that, repent, and make changes to get back on the straight path. So, keep up your prayers, study Islam, and try to live according to the Quran and Sunnah.

    I think most of us, if we're honest, don't feel ready for death. But don't let that fear of death stop you from living life.

    Midnightmoon editor

  3. Muslimah1000, Asalaamualaykum,

    I pray very much that you are one of those youth who listens and adheres. Too many times, I have seen advice being given and heard; but unfortunately it is ignored. The fortunate are those who adhere to advice, even though it may be difficult to act upon because it may not be what the heart wants or feels at that time.

    When someone tells you that the feelings you are having for this boy are very common for girls/boys your age - it is very true. It is also very true that this is an age where we need to protect ourselves from acting upon these feelings. You see - Allah created us, so He knows that we go through these feelings at this age. But it is a test for us from Allah, to see how strong we are as Muslims.

    Therefore, it is good that you are conscious of your Hereafter, too many of us are heedless of this, yet it is the one most guaranteed event that any of us will face. While it is very important to remember death and to prepare for our Hereafter, it is also equally important to remain balanced and positive, otherwise living our lives becomes very difficult. And Allah does not want difficulty for us.

    Allah created us so that we worship Him; He made this life a test for us, so that we can work for Jannah by doing the things He has made obligatory for us and stay away from the things He has prohibited for us. Allah gave us free will. He knows we will sometimes make mistakes or sin. So He told us if we repent, He will forgive us.

    If you know you have made mistakes, ask Allah to forgive you and then from this very moment - make a promise to do the right thing: No more lying about your academic achievements, try your best and then be confident in your result whatever it is. No more wasting time on this boy - from what you have said about him, he does not seem to be good company. Also, the feelings you are having around him are your hormones playing around - if you can discipline and control your hormones at this age - you will have passed a very difficult test. And Allah will be so happy with you my dear. If you are thinking about marriage - please, please speak to your mother about this and trust her to help you find a suitable partner. Trying to find a husband yourself without any family help is not right and can land you in a lot of mess. I cannot reiterate this more strongly.

    So try to strike a balance - strive to do the obligatory and to abstain from the prohibited - and this will bring you closer to Allah(swt). One without the other is not good enough alone. So that means, strive to pray your five salaah, fast in ramadan, recite Quran, observe hijaab. At the same time, don't lie, don't waste time trying to get close to non-mahrams. What I have mentioned is not exhaustive - there are many things we need to do and at the same time not do. Read about these things and find out what they are for yourself - this is some homework for you. Perhaps you can share it here when you have a made two lists inshaaAllah.

    Read this, the Prophet ﷺ said:

    "There are seven whom Allah will shade in His Shade on the Day when there is no shade except His Shade: a just ruler; a youth who grew up in the worship of Allah, the Mighty and Majestic; a man whose heart is attached to the mosques; two men who love each other for Allah’s sake, meeting for that and parting upon that; a man who is called by a woman of beauty and position [for illegal intercourse], but he says: ‘I fear Allah’, a man who gives in charity and hides it, such that his left hand does not know what his right hand gives in charity; and a man who remembered Allah in private and so his eyes shed tears."

    Also - Allah is Merciful and wants good and ease for us. Please, stay close to your family and do that which is pleasing to Allah, even if it feels difficult at the time. We will not get Jannah without being tested.

    May Allah make things easy for you 🙂


  4. I need sincere help, can Some one help me.. 🙁
    I'm in 2nd year of Medical Education, My Parents are in Teaching Profession, I'm engaged. I want to get married Now but my Parents say that they Can not marry me as we don't have financial power, my parents earn above 60000 per month, Me and My Fiance are both ready to limit our needs, We just want our Parents to marry us. How can I Convince my Parents to marry me, they don't have money but if they want they can arrange easily, They just don't understand that I am becoming Sinner because of not getting married. 🙁 I seriously need to get married to Live happy to Live Pious To Live Successful,, Hope you Can Understand,Please Help. I can not wait, I am becoming very weak internally and Shaitan is making me sick. I can not live like this anymore, I don't want to live alone. How can I convince my Parents without making them upset?

    • Mbbs, you need to speak to your parents openly and let them know how important it is to you. Otherwise, your choice is to get a job so that you can support a wife on your own. As a last resort, you can get married without your parents' permission, as long as the bride still has her father's permission.

      Wael Editor

    • My elder brother married after his 12th it's good but since he couldn't do much favour for his spouse there were bit friction and living under the same roof with my mom and 5 other brothers... It's better to be married if you can maintain her and yourself.

      That's an opinion

      In a hadith it comes mafhoom is keep fast to control your desires.

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