Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Addicted to drugs – I feel like I will die

Fit to be a father? What do you think?

Salam Aleikoum,

I need some help as I have a complex situation.  I have always been a good practicing Muslim since I was a young boy, until I reached the age 18-24 where I began experimenting in college with drugs and became addicted to pain killers. I quit all type of drugs and started practicing again, and did tawbah everyday for Allah to forgive me as the guilt was too great for me to bear.

I have been clean and practicing for 7 months now, but relapsed a few days ago and I feel horrible and worried Allah will not forgive me. I feel I might die because of the damage I caused to myself. I have been to a doctor many times, and he says I am healthy and that these symptoms are anxiety.  I have became so paranoid for being young and stupid that it is hurting me now.

I believe now I developed a mental disorder from the drug use and I cannot stop thinking that I will die suddenly and go to hell. I am so scared and had a nervous breakdown yesterday, and wept for hours over all the haram I have done.  I am determined to never make a single mistake again as I am so ashamed.  I put my parents through hell, and from that hell I helped them out and tried to make up for it.

I have given sadaqah every time I go to the masjid so Allah can forgive me.  Please help me, I never expected to turn out like this. I have preserved my prayers and I am doing extra salut el istighfar for Allah to forgive me.  I have physical symptoms that make me feel that I am going to die and that is it I who ruined my life.  I cannot live anymore, I just want to make Allah happy with me. I became weak one day and am frightened to death of Allah.

I know His mercy, and I should never deny his mercy, but I cannot stop feeling like I'm too worthless.  All I want to do is become pious and help my dad and my mom with money and make up for the years of hardship.  Elhamdulliah, my parents have forgiven me as they have seen me turn my life around, but I feel in my heart I want to make Allah happy with me.  My family has had jinn problems in the past and the sheikh said that I have hasad on me, but I still take full responsibility for what I've done.

I have caused damage to myself and I cannot forgive myself and I feel scared.  What can I do for another chance?  I'm going to see a doctor after tomorrow, and a psychiatrist, but I am suffering.  I wish I can be cured...elhamdulliah, I have no craving and will never go back, but I still have the symptoms from relapsing.  What dua should I make for Allah to forgive me and heal me?  I am scared that I will meet Allah and I will be done, please help me.

-Ahmed1987

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23 Responses »

  1. Im glad you have admitted your problem as thats the biggest step you have to pass. Allah forgives... You dont want to kill yourself is a good start as Allah doesnt side suicide as killing self/others is forbidden. The longer you blanme yourself the more depressed you get and the more sheitaan will push you to take these drugs. Get professional help as ypu need therapy intervention from your local mental health team. They will guide you on your paranoia and control your symptoms and safely get you off the substance misuse, im a mental health nurse so i can honestly say you will overcome this InShaAllah with help. Also true repentance Allah likes and He is the forgiver. You just have to ask for strength in your Duas to overcome this and stay away from the drugs. Just remember your family will forgive you and support you once they know what is going on. You need help. Try focusing on namaz n get socially involved with things, you dont know how much damage youve done to your body, worrying makes it worse. Il pray 4 u and so will others on this board bro. InShaAllah all will be well.

  2. Keep reading 4 Qul Sharifs, Ayat'ulQursi both 3 tymz each, Ya Affuw 100 tymz, ar Raqeeb 15 tymz and blow on self and in water and drink, im not saying youve got jinn but atleast youll feel better. May Allah have mercy on you and your family and forgive your sins.

