Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I feel I am a useless soul…

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I have already post this at another website but I feel like the answers I got were good but I need some direction. This is my first time hearing or knowing about this website and after reading some of the stuff. It seemed really interesting and hopefully and inshallah you guys could give me some advice. Please don’t give me any advices like make dua because I have already done that.

Okay here it goes:

I'm starting to lose Hope. It seems like everything is going bad for me. I have way too many family problems; my sister ran away from home, my dad lost his job and yet can't find any, I'm doing really horribly in college and failing in my class and as a result I lost my financial aid. I'm stuck at a community college for about 5 years and my GPA is below 2.0. I try really hard but my parents make it difficult for me to do well. I'm starting to hate everything in life. I'm starting to have health issues. I have no motivation to pray, because it feels like I'm talking to myself, and going through motions for nothing. I feel no connection with Allah swt. Sometimes I feel like I just desperately want to believe in Islam, and I don't know if I truly believe it in my heart. I'm always searching about Islam, but I feel like maybe I’m one of those people that are misguided and no matter what I do, I will never be guided.

Whenever I read the Quran, I feel like I'm just reading some verses and yeah they're beautiful but it doesn’t feel like anything. I miss my sister and feel mad at her at the same time. I really want to get a degree and be able to feel like I have accomplished something but sadly its taking longer then i thought. 🙁 My friends and people younger than me have all graduated. I can't even decide a major. I'm so lost in my own world; I don't even know what I like anymore. I stopped hanging out with friends and as a result I lost connection with some and now I feel like I don't have anyone. 🙁 I feel like Ramadan is pointless for me because I feel like even than nothing good is happening. I feel like a failure and can't do anything right.

I hate my family. Especially my mom, I really don't want to but she's too much. All she ever does is yell, curse and hit us. She blames us sisters for everything that goes wrong and I’m actually starting to believe it. My parents can't manage money at all and were always broke even when my father was employed. My mother wants to control us 24 hours 7 days a week even though my sisters and I are older than 20.

I wish I had one thing I like and one thing going for me. I'm starting to find myself losing focus on my studies and Quran. I have been learning Quran since I was little and can't manage to become a hafiz and sadly people that never read the Quran or recently started the Quran are finishing before me. I'm always behind in everything or anything. I feel very useless and wished I never existed :(. I just can't change.

I want to become a better Muslim but I just can’t. Everything is way too hard for me.

My biggest concern is school. I don’t have a single clue on what major to do. I don’t like any subjects and am not good at any. Why do I keep being tested like this? I do pray sometimes and always thinking about Allah swt. I’m not a bad person - I have never had sex, drink Alcohol, dated any boys or even go clubbing/parties. I wear a hijab and my mother forces us sisters to wear abayas although I don’t think it’s required and since I’m being forced I don’t have the right attention for it. I’m really nice and friendly and tend to enjoy helping people.

I also hate my job and suck at it too. There are so many things I don’t have, like a cellphone, car and nice clothes and many more. Since my father and others sisters don’t work, I financially support everyone in my family. So because of this I don’t have any saving account and cellphone, car other important stuff. My parents take my paycheck and I only receive like $40 to $100 and I tend to use that for food and person stuff. How do I change when I have so much to change and I don't even know where to begin? Please help me!


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11 Responses »

  1. Looks like you have too much stress in your life because of your family situation. Stress can bring in health issues and psychlogical issues like anxiety, depression. Your only way out is learning about how stress is making you feel down and insecure. Your stress may be the reason you are not doing well in school. to pray with heart one needs to have a certain level of calmness. You need some one who can listen to you and guide you. You can do anything. Right now you are just wasting all your energy on stress related issues

    • All I can say to u sister is MASHALLAH u are a women and h are supporting your mother and father and sisters u have a lot to deal with but if u deal with all this without being stressed and angry think of the reward at the end of this for u. Men nowadays dnt support their parents the way u are. One day inshallah everyone will appreciate all u have done for your family and they will be grateful. Sister be proud if what u do for your family dnt be angry or upset and get in touch with some of your friends and talk to them. Try your best at your studies if you get through great and if not then u gave it your best. It's ok nothing to worry about. Be at peace with urself and slowly start praying. Inshallah it will come back to u.

      Take care

  2. AsSalaamu Alaikum Sister,

    MashaAllah, you are a woman and are doing very well in your Deen at this age. There is no success like this on earth which leads to success in Akhirah. How many people see themselves as successful in this life while, they are actually the losers on the day of Al-Qiyamah? Say Alhamdulillah for any condition. It would have been very bad if you were not good in your Deen and then all this happening to you. But Alhamdulillah you are safe, InshaAllah.

    Anyway, I agree with SVS and Tia.

    It seems like the stress plus the feeling of lack of appreciation from your family (mother especially, and the lost sister) have caused the psychological problem in your case. It would have been better if your family appreciated your efforts and didn’t curse you. Your family should be able to help you relieve some stress and motivate you move forward.

    However, I’d suggest 7 things for you, InshaAllah.

    -1- Sit with you family or mum, and have a hard talk on this matter. Be open and express your feeling and let them know what is happening to you psychologically.

    -2- Visit a specialist for some counseling.

    -3- See among your old friends and choose the one who is very religious and get close to her and renew your friendship. When you share things like this with a trusted Muslim friend like her, it helps relieve stress, inshaAllah.

    -4- After each regular salah, recite 33 times Subhanallah, 33 times Alhamduilllah, 33 times Allahu akbar and once la ilaha illallah wahdahu la sharika lahu lahul mulku wa lahul hamdu wa huwa ala kulli shay in qadir.

