Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I had sex when I was 15, now I cry over my sin

repent forgive repenting


Salaam, I am 18 years old. I had sex when I was 15 years old. I was stupid and careless and I realize my biggest sin.

I have asked for forgiveness many times, but I never know for sure what is the best way to ask for forgiveness. I wish everyday I could go back in time and re-do everything but I know that i cannot do that. I have to live with what I have done.

I know it is one of the biggest sins in Islam, that is why I am sincerely asking for help. I have cried over my sin almost every night for the past 3 years. I have hurt myself, but most of all I have hurt my Allah (SWT). I feel like I do not deserve His forgiveness, and I hate myself for it.

I perform salaah everyday but i do not make dua for myself, just for my family because I don't deserve anything from Him. I just want his forgiveness and I want to make up for what I have done. What should I do? What can I do to make up for it? I feel like there is nothing I can really do. Thank you.

And also, when I get married, should I tell my husband about my sin? Because that was in my past life and I am a completely different person now. I feel like I should leave it in the past, and let go. But I also do not want to start my marriage with a lie.

- MuslimGirl26

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19 Responses »

  1. Keep asking forgiveness for all of your sins, big and small till you die. May Allah raise your rank higher as a result of your repentance. Make dua for yourself. There are so many ahadith about them and it will inshallah make you feel balanced.

    it is GREAT that you feel the burden of your sin. this is repentance .. to feel nadamat/regret..

    but move good deeds. and always ask Allah for forgiveness for that sin and all others you know of and others you do not know.

    And i don't know the correct answer about letting a potential suitor know about your mistake but I do know this: make dua to be guided to a righteous spouse and for direction about how to handle this situation.

    • By the way some guilt is important in repentance. One should never feel proud of a sin - but it is a myth that guilt is good. Allah does not want us to cripple ourselves with it. Repentance is more about turning away from the sin to please Allah and changing oneself.
      Allah knows best but guilt & sacrifice being good is a very catholic concept.

  2. It seems to me that you sinned, realized your sin, and you have repented. You have not repeated the sin which speaks to your understanding of the sin and desire to stay on the right path. In other words, you learned your lesson and strive to do better. Those are good attributes. Had you repented and fallen back into bad ways, then a lesson would not have been learned. You however seem to me to be one who has gained strength in the lesson...strength in your faith. Is that not what Allah swt would want?

    None of us humans on this earth are perfect. We are all sinners in some way, shape, or form. Allah swt does not expect perfection of us, rather, He expects only that we realize our faults and put forth a good faith effort to remediate them. He is merciful, and you might be harder on yourself than He is at this point. Yes you committed a sin. But if He can forgive you, should you not forgive yourself? Take His forgiveness, wrap it tight around you and live a righteous life.

    As for disclosing this sin to a future husband...Is it necessary to do so? I don't think so. A marriage should be entered into as a fresh start for both parties and neither party should demand or expect perfection in a partner. As you stated above: the past is the past and it cannot be undone. If Allah swt forgives us for our sins then we should be able to move out from under them and move on fresh and healed. Isn't that one of the reasons for repentance afterall?

  3. Sister u r destroying ur own life . Everyone among us is sinful. But Allah loves those sinners who repent. Here goes a great story for u...
    There was a very sinful woman in ban-e-israel who would allure all men to do satanic acts with her(s*x) . She was neck-deep in this bussiness as it would fetch her lots of money. One day a pious person happened to pass by . He pretended to be her client but instead had a right intention to divert her from this path. That man, after a great hardwork and toil , successfully made her enter into the universe of God-fearers. The woman repented a lot and wept over her deeds. Allah forgave her and later on seven prophets were borne of her womb.

  4. please do not cry so much . . .
    It happened and you dint know how grave it was

    but thats fine now.
    Allah forgives our sins and he is the most merciful if you have not heard this
    i would please repeat fo you he is the most merciful and he has asked his servents to not worry about it too much that they feel severe pain from the same please relieve your self
    be happy and have a bit of cheer, see the world
    relax and have halal fun with your life.

    Do follow your heart do the right things . . . hence forth if you are well setteled u can look for a nice relationship which leads to marriage
    if its still not time do your work and live a normal life . . best regards dear sister

    • please feel free to NOT tell the same to your future husband
      as u are a human u need not feel helpless in front of other hum being . .