  3. Salaam brother.First of all,I want to reassure you that you will insha'Allah not die and get well soon, from the type of over dose you are describing.I am a doctor by profession, and let me, tell you,people very rarely die from drug abuse or over dose.You may feel horrible for a few days (I'm guessing you posted this in that 'horrible' phase ) but your recovery will be very quick IF you stay away from said drugs.I'l illustrate it with an example : yesterday a patient was admitted in the hospital where I work, for organophosphate poisoning ( she had tried to commit suicide by taking rat poison pills ).When she arrived, she was so far gone that she had to be intubated and put on ventilatory support, but Alhumdullilah, the very next day she improved so much, that she was extubated and started talking and eating very normally and was discharged home.If you overdosed this time on painkillers,I'm assuming you did so.. you might have experienced extreme nausea, vomiting, light headedness and even delirium, depending on the type of pain killer you took.You will have a bad time of it for some days, but it takes a LOT of painkillers to achieve really severe damage (which is mostly seen in suicide, not addiction and drug abuse cases) so hopefully you don't need to worry about that.If you could tell me precisely what drug you took and the signs and symptoms you are currently facing(if you feel comfortable doing so) , I could give you more specific medical advice.
    Secondly bro, please cut your self some slack.Getting rid of an addiction is a very slow and arduous process and there can be so many relapses, you should be proud of the fact that you have reached the stage where you went cold turkey on it for so many months.And hopefully you have learnt your lesson this time and this lesson has deprived of any craving you might have had left, so consider it a lesson well learnt.Brother, if there is one thing I have learnt in life, it is the fact that Allah (swt) 's mercy and love are infinitely boundless and if you but ask forgiveness with a sincere and repentant heart, He will insha'Allah cleanse you of all sin, like a new born baby.My belief in this is absolute.When you get better, start praying regularly, with a new vigour and spirit.Tell yourself again and again that you WILL defeat the biggest Enemy, Shaitaan, who is trying to lead a young, healthy man, who can be such a potential asset to society, astray.Pray Salat.Recite Quran with translation.If you feel yourself the victim of hasad or evil eye, I would recommend you recite Surah Fatiha, the Four Kuls, and Ayat al Kursi after each prayer and then blow on your self ( that is what I do).From the tone of your posts it seems you are suffering from extreme anxiety and paranoia, and it is good that you are seeking psychiatric help, but please just stick to the medication prescribed to you by your psychiatrist, do not, i repeat, DO NOT try to self medicate!I know that there is nothing more painful than anxiety and paranoia, which keeps eroding away at your brain, but bro you have to fight back.Nobody can help you except you and Allah (swt).Believe in yourself.Tryto feel good about yourself,I am not saying drug abuse and addiction is a small thing but there are sins much,much worse which Allah (swt) has kept you away from.You are young and will soon be healthy again insha'Allah.Try to focus on good, positive goals, such as being a better son, achieving success in your career and trying to improve your Imaan.By doing that you will be so busy you won't have time for drug addiction, insha'Allah!I wish you all the best of luck in life, bro!

  4. Brother, continue repenting and seeking forgiveness from Allah. I strongly urge you to get HIJAMA (cupping) done on yourself by a skilled and qualified practitioner. Obviously my advice is only one sided due to shortage of time, but I am sure others will be able to give you a more thorough response. All I wanted to tell you is to perform Hijama. It is an amazing and miraculous sunnah of Rasulullah Sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.

  5. Ws,

    Its not easy to be going thru wut ur going thru brother but just like Aisha said earlier at least you have realized and are asking for forgivness.

    This is def a big test for you and Im sure its not easy but you have to hang in there, seek professional help, turn to Allah He is the only one that can seriously get outta this and then comes the medical and professional help.

    I myself was introduced to this site through some of the hardest times in my life, and still am coping. Depression has always been a struggle for me and PTSD due to my hurtful past but alhamdulillah Im starting to do better.
    This is a great site where you can find support and inshAllah you will feel better, you just have to please stay strong and have faith that you will get better which you already do.

    My mom told me that whenever there's a mushkilaat (problem, sorrow, grief) one should read Surah Muzammil. Also, to help with any type of other problems it is good to read Surah Fatah 3x: if someones having health problems, or any kind of life events that are bothering him,

    May Allah help you get better, and I hope you find peace inshallah. Will remember you in dua. Take care

  6. I also wanted to add that plz dont make yourself feel worst with guilt. Yes, we as humans make mistakes and Allah is ghafur ur raheem. But for you to constantly put urself down is just gna make things worst and put u in a deeper hole of anxiety and depression. You dont want to go in that hun, you need to find ways to get outta that and how you can get better. It will take some effort from your part too but as human beings and with the help of Allah (SWT) anything in possible.