    -5- Also after Fajir and Maghrib salahs, recite Sura al-Ikhlas (Quran 112), Sura al-Falaq ( Quran 113) and al-Nas (Quran 114).

    -6- And before you go to sleep recite Ayat al-Kursi.

    -7- After fajir or anytime around the morning, recite la ilaha illallah wahdahu la sharika lahu lahul mulku wa lahul hamdu wa huwa ala kulli shay in qadir 100 x (This is very useful).

    You may also recite the above mentioned surahs and Adhkar as a ruqya on water, and then drink it the whole day or days, inshaAllah.

    May Allah ease things for you, and grant you success in this life and the next. Ameen!

  3. Assalaamualaikam

    It seems like you have so many things to juggle in your life - that may be why you feel you're struggling with them all. But you don't have to do them all at once or by yourself.

    Your family may not always show it, but they almost certainly appreciate what you are doing to help keep the household running during this difficult time. When people are stressed, they can speak harshly and can even seem ungrateful at times, but if this happens, remember that you are serving Allah by protecting your family, and that His recompense will be far greater than you can imagine.

    Without knowing why your sister left home, it's difficult to advise regarding that, other than to recommend praying to Allah for her to be guided to the straight path and for Him to protect her, make dua and ask Him to reconcile your family. Given that she has left home, it's understandable for your mum to be more protective of her other children, but protectiveness can sometimes feel like controlling - if you and your sisters feel that your mum is acting unreasonably, you could have a supportive word with her about finding a compromise, or ask a female relative to mediate.

    There are many opinions regarding appropriate Islamic dress, and even experienced scholars can disagree on this matter - if you wish to come to your own decisions about this, I'd suggest reading the views of several scholars, discussing the matter with your female Muslim friends, and asking Allah for guidance and strength to carry out His teachings in a way that follows the straight path.

    You mention that you are trying to learn the Quran and become hafiz - MashaAllah, this is an extremely admirable goal. Even when you feel empty and drained, reading or listening to the Quran will be of help in healing your mind and spirit. Remember, though, that you are studying the Quran for the sake of Allah and for yourself - it's not a competition, you don't have to compare yourself to others, or worry that your own deeds won't match theirs. There are many Muslims who struggle to read or learn any of the Quran in Arabic, so don't diminish what you have already achieved.

    If you are struggling at college and unable to find a direction there, it might help to speak with a careers/study guidance counsellor, or a tutor if you have one - it may be that you might benefit from taking a break from your academic studies to get other aspects of your life sorted, or to go part-time... or a tutor might be able to suggest a subject that you could pick as your major. It's important to remember that you don't have to complete everything at once or to a specific deadline - people often study on a flexible basis to accommodate their lives, or even return to studying later in life.

    When you are making decisions, pray to Allah for His guidance. May He guide you and your family through this difficult time and reward you for your efforts.

    Midnightmoon editor

  4. Assalamu'alyki ukhty,

    I hope that everything is ok for you today. Your story made me cry wallahi because it looks like mine in some points! Allahi sahil 3alik! May Allah guide you and put in your heart all the love and the strenght you need! You have a lot of wisdom, and maturity, you will succeed in sha Allah and the success you'll get you'll deserve it! May Allah protect you ukhty! Keep Allah in your head and in your heart don't cut the rope, the habl. He will always forgive you, trust Him because even though we are facing difficulties He is the only one who really loves us, more than ourselves, more than our parents more than everybody!!!

  5. "Verily in the rememberance of Allah do hearts find peace"

  6. Allah takes tests of his beloved Servants ☺

  7. Allah tests the ones he loves. Let there be a disconnection but the greater the disconnection, the more you make sure to pull yourself closer to God. That is having faith and believing in Allah swt.

    • Learn breathing and coping techniques the earlier u talk about ur problems the better because the longer u leave them the more complicated they become, Allah SWT has said He is Ar Rahman Ar Rahim, The Oft-Forgiving Most Merciful. Weather a person believes in Allah or disbelieves doesn't make a difference to Allah, it is we who are in need of Allah whereas Allah is rich and free of need.

      We are a dependent creature and we depend on Allah to bestow upon us our daily sustenance and that comes whether we ask for it or not, Allah even bestows this mercy on those who disbelieve in this world and in the hereafter this mercy won't reach the disbelievers.

      Anyway happy times we are happy with Allah and enjoy, sad tough times we are patient and still happy with Allah because He is showing us a different part of life which we didn't know existed till then,

      we should be grateful always hardship is a new chapter and the end, depression is hard so just ask Allah for ease, say astaghfar often and don't become arrogant like Satan the cursed he wishes to make us just like him,

      too arrogant to acknowledge that Allah is Great and we are full of mistakes and we are in need to learn.

      Also ur parents shouldn't be offloading their stresses on to u that's wrong but if u understand life from their perspective it must be very difficult for them too so everyone make dua to Allah to ease these problems for this family and others that are in hardship around the world. Ameen

      Our problems are problems but they're not as big as the problems people are facing in the Middle East... Make dua for them insha'Allah. May Allah make the trials easy for the ummah of Muhammad peace be upon him and his family and companions.

  8. You are a great daughter. And a strong lady. You are not useless. Your mum blames you because thats her way of releaeing stress its not about you. It's about her own unfulfilled desires. . May Allah make it easy for you. May HE answer all your prayers prosper and . Make you among who makes the best .feature.

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