Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I got nikkahfied to my cousin but I just cannot like him in that way.

Where is the love, no love, loveless

Hi , Im a girl whose about to turn 20.

I got nikkahfied to my cousin when I was 18 turning 19, me and my cousin grew up together . I used to call him my brother not my cousin .I love him as much as I love my brother in a brotherly way.

His parents always liked me for him but I never thought of him In that way. I only said yes to my parents cause he lives in America and just gor the paper work I just couldn't say no to my father. Although before I said yes he told me to tell him if I'm interested in anyone else . But I wasn't.

I've been trying since a year although it's long distance . I just cannot like him in that way . There is no attraction. He came to Pakistan only for me and I was hating his presence .

I want to end it . I haven't had any physical contact with him . I want a khula . I've told him and his mom about it and they want my happiness. It's just that my father doesn't know and I don't want to hurt him. Tell me what to do . He is an amazing guy .



Tagged as: , , , ,

17 Responses »

  1. What is the meaning of nikahfied

  2. Don't leave him give it time, you will realise how lucky you are.

    He is an amazing guy, this is more than enough to make your marriage work.

    There are not that many nice men out there count your blessings or would you like to be with someone who mistreats you, controls you, doesn't give your parents respect the list could go on for hours. I leave this to you and trust Allah to guide you inshAllah to the right decision.

  3. Dear Sister;

    Sister u are still very immature and looking towards ur cousin like he is ur brother. It is all shaitan that is putting all these wrong thoughts in ur mind. If u are a true Muslimah, u will act according to what Islam & shariah says. If u succeed in this khula stuff, it means this shaitan will be more happy than u would be. Remember marriages are made in heaven and consummated on the earth. Why do u want to take a wrong step and trying to create a disappointment between two families. If ur cousin is bad tempered, impotent, a zinai, etc. then u can opt for khula. If he is not and per ur story he loves u then u are wrong for leaving this marriage. Mind u if u get khula, remember u will be the only one who will regret and will be the gulity party in this whole affair while ur cousin will become a part of spectators who will only watch going down hill. Don,t dig a hole for ur self because the deeper u dig, the darker it gets. Can u or anybody else give u a guarantee that u will get a better person than ur cousin. There is a saying that a bird in hand is worth two in a bush. Even if u get many proposals later on but u will continue to have a doubt in every one. Why because u are immature. The decision that ur parents made for u is for ur benefit only. Some one in the forum here pointed out that u are going to live with him and not ur parents which is I think not a correct way to interpret the parents decisions and comments like these will in fact guide u towards a wrong path. If u marry ur cousin INSHA ALLAH, u will have a relationship with everyone of his family. where as if u marry outside, only ur husband will be ur confidante, while with rest, u will just try to make ends meet.

    Try to act in a mature way and be a good Mulimah. U are as I know very familiar with a Hadith that u are obliged to obey every request of ur parents except if they tell u to leave Islam which u should not obey. Don't take ur parents for granted, give them respect, they will be there for u no matter what happens. Do not try to be selfish, ur parents also sacrificed their lives in rearing and raising u. Now u want to put them to shame.

    If u want to do Istikharah, then do it for pleasing ALLAH SWT and not ur self because if u please HIM, then u are guaranteed Jannat ul Firdaus which means u will be happy too in ur married life. Try to come back to the path of ALLAH SWT which is the only right path. As a born Muslim, u have a lot of responsibility first towards ur self and then towards this Ummah. Start working for ur Akhira and not for this Dunya.

    Try worrying about ur Deen, start saying ur five daily prayers,do lots of zikr and Dua for the Muslims, keep the fasts of this Ramadan and leave everything to ALLAH SWT and then ur parents.

    May ALLAH SWT guide u to his true path. Ameen.