    So please, accept that you made this mistake inshAllah you will never repeat it, may Allah keep u away from such things and evil thoughts, and once u sincerely ask for forgiveness and help Im sure He will come to your help.

    • Hi noor hope ur ok and staying well , AlHmDuLillah looks like it. Welldone.

      • Hey Aisha,

        Salaam how are you hun?
        Alhamdulillah Im better than how I was in July thanks to Allah (SWT) and then of course the support of brothers and sisters here. Im so blessed to have found this site alhamdulillah its become a routine for me to log on.

        Some days arent so great but its best to leave in Allah's hands and take one day at a time. Thank you again for you kind words and support may Allah bless you.

        Noorkh786 🙂

        • Do u know i was wondering how u were. Its a shame we cant email eachother on here. But Shukr Allah u r fine and coping.

          • Oh really? what a coincidence. I know if u click on the little icon or gravatar next to the name sumtimes you can try to contact a user that way, if theyve made a profile.

            Yea im trying my best to be better, keeping my parents into consideration.

  7. Salam Alekium ,

    Masha'Allah! Well If you did it for 7 months , You can most defo quit it brother, Insha'Allah . You just have to distract yourself whenever you have urges to do harram things in general with listening to Quran and lectures about Allah , al nafs, tricks of shytaan, Akirah , Islamic history , Seerah of the prophets ,etc . It really works!!

    May Allah forgive and help us stay away from what displeases him . Ameen

    Keep us updated insh'Allah .

    Salam Alekium

  8. Allah tells us in the Quran

    "Say: “O Ibadee (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah, verily Allah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.
    Quran (Surah Az-Zumar, Verse 53)

    “See they not that they are put in trial once or twice every year (with different kinds of calamities, disease, famine)? Yet, they turn not in repentance, nor do they learn a lesson (from it).”
    Quran (Surah At-Taubah, Verse 126)

    "And turn you all together in repentance to Allah o believers, that you may be successful " [An-Noor (24):31]

    “…Truly, Allah loves those who turn unto Him in repentance and loves those who purify themselves”
    Quran (Surah Al-Baqarah, Verse 222)

    “Except those who repent and do righteous deeds, and openly declare (the truth which they concealed). These, I will accept their repentance. And I am the One Who accepts repentance, the Most Merciful.”
    Quran (Surah Al-Baqarah, Verse 160)

    Never ever think that your not worthy of the forgivness of Allah for you are a Muslim and Allah is al-ghafur (the most forgiving one ) !!!! Alhamdulilah .

  9. Dear Brother,

    I commend you for coming out of hell. Trust, Allah (SWT) forgives all sins by sincere repentance. Here is the relevant verse from Qur'an.

    "Say, 'O My servants who have committed excess against themselves, do not despair of Allah's mercy. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins, for it is He who is the Ever-forgiving, Merciful." (Az-Zumar-39: 53).

    In a hadith qusdi, Allah says:
    "O son of Adam, as long as you call upon Me and put your hope in Me, I have forgiven you for what you have done and I do not mind. O son of Adam, if your sins were to reach the clouds of the sky and then you would seek My forgiveness, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, if you were to come to Me with sins that are close to filling the earth and then you would meet Me without ascribing any partners with Me, I would certainly bring to you forgiveness close to filling it."

    whatever negative thoughts you are having are due to your guilty of your past action (when we realize our mistakes, we rush to perfect ourselves but this sudden changes bring doubts to us) and while you are trying to repent and be close to Allah (Swt), satan is trying to mislead you by putting such negative thoughts in your mind. Trust me my brother, its true.

    Why you feel yourself worthless....when Allah (swt) guided you so you could return to right path. You were worth, that's why he guided you. and you returned tor right path when you could have continued on wrong path. why dont you think this way. you should be thankful to almighty for guiding. you.

    remember its always easy to think negative but to turn those negative thoughts into positive is what you need to do.

