Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I don’t want to marry my cousin!

forced marriage

I really don't want to marry her.

So my mom really really really wants me to marry my cousin from Jordan, and I've told my mom that I don't want to marry my cousin plenty of times but she keeps coming to me trying to show me pictures of her and saying that this is my wife.

Me living my entire life in New York, I think it's weird to marry my cousin, I know it's permitted in Islam but I find it weird, I know if I'm to marry my cousin I won't be happy and I get unhappy just thinking about marrying my cousin. But back to the story, I've told my mom many many times "no" but she just ignored me and tells ALL her brothers and sisters that I'm going to marry my cousin (moms niece) and now my uncle (mom brother) is making his daughter wear the hijab and she can only go outside with a family member. After all this I tell my mom that I'm not gonna marry my cousin and she gets shocked and says that's she's a nice girl, that's she loves the sound of her voice and all that, my mom also tells me how all my uncles and aunts thinks I'm gonna marry my cousin, and I really really really do not want to.

Now I'm stuck and don't know what to do because my cousin wants to marry me but I don't, I don't want to marry any of my cousins even though it's allowed in Islam I still find it weird and I don't want a response saying "if she nice and religious then you should marry her" no I don't want to marry my cousin PERIOD! But all my aunts and uncles thinks I am gonna marry her, also I like a Jewish girl and I'm under the impression that she likes me too because we talk a lot and I like her much more because I know how she is, I know what she likes and dislikes, and I know that in the Quran I'm allowed to marry anyone I want as long as they are either Muslim, Jewish, or Christian and of the opposite gender.

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8 Responses »

  1. Dont marry her then. And a muslim woman is still better regardless of whether you can marry a non muslim woman, not to mention bringing children up like that would be super confusing.

  2. Hi,
    I wouldn't marry her. Tell everyone NO with perseverance. Tell them no one will change your mind not even your mom. I would ask your mom if she wants you to be happy. That isn't right for her to expect you to do something you do not want to do, especially marriage a lifetime commitment!

  3. Salaam Brother,

    Instead of showing your persistence over here (no I don't want to marry my cousin PERIOD!) show it to your parents.

    Stay strong and face your parents and tell them firmly that you will not marry your cousin. You are a man and it is much easier for you to say no to marrying someone than it is for a girl.

    If they think you are old enough for getting married then you are old enough to decide who you want to marry. If you have any contact with the girl inform her that you are not interested in marrying her and she will not be happy if she marries you. So she can convince her parents not to get her married to you.

    Regarding the Jewish girl. You still are not sure whether she loves you or not. First clear your feelings with her rather than dreaming about marrying her. And if you do decide to get married to her then before marriage think about what religion your children are most likely to follow.

    May Allah grant you a pious spouse.

  4. AsalamuAlaykum brother,

    I can relate to what your talking about ALOT BRO! I felt sympathy for you up until you mentioned the Jewish girl your quite interested in. In no way do I want to be against you or penetrate your heart further more, but here is a bit of my advice.

    1) Tell your mother as respectfully as possible that you don't want to marry your cousin because of blah blah blah reasons. Tell her valid reasons why you don't want to marry her and why you aren't interested.

    2) Forget about this Jewish girl. SHE DOESN'T LOVE YOU AT ALL. Jews in New York are raised with hatred of outsiders especially Arab people. Your an Arab and even if she finds interest in you she will never marry you. Even if you guys do end up marrying each other beyond all odds, (with a 1% chance of that happening) she will most likely not become a Muslim and your children will follow their mother. Moreover, you might not care about what your parents or family have to say about this Jewish girl but it'll affect you sooner or later. Your an Arab and you know what your parents are going to say. Basically, your going to raise a Jewish household with the disapproval of your entire FAMILY!

    3) Rethink about yourself. You need to sit down, forget about your cousin and Jewish girl. You need to think about what type of husband you would be and what type of wife you look for. Remember that they have to be according to the Quran and Sunnah.

    I'm sorry to hear about what you are going through and if my advice if harsh but I wish the best for you. This is exactly what I would've told my younger brother if he asked for help. May Allah grant you hidayah and a pious wife.

    • Excuse me, but your comment about Jews in New York is highly offensive.

      Even though I'm not Jewish, I couldn't help but feel disgusted by your comment. This is outrageous. This is not how Muslims speak of other people. Repent for what you have said.

      Do you even know the Jewish girl he is talking about, personally?! NO! So how can you generalize and put this unnecessary fear into him? Shame on you.

      • Asalamu Alaykum Huda,

        Thanks for reminding me and I ask Allah for forgiveness. In no way was I instilling fear into my brother in Islam who has asked for advice and in no way was my comment offensive to Jews.

        I don't told a grudge against Jews. However, I was educating him on the Jews specifically in New York. I've been there and know how they live their lives and raise their children. Do you my sister Huda? Anyway, I gave him the advice I would give my own brother. I also think that he can relate to what I said in my previous comment because he's an Arab too.

        Anyhow, I think that at the end of the day this brother needs some advice, so instead of arguing let's give him some advice. Don't you think? Thanks!

      • I just think that everyone is entitled to voicing their opinion and everyone as individuals is entitled to advising on this platform. If the Administrators of the page feel that something is highly offensive or derogatory then I am pretty sure that the comment is removed or a warning is issued etc. As opposed to quarrelling amongst ourselves it might be wiser to put forth ones perspective in regards to the scenario at hand. However, with that said it is highly normal for one to react to a comment made by another if they strongly disagree with what has been said or if they personally feel that it could cause further damage or escalate the situation the user has presented. But, in all cases it is vital to remind oneself constantly that Adhab - basic etiquette's are of greatest importance. So, put your point across but in a respectful manner or appropriate manner whilst considering everyone else's feelings.

  5. Well, It seems to me as if you're behaving drastically because you have likeness toward someone else. You say that you like the Jewish girl because you are familiar with who she is. Currently, you are rebelling against what your uncles/aunts/parents are promoting. But, you might want to step aside and think of this 'cousin' of yours. As not your 'cousin'.. as not the 'ideal wife' your cousins are promoting for you to marry. Just think of her as any other girl on Planet Earth whom is interested in marrying you.. and then deduce an outcome. I have heard that it is permissible for a man to marry a christian/jewish woman although she must be practising. I wonder if this jewish lady is practising? - I can't further elaborate as I've not the material in front of me. But, off the top of my head it is how i've said it above.

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