  4. I got married when I was 20yr old my husband was 35 he was my dad friends elder son he was divorce. My father somehow felt that he was nice and perfect man. By my father request I agreed to marry him I used to be like you I really hated when he touch me or even speak to me. After an year later I realized he is truly a very kind hatred person he loves me more then anything in that year I did many many mistakes, I lied I stole money from his pocket I behaved bad wit. His mother but still he still forgave me and he hoped that I will change one day. And he was right after an year later I realized he is indeed a good husband he dose his responsibility then I start fallin in love with my husband now by the grace of Allah I have two beautiful kids living in the best top one of the country Australia alhumdulillah have two house ride in luxury car my husband got a very good job I don't need to work to support each other his only income is enough alhumdulillah

    I said my personal detail not to mock or compare all I wanted to show you that don't get lost in dark in every dark room there is a light sometimes we forget to switch it on sometimes we don't don't to turn it on or sometimes we feel lazy to turn it on. In your situation to me you forgot but Allah didn't as per your post your husband sounds perfect so don't disrespect him if he is good and fulfilling what a husband need to do then help him love him after Allah husband is your best friend.

    May Allah guide you and help you wit your situation.

  5. Ooh sister I know at this time you are having all these non romantic feelings towards him but he is a wonderful guy at same time ( per your post) .
    I hope you get some one better then him in life other wise you will regret your decision forever later once you will become more mature.
    You are lacking mature thinking here.

  6. Assalamu'alaikum,

    From what you have written, it seems you have already got married. Sister, when taking a lifetime decision, it is important to be clear and firm upon what you want to do.

    If you do not, things like this happen. Marriage and Divorce and not casual; they are serious and should be dealt with, seriously. One should never marry unless satisfied about the partner.

    In your case, what is it that makes you dislike the man? You say the love does not exist, but is there anything else that you dislike? There is no brother-sister relationship between non mahrams, so that point is not valid here.

    My first suggestion would be to try and adjust in the situation. This is only because you have got married and have moved a step ahead. It is Allah Who puts love between hearts, so seek His Aid. In Surah Anfaal He Says:

    وَأَلَّفَ بَيْنَ قُلُوبِهِمْ ۚ لَوْ أَنفَقْتَ مَا فِي الْأَرْضِ جَمِيعًا مَّا أَلَّفْتَ بَيْنَ قُلُوبِهِمْ وَلَٰكِنَّ اللَّهَ أَلَّفَ بَيْنَهُمْ ۚ إِنَّهُ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمٌ
    And brought together their hearts. If you had spent all that is in the earth, you could not have brought their hearts together; but Allah brought them together. Indeed, He is Exalted in Might and Wise.

    Abu Abdul Bari Editor

  7. Assalam alaikum,

    If you do not think that you can romantically love your husband, it is best to let him know so that he can have closure and move on in order to have a chance for a normal loving marriage. Please do not prolong the pain for anyone--whatever sourness does arise from you ending this relationship, it will be short-lived. Be clear and firm in your future decisions and do not agree to any marriage for the sake of your parents' happiness alone.

    May Allah ease your pain and the pain of your husband, Ameen.

  8. But she already married girl they did nikha!!! I think you should seek Allahs guidance to help you marriage is a blessing don't turn it upside down....

  9. Make solah Istikarah , Insha Allah you will be Happy 🙂 In hadis said : The happiness of Adam child is from their Istikarah , Istikarah prayer is Miracle

    Have a great life for you Insha Allah 🙂

  10. I agree your father isn't marrying the guy, isn't spenting his life with him before is to late don't marry him!!!

  11. My dear sister,

    Is your dad marrying him? Living with him and is going to spend the rest of his life with him? No, but YOU are.
    So don't get married to make your parents or anyone else happy.

    If something about the man makes you uncomfortable, then just end it, because you will be stuck with him. and you won't have anyone else to blame when you tell them I don't like my husband....and people will say..well...didn't you agree?

    So in short, all you have to say is I am not comfortable with him, and I don't want to get married. They can be disappointed as much as they want, yell at you as much as they want...but you will not get married to him because you just don't want to. Simple as that.

    May Allah make things easy for you and do not be afraid to stand up for yourself, it's your life.

Leave a Response