    Just continue to repent to Allah with sincerity, make up for it by doing good deeds (for example, trying to improve yourself as Muslim, serving your parents, doing some charity work etc). If you perform your saleh regularly (try to do extra prayers like chasht prayer, tahajjud prayer etc), you will notice changes in your lifestyle and all your negative thoughts will go away. Do not pay any importance to your negative thought, not even once, if you think of it, they will double and will start troubling you. you should always be thankful to almighty for giving for life so that you can repent and who knows when your or mine life will end. then why to waste time in thinking negative or paying attention to satanic thoughts, why not to use this time to repent and serve parents and lead a islamic life.

    Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results.
    Willie Nelson


    the need of the hour is that you should continue your medical treatment plus keep yourself busy in some activity like studies/job etc. If you keep yourself busy, then you wont get time to think, and this will lessen your negative thoughts.

    Recite the following -

    whenever you get a negative thought- say Aoozu billahi minishaitan nir rajeem( I seek protection from God against the Devil") and Astaghfirullah and divert your mind from the thought.

    Dua to protect our self from Dozaq(hell)
    Allahumma ajjirni minannar

    (Sayyidul Istighfar)
    Bismillaahir Rahmaanir Raheem
    Allahumma anta rabbee la ilaha illa anta, khalaqtanee wa-ana ‘abduka, wa-ana ‘alaa ‘ahdika wa wa’dika mas-tata’tu, a’oozu bika min sharri ma sana’tu, aboo-o laka bini’matika ‘alaya, wa-aboo-o bizambee, faghfir lee, fa-innahu la yaghfiruz-zunooba illa anta

    (‘O Allah, You are my Lord, none has the right to be worshiped except You, You created me and I am Your servant and I abide to Your covenant and promise [to honor it] as best I can, I take refuge in You from the evil of which I committed. I acknowledge Your favor upon me and I acknowledge my sin, so forgive me, for verily none can forgive sins except You.’)

    Bismillaahir Rahmaanir Raheem
    Allahumma Aati Nafsi Taqwaha
    Wa Zakiha Anta Khairu man Zakaaha
    Anta waliyuha wa Maulaha’
    Oh Allah, give my heart its piety, And purify it, for You are the best who can purify it.
    You are its Protector and Guardian.

    Bismillaahir Rahmaanir Raheem
    Astaghfirullaha Rabbi min kulli zambin wa Atubu ilaihi.
    I seek forgiveness from Allah, my Lord from every sin and I repent unto Him.

    Bismillaahir Rahmaanir Raheem
    'La illaha illallah, wah-dahu la sharika lah, Lahul-mulku wa lahul hamd, wa huwa 'ala Kulli shayin Qadeer.'
    (There is no god but Allah, alone, without any partner. The Kingdom and praise belong to Him and He has power over everything.) (Recite 10 times morning & evening)

    • PS- About aftermath of drugs, they will go away, you just need to hold on and a strong will surely help you to come out of it completely. Insha-allah you will.

      About effect of Jinn, i cant say much about it but if you practice Islam to your best, it will ease your problems. Recite Aytal Kursi & Al Qudoos (100 times day) which saves from anxiety.

      Why dont you consultant some Maulana(authentic islamic scholar )and ask for some particular Wajifa/ Dua for the same. I have heard that there are some Taabeez for it. On internet, it is said to recite Surah TaHa , Surah Muhammad & Ayat al Kursi . But I would recommend you to confirm it from some authentic genuine Maulana.

      You are lucky to have such loving and caring parents. You want to serve them then why dont just start doing it. Serve them to your possible best. Do things which would please them for example, if you study harder or help your father in business or by doing job, help your mother in assisting her in whatever way you can. spend time with them. Make them to be your best pals!

      Everything will get alright, you just need to hold on and keep patience. Aameen

      You have my duas. Take care

      Your Sister

  10. I end with the Quote

    “When you find your path, you must not be afraid.
    You need to have sufficient courage to make mistakes.
    Disappointment, defeat, and despair are the tools God uses to show us the way.”

