Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I feel guilty that he left her for me

Love triangle, two women and one man


I am a 18 year old girl and I am engaged since one year. I live in the Netherlands whereas my fiance lives in Pakistan. Ever since I got engaged, I have had this guilty feeling.

Before me and my fiance got engaged, he was engaged to somebody else. He broke it off to get engaged with me because we wanted to marry each other.

I know this has hurt his ex-fiancée and I feel like I ruined her life, because I was the one who asked him to marry me even though I knew he was already engaged. I know what I did was wrong, but I couldn't bear the thought that he was about to marry someone else.

This all started a few years ago. Me and my fiance fell in love and we had a short relationship (nothing physical). I broke up with him because I didn't want a haram relationship and broke off all ties with him. I was 15 years old at that time. In my mind, I had the idea that I'd talk to my parents about marriage after a few years, when I'd be older. Because I never discussed this with him, he thought that I didn't want to be with him anymore. He kept e-mailing me for about a year, but I never answered (I didn't want to fall back in sin again). After two years he moved on.

Then when me and my family went back to Pakistan again I found out that he'd engaged to someone else. He moved on, so I should move on too I thought. But I still loved him.

Then one day I found out that he also still loved me, despite being engaged to someone else. I didn't want to lose him, so I did everything to win him back and I did. He broke it off with the other girl. I was really happy at that time, because he was in my life again. After a few days the happy feeling slowly replaced itself with feelings of guilt.

That girl also loved him like I did and she was heartbroken...because of me.

Even today, I am still angry at myself for letting this happen. I always think...If I had talked to my parents at that time, this wouldn't have happened. I feel I have wronged her and I fear Allah that he might be angry with me for doing this. I never met the girl and I'm too ashamed to contact her to ask forgiveness.

Sometimes I can't sleep of this. I don't know what to do.

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8 Responses »

  1. What you did is COMPLETELY AGAINST ISLAM. Our prophet PBUH instructed any muslim to get/ask for an engagement to some one else who has already engaged by another one.

    I feel sorry for his ex-fiance BUT MORE AND MORE to YOU because of your action.

    You need to beg her pardon seriously AND THEN ALLAH may(if He Wishes to) forgive you. Please DONT hesitate to do this. ALSO, you have to repent on this act ---since we are in RAMADAN---the best month for those who wish to repent for their sins.

    May Allah bring happiness to both of you and muslim in general---AMEEN.

    • If a person has proposed marriage to a woman, it is not permitted for anyone else to offer a proposal to her, because of the hadeeth of Ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) which states that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No man should offer a proposal of marriage over the proposal of his brother until the first one gives up or gives him permission.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 4746).

  2. I think you should apologise to the girl but one more thing i could be wrong but if someone who you said loved you alot moved on and then was with someone else but came back to you as you wanted him then dont you think the person can leave you too for another person ? However ask allah swt for forgiveness and that girl too 🙂

  3. "Guilty" sister, As-salamu alaykum,

    You sound very confused, which is understandable because you are very young.

    First, to the best of my knowledge, the previous two comments are wrong. "Engagement" has no legal status in Islam. Islam recognizes only one type of relationship between non-mahrem men and woman, which is marriage. Someone who is engaged is not committed. He is free to change his mind, end the engagement, or get engaged to someone else.

    With that said, yes you did hurt the other girl, and what you did was morally repugnant. I do not think you should contact her, however. That would only rub salt in the wound.

    I wonder about your behavior. If you two are in different countries, then how did you meet? Was it online? Are you basing your feelings of "love" on an online romance you had at the age of 15?

    Do you really love him? Or are you just jealous that he might be with someone else? They are not the same thing. It's possible to feel jealous or envious, and to want that person for yourself, and to try desperately to get him, and then when you get him you realize, "Ehh... I didn't really want him after all." Perhaps that's why you feel so guilty. You didn't want the boy. You just didn't want him to be with anyone else.

    Wael Editor

  4. Personally if a guy can leave another girl then get engage to another I personally would not except a proposal in the first place and same with a girl who does this. This is wrong.

    You did wrong I dont think you should contact the girl. You deserve to be guilty and ask Allah's forgiveness. Word of advise dont repeat this mistake people have feelings dont play with these emotions/feelings its wrong. Always be honest because it is your life just dont set out to hurt others to get what you want because jealousy is getting the better of you. This is evil and haraam. Islam has no room for this kind of actions or behaviours.

  5. @Wael

    Sorry for telling you that YOU HAVE TO READ NIKKAH in detail again.Dont rush to crush other opinion.

  6. Sister what you did was wrong but the important thing is that you realise your mistake and feel remorseful for it. I only hope that you have chosen wisely, you havent gone into detail about how you met your fiancé, how well you know him etc. Marriage is a big step and a lifetime commitment, make sure you find out about his character, his imaan. Try to establish what kind of friends he has, what his plans are for the future, his understanding of marriage and how he's going to deal with the pressures of marriage etc etc. One thing that troubles me is that he kinda cheated on his ex fiancé when he was communicating with you, is that something that could happen in the future? But then again im just making assumptions, it could have been that he genuinely liked you and was glad to have you back in his life.

    About the other girl, don't go back to apologise, it will probably do more harm than good. Instead do sincere duas for her so that Allah swt allows her to heals and she finds a husband even better than her ex fiancé.

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