      • this is my feeling if you have doubts do write it to me here i would like to clarify or reply
        am following this post for the same reason best regards Iqbal

  5. O This almost like my story, I'm female 28 ... I met this guy through family ..he came for proposal since I'm old enough to get married and he said we should meet few times and during those times I was attached to him. I never had a bf before and I saved myself for marige. This is 2 months ago. We were supposed to get engaged and do nikah . In 15 days we supposed to get nikah, this is when I made the biggest sin I became so weak I couldn't say no but he betrayed me. It has been a month I cry day and night that I lost my purity. I can't talk to anyone like my mom or sisters for this shameful act I did. I'm just dying inside. I want to share this to someone from family BC most of times I think of killing myself.I cry day and night but I act normal in front of my family, I can't face God, my parents and myself. I hate myself. I'm thinking about future I can't get married now since I'm not virgin now. But I have this fear what if my parents asked me the reason. I'm emotion I'm scared I might tell them and I don't want any bad name for them. But if I say say yes to marriage to someone I want to tell him what happened because I don't want to lie. But again I'm scared if he doesn't accept me thinking I'm a bad girl and tell everyone.I care about my parents. I pray and ask God for forgiveness but I can't forgive myself. And all these negative thoughts are killing me . I needed someone to share this burden. I need help I don't know what to do. Please help me sisters I can't live with this sin :'(

    • Sister sad, please log in and write your question as a separate post, and we'll answer you in turn. Make tawbah to Allah, and keep your mistake to yourself. Do not tell your family about it. I can advise you more when you submit your post Insha'Allah.

      Wael Editor

  6. Make sure you answer the match captcha when you try to sign in.

    Wael Editor

  7. I tried everything but can not sign in. Anyway thank you so much I wish I could get more advise but feeling a little better.

    • Asalam ualikum Sister ...This incident i m sharing for the original poster adn for you at the same time this is reported in Tirmdhi(hadeeth Book).I m quoting this to make your realise How merciful your Allah is !!
      There was a person named as KIFAL He belonged to Banu Israel...He used to bring a girl for 1 night daily,one day He brought a girl with 60 Dinaars that worth a million rps Pakistan right now approximately..When He entered room he saw the girl crying n he asked the reason y r u crying i didnt force u here,i paid for u...She said i m not a professional Poverty led me here...Allah through her tears turned the heart of KIFal and Kifal let her go by saying go back with the respect u came here n take the money n do pray from Allah That He may forgive me...on that very night KIFAl died now ppl knew his character n all and nobody gonna turn up to his house even he didnt show for a week BUt see HOe Merciful Allah SWT is HE have it written on the doors of KIFAL which means ALLAH HAVE FORGIVEN KIFAL AND PREPARE FOR HIS FUNERAL...ALlah Hu Akbar !! A man comited Adultery everynight n asked for repentance of Allah once n Allah forgave him n at the same time ordered the ppl to arrange funeral precsedings for him......

      That was Allah dealing with a man belong to Banu Israel we BElong to he umamt of PROPHET MUHAMMAD PBUH imagine how merciful He would be with us.....

      Allah says When a person From his heart ask for forgiveness once I forgive him/her if his sins were to touch sky and Even if 7 billion ppl do sin all day n night their sisn cant reach sky...
      YOu ask for Forgiveness Allah will forgive you its the satan Who make us thought that we dont deserve forgiveness ALlah will not forgive us and thoughts like that...When a person ask for forgiveness His sins no more belong to that person neither do the past...I hope my writing will lift your emaan n help you 🙂

      • Assalamu'alaikum, Ali Mansoor,

        It will be best if you include the source for this incident. Thanks.

        Abu Abdul Bari Editor

  8. May allah..frgv u nd me too.

  9. Sisters

    No don't tell ur future husband there's no need I understand wat u saying bout lying to him ur r not, that
    I's the past.

    And sister sad, don't tell ur family u crazy they'll kill u or hate u (depend of whether ur indian or paki)

  10. Sister

    If we even committed sins, which will fill the space between sky and earth..!
    And just say "Oh.! Allah forgive me" with sincere intention of heart.!
    Allah will forgive everything and who is gonna question Allah?
    And if we don't break our promise of not committing such sins again, after a period of time.!
    Allah will turn our bad deeds into Good Deeds.! 🙂
    Allah hu akbar..!!!
    "He is not a looser who does big Sins, but who looses hope from the Mercy of Allah"
    "Every Saint has a past, Every Sinner has a Future" 🙂
    May Allah Forgive us All..!!
    Allahumagfirli.! 🙂
    Jazak Allahu khair..!

  11. Dear sister dont feel bad..if you asked forgiveness at least one time sincerely 100 percent sure Allah forgiven your don't think or remember about ur past sin..make dua to get love and mercy of Allah..don't share your sin with any one especially with one who coming to ur life...Allah forgiven happy now ...All the best Allah haifiz

  12. I am 15 and still am 15 and i've done the same thing and don't know who to tell and what to do.

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