    Keep going 🙂

  11. I sincerely with my heart give dua to Allah for you to make you better and give peace in your mind and in your heart. I went through something similar where I was scared that I lost faith in Allah and was scared that I would die anytime and would end up going to hell for being a disbeliever. I still hold on and cry to Allah all the time to preserve my faith and Alhamdulilah I have good faith now.

    Please do not give up, this does sound like anxiety since your doctor did a check up and nothing was wrong with you physically so I recommend going to some talk therapy to calm your irrational fears down and give you a little peace of mind. Keep praying to Allah and never give up. He knows what is in your heart and knows how you want to please Him. We are all here with you and I pray Allah will save you from hellfire and give you a place in Jannah for your patience, ameen.

  12. Salaams

    I hve problems. And the way i help myself is very effective

    I write down 11 bullet points. These cover all the emotions i can be feeling at a given time and some of the points ask me to renember allah and ny death.

    Then whenever i am happy i read these 11 points and a refocus and see the blessinggs i have got

    When i am sad i also read the 11 points and remember and my heartbfeels rest

    And when im about to sin i read this and find strength

    And if i have sinned, i read these points again and refocus

    In sha allah that helps. This technique worked for me

  13. dear brother. ALLAH said in the quran don't lose hope in the mercy of ALLAH. so when this verse was reveled to our Beloved NABI SWA, shytan i think he did cried out, but anyways he said as long we have this hope then he has no hope of him talking people in hell. ALLAH is most merciful most forgivable. ALLAH said what ever His servant think that's what he will get. so if we think ALLAH will forgive us then ALLAH will do so. but thinking this ALLAH will never forgive this is haram it's from shytan. as ALLAH is the one most mercy full he will forgive and shytan want us to keep us away from ALLAH's mercy.

    may ALLAH guide us all amin!!!

  14. Salam Ahmad alhumdalair you seen your problem and you posude to fix it brother. And alhumdalair by the the Mersey of Allah you where guilded
    So alhumdalair because Allah is the only 1 who can guide us or misguide us. And brother when you make tulbah you shouldn't ponder on your sin because if it's sincere Taubah have your fath in Allah that's you would be forgiven inshallah. And for your worry on your health the only thing us Muslim can do is dua for each other because Allah no best, but inshallah il make dua for you

    Brother your story really touched me and so much and what you said reflexed on my life, and inshallah my view didn't offend you in any way its just I'm going thew a very bad drug Problem my self and iv always been a strong willed person. Most of the week il be on drugs and at the end of the nite i regret it I cry, I think of Allah, I think of my family & il fill so bad and my heart brakes. Inshallah I hope it's not bad but after I go threw all that I put Quran becace I hit a dead end and don't no what els to do but then I fill peace. I make taubah not to repete but then I fall in the same mistake. So I'm happy that you have got it out of your life now alhumdalair and inshallah 1 day I wish I can say the same

  15. ASSALLAMWALEKUM BRO,
    RECITE AFTER EVERY NAMAZ surah al moimoon 115-118 with darud shariff starting n ending 1,3,5 times ask ALLAH SUBANTALLA to show u his mercy.this verse can move mountains.when go to bed listen to surah al maidah 90-91ayat on mp3 on low volume.listen to it in clean state wazu,u vil have lit agarbatti . Plz on dua request sites n tell them to pray.there are many good people who bill pray for u.try to keep ur self busy.INSHA'ALLAH things vil b normal again.

  16. I am having a similar problem. I relapsed and the guilt is killing me inside. I feel like a waste and I will never get better. I live in a small town where there are no other Muslims to turn to. Don't know what to do.

    • Aiysha, if your town has an AA or NA group then get yourself into it right away. You CAN get better. I knew a woman who was addicted to meth for 10 years then got clean, got a good job, got married and now has two lovely children.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  17. Iam going thru a lot my self.. Please pray fof me
    I feel like i have lost all senses, control. I come cfom a vood family but feel like a disgrace

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