Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I fell in love with him…

pain healing

I liked this guy at my work. MashAllah I fell in love with his personality and his character. He was good person and very religious. But I never told anyone I kept it to myself. I didn't want anyone to know. We always exchanged our salams. Then 4 months down the line, the guy which I will name him as Ahmed started showing his attention towards me. He would tell me how amazing I am and even took down my number. That night we started messaging each other and it went on for days. I work during the nights as well so one night I told him as a joke to pick me up from work. And he actually did twice.

We kept on message one another everyday. When we wake up until we feel asleep. He would say how he cared about me and so on. We would talk about our future and marriage. He would say things in my language and would tell me how he loved my people. He was so sweet.

And then as a joke he would say I'm going to marry my people but then say it's a joke.

So I dismissed it and continued messaging him.

So one night as we are messaging he told me to go find him a wife repeatedly so I thought it was one of his jokes or that he was serious. So I replied and said yea marry me. I was serious because I couldn't go on secretly loving him. And then I said to him how I thought there was something between us. He replied back by making excuses that he never saw it like that. How he wasn't ready to settle down. How he doesn't understand girls and feelings

So I stopped messaging him. And every time I saw him i would look away. I could see it was hurting him. The hurt in his eyes i could see it. But I ignored it for a week.

One day at work he sat down next to me and apologised for what he had done. But wanted us to be friends. He said how it hurts him when I ignore him

So I agreed so we went back messaging again and started to get to know one another. But one night he proposed to me. I was so excited. And then few minutes later replied joke joke . From then I ignored him and stopped messaging.

He would say Salam and stuff when I saw him at work and I see the way he looks at me. And I know he is hurting I know he has something to say and he's hiding it.

I'm sure he liked me. I saw future with him as my husband. And the worst thing is that I'm still deeply in love with him.


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6 Responses »

  1. Assalamu alaykum sister,
    please stop all the communication with this guy. He is playing with you. You trying to interpret too much into the way he looks at you so you find an excuse why he is behaving like that, but really you shouldn't. Its not your job to find out why he is behaving the way he is. He is not serious with you! If a man truly loves a woman, he will marry her. Simple as that. If you continue the comunication, you wont be only sinning but you will be the one who will be hurt at the end. You shouldn't think about any non maharam as your husband if yoy are not really married to him. So i would advice you to forget about him.

  2. Sorry to be so blunt but he sounds like a waste of time. Stop contact with him, don't give him the pleasure of communicating with him. Let him be. Move on and focus on finding someone who is genuine and sincerely wants to marry you. Get to know him the Islamic way.

  3. Assalam alaikum,

    Dear Sister, if this guy wanted to have a casual relationship with you just to dump you or use you when he pleased, he couldn't do it by directly asking you, so instead, he tested the waters. He made passes at you but eventually when you talked about marriage, he realized he was wasting time with you. Instead, he tried to save face by asking you to look for someone to marry and he acted sad to play on your emotions. Women's hormonal makeup creates a more emotional tendency in them which is a wonderful thing when used the right way, but can conjure up havoc if used and abused. Some men, the ones who toy with women, are very good at knowing what buttons to push and have the patience to win a woman only to dump her,

    Stop being confused. You have learnt a valuable lesson. Grasp a hold of your emotions again, become consciously aware of what has happened and walk out of this cloud of confusion. A man who wants to marry you would not for a moment leave you confused and wondering. If he wanted to marry you, he would do it and not say he wanted to marry you and then joke about it.

    As for you loving him and seeing a future with him, none of this was reality. You were in love, but not with the real him and you saw a future, but it didn't happen. This isn't the way to go about getting married. You Wali needs to be involved and please don't privately message any man who will toy with you. Any man who wants to privately message you has no intention of marriage--do you think he would let someone joke around with his sister the way he did with you?

    May Allah swt help you to see the wisdom in the hurt and help you to find the right person in marriage, Ameen.

  4. sounds like childish games. my husband says if a man really wants to marry you he will be frank, forward, and quick. This is retarded. It reminds me of a guy I knew in college, very similar situation....long story short, he married someone else, a friend of mine actually, one he hardly ever spoke to.

    Frankly sister, get a new job if its too much for you to handle! But get away from him. If he wants to marry you, he will find you and do it the halal way.

  5. I agree with all advises

    One thing I would add is dont waste your time or energy on this man. CUT all contact and move on. And if you have to change your job.

  6. Asalam Alaykum Sister, a sad story and unfortunately many muslimahs around the world are going through such deception by fake guys like this,may Allah guide him and others like him. I won't say much, I would only cite 2 hadiths of the Prophet (ѕαℓαℓℓαнυ αℓαунι ωαѕαℓαм).

    The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Woe to the one who tells lies to make people laugh, woe to him.” (Narrated by Abu Dawood). 

    Hazrat Abu Umamah Al-Bahili (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: Messenger of Allah   said, "I guarantee a house in Jannah for one who gives up arguing, even if he is right; and I guarantee a home in the middle of Jannah for one who abandons lying even for the sake of fun; and I guarantee a house in the highest part of Jannah for one who has good manners.''

    [Abu Dawud]. 

    To me, this guy is a joke and fake, he's not a real man and u'r just dreaming of a future with him, I advice u wake up as soon as possible that its only a dream, we'v always had dreams, I also had a relationship problem some years back, that was what brought me to this site and the advice given to me then by some members and I tnk bro "Wael"(one of d editors) seemed like a tought one bt I tell u, it was d solution to the problem, its only left to u to do it or not to.

    I also advice u try and read about muslimahs complaining about their marriages today, on this site or anywhere online, u'd find out that the problem started some 10-15years ago b4 dey got married bt something told them they could cope, so after having 2-3-4kids, it dawns on the woman that she had only been taken for.a ride all the years and things never did get better, pls read more so u can confirm what am saying.

    Finally I say to you, this is your life, your marriage etc, in some cultures if a woman is dumped by a man, it spells doom for her and the society would never accept her, tho it isn't Islamic bt if u get urself into trouble, try remembering if u cn actually face wrath incase things bounce back. I wish u d best,may Allah (سبحانه وتعالى) guide ur steps,..ѕαℓαм αℓαукυм ωαгαнмαтυℓℓαн ωαвαгαкαтυн

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